| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 1:05:50 PM |
would I want to spend time with this person if something were to happen to alter his physical appearance?
That is such an interesting question, and one that I have asked myself. Christopher and Dana Reeve were perfect examples of devotion and true love. That's what I strive for.
Unconditional acceptance.
I must say, that anyone who does not stay with a person over something that had altered their appearance in some way, that person never had true love for the other.
If someone TRULY loves you, they will NEVER leave a person over something physical. If people divorce over looks, they never had true love there even if it was after 70 years marriage, if they do something like that , they never loved them to begin with. Thats the fact. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 1:08:06 PM | I agree with Carrie completely, and I don't think thats being shallow at all. If your not attracted to someone, there is no way to force it. It's the same when you don't like someones personality.
I agree with this too. Most people date someone they are attracted to AND whose personality they enjoy. It's the whole package, and time and time again there are people that don't get that. Lose one of the major things we seek, and we're more likely to pass on someone. We want what WE are attracted to (not the masses, we all like something different) as well as someone with an awesome personality, sense of humor, kindness, etc. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 1:21:03 PM | I agree with this too. Most people date someone they are attracted to AND whose personality they enjoy. It's the whole package, and time and time again there are people that don't get that. Lose one of the major things we seek, and we're more likely to pass on someone. We want what WE are attracted to (not the masses, we all like something different) as well as someone with an awesome personality, sense of humor, kindness, etc.
I don't think it's shallow either, i mean we all have preferences and that. However it is what we do with those preferences and how far we take them, meaning if we make certain preferences into requirments where a person is not willing to overlook another persons flaw and they WILL NOT date them because of that, then that is shallow. But having preferences or tastes that we prefer or like more then others is NOT shallow. But if we reject someone BECAUSE OF a certain flaw (especially trivial flaws or things that mature people should be able to overlook) then that shows that the person is unable and/or unwilling to overlook that in another person even if they have a golden personality, if they still choose not to overloook a certain physical flaw on another person and they CHOOSE NOT TO DATE them because of that flaw, then the fact is....that is shallow.
I hope I am understood in context and again I am not saying that it's shallow to have preferences, it's what we do and how far we take those preferences.....in other words, if we close our hearts to someone just because or mainly because of something trivial related to their appearance, then that is nothing short of shallow, because I beleive any true mature person would have enough depth in them and enough character to want to get to know a person alittle more before rejecting them on the spot over some physical flaw. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 1:44:40 PM | ^^^There's a difference between a character/physical flaw and a lack of attraction. If we're not attracted to someone, they can be nice, they can be funny, have a great personality, but chances are most won't date someone they aren't attracted to. The package has to be complete to each person's preference.
Like I said in another thread, if personality was what we dealt with before anything else, and the personality wasn't happening; we'd also pass. But then there'd be threads about how someone is getting overlooked for a personality flaw when they were good looking or could do math really well, or had a lot of money. Same with the other traits - whatever people want in a person. If it's not all there, it's not all there.
Not dating someone you aren't attracted to isn't shallow. The only thing that's shallow is dating someone based on looks ONLY and accepting a bunch of other stuff (terrible personality, no intelligence, homeless) that's not what you want just to get the looks. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 1:55:12 PM |
^^^There's a difference between a character/physical flaw and a lack of attraction. If we're not attracted to someone, they can be nice, they can be funny, have a great personality, but chances are most won't date someone they aren't attracted to. The package has to be complete to each person's preference.
I never said there isn't a difference, but my point is what WE do with our preferences and how far we take them. There are also different kinds of "flaws". I will admit bad hygien and being sloppy and neglecting your appearance when you can help it, that is something that I would say it is reasonable to make as a requirment. But there are some things that are trivial and a true mature person who has is thinking right would be able to overlook providing the person has a great character and personality to them. There is so much more to a relationship then just a persons looks.
Not dating someone you aren't attracted to isn't shallow. The only thing that's shallow is dating someone based on looks ONLY and accepting a bunch of other stuff (terrible personality, no intelligence, homeless) that's not what you want just to get the looks.
I agree with you there that it is shallow to date ONLY because of looks.....but at the same time it is equally shallow to reject someone ONLY for looks.
I said somewhere else on here that "one can make looks be A reason to date someone....but just don't make looks be the reason NOT TO date someone" I like that saying because it brings such a balance to this matter. But again one must take into account WHAT it is about their looks that is the turn off, somethings are understandable as I mentioned above, and other things are more trivial and should be overlooked by any intelligent person. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 2:37:20 PM | | Women delete an e-mail without even thinking about it from guy's there not attracted to, a guy should do the same thing so as to not lead on the woman, and unfortunately with a 65% obesity rate, and many women over 30 finding a match isnt exactly the easiest thing in the world on here, if I'm not attracted to the person I'm not going to communicate with them, first attraction, then finding out about eachother. So you think "well, there beautiful, but are they nice?" | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 6:47:48 PM |
There are but there has to be a physical attraction as well. Plus the fact that you are evidently attracted to the more outgoing type will keep you from noticing the more introverted.
I'm not more attracted to them, they're just more attracted to me I guess...till they realize they want some outgoing **** anyway. I guess introverts are more shy to ask somebody out though...I know I don't think I could do it. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 6:51:48 PM |
Oh, believe me, they ARE phyiscally attracted to you, your so CUTE :D Maybe your bossy and demanding and THAT'S why they ran off, I have a pretty and cute ex who wen't all the way to Barney's on Madison Ave just to shop (and that place aint cheap either!), yet I broke up with her for being way to bossy, I don't mind being submissive but I do have to draw a line somewhere, we're still on good terms (we hug from time to time when she's in town :) but if she toned down the bossy and controlingness we'd still be togeather.
But... you say you're quiet, maybe that's the problem part of my exe's charm was how much she talked, I LOVED hearing her talk about stuff, and to let you know it's kind-of a turn-on for us men if we can't get a word in :) when you speak is when you build attraction and convey your interest and what you want, be too quiet and you don't give away enough information.
Thanks...I'm not bossy though. But if men love women who talk too much(which I know they do, from my experience) I'm screwed. Here are my options:
1) Go lesbian...that may not work either...women may be the same way. But at least I happen to know not ALL women care about that...a few women like me for who I am anyway. 2)Live my life alone and just get a billion cats to keep me company... 3)Suicide, which looks better all the time. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 7:39:49 PM |
3)Suicide, which looks better all the time.
Don't be silly. You would have necrophiliacs after you, and I don't think you want that.
Besides, I really don't think most guys like women that talk too much.....
I would rather have one that actually talked about things that mattered, instead of just to hear herself speak. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 7:43:25 PM | | The is at last one person I know of who fits this thread and that would be me. 4 months in here and not one message sent to me. I've done everything. Changed my profile regularly, new pictures, you name it. Nothing works. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2007 8:58:04 PM | I agree that looks do factor in to an extent. However, I have discovered through experience that when I find someone that I'm really compatible with mentally or personality-wise that I notice their flaws less and less. The person actually becomes more attractive to me, because I associate those features with a really wonderful person that I enjoy being with.
For example, my husband was someone that I didn't find attractive initially, but as I got to know him, I really fell for him. When he got sick after we were married and really started to look sickly, I wasn't repulsed by him. That was because I realized more and more what a wonderful person he was, and rather than our love waning waning because of the physical issues, it grew.
I do think that people who are not "traditionally" attractive are going to have a harder time meeting someone who is willing to get to know them and be compatible enough to move past the purely physical aspects. Not everyone is willing or able to. They are certainly not SOL though. Physical attraction can be (and is) a factor in relationships (especially in the initial phases), but it isn't everything to everyone. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 88 | |
| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2007 5:39:21 AM | | All tens are very picky because they can have anyone they choose. Therefore, they only choose the best. And it takes more than perfect looks to be a ten. Most people are 4s, 5s, and 6s. They and those even less desirable must settle for who they can get. If they claim they will never settle, they are lying or they never find anyone. | |
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| sociology
Posted: 2/17/2007 8:41:56 AM | I am no sociologist but... I think you learn early in life your "place" in the beauty and love world. And most of us learn to be attracted to people at our "level", people that are attainable. I think most of us can agree that Halle Barry or Angelina or whoever are super hot but I don't think any of us are crazy enough to wait until they want to date us.
I have seen some fugly people married and happy and they are both attracted to each other. Call each other beautiful or handsome, when to me.. and most others... ewww.
But like I said, I think we learn early where we stand. There are guys on line I would never hit on, because it would be ridiculous. They aren't going to want a size 11, 35 year old white woman. I have the social understanding to get this. Models date models (or the extreamly wealthy) the middle date the middle and... so it goes. Of course there are factors that change the dynamics (money, status, power, fame, intellect) but on the whole. They say you decided to get married when 2 people look at each other and both realize, this is they best they can get. And they seal the deal.
I know how I sound, but come ON, you are crazy if you don't acknowledget the truth. I am not saying it is right or good or justified, I am saying that is how it is. | |
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| sociology
Posted: 2/17/2007 9:03:33 AM | I think some people are just selfish and shallow..
I make effort all the time, and yet I am getting NO WHERE..
I almost feel like no matter what I try, or what I do.. I'll never get a reply. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 91 | |
| sociology
Posted: 2/17/2007 9:17:37 AM | I am no sociologist but... I think you learn early in life your "place" in the beauty and love world. And most of us learn to be attracted to people at our "level", people that are attainable.
...
I know how I sound, but come ON, you are crazy if you don't acknowledget the truth. I am not saying it is right or good or justified, I am saying that is how it is.
Nooralniil,
I like you. I'm not saying we are compatible for dating, but you are my kind of woman. And, you have elevated my opinion of women a couple of notches. I was beginning to think women were incapable of understanding that. | |
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| sociology
Posted: 2/17/2007 9:44:05 AM | I think sometimes the scale is tipped though.
A very attractive man will only date very attractive women..
Maybe an average woman is only attracted to very attractive men.. hence she becomes undateable... or unlucky in love.
Sometimes what makes a person unloveable is their expectations for the other person.
It would be pretty odd for me to say that I want a gorgeous, body builder with a medical degree when one checks out my profile.
That doesn't mean we all have certain standards but it more likely that those truly unlucky in love folks are often seeking a 10 when they themselves are a 2. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2007 10:26:40 AM | I think it's possible to for someone to grow more attractive to another person over time if there is CHEMISTRY. I hear all kinds of talk about attraction, and have dated very handsome men by the "normal" standard.. and felt nothing. Would I date someone I wasn't attracted to? It would depend on the chemistry. Do we think the same things, share similar ideas and speech patterns, thought patterns.... do we converse without lag time, are we interested in each other's ideas and opinions? As long as that was there... then I would date him. Maybe it wouldn't be the love of my life, but it's much better than dating a pretty face with an empty head, who is inconsiderate and thoughtless and self absorbed....
My two cents... for whatever it's worth lol | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2007 11:22:52 AM | | I live that kind of life!!! When I was thinner n younger,I couldn't keep them away.Now they avoid me like the plague.It sucks!!! I'm not that horrible to look at,am I?? I see women that r alot more unattractive than me with men.So,what's so awful about me?I meet people online that think I'm attractive until we meet in person than they suddenly disappear.What's up with that??What's wrong with me anyway??? | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 95 | |
| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2007 12:38:06 PM |
So,what's so awful about me?I meet people online that think I'm attractive until we meet in person than they suddenly disappear.What's up with that??What's wrong with me anyway???
Lover-girl, obviously you and I are not in compatible age groups; however, I have looked at your photo and profile and I see nothing wrong with you. Oh, it might help a tad if you lost a few pounds, but I don't see that a reason to prevent men from being interested in you. You have symmetry, a pleasing face, nice hair, and overall very good features. And, your profile could not be any better. Keep you chin up, if your photo and profile reflect who you are and you are not overly picky, you will find someone. | |
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| sociology
Posted: 2/17/2007 12:40:49 PM | Knowing yourself, and what you need to feel satisified in a relationaship is important.
For some that will be looks, to others it could be financial resources or status--and these are okay. For me it's humour and self-respect (but a little chemistry would be okay too).
It's important you are honest with yourself, and don't bend your expectations just so you can be part of a 'twosome'. | |
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| sociology
Posted: 2/17/2007 12:54:48 PM | i always enjoyed plenty of attention from men.
that tripled (at least) since i hit 40.
but, i find myself more and more selective all the time.
now,i find i can't bring myself to even reply to someone who writes using passive voice ~ how warped is that??????
i do have a s/o, and when he gets out of jail, i probably will find that i prefer singlehood anyway.
so, for some, the lack of attraction has no part in their reasons for remaining single. some of us prefer life alone. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2007 1:02:30 PM | I think that it is possible that people say "look's are not everything but you need attraction to get something started."
Sometime's this might mean that they are looking for someone who is very attractive and also that very attractive person has to be happy with someone less attractive than themselves. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2007 1:09:34 PM |
I am no sociologist but... I think you learn early in life your "place" in the beauty and love world. And most of us learn to be attracted to people at our "level", people that are attainable.
...
I know how I sound, but come ON, you are crazy if you don't acknowledget the truth. I am not saying it is right or good or justified, I am saying that is how it is.
Nooralniil,
I like you. I'm not saying we are compatible for dating, but you are my kind of woman. And, you have elevated my opinion of women a couple of notches. I was beginning to think women were incapable of understanding that.
I agree....it is so refreshing to hear some common sense on the subject....not the usual pie in the sky : "look's are skin deep" "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" tired old rhetoric.
Hat's off to you Nooralniil, | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2007 2:06:43 PM |
missing teeth, bad acne etc. (as strange as the Internet is I highly doubt there are fetish sites for this kind of stuff.)
The Internet has everything... these sites are called "Butter Face" fetishes.. (everything is hot. But Her Face)
BUT... there is someone for everyone out there...
Just look at Extreme Makeover.. these women and men have spouses and children and families that love them too. | |
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