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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:30:14 PM | I think men are often intimidated, just because they do not want to do too much or too little and then be rejected. However, if he intimidated thats your cue that he's not the one anyway. You need a man who can stand firm and not shy away. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/4/2009 8:17:58 PM | Intimidated by a strong, independent woman? Hell, no, as long as she needs me for SOMETHING. Otherwise, if you're that independent, what do you need me for?
Nit-picky, yes, I am turned off by that. Give me some freedom and room to breathe. Obsessive/compulsive, control-freakish behavior is not only intimidating but suffocating. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/5/2009 6:40:45 AM | | My point of view is yes. Guys dont like strong woman. I have that experience with a boyfriend. He prefers girls in need of something like money, etc. That's why I call him Saint Mike. Of course when I am of need of something, he never turned and look for me. why??? I should be the strong forever. Guys dont understand to be a strong and intelligent mind means you are not going to be weaked one day in your life. Although they are very attracted to strong woman. They want to hear the words I NEED YOU. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:15:31 AM | I don't know, I think for the long haul, men and women alike, want a partner who is strong (confident), and independent. I think most people want a person who has a mind of their own, has opinions without being crass, and can take care of themselves if the going gets tough.
Being a strong, confident, independent woman does not mean she does not have a heart or is incapable of showing compassion. To me, it means that she can take care of herself and does not let people walk all over her.
I'll use my daughter her as a prime example. She is strong on the inside and out. She has a strong belief system and does not let people take advantage. Yah, she is what I would consider a strong, confident woman. She also has one of the biggest hearts I have eve seen. She would stop at nothing to help a friend, animal or an elderly person in need. Basically, she gives more than she takes.
She has had this BF for a couple of years now. They are both in their early 20s and still a little wet behind the ears when it comes to matters of the heart. However, when it comes to matters that are important to her and to the relationship, she is one of the strongest people I know. She is by far stronger than I am!!!
I said to the BF one day, "She can be pretty hard on you sometimes. Why do you put up with it?"
His response: Because she keeps me in line, she keeps me grounded and she keeps me from fukking up too bad. She stands up for herself and I respect her for that. I could find a doormat anywhere, but that would get boring after awhile. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/5/2009 10:43:25 PM | The upshot of a strong, independent woman? She makes her own money, and only needs you around for occasional moments of weakness (and horniness)--definite plus!
The downshot?: Control-freak who can't show any tender emotions. Might as well be kissing and f--king another man. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/6/2009 3:08:00 AM | | Nope, not at all, I actually prefer a woman with a backbone (why wouldn't I?). However a problem arises when "strong" and "independant" are actually code words for "arrogant" and "militant feminist". | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/7/2009 7:20:42 AM | The tricky part is, this isn't really a question.
Most women who "ask" things like this already have their minds made up, that men are "intimidated by strong, independent women", and aren't willing to listen to any guy's response.
Best thing to do is to just ignore this sort of foolishness.
Arlo  | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/10/2009 6:41:14 AM |
Most women who "ask" things like this already have their minds made up, that men are "intimidated by strong, independent women", and aren't willing to listen to any guy's response.
I have to disagree here. I consider myself a strong, independant woman because I have had to be growing up in my life. I want to hear what guys are thinking about this topic because I want to understand if there is any validity to this type of thinking. My experience has been that there may be some valid points here.
I have an independant nature and struggle with asking for help. When I do need help in whatever domain that I am struggling with I have found that there is little assistance offered so I have to find a way to work through the issue myself which then validates my independant nature. My philosopy then becomes what doesn't kill me makes me stronger hence the illusion of strength. There have been times in my life that I have wished for someone to swoop in and handle whatever issue faces me but that is not what I portray to the world.
IMO there are some men in this world that want to be a woman's prince charming in order to be feel useful. I think that men and women have been conditioned by society to take on the roles of the prince in white shinning armor and the damsel in distress. So, when a man comes across a woman who does not fit into the damsel in distress type then the guy doesn't know what to do with them thus portraying an air of intimidation. This then validates the perception of the topic in this thread.
We guys and gals communicate differently and tend not to take the time to understand where each other is coming from. My experience has been that guys tend to shy away from discussing this topic with me based on a preconcieved notition that women who fall in this category are bitter and "already have their mind made up" which for some of us is not the case. We do want to understand! That is why we ask the question! | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/10/2009 6:48:17 AM | No.
But IMO a strong,independent women is just that. A strong independant women usully does'nt say 'I'm a strong independant women' or feel the need to say it, they just are. Everything about them will tell you that. Strong,independnt women are never intimidating, actually if they see you are uneasy they will try and put you at ease.
People, not just women, who feel the need to tell everyone they are strong and independant usually are not.
Intimidating? A 1,000 crocodile that is hungry is intimidating, specially if you gotta go in the water. If 8 pictures and 200 or more words are intimidating, you got problems of a different order. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:02:22 AM | ^^ Now THAT's a good post!
A great relationship is not possible if either a man or a woman are overly independent... they can't unbend sufficiently in oder to fully share themselves and their lives. Inter-dependence is the relationship ideal. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:20:29 AM | Its kinda like smart/intelligent people.
A really smart/intelligent person knows its not very smart to tell everyone how smart you are, because usually it makes you look dumb.
Everything about you will say ' intelligent'
So IMO if you feel the need to tell everyone how 'smart' you are, there is prolly a good chance you arn't all that smart.
Like someone claiming to be 'smart' by mispelling 'smart'
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/11/2009 4:59:26 AM |
(SassyRedhead10) I have an independant nature and struggle with asking for help. When I do need help in whatever domain that I am struggling with I have found that there is little assistance offered so I have to find a way to work through the issue myself which then validates my independant nature. My philosopy then becomes what doesn't kill me makes me stronger hence the illusion of strength. There have been times in my life that I have wished for someone to swoop in and handle whatever issue faces me but that is not what I portray to the world.
We ALL have our problems, our struggles, our victories and our defeats. There is nothing unique about a person, man or woman, overcoming difficulties in his/her life. The difficulty lies in a person thinking that s/he has accomplished something SPECIAL in dealing with a routine in life.
IMO there are some men in this world that want to be a woman's prince charming in order to be feel useful. I think that men and women have been conditioned by society to take on the roles of the prince in white shinning armor and the damsel in distress. So, when a man comes across a woman who does not fit into the damsel in distress type then the guy doesn't know what to do with them thus portraying an air of intimidation. This then validates the perception of the topic in this thread.
*shrug* When a guy doesn't "know what to do" with a woman who displays a-typical behaviour, he'll typically just pass her by and hope the next one's not so hard to get along with. "Not wanting to date" a particular woman shouldn't be confused with being "intimidated" by her... but hey, whatever makes you feel better.
Arlo
BTW, I'll say it one more time: "intimidated" is a REALLY annoying, irritating word: THAT'S what women should be listening to, instead of telling us that "intimidated" doesn't mean what it clearly does. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/11/2009 6:46:26 AM | Hey there Arlo.....I have been waiting impatiently for your reply
Yes, we all have our trials and tribulations but if you adhere to the theory that women are the "weaker sex that needs to be protected" when women don't have men in their lives to be the "stronger sex" during those times it is natural for strength and independance to develop. That resiliance then becomes part of a womans personality.
*shrug* When a guy doesn't "know what to do" with a woman who displays a-typical behaviour, he'll typically just pass her by and hope the next one's not so hard to get along with
So, what I hear you saying is that a woman who does not suscribe to the "damsel in distress" behavior is "a-typical". Hmmmmm....interesting. So, do you mean to say that women who don't buy into what society deems a woman should be is then difficult to get along with? That would be sad because then every woman who has an opinion would be difficult to get along with . I believe that women can be assertive, strong and independant and still partner in a relationship with a guy who wants to get past the surface and actually learn more about the woman initially intrigued them instead of giving up so easily because they perceive a woman "to be difficult".
A woman being "to difficult" is a perception held by another just as a man being "intimidated by a strong woman" is a perception. We base our perceptions on the experiences we have had in life and the core values we develop in our lifetime. Everyones perception is different! Perceptions are neither good, bad....they just are.
I try not to buy into the theory that "men are intimidated by strong independent women" because I would hate to think that guys are giving up on the opportunity to meet women who can enhance their lives instead of adding more pressure and stress to it (unless you like drama I suppose). I think we lable people way to much which gives us an excuse to not really get to know each other.
I appreciate what Ahabs A said above that "strong independent women don't talk about being that way....they just are". That is the most honest thing I've read in this post. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/11/2009 9:16:56 AM | ^^ How much work would they have to do to get "past the surface"?
In many ways, what we're talking about is a matter of degree. There ARE some women who wear their "strong, independent women" as a cloak to protect them from the world. "I don't need you, so don't you dare even think about trying to help me out with anything... because if you do want to help me out, you're saying I am weak and dependent."
That type of behaviour makes it very hard to get past the surface. In actuality, the perceived strength is really a weakness. Because it means - or can mean - that every exchange with the person becomes a bit of a power struggle. Where, I don't know, changing a light bulb means something.
I don't believe for one moment that most men are intimidated by a capable, resilient self-sufficient woman. I think they might look at someone with their walls up, someone who is looking out at the world from behind those fortified fortress walls and think something along the lines of: "yeah, well, actually I'm not into scaling walls and 'proving myself', I'd really just like to share my life with someone who is comfortable enough in their own skin that they can allow me in"
Personally, I wouldn't want to try to be with someone who was taking every opportunity to point out to me that they didn't need me.
I may have already said this earlier in this thread, but it's kinda like buying someone a cup of coffee: You feel good about sharing something, even that small and insignificant, with someone you like. Of course they are pefectly capable of buying their own dam coffee, but it just feels good to be nice, to share. Why wouldn't someone want to also let the other person feel good about sharing something with them? Giving is sometimes be willing to accept the other person's offerings... not making them feel bad for offering it up. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/11/2009 9:58:24 AM | (SassyRedhead10) So, what I hear you saying is that a woman who does not suscribe to the "damsel in distress" behavior is "a-typical". So, do you mean to say that women who don't buy into what society deems a woman should be is then difficult to get along with?
I mean to say what I said. When people say, "I hear you to say...", or any variation thereof, what they're REALLY saying is, "I'm NOT hearing you, AT ALL!"
would be sad because then every woman who has an opinion would be difficult to get along with
Yes, it would be sad. However, most people seem to have forgotten that it is possible to DISAGREE without being DISAGREEABLE. What's more, most people seem to have forgotten that male-female relationships are not some sort of zero-sum game, where one side can ONLY gain if the other side somehow "loses" something.
Arlo | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/12/2009 6:53:10 AM | Arlo: When people say, "I hear you to say...", or any variation thereof, what they're REALLY saying is, "I'm NOT hearing you, AT ALL!"
Actually, this is an engagement technique to balance my perception vs. what is being said. Counselors use it all the time...paraphrasing. I don't say that because I am not listening. I use it to make sure that I am understanding the intention behind what is being stated. Isn't that what guys want....for us women to take the time to understand?
most people seem to have forgotten that it is possible to DISAGREE without being DISAGREEABLE. What's more, most people seem to have forgotten that male-female relationships are not some sort of zero-sum game, where one side can ONLY gain if the other side somehow "loses" something.
I undeniably agree with this statement which is sad(not that I agree but that this is how relationships between the genders have evolved). This game is played on both sides....male and female and IMO it keeps us from truly getting to know each other.
Here is a thought to ponder though: Some men in this thread have accused strong, independent women of being bitter and difficult yet fail to recognize their own mindset about strong independent women as being bitter and difficult.
Another thought to ponder: People have a surface persona that they present to the world based on what works for their lives. That surface persona is not the entire depth of that person. We humans are much more complicated then that and it is not just women. So, it seems we judge people to quickly and write them off before actually trying to get to know the depth of them. That makes me sad!
To each his own though, right? At least we still have the freedoms to choose who we bring in and out of our lives. I guess if a guy sees me as a strong, independent woman and doesn't want to get to know me based on that....well I suppose that would be his loss because there is soooooooo much more to me then what I show to the world. That persona doesn't even begin to cover who I really am! | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/12/2009 7:09:59 AM |
People have a surface persona that they present to the world based on what works for their lives
True, however, a surface persona is a coping strategy and a defense mechanism.
Isn't the goal to become an integrated person, authentically who you are, so you can drop these masks and layers?
If ones secret wish is for someone to recognize who they are behind their defensive layers and reach past that to find them, isn't that really just a modified version of "waiting for the prince on the white charger"?
Wouldn't a more effective goal be to shed ones own defensive layers? When strength and independence become a barrier to revealing you humanity and vulnerability, is it really a strength? | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/12/2009 9:54:04 AM |
(SassyRedhead10) To each his own though, right? At least we still have the freedoms to choose who we bring in and out of our lives. I guess if a guy sees me as a strong, independent woman and doesn't want to get to know me based on that....well I suppose that would be his loss because there is soooooooo much more to me then what I show to the world. That persona doesn't even begin to cover who I really am!
*sigh* and here we are again.
Your "strength and independence" may have nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with a guy not wanting to get to know you. Guys are repeatedly saying that they notice a rather high co-relation between a woman declaring her "strength and independence", and her having other NEGATIVE traits -- yet it seems to ALWAYS be COMPLETELY ignored. Maybe the "strength and independence" declaration needs to be rethought?
Also:
If you spend so much time projecting a "persona", then that IS who you really are, and maybe it's THAT, and not your "strength and independence", that convinces a guy that he doesn't want to get to know you. After all, you say "persona", some guy may say "deceptive lie".
Arlo | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 3/15/2009 6:19:43 PM |
Isn't the goal to become an integrated person, authentically who you are, so you can drop these masks and layers?
Yes, that would be the goal but unfortunately there are a lot of people in this world that don't get that. A surface persona is just the tip of the ice berg, so to speak, regarding who a person really is. You can't really get to know somone by spending only a few hours with them. You have to peel away the layers of who they really are over time. I have friends in my life who it has taken me years to really know. Some I still don't know. That doesn't mean that they are any less my friend.
Just because a woman presents a strong and independent nature to the world does not mean that she has her defenses up or that she is wearing masks. I am a very humanistic compassionate person who still has hope in the concept of love. I am not an overtly negative person as a matter of fact just the opposite(almost to positive and hopeful according to my friends). I wear my heart on my sleeve and emotions on my face. I let people know who I truly am. I am authentic in what I present to the world but that doesn't make me any less independent. Maybe my authenticity is my independence so I am wondering why these qualities have to be a barrier or a defense? Or maybe I can blame is on my zodiac sign as it seems to be a trait of us Sadges .
I guess my point is that just because a woman presents strong and independent it doesn't mean that she is defensive, is trying to intimidate anyone nor does it mean that she is not compassionate or lacks the ability to be vulnerable. It just means she is being who she is comfortable being. She shouldn't be judged as bad, bitter or defensive because she is comfortable with those personality traits. | |
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