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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 4:52:27 PM | All that matters is that he is showing you something with his behavior...a definite red flag. It really doesn't matter why he did this, if you want someone stable who acts like they want to be with you, and you can count on them to do what they say, simply avoid him. Some people are just messed up especially on the internet. You deserve better. | |
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Gje!
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Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 27 | |
| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 5:03:26 PM | maybe hes shy now?
yu know the male complex...youve got to get the number they say, or your going to be pulled for a ride. but most guys get so wrapped up in this socio created complex they forget what happens next...and sorry dudes, but its not sex! its the dreaded conversation and bad memories of junior high when your voice spontaneously cracks and you blush...well their goes the cool you created from carefully writtened messages. few guys can get pass that and can actually measur up, so dont jdge him yet, atleast chat with him twice, first as long as he can hold the conversation and your attention, the second is short and sweet (no matter how you fel), and the third is...well its the third if you made it this far, it must be an ok conversation to look forward too. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 5:14:33 PM | | So... Three stikes you're out right? Give him the opportunity to tell you his side of the story. Tell him you want to hear it on the phone. I can't believe anyone would think that something can come up twice, in this the year of the cell phone that would absolutely stop a guy from calling someone they think there's a connection with. Definately a red flag, but if he has all the right answers, why abandon the one connection you've found without just one last chance???/ | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 5:22:13 PM |  I can't speak for others,but if you give me your phone number I call a few times and if there is no contact then I e-mail you and tell you so...
 I do try,in reality that is all we can do untill it works...  | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 5:23:28 PM | | Well Creativguy ..... i have 2 cats, huge animal lover.... also have a friend with guy problems? Heres what i dont get..... doesnt everyone have cell phones? How about you could have given her a call/text while you were waiting for the results at the vets? How about a call/text the next day ? thru the day? You said your buddy needed consoling that NIGHT?? I think 30 seconds can be found over 48 hrs if it was important to you to make contact with her? Sorry. And yes i think common courtesy is something all women and MEN deserve, as in are all women like that and is she playing a game. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 5:34:54 PM | "Ever occour to you that maybe something really did come up? Not some excuse to hide his "other" interest / girlfriend / wife, but a genuine and excusable problem in his life?
You are not his girlfriend. You have no right to demand he call you. You made this guy wait for your number, and then you get p!ssed because he made you wait to be called? Sounds like hypocracy to me. Maybe he's shy and wary too?
OP, the world does not revolve around you."
Simply ignore this. This person is trying to blame you for expecting common coutesy and manners...in this day and age, with technology the way it is, it is highly improbable some "earth shattering event" happened two nights in a row. He's showing you who he is. Watch what people do, instead of listening to what people say. If a person you haven't even met can't do something as simple as call when they say, how are they going to be a year from now? It's about having manners, treating people with respect, making a good impression, and being reliable. You know what you want, and you know there is something fishy about his behavior. I recently dumped a woman for the very same behavior, (did it several times) and she is on this site, who cares what their problem is? Avoid him. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 5:52:44 PM | Could be one of the following .. 1) things are creeping up on him and making him busy ... and one of those things could be he's married, or 2) He's playing games with you ... if he keeps it up my suggestion is to move on, because he has no respect for you and your time. He's wasting your time.
Maybe you hestiated in giving him your number for a reason? Call it intuition ... maybe?
Your instincts might have been right about him. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 5:55:18 PM | yes, but you see, that is exactly what people who lie compulsively want us to say, "well, maybe something DID come up two nights in a row." they tell stories that COULD have happened and then when you say, "but this just isn't believable" they accuse you of being an overly critical overly sensitive female.
no -- if it were true that stuff came up, he'd have called quickly to say "look something's come up, can we talk tomorrow instead?" and you'd have said "cool" and that woulda been that.
those mysterious "says he's gonna call but doesn't scenarios" -- esp when they occur two nights in a row (sheesh!) -- no, that's when you delete them from favorites, delete the e-mails, don't answer IM's and move on... faster than you can say "boo."  | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 6:32:42 PM | To me this is all just a lame a** excuse...I can't believe in a 24 hour period you can't find time to call someone or even send them a text message...I am a pretty busy person with 2 kids...a full time job/part time job and I go to the gym at least 3 times a week...and I can always find time to reply to a text message or call when I say I am going to call...and if for some unknown reason I can't call...I will text them and say what is going on at the time and I will call them as soon as I can.....To me its just being inconsiderate... | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 6:44:48 PM | | And that is why single-n-happy will make such a good partner to someone ESPECIALLY of she can find someone who treats her the same exact way...e.g. the same philosophy in dating and how to treat people. very nice. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 7:00:18 PM | | Mr. Passing Knight,,, I never said I was his girlfriend. I never "demanded" that he call me! He ASKED to call me, and told me WHEN he would call... two nights in a row. And, waiting a bit to give out your number to a perfect stranger is a wise move in my book. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 7:01:59 PM | If someone asks and I say "ok call at *" I'm there at 8..and if I can't be, shortly after they will know why I couldn't be there..
If the flake factor is so high that a telephone call is beyond what they can manage,
well..need we know more?
What would it take for them to be able to arrange coffee?
A call takes 2 minutes if someone doesn't have 2 mins. in 48 hours it's cz they don't want to.
Or thet do not want to get caught. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 7:06:43 PM | | yea, or they 'get off' on the power trip of knowing there's someone waiting for their call two nights in a row, after she agonized over giving out the number, and knowing they're not gonna call. it's a control thing. some people like to keep others waiting, like to not show up, like to not call when they say they will. what he expected her to do was not what she did, and i am glad. what he expected was that, on the third or the 5th night when he finally called, that she'd be all like "oh i am SO glad you called!!!! i thought maybe you wouldn't call! what a relief!" some people get off on that kind of thing. ...freaks. | |
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| !!!!
Posted: 2/9/2007 7:16:39 PM |
Ok,,,, so a guy contacts me and showers me with compliments and attention. We chat a lot and get to know each other and he keeps asking for my phone number and asks me out. I am a bit shy and wary, so it takes a little while for me to feel comfortable enough to give out my number. The night comes when I finally give it to him (after about a week of his constant asking for it). He asks when he can call, and I say "in an hour". So,,,, I wait and wait and wait..... NO CALL!!!!
I can't understand why that would happen. Maybe they just get cold feet about calling. The best thing to do when a guy asks for your number is ask for his and you call him. If he doesn't want to give out his number after chatting online for awhile and keeps insisting on yours, then move on. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/9/2007 10:26:28 PM | what she did, and i am glad. what he expected was that, on the third or the 5th night when he finally called, that she'd be all like "oh i am SO glad you called!!!! i thought maybe you wouldn't call! what a relief!" some people get off on that kind of thing. ...freaks.
there is this guy called D'angelo,,that has all these "techniques" he actually Suggests doing things like that!!..MAybe it was that...(?) who knows
(We are supposed to swoon after being reduced..would anyone here swoon?) | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/10/2007 7:16:44 AM | yes, exactly, judy, it's how men who want to dominate (rather than love) the woman get her to eat out of their hands, get her to become submissive. it's horrid.
a guy i dated recently was a real mess in that way -- really messed up about control stuff. so i have recent experience with some of this stuff.
after such things had started to become a pattern, at one point, i just said to him, "well, when you say 'i'll call you back in 5 minutes' but you never call back, you KNOW i'm sitting here waiting by the phone, and you know after a little while i'm getting worried, you know all that, so, why no call back? even if just to say 'something came up, call ya tomorrow' so that i can sleep rather than having my night ruined with worry and frustration? how is that being a loving partner?"
he had no answer for that. other than to say that i was making a big deal out of nothing. and i thought, typical defensive response of a control freak. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/10/2007 8:21:11 AM | Bottom line.. . .the guy has no stones!!!!
It is soooooooooooooooooo easy for people <- - - - - notice I didn't say "men"
to portray themselves as confident....bold....fearless.....and prince/princess charming on a keyboard.. .. but when they try to copy that same persona during a live call.....they clam up tighter than a bull-frogs azz!!!
Forget him sweets....his loss...your gain.. .. you don't want to talk to him anyway....he saved you a wasted 20 min convo of ...ummmmsssss....and silence and........uh huh's I'm sure!
~Pour | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/10/2007 8:28:33 AM | this is funny.....you waited and waited before giving your number...then you want him to call imeediately.
Maybe he is waiting and waiting to actually call you...you know...to build anticipation....
Enjoy it.
Or maybe...YOU arent the only thing he has going on in his life...in fact...he hasnt even MET you yet and really has no idea if he is attracted to you.
Let him call you when he is good and ready...and when he does, you better be grateful.
There. have fun
or better yet...if you now want to talk to him...get HIS number. and call.
a lot of gals make men jump through hoops and WEEKS of email to just get the pleasure of hearing your voice. By the time we get that phone number, there is a chance that the cute little red head from the next town over has INITIATED some conversation. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/10/2007 8:29:06 AM | | I think , you deserve each other- you with your games in he - answering in stride- GREW -UP KID! | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/10/2007 8:44:51 AM | no, onthebus, he told her when he was going to call, twice, and didn't call either time. not her fault, not about her. totally right to dump the guy. i would do the same -- it's a game and i don't play that.
edit to add:
in response to the message BELOW this one: onthebus, the thing is, this was a FIRST phone call and the guy knew she was sheepish about giving out her number, he should have been sensitive enough about that and should have done a better job taking care of her by either letting her know he couldn't call or simply by choosing not to blow her off.
yes the goal is to talk, absolutely, but the goal is also to be respected and to avoid game playing. it is important to pay attention to signals so as to avoid getting embroiled in something bad. like a relationship with a guy who doesn't respect you or doesn't respect your time or plays these little games with you whereby he establishes a precedent which allows him to disregard you, your needs, etc. one HAS to stop caring about a person who doesn't respect them.
i mean, you're saying "the goal is to talk" to HER?? i mean he's the one who avoided calling her twice! and she was there waiting for his call both times! remember, she did not say she was going to do something she didn't do -- it is the guy who did that and in doing that, he took a risk of blowing it with her, which is exactly what happened. and, if the genders were reversed, i'd advise the guy to blow her off too... not cool at all. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/10/2007 8:50:04 AM | SO...he didnt call.
Whooopie ding dong.
She can take initiative too
How many times have you read BRB in an IM and had them not "be right back?"
People look for excuses to dump instead of reasons to stay together.
Frankly...I think she should tell HIM how she wants to be communicated with instead of seeking validation for her opinions about him not calling.
what is the goal here? to TALK to each other or to get him to do what he said he will do?
This might be the problem
"By this point,, I don't even CARE what happened to him last night"
in a 24 hour period she went from waiting for his call to not caring about him.
Listen....you are a little confused, amybe a little upset......which is all good and well, and understandable.....the thing is......if you want to talk to him now...get his number and call him. Don't expect him to jump through your particular courship hoops. | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/12/2007 4:58:33 PM | I've told OTB not to drink cheap wine and then post in the forums...but it appears he's run amuck again
I read both his posts and even though he sounded a little hard core .. .. he is correct... we women want what we want and we want it now... sad, life doesn't always work that way huh??
~Pour | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/12/2007 5:14:30 PM | Could be a number of reasons such as he has other irons in the fire, maybe his wife walked in the room when he was about to call LOL .
but it smells to me like a COMMITTMENTPHOBIC - those are the worst , dont walk RUN. These are the types that get off on making you bite the hook then as soon as you are interested they are not ! - They are super attentive and over the top untill you show the slightest bit of interest then they dissapear .
It is a come here / go away situation, - can go on for months or years if you fall for it .
DONT . | |
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| OK guys,,, what the heck!?!?!
Posted: 2/12/2007 5:27:16 PM | yup sunny this happens to we men as well..(ya me..lol)
Like you i could give a rats ass over wether or not someone calls after giving them my number...but people who say "ill call ya tomorrow or at 8 or yada yada" and dont..well thats the only sign you need.
It simply means one of three things...
1) they are the type of person whose word means little...like they will say things that they never intend to do...so we can all imagine what kinda precedence that sets..
2.) they really arent that into you..
3.) As others have said...well..theres sometihng rotten afoot in Camelot..probally involving a wife or some very nervous sheep.
When these things happen you can do one of two things...you can as you have done...wonder "wassup wit dat?"...which is a form of "mental masturbation"..which ulitimately will make you loopie....or you can simply cut ties...which is more like what i like to do...
just think of this scenario outside of a romantic context...would you accept this behaviour from anyone else? Nope...so why accept it here?...
short answer..you shoudnt.
Sure its possible hes a "david D" guy..whose trying to manipulate you and keep you off balance...but again..thats another sign of..."get the heck outta Dodge"..
Good Luck! | |
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