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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 11/26/2007 6:42:51 AM | | Why are people like that if it wasnt for internet you would see the package when you first meet. Its as if they have something to hide. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 11/26/2007 7:01:25 AM | | You were not unkind. Everybody knows that photos are not true indicators of anything, save the age at the moment it was taken. And some are very unflattering. She probably wanted to see you in person first. Since you have no idea what she looks like, she can be anyone there. If she didn't like what she saw, she could split, and that would have been the end of that. Most likely someone did her that way before (or so she thought) and wanted to be a horse's a$$, just in case, to you. She sounds pretty superficial herself, despite her defense. I don't blame you for wanting to see her. She could have been really gross and very deceptive. Love, Titus | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 11/26/2007 7:22:04 AM | Not all women who say they don't have a photo available are lying Ticketoride. When I first moved to Austin, I didn't know anyone here, and I didn't have a computer, so I was using the one in the business center at my apt. Of course none of my pictures were on it, and I was not able to send anyone a picture for several weeks, until I got a computer. I am neither ugly, a player, nor a fattie, although I do weigh a bit more than the ideal for my weight. As ffor not being interested, I am usually the one who sggests a first meting, as I prefer to meet people in real life, rather than chat online with them for weeks. If I am not interested at the end of the first date, I let the gentleman know it. The reason I ask for a picture is so that I do not stand/sit around waiting and looking at a bunch of people who are not the one I am waiting for, while he is standing 10 feet away trying to get up the nerve to approach me.
I do not think you were wrong to ask for a picture, especialy as you had arleady set up another date. I do understand that men would like to know what a woman looks like before meeting, as some men only date very petite women, or very large women, or women in the middle somewhere (shich is where I fall,  ), and every person has the right to turn down someone they do not find physically attractive. I have taken sone heat because I prefer not to date black or asian men. It isnt predjudice, it is that our taste in many cultrual things is different, due to our heritages...that is all. I see no reason for me to date someone who doesnt like my food (Italian) or my music (I hate hip hop and Rap) and I see no reason why a man should have to date someone who doesn't fufil at least some of his wants...I also prefer to date men who ride motorcycles, a that is a big part of my life... | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 12/4/2007 2:58:31 PM | no it is not unreasonable. actually, its frustrating for the other person who has to ask for it. i dont want the people to think that that is the only thing im looking for in a person but i would like to know what to expect. brown hair and blue eyes just doesnt cut it. and honestly, just cause you think your cute to not put a pic up on your profile ,like ive seen in the past, doesnt mean i agree. however, even if you are not my type, and you send me an email, im more apt to talk to you then to talk to someone who has no pic.it shows they are insecure and low self esteem in my book.hey, im not the hottest chick on the block but if we are gonna meet, id rather you have the look of disguist were i cant see it, then on a date and be totally humiliated!
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 12/4/2007 7:29:15 PM | It's not unreasonable to ask for a picture in the beginning but what you did was way worse. You made a date with her (with the understanding that you would meet her even without the photo), then you broke the date, and required a photo before rescheduling. How can you not know you were being an ass? At least don't pretend that you don't know you were being an ass. It's not rocket science, right?
You shouldn't have agreed to the date in the first place if you were that apprehensive about it. That would have been perfectly alright. Once you made the date, you should have just accepted it, and gone, and not cancelled because of this (even if you were worried). That would have been perfectly alright. But you didn't. You acted like a coward and backed out, and then made it obvious to her that it was conditional upon what she looked like once she sent the photo. So what if you met and weren't attracted to her? Couldn't you have a nice time anyway? Is that time more precious to you than following through on your committments, or more important than treating someone with respect and not being a jerk to them? I have a healthy self-esteem about the way I look, and I totally agree that a huge part of dating is physical attraction (which is why I prefer both parties to see photos first), but that behaviour would still be a big red jerk flag to me if you did that to me. I don't understand why you're surprised she was upset? | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 12/5/2007 7:44:42 AM | | I met a women in St. Louis, MO without a photo...all I had was her description. Did I mention I live in New York State? I took a bus to meet her after she had sent me a money order for $150 for round trip bus fair. I met her, we spent 4 days in a motel (which she paid for also) and all was good. BUT now I do not do that, contact someone without a pic. I always have my pic on my profile even tho I am 300 pounds. We all have our likes and dislikes so you were correct in asking for her pic. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/18/2008 3:42:15 PM | would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is scared to post a photo ??? my god lightenings gonna strike.............anyone can be a rapist....... you could be the next charles manson..... rape is in the air......and on and on it goes....the truth is these women are afraid of life and everything in it and they will only nag and drag you down......... so don't worry about these profiles with no photos and "preferes not to say" in the body type box..... "friends first" till the cows come home...... or they have bent over top photos and 347 guys in there fav box but just can't seem to find someone to date.....just step over them and look for the women ready to love and experience life.......... be grateful they show you who they are.........
I know I do............... | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/18/2008 3:56:02 PM | well i for one did have a pic up and all i got was requests from guys to show my chest!
they are lucky to have gotten a pic at all! its an option if some one wants their pic up mines on my msn site and i tell any one who wants to view it on how to download msn those who don t oh well i don t lose sleep over   | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:15:46 PM | | I don't think it's the least bit unreasonable to want to see someone's picture; particularly if you've shown them yours. In your case, the timing of your request was stinky. If it was so important for you to see her pic (and I understand fully why it would have been), you should have made your request PRIOR to agreeing to meet with her as opposed to lamely jamming out on meeting her but THEN asking her to provide a pic. Doing what you did really just sent the message that the only reason you cancelled was not for something legit but that you got cold feet because you hadn't seen her pic. What you did was pretty transparent. It made you look like a liar. Next time, nicely request the pic way before you get to the point of agreeing to meet. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:16:57 PM | If you have to have a pic to feel attraction to someone than what you are feeling is just physical and no actaul luv is there ... just my opinion ... ppl cant help what they are born with
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:22:04 PM | Hey did I smoke to much or is this post from 8/6/2004 8 10 PM?
I have found that Internet dating needs some structure & restrictions. I can rmember when I used to be naive enough to meet a girl without first seeing her photo. But after a few really scary dates I decided to adopt some rules.
I am very selective of whom I date. She needs to be in good physical and mental condition and be willing to invest some time into getting to know me. I am usually attracted to SLIM, ATHLETIC or PETITE ladies or at least height & weight proportionate (meaning they must have a waist). I make this well known in my profile. Perhaps you should adopt a few dating rules yourself and tell the ladies up front where they stand before you even consider meeting them.
Look at it like downloading and UNKNOWN file from the internet, are you dumb enought to just download it and open it right away? Or do you think it's safer to scan the file first to make sure it is not something that could harm your PC?
Yeah I can hear it already, people can be deceptive in pictures too, but at least you have some idea of what she is supposed to look like when you get there.
Mine are,
1. NO PICTURE=NO RESPONSE
2. If you say your gonna be there, BE THERE!
3. If yo say your gonna call, then CALL!
Break any one of those and it's over, done with, they get deleted, blocked and forgotten. there is just to many fish out there to cater to one or put up with any BS from some chick that is afraid to post herself.
On the contrary, anyone who is on a dating site that refuses to post a picture is defiantly place in the suspicious category from the start in my book..... | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:34:57 PM | | No, of course it's not unreasonable to want to see what someone looks like. But you should ask for the photo right away, if it is going to be a deal breaker. You had already made a date with this woman sight unseen, so it was rude to cancel it. I think at that point you should have just gone. | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:43:24 PM | Hi Opp, no I don't think that is a bad request either. I always ask for a pic, if they don't have one. I went on a blind date, once, and won't ever do it , again.I also ask for a full length pic. Two of my pics are with fire gear on. But, one you can see my sitting on my Harley. You can see my stomach and the side of my legs. And I'm proportioned to my height. I even lost weight. I'm 6'2" and 205pds. My profile says 212. So, I have lost weight. Some woman even get offended if you ask for a full body shot. If they only show from their head to their chest, sometimes, they are hiding, something. But, not all of them are. I think you and I and others, have the right to see, the whole deal. After all, the woman want to see the whole package, Too! Good Luck and don't give up.
Doc | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:45:59 PM | If you have to have a pic to feel attraction to someone than what you are feeling is just physical and no actaul luv is there ... just my opinion ... ppl cant help what they are born with
No, not always. I think we all need/want to feel physical attraction for those we may eventually become physically intimate with. Thank God we are not all only attracted to one type. I personally like a clean cut man but not a pretty boy--like Brad Pitt. He does nothing at all for me. And it is not always just a nice bod that does it....sometimes it is one or two specific characteristics --like great eyes or that really cute crooked grin(um, or that nice butt he got from squats......:.. I, for one, am NOT attracted to a guy no matter how he looks if he doesn't have a brain...... | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:13:24 PM | | Why break off the date that you already committed to? You would have gotten to see what she looks like first hand, instead of waiting days for a photo, and asking for a photo as a requirement for a reschedule is a sure way to offend and not get a chance for the date if she happened to be attractive to you. Dumb. There are a lot of things that could happen in a first date that would make either one of you uninterested in the other - looks being one, but there's also conversation, mannerisms, etc, so if she was willing to take the risk that you'd turn out to be a total jackass on the first date, then you should have been able to take the risk that she would be unattractive. So what if you have coffee and spend a couple of hours with someone new, is that going to kill you if she turns out to be unattractive? | |
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| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:26:40 AM | The original person asked the question four years ago (GAWD I hate these ancient threads  )
So far, nobody I've met has looked like his photo. Most look way better. It's stupid, plain and simple, to make a decision about someone based on a photo. People who insist on photos just show me they need to be bought a clue. And I ain't buyin'. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:42:16 AM | | Wow,Ticket to ride...you are a moderator and you talk like that?...I'm surprised....I have copied and pasted your post so that I can send it to all the men who IM me(since they can't message me unless they have a pic) who refuse to send a pic of themselves and repeatedly ask me for more pics of me and get downright ignorant about it...now I have a back up right from the head honcho..ROFLMAO | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:29:50 AM | | I met with a girl who sent me an old photograph, she was quite goodlooking in the pic but when we met, it was the same gal only 100+lbs later...her excuse was she didn't think I would really drive 3 hours to meet her...while she was a BBW, I sucked it up and wound up having my world rocked...I didn't particularly care for BBW's as my prefenence, since I was a hardbody and had washboard abs bigtime... I still went back for seconds ;) and loved every minute of it... | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:04:49 AM | If there is no picture on the profile, I want to see what they look like by the second or third email.... or I won't bother emailing any longer. There is no excuse for anyone these days to not have a picture available to show. You have a computer & are on a dating site? This is an online dating site...DUH! There's NO WAY that I'd bother setting up a meeting without FIRST seeing who it is I am meeting. Attraction is also by knowing how a person looks!
Of course, lots of people put up old or fake photo's...... | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:59:28 AM | Livinglife, sometimes it is men that are paranoid and afraid of things. I started talking to a guy on another site, he was apparently totally freaked out that my then somewhat outdated pics from four years previous apparently did not illustrate that I had eaten my way to 300 lbs in the meantime. He asked for a more recent pic when oddly enough, his primary was at least ten years old and after seeing some of his other pics, he wasn't that hot to begin with.
At the time I didn't have a digital. Asked a friend to take some pics. When she finally remembered to bring the camera the pics looked like crap, so, still no more recent pics to upload and the end of the story is that the guy opted not to meet me rather than meeting for coffee from which he could have made a quick escape if he found me to be dishonest about my appearance.
Ticket, while in my case it was recent pictures, my recalcitrance at the time had nothing to do with my trying to hide anything. I have been told I look better than my pictures and I simply had better things to do than worry about whether my pic was up-to-the-minute current. I haven't changed all that much in 20 years, don't think the last three or four turned me into a double bagger, but then again, perhaps I am fooling myself.... | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:48:10 AM | There is one man who regularly appears in my matches that so reminds me of my ex that at first I thought it was him. Especially when viewing the small thumbnail picture. Once I opened up his profile, the resemblance wasn't as striking,
but still.
Had that man contacted me without a picture and send me one only later, there's no way in a million years he would have believed that I couldn't see him because he looked so much like my ex.
He would have simply assumed I was rejecting him because I didn't find him attractive enough. And he would have been wrong. He is an attractive man.
And then the other day I came across another profile of a man that looked just like a younger version of my first husband. The resemblance was amazing, although in this case, I knew it couldn't be him because of the age.
But once again, there's no way I'd want to be with someone that reminded me of someone I once loved and been intimate with. Ack. That's just too weird to even think about.
Personally, I don't get why people get offended by someone wanting to know what the other person looks like. And I don't have any problem whatsoever knowing that someone doesn't find me to their liking...for whatever reason that might be.
How in the world could I be everybody's type? And it's not even a matter of saying " oh it's their loss"... dang....it's no one's loss. It's just the way it is.
Maybe they fancy someone shorter, taller, bigger, smaller, blonder, darker, lighter, with more meat, with less meat, or with meat in different places than mine is, or with firmer meat, or with a girl next door type of face, or with a sexier more sultry type of face.
Or maybe I don't have that look/that smell/that nose/those lips/those breasts that turn their cranks....maybe they went out with a girl once that had eyes/hair/lips/ or hair like mine and I remind them of that girl and that's it...I'm history...lol!
Take Angelegina Jolie for example...personally I would marry that woman...lol! To *me* and in my opinion, she is an incredibly beautiful woman...but many people don't seem to agree with me.
But other people's opinions of her still doesn't change the way that *I* see her. To me, she will always be the epitome of beauty.
And even if she suddenly gained a hundred pounds or got to be just skin and bones or was disfigured in a horrible accident....I would still see her as beautiful....weird perhaps, but to each their own and whatever floats our boat. 
JMO | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 5/27/2008 5:50:48 PM | There is more to this than meets the eye...when someone does not provide a picture, they could be hiding way more than looks... | |
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