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 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 51
Over 50Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
People, people, We are old, and ain't got that much time left, to be "waiting." If it don't work out, there's always ways out of it. Too much waiting will leave you merely "waiting" & alone, to end your time here. And, who want's that? Love and Relationships are always risky, take a chance, when the suitable opportunity comes along, or get used to cooking "meals for one." Face it, when the women's perky breasts & men's hair went away, so did the multitudes of choices in mates! If you luck into an opportunity, that you feel will work, take the chance! Haven't you learned yet, there is never a guarantee in the game of love, no matter how much waiting, you do?
 tom42149
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 52
Over 50
Posted: 2/13/2007 5:36:05 PM
Refering to my previous post (above), I certainly am NOT suggesting shacking up with an Internet-met partner, without repeated face-to-face meetings, first! Any sort of bad person can be anything the want to be in emails, & the more fluent can even pull it off on the telephone, too. I would sugges many many in person meetings as a necessity, before moving a stranger into your home, OR moving into his/hers.

There are a lot of weirdo's out there, people! Hopefully, your "fish" ain't one of em, but still, wanting to move in,without even meeting first, sounds more like desperation, rather than a commitment, to me.
 rearguard2
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 53
Over 50
Posted: 2/14/2007 11:30:54 AM

Some women want a aids test...


Well, I would certainly encourage her to go and get one if she feels she wants one. I probably would not date her, however, as she likely has a past that has put her at risk to the extent that she is worried.
javascript:smilie('')
 1JOHNA
Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 54
Over 50
Posted: 2/15/2007 3:00:16 PM
Theres a difference between getting to know, wanting to know and knowing. Just like having a friend, companion a lover or having some body to love. I suggest if you are lonely and need to find some one to talk to until you find that special some one. There are all kinds courses like pottery. netting , wood working and all kinds of other crafts you can take and meet, talk, and get to know people fore a couple weeks or months. Ho knows you might get to do some thing you've always wanted to do or learn and get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Try it you might like it.
 firefighterman
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 55
Over 50
Posted: 2/15/2007 4:40:40 PM
Anyone ever hear the one about the 1 year honeymoon?

Every time you have sex in the first year of your relationship you put a mark on the chalkboard.

Then after the "honey moon year" you take one stroke off every time you have sex. It will take the rest of your life to remove them all.

Maybe not true in all relationships but does give an indication to the importance of being friends and having quite a few things in common. We have all been down the sex road and while an important part of a good relationship, won't make it work by it self.

Live and enjoy life, no refunds or second chances

Roger
 feistychichi
Joined: 2/6/2007
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Over 50
Posted: 2/15/2007 4:51:24 PM
This is the first time I have given my 2 cents worth on any topic...I am usually too busy. I apologize for categorizing or lumping people in any group, but I find that men as well as women start a relationship based on nothing. It does not matter if either person is young, old, pretty, not so pretty or handsome, financially comfortable, skinny, obese, etc. I find it appalling. My assumption is that these people have always been that way. I don't think the age has made them run into relationships. If anything, age will make you think more.

 OxDrover
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 57
Over 50
Posted: 2/15/2007 4:57:13 PM
Roger, there is always the different kinds of sex after you get married you have "living room sex" where you are so hot as soon as you get home you tear each other's clothes off and do it in the living room floor (that is your "first year"--) then you have "bedroom sex" where the heat has died down some and you have time to get your clothes off and go to the bedroom. Then there is "hallway sex" where when you pass each other in the hallway you say "F U!"

Unfortunately, there are too many people that whether married or living together have more "hallway sex" than anything else. If you aren't friends FIRST with someone and don't have any common interests besides sex, it is only a hop skip and a jump from "living room" to "hallway" and then to divorce court.
 coug4
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 58
Over 50
Posted: 2/15/2007 7:09:39 PM
" F U "...that's what I hate about the internet...nobody can spell anymore.
 sprite57
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 59
Over 50
Posted: 2/16/2007 1:38:20 AM
Internet dating doesnt really tell you everything you need to know about a person. It just tells you what a person wants you to see. To illustrate this, I recently got talking to a guy on a paying site. He seemed very nice, we had loads in common and I liked the way he looked. We spoke on the phone for a while and then finally arranged to meet.

The great day came, I was full of expectations but although he was ok there was no chemistry - I'd built up a fantasy which the poor guy couldnt live up to. The thing that really put me off was he talked non-stop about his ailments, something he didnt do online!

Has this happened to anyone else?
 Judi-Judi-Judi
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 60
Over 50
Posted: 2/16/2007 8:17:04 AM
Ahhhhhhhh, ForestGreen!! Wonderful advice!! You have it wired, girl!!
 OxDrover
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 61
Over 50
Posted: 2/16/2007 11:10:47 AM
AILMENTS! Yes!!~!!

I didn't even get to meet the guy, the first time he called me he went into great GRAPHIC detail about his bowel problems and his allergies to everything in the world. Because I am a nurse practitioner I guess he thought I wouldn't be GROSSED out. His entire focus of the telephone call was the graphic descriptions which I will leave unsaid---

Other times, I have talked to people in VERY poor health who failed to mention they could barely WALK before I met them I am very active and therefore I put on my profile that if you "don't run like the energizer bunny" we wouldn't have much in common. I am not interested in taking on an unpaid caregiver job to someone I don't know and love BEFORE they become very ill.

So I would think that there should be some honesty upfront about the state of health of a person even on the e mail or on the telephone. Actually I have become good friends with one person from another site who has a very bad leg and can barely walk, and the bad leg isn't the only thing that would have precluded him "keeping up with me" it is the "few pounds" overweight (say 150!) but he is a bright and funny conversationalist and we enjoy talking and haqve many interests in common, so it is not a total loss, it is just that he is not my romantic cup of tea with his MORE than a "few" pounds over weight and his inability to walk more than few steps.

I actually wrote to one person on a site that is in a wheel chair. I worked in rehab for years and know that just being in a wheel chair doesn't make one "disabled" and have known many guys in wheel chairs that I would have been "interested in"-- so just honest is the best policy but not GRAPHIC honesty.
 firefighterman
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 62
Over 50
Posted: 2/16/2007 1:30:51 PM
Hey Oxdrover,

Great article, I think there is a lot of truth in what you say. Love it
 Cwgrlboots
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 63
Over 50
Posted: 2/16/2007 1:55:23 PM

Anyone ever hear the one about the 1 year honeymoon?

Every time you have sex in the first year of your relationship you put a mark on the chalkboard.

Then after the "honey moon year" you take one stroke off every time you have sex. It will take the rest of your life to remove them all.


Oh, darlin, have you been hangin out with the wrong women!!

Keep on lookin!

~Boots~
 Cwgrlboots
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 64
Over 50
Posted: 2/17/2007 9:12:46 PM
Rearguard2 - You said:


Some women want a aids test...


Well, I would certainly encourage her to go and get one if she feels she wants one. I probably would not date her, however, as she likely has a past that has put her at risk to the extent that she is worried.
javascript:smilie('')

Even though you're smilin (and drinkin!) when you say that, wouldn't you agree that it can only take ONE unprotected contact with an infected person to be infected? Wanting the HIV test for herself and her partner doesn't have to mean she's had a lot of partners - but it may very well mean that she cares for her own health and that of her prospective partner, and intends to be with only him.

I wish more people would get tested before becoming physically intimate (as well as use protection). It would make the Pond (and the world) a safer place!

~Boots~
 honeysugarlips
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 65
Over 50
Posted: 2/18/2007 1:11:40 AM
[quoteThe only thing worse than being ill, is being ill alone.

isnt that the truth , ....had had one thing or another since xmas , and doing it on your own is really the pits
 afred549
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Over 50
Posted: 2/18/2007 1:23:48 PM

Other times, I have talked to people in VERY poor health who failed to mention they could barely WALK before I met them I am very active and therefore I put on my profile that if you "don't run like the energizer bunny" we wouldn't have much in common. I am not interested in taking on an unpaid caregiver job to someone I don't know and love BEFORE they become very ill.


That's a humorous statement Ox. There is a lot of misrepresentation on here...I have had 2 back surgeries...have a lot of problems walking a long distance...seems to bother my back...but I can do an hour on an eliptical machine to a good sweat and can swim a mile...I work out regularly, but I wouldn't be able to run like the bunny, and you should know that up front. I guess some people are afraid to fess up.
 friendlyface2
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 67
Over 50
Posted: 2/18/2007 2:05:12 PM
You know, I don't want to sound totally insane, but except for the fact that I know I have fewer years ahead of me than when I was younger, I think my life is just as good or better than it was fifteen years ago when I was still in my 30's.

Yes, I've gained weight and my body sags in places it didn't sag before. And though I may look younger than my age (everyone tells me) I can see the wrinkles and the places where my face too has begun to sag. And my hair is grayer and thinner in its natural state than before. And yes, my kids are mostly out of the nest, and I miss the good old days when I was the most important person in their lives. And yes, fifteen years ago, my marriage looked like it would last.

But fifteen years ago, my career had stagnated because I'd gone on the mommy-track. Now my career is in very good shape. I enjoy my work and the people I work with. I see myself having a future of ten to twenty more productive years in my work (less if I want to retire early to do something else). It's a good feeling.

Fifteen years ago, the kids, the husband and the rest of it took a lot of time and energy from me. My marriage looked like it would last, but it had some problems, and I had no idea how unhappy it was going to become. Money was more of a problem than it is now. (I've been lucky.) I had very little freedom to pursue the things I wanted or even to make the kinds of friends I wanted.

Today, I am surrounded by people I like and by the opportunity to do things that interest me. I feel attractive. I even feel more sensual. Dating is a hassle. But it can also be exciting and adventurous. Divorce, people have been telling me since my separation, obviously agrees with me.

And I was thinking about it, and at the root of my satisfaction with my life is the realization that I have overcome many difficulties and made good use of my life. On the whole, I have had a good life--lots of good memories, wonderful experiences. Everything else that is good from now on is a bonus. And I have at least twenty more years to enjoy this "bonus" before I really need to slow down.

 coug4
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 68
Over 50
Posted: 2/18/2007 2:33:25 PM
For me, over 50 means FREEDOM. I don't owe anyone any money, favours, apologies or their tools back. I am free to travel, change jobs, change addresses and persue relationships whenever and however I want.














I'm also free to a good home.
 OxDrover
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 69
Over 50
Posted: 2/18/2007 5:56:10 PM
Fred, you are right on, and so am I on this matter--honest, up front, no BS--about whatever. Health, interests, weight, habits (smoking, alcohol, drugs etc) and also commitments--kids, job, elderly parents, mountains of debt, etc.

I'm fortuntate as well Coug that I don't owe a sou to a soul and as far as I know dont' have any tools to return, and so I wouldn't be interested in getting involved with someone who has had 3 bankruptcies and has credit card debt to the max--I don't think that makes me focused on money per se, but it would be a problem in a marriage for me to have to use my resources to pay allimony to 4 ex wives and child support to underage kids. Those things impact us at our age (over-the-hill ha ha) It isn't like we are young kids with our whole lives ahead of us to work together to accumulate enough money for retirement, that time is past for most of us. I'm not looking for someone to support me, and I'm also not looking to support someone else, and quite frankly I am not looking for some man who has 50 times more $ than I have, because his lifestyle would probably be enough differnt than mine that we wouldn't have a lot in common.

I also don't want to become romanticly involved with someone who is totally illiterate, doesn't mean I am an intellectual snob because I finished college, just means we wouldn't have much to talk about.

By this age, we are all pretty well what we are and what we will be and aren't going to change a great deal so you have to find someone who fits your "nitch" and that is sure more difficult than it was when your "criteria" for a hot date was the way he/she combed their hair, how they dressed and what kind of car they drove and could they dance.

Now, I think, most of us look beneath the skin, the clothes, the car, and look at the total person. Personality, interests, health, financial stability, no really bad habits, not a lot of other "baggage" that would cause problems down the road in a relationship. While I know that there are some really nice people out there who have HIV, I am not interested in falling in love with one so I would like to know before I become intimately involved with them (emotionally intimate as well as physically) My mother used to tell me, "Be careful who you date and don't date anyone you know before hand would not make a good mate (for whatver the reason) because you will fall in love with ONLY the people you date."

That was good advice then and is good advice now--so if there is a "deal breaker" known from the first, why waste your time and theirs. Don't mean that to sound cold because it isn't meant to be. I have lots of great guy friends that I would not even consider "dating" because I know them well enough to know they wouldn't make an acceptable partner for ME, doesn't mean I don't love them as friends or enjoy their company.

Dating and "pairing up" at over 50 is an entirely different game than it was when you were 16-25.
 straypusi
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 70
Over 50
Posted: 2/19/2007 5:30:01 AM
Hello everyone..
This is an interesting thread..
I have been on my own for some time..a long time - but I have found that it makes me more cautious. As much as I would love to have someone to share the daily joys with I am reluctant to meet up straight away..especially after just a couple of emails - preferring to take my time and get to know someone. Sure this site gives an opportunity to connect with people and I do think you can get a pretty good idea what some aspire to from their interaction. So many want to immediately connect up on a different messaging system and some give you their mobile numbers straight away which instantly takes things to a different level.. and how about those guys that have webcams and are VERY keen to display their attributes - or not as the case may be - with a total stranger. I find that a little disturbing too!

Do you think we expect too much or too little (and thats not meant to be a pun relating to the sentence above!!!!)

I would be inetrested to hear what anyone thinks about this expectations aspect..

Much Love to you all.
Wish you an interesting day.
Magz
x
 OxDrover
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 71
Over 50
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:31:56 AM
Not having been invited to get on a web cam (there is a thread about this that is very informational) posted by a lady with a photo of her very sexy legs so maybe the web cam thing has to do with how you come across on your profile and photo. I purposely didn't post any photo, but will send one to anyone who requests one privately, and I put on there why.

Of course many if not most of us are more cautious than that--there are some nut cases out there that you might not want to meet, but e mailing doesn't give you much info either, as anyone can pretend to be anything behind a written message. Cell phones are nice and giving out the number isn't likely to get you stalked. I actually have 2 lines, one which I give out to strangers and one to friends so if some nut case does get my number, he won't have my "personal one" and if I ever need to, I can dump that number and get another one without losing my regular cell number. Cautious? Yep! Stupid? Nope!

It pays to be cautious in any relationship until you get to really know the person in many different situations. You can pick up any newspaper and find folks that have been flim-flammed by all kinds of folks in business and personal life as well. Usually if you get to know these people in all kinds of situations you can "smoke'm out" but not always, sometimes sociopaths are very charming and can fool you. Look at that one out in california a couple of years ago that murdered his pregnant wife, Scot whatever his name was, he is a typical sociopath without conscience, all the while having an affair with a perfectly innocent woman. She was duped. His poor wife was duped and killed for her trouble. How sick is that?

Fortunately, there are more nice people than not nice, but statistics say that 4% of the general population are sociopaths--not all killers of course, but they are users, abusers, and can do it without the least bit of guilt for their victims. I don't know a single person who has not at one time or another encountered one of these people at work or in their personal life. They leave hurt, pain and dismay in their wake and the only way to deal with these people is to stay away from them, and then sometimes they stalk you. A friend of mine dated one of them for 8 years off and on, in the end, when she broke it off he burned her house. Can't prove it in a court of law unfortunately, but no doubt in anyone's mind he did it. Threat, motive, and opportunity, and gloated later about her house burning "Good enough for the Bi#ch" And this guy is "mr. nice guy" in public--until you get to know him well and his mask slips a bit. Most people who know him casually think he is "wonderful"---

If at our ages we haven't learned anything about being cautious with meeting people wherever you meet them, internet or at the grocery store, it is just good sense to get to know them before letting our guard down. Lots of times if something or someone is "too good to be true" it IS too good to be TRUE. At least I would hope that we no longer make our decisions with our gonads like we might have when we were much younger and "knew it all"

I think each of us in ANY relationship should have some idea of what is a "deal breaker"--it will be different for each of us depending on what is important to us, but for some people a "deal breaker" is smoking, or drugs, or drinking, etc. You may be able to find that out on an e mail, but you may not be able to either (folks do lie) and when you talk to someone on the telephone, you can also find out a bit more about your own "deal breakers" and eliminate many folks without ever actually meeting them. Whether or not you realize it, in talking to someone you can "interview" them just in casual conversation the way a good personnel manager interviews a job applicant. You can turn the "casual" conversation around to something and ask their opinion of it without giving out your own. And keep in mind that some sociopaths are very charming individuals--as I have said before, Ted Bundy was exceptionly charming I have read, and even people who worked with him for years didn't realize he was anything but a "Mr. Nice Guy." Of course most people aren't sociopaths or killers, but if it is YOU, then it only takes one.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 72
view profile
History
Over 50
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:30:25 PM
Akkkkkkkkkk! 4% sociopaths? Do you remember how that stat broke down between sexes?
 OxDrover
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 73
Over 50
Posted: 2/19/2007 10:15:12 PM
Actually, no, I don't know what the male/female ratio is. These stats are from Dr. Robert Hare's research. He is one of "the" experts on them. You can find his books on internet and are good reads. "without Conscience" is one I like very well. It will "curl your hair"--- but not ALL sociopaths or psychopaths are serial killers by any means, and not even all murderers or criminals are sociopaths or psychopaths but about 20% of inmates in prisons are qualified according to him and other researchers.

Big debate on nurture vs. nature in this and current concensus is some of both.

There is NO therapy for these people that works and no medications--it is a personality disorder rather than an "illness" like depression or bi-polar that can be treated with medications. The psychopaths dont' want treatment, it is the world that is out of step and they do not value other's worth or humanity and use and abuse others without any guilt at all. Some of them are quite charming, too. I have worked with many of them in my career in mental health and believe me even "experts" can be conned--including me. (Even got the tee shirt!) but never hurts to be cautious. Only "cure" is for you to get away from them and don't interact with them--sometimes that means leaving your job, your neighborhood, your marriage, etc. but "get the heck out of dodge."
 mystymorn
Joined: 2/12/2007
Msg: 74
Over 50
Posted: 2/20/2007 7:16:51 AM
just be real careful, cause loneliness does play a major factor for us older women..I have been divorced for 14 years and have played with the younger ones, middle aged ones and older ones..I find that all play games the same, but the older men do have a tendency to be a little more needy, not all mind you...just dont jump in the relationship before really getting to know someone in all aspects life(mentally, spiritually, maturity)...everyone good luck in your future endeavors
 Dragonpoo
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 75
Over 50
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:38:01 AM
Great thread Blues; and, thanks for starting it!

I find that there does seem to be a certain "urgency factor" involved as I head into my so called "golden years". I think that we all want to feel things and do things and we are afraid that our ability to experience and enjoy will leave us overnight. It can be a very challenging delima to say the least! Maybe that's why it happens at the time we are supposed to be the wisest!
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