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 sprite57
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 26
Over 50Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
In response to ron 2/6/2007. I can identify with this view because at 56 although Ive been in a few long term relationships Im actually very happy to live alone. I have my own house, and car which Ive paid for singlehandedly and enjoy the fact that im completely independent.

There have been times in my life when Ive wanted intimate relationships but for me they never last more than 4-5 years. I dont seem to have that staying power.
 YourBestFriend56
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 27
Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 8:08:52 AM
Forestgreen-YOU ROCK!!! lol I will brand those words onto my aging brain. Going grocery shopping when you're hungry..haha...my youngest daughter and I would never go grocery shopping together (when I was living with her) when we were hungry because once we did and we spent twice as much on unnecessary snacks!!! Such wise words. The good ole boys just pick and choose...of course they do. I had two horrible Internet romances just because I was too lonely to think clearly and of course, both live-in affairs blew up in my face. No more of that for me!!!! I have thought a lot about the man that I have been having phone convos with and I absolutely will NOT jump into it with him like he wants. On the Internet, people will write sweet emails and say what they think you want to hear and they do it on the phone, too. A lot of men are blessed with cunning charm and know exactly how to push the right buttons. One of my girlfriends just did an Internet "U-Haul" after speaking on the phone and emailing a man for a whole year. He moved in and a week later, she drove him back to the airport. The real test lies in the dating. You are up close and personal and have the chance to read his eyes and hear the inflections in his speech. Little things can mean a lot. If you get that queasy, uneasy feeling in your gut, OBEY IT!!! After my last Internet live-in disaster, I am very careful now. I have gotten too many offers from men who want a sugar mama and/or a care-giver. Hell, I need a care-giver sometimes!!! I state very clearly in my profile as to what I want. I make sure that I don't misrepresent myself...now. I don't get any replies unless I write first and it did upset me a bit initially but now I am glad. This gives me the freedom to write to the ones I prefer. If I were swamped with lots of charmers, I just might fall back into a bad scene. Be careful Ladies. There are some very nice, honest men on here but there are bad ones, too. I love it when they write that they are single and turn out to be married and looking for some gullible, lonely lady to fool.
I am really trying hard to do the right thing but hunger hurts and sometimes it's hard not to go grocery shopping when you have an empty belly.
 Mr. Phoenix
Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 28
Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 12:37:39 PM
I'm with you, Blueslover. As a man, it's hard not to want to jump right in to being sexual when I'm taken with someone. However, it isn't just men our age who don't always want to pull their own weight in various ways and the mix of oxytocin and adrenaline can be a powerful influence.

It can be difficult to size people up because little lapses can be just lapses or they can be red flags. So, taking time and really getting to know someone before moving in is extermely important. I'm not sure how many more major mistakes I can afford!

All the more reason for making friends of both genders so that we don't have to feel starved for companionship.

All the best,

Robert
 Maxhal
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 29
Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 3:20:00 PM

i married him when I was 27 and promised him in my next life I would look for him harder and find him sooner....- lullabelle


That is one of the sweetest things I have ever heard someone say to another. Now that's a relationship to dream for.

Now blueslover, I didn't think that you had said you had met in person, don't even think of getting involved with this guy. Your looking for a scary situation without getting to know him on a live outstide basis.

This isn't Desperate Housewives, this has all the signs of a Desperate Male Golddigger.

A guy worth his salt would not try to move in with a woman he has not met yet, this to me is a sign of starvation , not just hunger.
 afred549
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 30
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Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 3:53:05 PM

We are both needy and this scares me because I just met him and he is already talking about love and wanting to live with me. I hope I don't cave in and make a mista


I hate caution, being somewhat impulsive myself. The flag I see in this is it is apparent you have not met yet....commitments like you are describing should never be a phone transaction. If he wants to live "with" you, why not you move in with him? I would definitely be cautious about having a tenant.

I am 57...and sometimes I have been told here I am moving too fast, but the "too fast" part is simply wanting to meet someone...be face to face and find out if there is anything there. The farthest thing from me is making a long term commitment...unless I meet the right person...and that will take some face to face dealing.

Good luck to you
 dust2gold
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 31
Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 5:04:25 PM
Me, I got cold feet but a warm heart. Guess I'll continue my walk alone. Relationships seem to take a lot longer to develop at my age. though the freindships are more enduring. Best of wishes to finding your ideal mate.
 Bowled Over
Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 32
Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 5:56:07 PM

Now blueslover, I didn't think that you had said you had met in person, don't even think of getting involved with this guy. Your looking for a scary situation without getting to know him on a live outstide basis.

This isn't Desperate Housewives, this has all the signs of a Desperate Male Golddigger.

A guy worth his salt would not try to move in with a woman he has not met yet, this to me is a sign of starvation , not just hunger


They must have yanked blueslover's post. Dang I hate when they do that! Now I can't see what it is that maxhal is responding to.

I think there's a lot of chaste advice in this thread and I appeciate the experiences of those who have had less than stellar internet dating experiences.

Sometimes I think I am just a little too willing to believe the good in people and therefore have a tendency to be easily taken, but I am way more leery now than I have since I first started with this whole internet tango. I still am too much of a dreamer though. I can sense it too strong for it not to be so.
 ~1happywoman~
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 33
Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 6:08:52 PM
Sometimes I think I am just a little too willing to believe the good in people and therefore have a tendency to be easily taken, but I am way more leery now than I have since I first started with this whole internet tango.

Bowled Over
Boy, can I relate to that. I want to believe there is someone out there just right for me, and each one that comes along is so sweet, then I start to mentally pick them apart to find what's wrong with them.

I had lunch with a very nice man yesterday - he has been "wooing" me (is that word still used???) with emailed poetry, IM'ing me, etc. He told me he adores me and he loves me. He knows I am the one, and he has been waiting for me. While I am totally flattered, I just can't buy it. Three hours of being adored for the goddess that I am was great for my ego, and what woman doesn't want to be swept off her feet, but, yeah, I'm leery. It would be so nice to believe the fantasy......
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 34
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Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 6:35:55 PM

Fickle "being in love" stuff is for the young and uninitiated. Anyone agree?

Sorry, I can't agree. "Being in love" is important. There's nothing fickle about it.

"Companionship, friendship, caring" goes for any age when it comes to important aspects of a relationship. Financially secure? That's pretty relative.
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 35
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Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 6:37:42 PM

At our age (I'm 55), I think companionship, friendship, caring, respecting one another and yes, both being financially secure, are important aspects of any possible relationship. Fickle "being in love" stuff is for the young and uninitiated. Anyone agree?Fickle "being in love" stuff is for the young and uninitiated. Anyone agree?
Sorry, I can't agree. "Being in love" is important. There's nothing fickle about it.

"Companionship, friendship, caring" goes for any age when it comes to important aspects of a relationship. Financially secure? That's pretty relative.
 sparklingone
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 36
Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 6:39:32 PM
Woodrose

You couldn't have said it better.


My new motto is to be friends first. I want to see him mad, sad, wishful, thoughtful, busy, relaxing, and more...all before I want to see him saying he's in love with me.


Friends is my first priority.
 serenityCW
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 37
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Over 50
Posted: 2/10/2007 9:20:29 PM
It's hard enough trying to decide living with someone you actually date for awhile, let alone with the internet as your only experience of each other. I met the only man i dated seriously (after my marriage) on another "green" website. We dated six months and he stopped because of the fear of living together. I was not even aware that was on the table. Now we are "friends" and I know him even more than then. But I cannot be sexual with someone who cannot even see the possibility of a future together. So that's my thing, I guess.

How can you know someone from the internet or even the phone? I briefly dated a pof'er before this man and he turned out to be lying about just about everything he portrayed. Took two weekends of dating (he stayed at a hotel while he visited) and later i did a search on him because things didn't compute. We talked for hours and hours on the phone before we got together and he made me laugh all the time. I got that idea from another male pof buddy regarding searches. Boy, what a liar this man was. Don't do it, unless you know the man. And the same for men who don't know the women.

Yes, there are a few of you who don't have many options economically so you take a risk. Time will tell. 6 months is always a magical number they say. But that's six months of face to face dating. Often someone gets hurt or taken advantage of later on. By not living with my ex manfriend, we at least can still be friends and we never took advantage of each other, although i was quite saddened by his hasty, fearful decision. Also this is for our age group. As a younger person, well yes. YOu have more time to learn from your mistakes. But i want the next man in my life as a keeper. If that's not the case for you, then at least make sure you are legally protected as the woman above told you.

Yes it's real lonely, especially if you are a sensuous being. But if you rent space in your head to the wrong person, it takes away from the time with the right person once you find him/her. Good luck to all of us!!!
 Cwgrlboots
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 38
Over 50
Posted: 2/11/2007 11:58:08 AM
Hey, Bestfriend:

A few things jump out at me from your post (I added italics):


...we are both so much alike and also very very lonely. Neither of us want to grow old alone. He lives alone and I live alone. He has health problems and I do, too. We are both needy and this scares me...


It sounds like you are relating to each other from a position of deficit and extreme need rather than a position of strength, abundance, and attraction. I think you are wise to want to move slowly in this case. For a starving person, any food is irresistable. You sound too hungry right now to be discriminating. You also say you feel scared....that's not a good sign. When you're first getting to know someone, pay close attention to those things that make your stomach ball up, even a little.

Another thing to consider: Online and telephone communications are different than in-person contact (or as the *youngsters* call it, the "meat world." ).

More than once I have taken online/telephone closeness at face value, only to find that the person could not cross over into the real world, even enough to reveal a last name. I won't meet someone who insists on remaining anonymous. There are some folks on here who only operate in a virtual world. (I should mention also that I have met several fishies in person and have become very good friends with some.) IMHO, the guys who want to move super fast are the ones you should be the most cautious with. They are likely either responding to their fantasy of you, or are very needy and are ready to grab onto the first woman who crosses their path (This is not to say that you are not wonderful, because you sound like a great lady).

If you take things at your own comfortable pace and you also feel close in person (to HIM, not just because he is a warm body), then I say go for it and enjoy.

Be careful, have fun, and best of luck in this Pond!

~Boots~

PS: Sorry, but I have to do this because of my work: My posts are not offered as and should not be taken as professional advice, counseling, or psychotherapy. They are only personal opinions given in a recreational setting. ~B~
 Pamloops
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 39
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Over 50
Posted: 2/12/2007 8:51:10 PM
I think there seems to be a common 'thread' that the haste is not in so much declaring affection but in living together before really knowing each other. I think anyone -male or female who expresses Love within days or even weeks and wants committment of living together isn't at a healthy point in their lives. My sister pointed out that committment can initially be just making a decision to not date others - but isn't a declaration of life ever after together rather a Mutual decision to let this relationship be exclusive while you get to know each other better. I thought that was really wise advice and it has helped me in how I want to move in a relationship at a pace that respects time and growing to know each other. Friendship, sharing, seeing the other as a very smart woman here posted in their moods whether sad, happy, puzzled etc. I agree with your suggestions Cwgrlboots to IMHO to take her time or Run. I too have made mistakes when I went grocery shopping on an empty stomach - being lonely sucks sometimes.
 everhadaqueen
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 40
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:14:40 PM
I agree with you. I am over 50 and I wish i could meet a nice man to just share the rest of my life with
 everhadaqueen
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 41
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:16:29 PM
I do not just want a sex pardner I want to share life with a nice man who we can build a relationship with
 everhadaqueen
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 42
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:18:12 PM
wish i could meet a man who does not have a cash resester for a brain
 everhadaqueen
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 43
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:19:45 PM
id rather meet some one who i can love and be loved back
 everhadaqueen
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 44
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:21:41 PM
i think you are so right on it I dont want to be used I rather be loved
 everhadaqueen
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 45
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:22:51 PM
i like a man with a warm heart
 everhadaqueen
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 46
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:24:23 PM
i rather have love than alot of money any day
 everhadaqueen
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 47
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:26:11 PM
have you had any luck with plenty of fish??/
 everhadaqueen
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 48
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:27:55 PM
I am a widow and i am pretty to be my age I work hard to make it. All i want is a nice man to share my life with
 Maureen1956
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 49
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 2:31:56 PM

It is sort of like not going grocery shopping when you are hungry


It could also cost you more than what you budgeted for.
 irelandu2
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 50
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History
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 3:41:41 PM
Some women want a aids test I guest I don,t blame them I was looking to be friends first not to jump the gun
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