| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:10:01 AM | @justa
I never said it was anything less than irresponsible behavior. There was a lack of responsibility by both parties. You sleep with a guy the second time you meet him? How much can you really know about a person through Internet conversations? It's a lesson learned. What you're describing sounds like retroactive rape. God bless us all if we start prosecuting people for that. The bottom line is, she is an adult, she is responsible for her actions. He owed her NOTHING. If she's so worried about someone "hitting and running," she shouldn't be so trusting.
See, personal accountability. In rape, someone is not responsible for being raped. In this situation, Ms. Phoenix, while feeling foolish, made a bad decision. She is accountable for the DECISION SHE MADE.
Any other knights in shining armor want to ride in to protect her? I agree, what this guy did was sh itty. It's beyond my moral code to do something like that. But it's not rape. | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:13:09 AM | I think we all get the picture. Yes she consented. Let me say it again....YES SHE CONSENTED!!!!
He didn't wait in a parking lot, grab her when she was getting in her car....rip her clothes off and have his way with her. Leaving her feeling used and abused.
He instead made her feel like he was so interested in her. Told her things she wanted to hear. She gave herself to him. He then left her with no word. Leaving her feeling used and abused. Yes I think understand. | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:15:12 AM | Geez, Frrosty, and I thought you were more worthy of my time and effort. I guess not. Cry me a river. It's crap like this and this kind of thinking that puts good men behind bars from false rape accusations. That's where the "dangerous" thinking comes from.
There's no mocking here. I feel badly for what she went through. No person deserves that. But to equate it to rape on any level is dangerous. That you can't see that shows just how small minded you are.
**sigh** | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:15:17 AM | Again, I'll re-iterate it, and to wit, maybe you'll read it.
She did not say she was raped. She said she felt the same as she had been. She never denied her own part in saying yes, she never had a problem with the sex itself, it was the aftermath. The feelings that came up by his not maintaining contact. The emotions she went through with his ***hole behaviour for dumping and RUNNING.
Irregardless of it was the second date of 50th date, she and no other woman should be treated like that.
She never said he should go to jail. She was talking about her FEELINGS and how his irresponsibility, emotionally, generated those feelings. She was not talking about the sex act itself. Which part of this are you not understanding???? | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:16:47 AM | haha; I KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE!!
YOU>....sir....are looking for DEBATE!
I hope you visit the "Current Events" section in this board area there Pitt; you're wit and fire would be a major positive to the forums.
*shrugs*
I'll go on the other team though k? | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:18:06 AM | | I suppose then, foxefire, she should have been a little more careful. Especially if she "gave herself to him." Because Lord knows, men are the only ones that benefit from a sexual experience, right? She didn't enjoy it at all. She did it for him and not for herself at all? That's what you're saying, right? | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:20:01 AM | ^ uh oh.
did you miss a gym session today?
Is it raining so you can't have your daily 10k or something?
haha, I got ya figured out now.
I hear ya dude.
<--same. | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:23:47 AM | ^^^^^^^^She wasn't the one that hit and run was she?
As far as these are the kind of things that land innocent men in jail. Hmmm there are lot's of gulity one's still roaming the streets. | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:28:07 AM | What it sound to me that pheonix712 is talkind about is her feeling used,or taken advantage of,and her trust.But it isn't rape! | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:30:19 AM |
^ uh oh.
did you miss a gym session today?
Is it raining so you can't have your daily 10k or something?
haha, I got ya figured out now.
I hear ya dude.
<--same.
Slow day at work which always makes me a bit  | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:37:22 AM | ^ I am EXACTLY the same.
I need to be stimulated or challenged or,you know, NOT bored.
cheers.
P.S. Justaguy...He;'s tough. | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:43:39 AM | Back to the original thread...this isn't about rape... it's about consual sex... you may have felt used or taken advantage of but..... Not rape...
Why did he leave...well without talking about it and letting you know...could be pretty cowardly but the reasons for leaving??
They could be:
The sexual "experience" was not what he wanted or expected... that's immature and shallow especially for the first sexual encounter but it happens... fireworks does not always happen first time-round... But ask yourself... was it "good" were you happy with what happened? Did you come across as a willing and anxious to have sex with him, pleased with you new found-partner, or was it a stilted and a begruding acceptance? Was he or did he seem happy with the "experience"....or was it difficult for both of you? Ask yourself honestly because that could have been the deal breaker....how did it go?
He got scared because he was getting in too deep and suddenly panicked... shallow
There was a previous relationship that was not "finished"...and he went back to his old flame... or the old flame came back to him
Sudden family, work, legal (jail), or health problems...hospital, sudden death or an accident... shit happens to people.. Could be parents... religious convictions/affiliations
He could have found someone else... so be it... but again the "this is just not working out...and we'd best not see each other again" would be an honest way to go...some people are very cowardly about that... and they fear the next question "why" ...because they just don't have an answer for it...so they just "disappear".
I suspect one of the above...
Richard-- | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:45:37 AM | Foxefire,
Was she the victim of this "hit and run" (we used to call them "one night stands" way back in the day)? Yes. Could she have avoided it? Yes. This wasn't a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time or someone drugging her. She willfully had sex with the man. Was it a mistake? An error in judgement? Apparently so, but nothing more.
Justa,
Yes, there is a difference between second date and 50th, especially when we're talking about Internet dating. I personally won't date people I meet from the Internet because I had a couple of bad experiences that I learned from (I know you're asking, "Well this is a dating forum, why are you here?" Well, hence the screen name. There's very good debate to be had with some quite whitty people. And I'm a sick law student who loves to debate anyone about anything, even if I don't agree with my position. It's an illness). It's not hard to lie about who you are and make yourself seem much more interested. Does it hurt the rest of you who are actually trying to find a date or more and not just a piece of ass? Sure does. What this guy did was devious, no doubt. But he's not the first guy to lie about his feelings to get sex and he won't be the last. I know women who have done the same. But I have never once said any part of this guy's actions were honorable. It's just not illegal. | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:50:20 AM | You know...there's an old saying that goes something like..."There are three sides to every story...one, the other...and the truth..."
It's unfortunate that whenever sex becomes involved that people's reactions especially afterwards, are often quite skewed...But let's face it folks...I don't think this is about rape, or whether or not the sex was enjoyed by both parties, or even the fact that the way that this individual reacted afterwards was at best cold and insensitive to her feelings, not to mention disrespectful...
I think the point here is that if you make a decision to share your body with another person...it'a a good idea to have a clue as to who that person actually IS as a human being, which is something that only time will tell...if you have a hope of NOT ending up being treated in a disrespectful manner...
Since when does a few hours of conversation qualify as a reliable predictor of behavior in what is THE most emotionally charged situation that a man and woman can find themselves in?!?!?
As for "feeling" raped....well I have to assume that our questioner has never (Thank the Gods that be!) been raped...because otherwise she would understand that there is only a resemblance between those feelings on the most casual basis...and even at that, it is a remote one at best...Dee | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:52:07 AM | Please, don't take what I write personally ... I love to debate and I have been sitting here waiting for a friggin phone call for three hours which has only led me to be a bit more
But, Frrosty, thanks for the compliment. I've seen you debate before on these forums. You're well equipped. That's why when you resorted to name calling I got a bit disappointed. Justa, you hold up quite well, too. Thanks guys. Sorry if I boiled any blood ... I will have to visit the current events forum as per your advice. | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:52:47 AM | | Oh!! Also, one of the GREAT TRUTHS in Life....People do sh*tty things ALL OF THE TIME!!! The best defense is to learn from your mistakes and do whatever you can not to repeat them....Dee | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 9:58:37 AM | Hi Dee,
Thanks for making my points much more eloquently than I could have hoped. Sometimes it just takes a woman's touch, I suppose.  | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 11:06:18 AM | Whoa there tiger! Let's not take something I said and stretch it too far..
TO QOUTE: "So you are saying she can accuse him of rape and send him to jail for many years only because he hurt her feelings?
I wonder why aren't you in jail, because of any of the girls you dumped. "
Let's just clear the air. Thank you all for your input, it really does help. I have really hated the way I have been feeling about this. Okay time to clear the air...First off, it was not a VOW OF CELEBACY, merely a choice. However, for a guy to know that I am not the type to sleep around and STILL treat me that way was cold and callous, and that was the meat of my point of mentioning it.....yes, it does have the slightly bad taste of the dirtiness of rape. I know both sides. It is the feeling that someone thinks you are less than human, less than worthy of a simple reply. You have been thrown away, you are treated as a body, not a person. I guess I had hoped to have a better outlook on humanity that at 30, someone might have grown past that, that I would be dealing with a higher level of maturity. The whole thing felt "yucky".
Yes, it made me feel a bit dirty, that I LET MYSELF (yes I AM accountable people) be vulnerable to someone who would cast me away so easily. | |
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| Why do guys hit & run, WHAT happened?
Posted: 4/12/2005 11:07:20 AM |
FEELINGS... AS*HOLE..FEELINGS!! He abused her FEELINGS!
man, you just abused my feelings. i feel like you raped me. Go to the nearest police precinct and turn in yourself.
And stop using that thing when posting. Or at least, use some eyedrops. | |
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