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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2007 5:49:53 PM | AcesDJD.....I have found throughout my travels, that many people who think they are below 'average' in the looks department are also below average in the personality department. For some reason they will sit there and pick themselves to pieces and become all depressed and blame the world for their downfall.
Of these people that DO have a personality, they are usually light hearted and accept that they are no prince charming or queen of sheeba, and make light of their own looks. These people that can look at themselves, and say 'hey this is me', and not worry about their flaws, suddenly become so much more attractive to be around.  | |
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| I know the answer to this one!
Posted: 2/17/2007 8:38:08 PM | Why are uglier people than you in happy relationships and you can't find anyone? I know the answer to this. Because you are not willing to settle for just "anyone". I used to say that line about ugly people to my friends. And they said they KNEW I could get a guy, they had guys in their lives that wanted to be with me, but these guys were addicts, or homeless or... unemployed.
When I saw an ugly girl with a man I would be jealous and make a comment. My friends would say, "But do you want THAT guy?" And the answer was always "no".
So, it is not that you can not get a man, it is that you can not get a man worthy of you. That is the tricky part. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:50:23 PM |
Come to the Bronx, I think every woman imaginable is hit on here.
You mean people actually LIVE in the Bronx?
(Sorry ... teasing.)
Here are two facts about me; I wonder how universally true they are?
1) The better I know a woman, the harder it is for me to tell if she's "attractive." After a while her personality (sparkling or otherwise) colors how I originally felt about her looks. Then all I know is whether or not I'm attracted to her. I'm no longer able to tell if she's objectively "attractive," whatever THAT means.
2) The more attractive a woman is, the more likely I am to try to get to know her better. That's because, at first sight, "pretty" is easier to judge than "nice." It seems to me as if everyone, regardless of gender, hopes to find a soulmate who is both pretty AND nice. If you start out with one criteria covered your chances of finding both improve.
Yes, I see the "Catch-22" here. Though I still feel 25 and totally studly, I notice that the older (and less attractive?) (and smarter?) I get, the more important "nice" becomes in my dating equation. In my own defense let me say that my priorities have shifted. If we're both sexy inside our own heads, and we each think the other is sexy too, I'm a happy man.
And, as it happens, I have a fevered imagination.
Oh ... and in the interest of complete accuracy ... I was never totally studly, even at 25. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/18/2007 2:57:31 PM |
NOONE is ugly in and of themselves (Physically speaking).
I think its rare and I'm not deriding them, I just think there are some that no one is sexually attracted to. Doesn't mean they won't find someone because they may see past it, but whoever does is almost surely settling for someone nowhere near their ideal. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/19/2007 3:55:01 AM | LittleMissScareAll......I just like to say that i looked at your profile and you are a very pretty girl, but you're profile comes across really negative and that can be a real turn off to people. Don't get me wrong i have no problem with the gothic look but i think men would find you much more attractive without this look. Have a great day!!!     | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/19/2007 4:05:32 AM | There's an aspect that you haven't considered. I dicovered that a woman with whom I had thought I had a connection, actually suffered from extremely low self esteem, so much so that she was actually looking to, and leading to being insulted or hurt. When I was nice, she
deliberately mis-took my comments, bent them a little, enough so that they were ambiguous, and then 'pouted'. I finally drew this to her attention, and, of course, knocked off any connections to this 'lame duck'. Talk about 'walking wounded'! I'll bet you can find lots of similar cases, but you have to try contact first. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/19/2007 5:40:14 AM | Reasonable man, I totally agree with what you wrote. I just notice someone's looks and color when we first meet, but after awhile their personality and spirit take total control.
And yes people actually live in the Bronx......can you believe it!! | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/19/2007 8:57:00 PM |
LittleMissScareAll......I just like to say that i looked at your profile and you are a very pretty girl, but you're profile comes across really negative and that can be a real turn off to people. Don't get me wrong i have no problem with the gothic look but i think men would find you much more attractive without this look. Have a great day!!!
Well those men can kiss my ass then. This is who I am, and I'm not changing for anyone...why should I go dye my hair blonde, get a spray on tan and shop at Abercrombie if that's not me?
I would think men would hate the fakeness moreso than anything. I'm probably wrong but...I'm still not doing it to please other people. That's not the type of men I wanna attract anyway. I want to attract people who ARE like me, not people who are the opposite of me. I've tried that and it doesn't work so well. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:02:37 PM |
Don't be silly. You would have necrophiliacs after you, and I don't think you want that.
Besides, I really don't think most guys like women that talk too much.....
I would rather have one that actually talked about things that mattered, instead of just to hear herself speak.
What's wrong with necrophiliacs? lol...j/k. Ah, I wouldn't care, I'd be dead...I would never know about it. 
Anyway well I wish all men were like you then. Cause almost all the ones I've been with complain I don't talk enough for them. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 3/2/2007 9:49:08 AM | I have some paitents who really want to be in relationships, and there is pretty near no way in hell they are going to get involved, ever, it is sad.
but there is allways hope for anyone to find a kindred spirit, is there not?
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 3/3/2007 1:11:38 AM | Attraction is defined differently by different people. I'd met someone online that I got along with amazingly well because he was honest in everything he said and we just 'clicked'. The first time I saw his picture I was like 'eh, he's OK looking I suppose' (this was before webcams when relying soley on MSN), but after time I thought he was the best looking guy around. While some sort of attraction should be there to begin with, I don't think it should be based solely on a picture. A 'don't judge a book by it's cover' kind of thing.
Sometimes that physical attraction can be there but two people might not be able to stand each other outside of that. I figure as long as they're attractive to me and vice versa... that's what matters most, but I certainly wouldn't write someone off that I got along with well because an initial 'wow you're so attractive' reaction isn't there. It's the whole package that's attractive. And I figure when you're old and grey, the companionship and friendship you've built together is what will take you to the end... looks fade, love can grow if it's unconditional. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 3/3/2007 1:29:05 AM | I was chatting with a woman and she explained it to me like this:
When she meet's a guy , if she could picture him over top of her naked ...and not feel like "yuck" ....then it's a good start.
I thought that was maybe a bit crude, but very honest.
I think that women need good look's as much as men, possibly more so .....unless they grow to like a guy over a longer period of time ..but that's not possible on internet dating. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 3/3/2007 1:44:43 AM |
I am no sociologist but... I think you learn early in life your "place" in the beauty and love world. And most of us learn to be attracted to people at our "level", people that are attainable.
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I know how I sound, but come ON, you are crazy if you don't acknowledget the truth. I am not saying it is right or good or justified, I am saying that is how it is.
Nooralniil
^ Too simple , too honest , too true for the forums. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 3/3/2007 2:29:59 AM | | I've had two friends who wouldn't look at a guy's profile online if he didn't have a picture that they considered attractive... Both have ended up at one time or another falling for a guy whose picture they forgot to ask for first and told me i'm absolutely right that when you fall for them all of a sudden they're looks are attractive even if it wasn't someone they would have talked to had they seen the picture first. I wish i could say they learned a lesson but shallowness is hard to get over. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 3/3/2007 2:31:53 AM | Everything is Beautiful
Firstly, everyone on this thread is attractive as far as a still photograph goes (yes, I did check.) Really, some are very attractive. Even the ones that joke about being unattractive are largely well structured. Ugly is a result of sustained effort (or lack there-of)
Yeah on this thread that is true (-:, but in general...
Nope , there are those who are just plain unattractive ....no effort or lack of effort.
The personal contribution one makes towards physical image has a lot of influence on the final evaluation. You, and you alone, are doing yourself the injustice if you are not putting your best foot forward.
Yeah ....nice in theory, but let's face it , we're talking about reality here , and when you're extremely unattractive most are not able to be brimming with confidence and "putting their best foot forward"
You don’t need perfect teeth, but you do need a toothbrush
Yeah, nice feel good dream, but if you are missing teeth no amount of brushing will help.
There are those that will dismiss this and say, “It’s what is on the inside that counts.” However, consider this: how many will purchase a home based solely on its interior and regardless of its dilapidated exterior? Really, who does? Both Outside and inside attributes count. A beautiful exterior can be a cover for a horrid interior and no one would want to live long in that home. However, that has no relation to the house with an unkempt exterior and immaculate interior, except that ultimately very few will choose that home either.
A worthless analogy because both interior and exterior of a house are aesthetic in nature.
What ultimately fails in the beauty competition is that of a perceived lack of sufficient effort. When we see that someone puts little effort into being aesthetically pleasing, we extrapolate that to mean a similar irreverence will be put into other aspects: Including interpersonal relationships.
Again ...let's get real here , for real purposes it's not very likely an extremely unattractive person is going to be too inspired to make an effort.
Fairy Tales
Shrek: He’s the stereotypical ugly, yet he’s absolutely cool. If we can all be like him there would be no need for this thread.
Perfect ....you are talking hollywood cartoon fantasy ....similar to your rhetorical post .
The point is that there are extremely unattractive people who have bad self esteem ....but they will have a counterpart who is equal and they together can find love.
Obviously , we do need this thread to try to come to grips with physical attractiveness and reality. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 3/3/2007 6:39:47 AM | I have seen some profiles where the woman was uglier than sin. Seriously fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down and it didn't stop there, what every they knocked loose hit them again on the ground.
These people would do them selves a favor by not posting a pic and hoping someone will get to know them enough to look past it.
I am not saying I am perfect. I was lucky to have a plastic surgeon who did a good job on my hairlip/cleft pallet. I am not beauty, I am no beast either. But some people could use the merciful touch of a scalpel and a new mug. Halloween is only one night a year folks and we have all seen that person that looks like they belong in a slasher flick. We all try not to stare and give them a pittyful smile and not. We pray they wont come and talk to us and we will give them a wide birth.
It's cruel, but it's just part of our instinct to ensure only the best pass on their genetic material. Don't worry... God has made it pretty certain I can't pass on mine. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 3/3/2007 6:44:55 AM | I have found peoples' replies very interesting on this thread. It seems that most have forgotten that we are human animals - mammals. As animals we have scent glands like any other. Most of us have heard the term "animal attraction", well this attraction happens because we all, as human animals, emit pheromones. Pheromones have no scent but if we get a whiff of pheromones that match our own particular body chemistry, we become attracted to that person, looks, personality - none of it will matter. The difference between humans and other animals is that we have intellect and we make choices. We get caught up in what is supposed to be esthetically pleasing to the eye and we choose not to listen to what our body tell us so much so that we allow ads in magazines to set our beauty standards.
I lived with a man for ten years who was NOT esthetically pleasing to the eye. From the minute I met him, I was wild about him and I would often wonder to myself - why? I attribute the basic attraction to pheromones. The basics were there and then I found I loved his sense of humour, his wit, his way of thinking and he pleased me in all ways. Many of my friends and most of my family did not like him but we were a fit and so we continued on until his death in 2003.
Poodlegirl - it would be my guess that you are still grieving the loss of your sexual partner and that your brain has shut off your pheromone sensers. Sounds crazy but I believe it. It happened to me after I lost my man.
Then last year my sensers woke up and life is good. It has become a useful tool to make choices, built in radar so to speak. It happened when I was ready to accept it, until it happened I was just going through the motions and you know what? You are doing the right thing. You are out there meeting people and living life...gotta start somewhere. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 3/3/2007 9:00:05 AM | Very interesting thread...
Oddly enough... I must be much more primal than most of the posters... I go for the smell...
Yep,..., the natural body smell and looks are in second place...
I dated a man that had a build like Santa Claus and we had the best times... I still miss him. He is the one that "broke" up with me... He was so much fun to be with...
I dated a man that we very tall and very skinny... Again... he was much fun and yes,he was different... He kept saying it would be a matter of time before I get swept off my feet by a more "attractive" man... I am not sure if it is because he said so often to me... Sadly, that is what happened... (Life is weird sometimes... I just could not handle the negativity... He smelled so so good... I told him that and he just scuffed it off...)
I am not a beauty queen... Normal, average... Some find me georgeous, some not...
Anyway... I do believe it is all in the eye of the beholder... (As others have mentioned.)
I have a collegue at work, she had an accident when she was 2 years old. She pulled on the cord of the fryer and the oil fell on one side of her face and upper body... She is badly scarred... She is still beautiful. She is married, two children and has a great life... She does not let that get to her... I admire her... I do find her beautiful...
I do believe it is 90% mental.
I also noticed through my travels that beauty is very cultural to a degree. What an African man finds beautiful is different from a European man and an american man... etc...
Anyway... just my two cents...
PS: My mother used to say to me all the time... Beauty will help but you'd better develop your mind and make something of yourself... (She knows, she used to be a model in an other era, (a very brief career... My grandfather put a stop to that when he saw what realy went on behind the stage.) ... but still... My mom was georgeous... I mean up there... She never let that go to her head. She lived her life to the fullest... It was so weird seeing men swoon around her when I was little... She would just go on with her tasks... She never let that hinder her life path... I admire that... | |
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