Drakes
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Joined: 9/24/2004
Msg: 51 | |
| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 12/20/2004 6:04:02 AM | You are absolutely right.
Its not rude to want to see a picture of the person before meeting them. That is only common sense.
But it goes both ways, and if I can't see some kind of picture in a profile, as well as having something to read (meaning the person bothered to fill it out), I don't bother to write, and sometimes I don't even reply.
I know its your prerogative as to why you don't want to put your picture in the profile, but honestly, every time I've bothered to talk to the person sans photo, I found out they were lying and or living in a made up fantasy world, OR more often than not, MARRIED and looking to cheat.
I am not saying that is the case with you, but why waste time on someone that's hiding? Its never proven to work for me. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 12/20/2004 7:13:36 AM | denimcanada: Yours is the most mature and reasonable post on this topic that I have read. I do not blame him for wanting to know what she looked like but he gave her the impression that he was breaking her date because she would not be what he was looking for which could have been true, then again she could have been everything that he imagined. No one likes being rejected, but making a date then breaking it and asking for a photo that he should have INSISTED on to begin with gave her the impression that he was flakey. People want to be accepted as they are if they get an incling that they are somehow being decieved they are offended. Just plain old common sense.
Being up front to begin with is admirable. Getting cold feet and letting your date know that is a bad first impression. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 4/10/2005 1:07:55 AM | | Diolacles, that woman was not attractive and she figured out that you were not being straight with her when you cancelled on her and then asked for a photo. Again. What you should have done is been upfront with her and told her the truth about what kind of women you do not date from the beginning. That way you and her would not have wasted your time talking to each other if she was not your type. Always be straight and upfront and you will eventualy find what you are looking for. Take care. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 4/10/2005 1:15:14 AM | | I agree drakes. Although I have not gotten the best reviews, I still have my pic in my profile so a person does not have to wonder what I look like. It is much more disheartening to spend time talking to someone and then share my pic and find out they do not find me attractive than to post my pic and have anonymous strangers either dig my looks or not dig 'em and either contact me or don't contact me. It is also easier for me to contact someone and never have them respond maybe based on my pic than to talk to them and then find out they don't like my looks later on after I send them a pic. The fact is that no matter how great a person's personality is, most of the time people are not going to give them a chance if they really do not find them at least somewhat physically attractive. Also, I know that when I am looking at people's profiles I am not just looking at what they say but I am looking at what they look like and I am reluctant to try to contact someone whose pic is not in their profile. I think it is human nature to care about looks and that anyone that says they don't care about looks is not being truthful. Take care. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 4/10/2005 8:34:01 AM | You showed her yours, she should show you hers. Period. No brainer.
Doesn't mean it's going to be real though. I've met people who use way older pics and then look nothing like they did then when meeting in person. I keep mine within the past year just for that reason. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 4/10/2005 11:54:36 AM | Er.....did anybody that replied here in the last day or so notice the *date* that the original message was posted?  | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 4/10/2005 12:21:07 PM | Could have done the drive by meeting. Ask her what she will be wearing get there before it's time to meet her. Wait in the car until she arrives. If it's not what you want, take off in a hurry. lol
I want to see a pic before I meet anyone. The eyes are the window to the soul. In this day and age you really don't know who your meeting. A person can tell you what they look like but I want to know before I meet them. Might be somone I saw on the Post Office wall.
As for not having a pic. You can buy a cheap camera have it developed and have them put it on a cd. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 10/13/2005 10:08:41 PM | The Lord gave us our senses: Sight, hearing, smell, etc. The sense of sight is our longest distance sensor. It is the one we use first to determine whether something or someone is desirable or dangerous, etc.
It is reasonable, therefore, to use this sense of sight first. Ladies, like it or not, men are visually oriented. If you want to fly in the face of reason and disregard the natural attraction that men recognize in a physically beautiful woman, then you are destined to remain single. It is your choice. Learn to pick your battles.
I am so tired of the phrase, "Beauty is only skin deep". That is the worst insult that you could make of someone who actually maintains the Temple of the Holy Spirit in good condition, instead of being fat, flabby, and undisciplined.
You are saying in so many words that, because a woman is beautiful and takes care of the only body that she is going to get in this life, that she is somehow ugly and unworthy of attention. Perhaps you would like them to be excluded from Heaven as well?
If you truly want a good man, then make yourself attractive to him. If you don't, then he will never discover the sweet personality inside. Why? Because he needs to use his close range senses for that. If you never entice him to get past the long distance sensors, he will never be in range for the rest.
As I said before, this is the way we were designed, like it or not. You shouldn't get mad at a man (or men in general) for not being attracted to someone that is not attractive. After all, a man is entitled to his personal preferences, as are you. Play the game or sit on the bench. It's your choice. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 2/25/2007 3:39:33 PM | I don't think that it is unreasonable to ask for a photo.
I don't post my photo, but if someone asks me then I will send it to them.
If a girl doesn't give you her photo. Don't waste your time. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 2/25/2007 8:58:17 PM | keepingstep,
The pic. doesn't have to be posted at the site but can be sent privately through email to the one person. If you are going to meet them in the flesh anyway, then what is the worry about "recognition" with that one person?
I also find it impossible to believe that in this day & age of technology it can be that hard to take an updated photo of oneself. Use the PC cam & take as many as you want until you like one.
Yes, people can misrepresent themselves but that is way besides the point of the post. The idea is not to not ever send pics. because some aren't honest.
This girl very obviously had something to hide (an insecurity?) or she wouldn't have gotten so angry & defensive. The reaction says it all...
I also don't see what anyone would expect someone to meet them without having seen a pic. It is just plain normal that there are some types we are attracted to & some we are not. It's not a "bad" thing. This is different from superficiality and wanting no less than a "models" looks. This is just personal preference. I'm attractive and have dating men "society" would deem quite average, simple because I was attracted to the overall package. On the flip side, some men that society would deem very attractive did nothing for me because of the overall package (personality, lifestyle, etc.)... | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 2/25/2007 9:06:00 PM | You called her on her game. You did the right thing.
There a plenty of reasons why you should see a photo of the person before meeting them. Besides being better equipped to identify them, it can also be a safety issue.
Furthermore, blindly meeting someone and hoping you are attracted to each other rarely if ever works out. For ever one success like this, there are probably 500-1000 failures. Reason being is that the mysteriousness of the other person works your imagination into expectations that are rarely going to be met or exceeded. And if you go in with expectations, you might as well be a 3 legged horse in the kentucky derby.
ALWAYS get a photo. Do not ask or commit to meeting until you do. That's my 2c. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 2/25/2007 9:17:36 PM | | I don't post my photo because one of the most alluring characteristics a man can have for me is a sense of adventure and fun. If an hour of his time is too much to take for a little risk, then he probably is not a man in whom I would be interested. After a meeting, sight unseen, is arranged, I will send a photo. So far, knock on wood, no one has cancelled on me after seeing the pic. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 2/25/2007 9:26:48 PM | You know what I think? If your going to be attracted to someone, you will be, no matter what size they are. I have a friend who use to look at the slim, shapely women. Well the woman he married is a woman with a weight problem. But she had the sex -appeal that attracted him. I have also been looking at couples where the woman is heavier and their male partner is well built or slim, and vise versa. Attractive woman with not so attractive men. But these men love their women, because you can tell by the affection that they publicly show. I believe that everyone has someone out there that is meant for them.
MsTree | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 2/25/2007 10:06:27 PM | How is it that a topic started three years ago gets dredged up now? Gotta love the internet.
At this point there is no sense in addressing the OP as it's highly likely he's worked his way through this problem by now, but I guess the topic could be relevant and this discussion helpful for others. The truth is that we each have our likes and dislikes when it comes to physical appearance, and yes, pictures do assist us in determining if the other person is going to "do it" for you (not always, but usually gets you on the right track). If this is extremely important to you, don't engage yourself in a lengthy email affair with someone until you have worked this aspect of the other out.
Should one find themselves in the same situation as the Original Poster I would have you ask yourself this.
#1 Are you man (or woman) enough to meet with this person without a picture and be able to say to yourself that she isn't what I want, and then be able to convey this to the other person? Don't just ingnore them, for they have earned your honesty by then.
#2 If you have already exchanged several emails and/or phone calls, you have invested some amount of time with this person and they you. Do they not at least warrant an hour or two of your life? Is your time SO precious and your dance card SO full that you are incapable of "giving" an hour or two of your life to someone that has in some way become a friend?
And further, in her defense (the girl without a picture available), I have been emailed by 4 women in the last 2 months that have not initially had pictures on their profiles. I have had dates with two so far and hope to meet with at least one of the other two. ABSOLUTELY no regrets and I enjoyed my time with both ladies. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 2/25/2007 10:17:11 PM | | I've emailed guys with no pictures before and met them. For me it was about whether or not I got along with them, not what they looked like. And sometimes the person has added me to MSN and shown me a picture. I choose to display my pictures so people can see me before they email. But I don't expect it from those I talk to. Sometimes it is hard for people to get pictures online, or maybe they are not self confident. Some people just take offence to being asked for a picture. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 2/25/2007 10:28:03 PM |
Is your time SO precious and your dance card SO full that you are incapable of "giving" an hour or two of your life to someone that has in some way become a friend?
Sometimes, yes, though I wouldn't word it that way - I'd say time is "limited". For some reason, it seems women tend to get more responses then men on several dating sites. If a woman receives dozens of emails from men wanting to chat & meet, works full time, might have kids, has errands & household things like everyone, etc.. Yes, it is a lot. And once you are out with someone, it is very hard sometimes to remain "kind" and try to get out of the situation if you have no interest in. I recently spent 3 hrs. with a date I didn't feel any chemistry with (I told him kindly afterwards) because I didn't have the heart to end it. He was so, so nice & kept saying how much he was enjoying our time together.
If it were only a date here & there, yes, but keep in mind in many cases there are several people wanting to connect with the same person.
Also, they haven't really become a "friend" in such a short time, particularly if you haven't ever even met them in the flesh, IHMO.
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 3/28/2007 10:33:44 AM | | dont worry, anyone that insecure about her photo probably looks like... the gods of aesthetics pulled a cruel joke on her. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 3/28/2007 3:13:38 PM | If she wouldn't provide a picture, you should never have arranged the first date. Cancelling and then asking for a pic before the next date is wrong of you. You should have just gone on the stinkin date and if she wasn't up to your standards, reject her. The end. I can't understand some of you guys getting cold feet about meeting someone. If it wont work, fine.
If this chick ended up being totally hot and a b-tch, you would drop her right? Whats the difference? If she is not to your physicaly likeing, do not go out again with her.
Two- I don't buy the whole "my scanner is acting up bit." It's been about 13 years of home internet use people. Most everybody has a camera phone. A print shop will scan a photo for a few bucks. Am I to believe, that in all those years none of us have a digital photo available. It would be a minute few. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 3/28/2007 3:24:56 PM | I'll be honest, and you won't like - but I fear you deserved getting a strip torn.
You arranged to meet her, but then later added conditions and chickened out. Would it have been so bad to have met up, and if you didn't find her at all attractive, just make a pleasant time out of it any way (I know that's what I've done in the past!)
Sounds like you've kind of got into the mode of thinking, "I'll only meet with women I want to go further with" - which is fine - but then don't arrange to meet someone before you're ready, and then disappoint them. Personally, I take the attitude of "you never know" and will do my best not to judge only on looks alone, and enjoy the company of other people - regardless of whether or not we're "right" for each other. Be grateful for the opportunity of having rich, meaningful experiences in life, and don't try too hard to find the square that fits the hole.
Chalk it up to experience and move on - don't take it personally, we can't please the other 6,525,170,263 poeple in the world all at once now can we?
But consider offering an apology for having messed around and disappointing her. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 11/26/2007 12:35:09 AM | | I think asking for a picture before you meet is not askig for too much. Seems to me anyone who won't send one is hiding something unattractive and is hoping once you meet them you will like their personality enough to tolerate the flaws. I would never meet a person who didn't have a picture. Even then the picture cannot tell you if you will have chemistry. Meeting people from online is enough of a crap shoot with a picture. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 11/26/2007 1:44:33 AM |
Although you may never know, they are either players, fatties, uglies or aren't really interested in you in the first place, regardless what tale or reason they give you for not supplying a picture. They always have something to conceal or hide, whatever it is.
I agree. If you are at the point of meeting in person and they can't supply a photo, then they are not worth meeting. I wouldn't waste time chatting with someone with other than friendship intentions more than a few minutes without seeing a photo much less work up to meeting. | |
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