| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:40:52 PM | I'm not a supporter of Polygamy, but I do practice Polyamory. It is quite the good set up for me, and the girls I am with. Nobody is "owned", no jealousy, possessiveness, competitions etc.
Try to reframe the relationship stigma like this: Most people have so many hangups, emotional issues and insecurity, the have a hard time with ONE relationship. There is no way in hell your "average" person can realistically handle MULTIPLE relationships without it blowing up in their face.
To be Polyamorous takes allot of security, strength in yourself and your beliefs, and open mindedness. It is NOT for everybody, and it is NOT some misogynistic fantasy. If you have the view that men have to "get" sex from a woman, then you've already failed at relationships in general, let alone multiple relationships.
I find it quite amusing, fun, and enjoyable. But MMV for each person individually.
Yours truly,
The not so Worthy Playboy, Jeremy | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/23/2007 9:19:52 PM | I would hate to have to satisfy the sexual needs of all those hubbies.  Oh and picking up after them, omg. I wonder how chores are assigned in that family situation. I don't see anything really wrong with it and it could work if everyone was super mature and logical about everything..but how many of us act like that in relationships? I think most are way to emotional to deal with anything like that. | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:48:34 PM | | I've often thought that from a practical standpoint polyandry makes sense. Particulary for women who would prefer to be a stay at home mom, these days when it often takes two incomes to support a famly. | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/24/2007 3:32:04 AM | Polyandry is not really a good thing on the evolutionary scale also guys are a hell of alot more jealous you think a women is territorial guys make empires and countries and go to war over some guy stepping on his turf and kill people over it women are mild compared to guys.
Polygamy works because also Only one guy can then impregnate a large group of females and then your population booms. Polyandry would cause significant shrinkage in world population. | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/24/2007 4:36:19 AM | Well, it grosses me out. I don't want to sleep with multiple men, so that's just icky to me.
But if I could have one husband to sleep with, and then one to do yard work, one to do housework, one to just do my bidding in general, then maybe I could handle it. LOL!
But really...it's hard enough to find ONE decent one. I can't imagine wanting to try to find more than one. Of course, and this is just MY opinion, (flame away, don't care) any woman willing to have multiple men in her bed as a way of life probably isn't too worried about decency. | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/24/2007 4:51:27 AM |
First, you're in North America. Bisexuality among women is damn-near "acceptable" behavior nowadays. Bisexuality among men is accepted to mean "he's really gay and hasn't admitted it yet."
I've heard it said that "bisexuality among women is just yet one more outlandish thing that women will do to attract men." | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/24/2007 6:05:33 AM |
You could move to NEPAL. They still practice Polyandry, I believe.
Its a result of the high death rate among women in childbirth at high altitudes. In the same way polygomy is often the reaction to a high death rate about males. (Mormanism being an exception.) | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/24/2007 6:41:06 AM | In your 20s yeah great life style would suit you fine go for it
maybe as you get older you could seek out different types of committment | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/24/2007 7:57:37 AM | so i have a question in that type of relationship when the woman has a child , how do they know which one is the father? do they have paternaty test everytime? and when the woman has multiple children do they all live with her and just spend time with their dad? or? how do you encourage the child spending time with their father? when there are a buncha guys would the kid just chose which dad he likes the best? or ?
seems a bit strange and a bit of a weak family structure for a kid to grow up in.
Not saying anything moralistic about it just pointing out a few problems I could see comming up when children come into the picture | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/24/2007 8:01:57 AM | in reference to the above post
if she divorced one husband would he have to pay child support or only a percentage ?
would the courts take the stance that the child is a product of a "sperm milkshake" as such ALL the husbands divorced or not would have to cover a % of the CS | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/24/2007 8:58:07 AM |
Polyandry would cause significant shrinkage in world population.
Hmm. In that case, it's probably an excellent idea! Less harm to the environment as population decreases.
Polyandry can work - I've seen it work. I agree with the OP that it is seldom discussed even in polyamory threads, so deserves some discussion. I personally prefer other poly arrangements if I were to ever enter into one, with mulitple partners of both sexes, and all preferably hetero. The problem, of course, is getting a truly compatible group of people together - usually, it's hard enough to find ONE compatible partner. If you can find it and make it work, more power to you. | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/25/2007 4:45:09 PM |
The problem, of course, is getting a truly compatible group of people together - usually, it's hard enough to find ONE compatible partner. If you can find it and make it work, more power to you.
zentral your soooo right by this statement!!!
My husband is my #1!! and there are a few of my g/f's that he had NO tolerance for which made things a bit difficult cause in one circumstance in particular I really liked the girl. He felt she was using me and never wanted to go out with us when we would go to the bar or dinner. He avoided her as much as possible. He never asked me to break up with her as he knows (and supports) that all my F/F relationships are between the other woman and myself. He would never fight or argue about it ... he just avoided her. I hated not having him around and I did figure out for myself that ya... she was a user so we soon ended our relationship. But it is hard to find a good match for myself and someone he can live with being around all the time too!  | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/29/2007 4:05:49 PM |
so not true why are most cases of abuse caused by a mans jealousy
Sorry do disagree, and no offense intended, but:
1. Can you quantify that? What percentage cases of abuse are "caused" by jealousy. I don't think you can. There are lots of deep root causes for abuse and I'm pretty sure that jealousy is low on the list.
2. Your whole statement is a logical fallacy. The statement "most cases of abuse are caused my a man's jealousy" DOES NOT imply that "men are more jealous than women".
Sorry for the digression, everyone. | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 9/29/2007 7:12:36 PM |
I don't think that any polyamourous relationshop would work for all parties involved. I think that there is too much competition not only in the male gender, but also in the female. As a species we are prone to jealousy and territorialism...it's just our nature
I've known people in poly relationships before and it worked for them. I have also known several swingers and they seemed to have a very strong relationship, unlike many in more traditional situations. I think it really is more of an issue of 'to each their own.' Polyandry has worked for some societies in the past, so I don't think it is against out nature to just rule it out.
You mentioned our species, but if you compare us to our two closest relatives, chimps and bonobos, they are actually very different in their sexuality. Chimps are very aggressive and territorial, but bonobos live by 'make love, not war.' | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 10/2/2007 8:34:47 AM | ^^ the book is not bad
Western culture does teach women to be more possessive and jealous than men. That's why women fear being called a slut and men could generally care less (except for the lonely or religious types.) Women need to know who fathered their children in this soceity, which is kind of funny because the reason the virtuousness of monogamy was instituted in the first place is because men wanted to know who the father was. See, way back when it was a matter of children working the farm or the trade, or whatever. These days its about who's paying for the support, not who the child's helping bring the income in.
In all of my poly experiences except one, the women have admitted to having more issues with jealousy. The one that was different was my first and the jealousy issues were mine. Jealousy is a negative energy emotion. It offers no one any benefit. As we go through this world in serial monogamy or any other type of relationship, we're going to have occassions to feel jealousy if we choose to. It's a stressor and can cause feelings of anger and depression, while doing nothing good for our minds, bodies, or relationship. I strongly suggest changing you frame of mind and realizing jealousy doesn't HAVE to happen. It's only fear of the unknown, and much like racism, can be done away with. | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 10/2/2007 11:07:47 AM |
I don't think that any polyamourous relationshop would work for all parties involved. I think that there is too much competition not only in the male gender, but also in the female. As a species we are prone to jealousy and territorialism...it's just our nature
Nope. It's our upbringing. We're taught all our lives that the only way someone can love you is if they love no one else. I speak from experience; once I overcame that conditioning, all my relationships -- romantic and otherwise -- became much more relaxed and free to develop. I've met the primary partner of the woman I've been seeing, and we get along well. (We have a lot in common, which makes sense of two men who match her tastes.)
As an aside, my own appreciation of different physical types has broadened -- I strongly suspect that much of the obsession with arbitrary physical ideals has a lot to do with people holding out for the "best" partner and, not trusting one's own judgment, going with to public opinion on the matter of what constitutes that.
It seems to me we are having enough problems on POF finding just one. I hate to think of having to find four or five, or God forbid, twenty! No thank you.
Ever occur to you that the reason people have trouble finding just one is that everyone is either
a) off the market because they're locked in a relationship with just one other person
or
b) holding out for "The One" and thus passing many possible wonderful relationships for fear of missing out on something better
?
If poly were more accepted (that is, if the cultural training in possessiveness were overcome), there would be a far more fluid | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 10/2/2007 1:25:22 PM | You sound like an enlightened man my friend!
What you said strikes a chord...do you perhaps know my friend Johnny?
The devil tends to speak such words, but I wouldn't have though to see his influence on here 
Yours truly,
The not so Worthy Playboy | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 46 | |
| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 10/2/2007 2:26:53 PM | ^^^
Read this kid's profile, folks.
He's got a lot to teach, and I'm NOT talking about being a "player" or "playboy".
It took me over 20 years to come to the realization that most EVERYTHING I HAD BEEN TAUGHT growing up was BULLSH*T. Including the myth that wife, education, career, 2.3 kids, a minivan and a truck on the drive was the only real path to happiness. It took over 20 years to forget about what I thought people expected of me, and live the life I want to live, regardless of what the herd thinks.
After all, if you don't LOVE YOURSELF, right now, TODAY, how do you expect others to?
The vast majority of people never get that far.
I'm simultaneously jealous, happy, and proud that one of my brothers has gotten to that point before the age of 20.
You tell 'em, Playboy! You tell the world. | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 10/2/2007 3:21:00 PM | Thank you svg!
Even though all of my threads have been flamed to death by angry resentful people and then vote deleted, I'm glad SOME people understand and appreciate what I have to say.
Whatever you do people, make sure YOUR morals and ethics tell you it's ok, it's making YOU happy, and it's coming from a GENUINE place of mutual respect and open understanding.
Even if it's on a discussion board.
Yours truly,
The not so Worthy Playboy | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 10/2/2007 3:36:35 PM | Haha. I would make all the men feel needed.
One to do the dishes
One to do the laundry
One to clean the bathroom
One to clean the kitty litter box
One to keep the house tidy
One to mow the lawn
One to take care of the kids
One to massage my feet when I get home from work
One to massage my shoulders when I get home from work
One to draw me a bubble bath when I get home from work
and one to make sure supper is on the table when I get home from work
Seriously though. No, I don't think it would be possible in our society. As opened minded as some of our society has become, we're basically still a christian society. In general we believe in monogamy....sexual relations with someone else is a huge nono.
And personally, I wouldn't do it anyways. I like that one on one attention. All those feelings we get when in a relationship, it wouldn't be the same if there were several others vying for attention. It would feel very diluted. I know I don't like feeling jealous, I wouldn't want someone else to feel that way. Guess I'm definitly not cut out for polyamory/gamy/andry. But for those who make it work and are happy, thats awesome.
Besides, most women are frustrated enough taking care of one man, they don't need more  | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 10/2/2007 5:29:49 PM | I do find it funny that someone can say (and I'm not saying you did *cough*) that they have their own morals, not the Christian morals of the world we were brought up in. They wouldn't have sex with more than one person because it's a dastardly no-no.
I don't know folks. I feel the secular change a comin'. Much of Europe has thrown away the mythology of the murdurous crusaders and their Nazi Popes. Why shouldn't the land of the free start to be?
I agree with svj. G0ddamn way to go Playboy. I was still ignorant at 23 (when I married for all the wrong reasons.) Bravo. | |
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| There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 10/2/2007 5:51:02 PM |
And personally, I wouldn't do it anyways. I like that one on one attention. All those feelings we get when in a relationship, it wouldn't be the same if there were several others vying for attention. It would feel very diluted.
You might be surprised. Generally, when I'm with the woman I'm seeing, it *is* one-to-one attention. Twice now I've been out with her and her boyfriend -- the first was, as one might expect, a little awkward (he and I are both somewhat introverted anyway), the second was a hugely fun dinner party with them and some of their other friends. But generally, when it's the two of us, it's the two of us. It's not diluted at all.
Thing is, though, I never have to feel I'm letting her down by being busy, not feeling like going out, etc. I know he has a lot of qualities in which I'm far less proficient, and see know reason why she shouldn't have access to them -- it would, in fact, be extremely unfair of me to insist she have someone only according to my limited availability.
Which kind of leads to my second point:
Besides, most women are frustrated enough taking care of one man, they don't need more
Well, you're assuming he doesn't have other shoulders to lean on, as well. Part of the reason poly is, I think, a more secure relationship structure is that no one person need be responsible for anyone's satisfaction/wellbeing. Just like a network of friends; you may have a best friend, but still have others, and your best friend can have others, who may or may not be yours; most people would say it's unhealthy to depend on only one person for friendship, and would certainly expect it to wear on that one friend after awhile.
I really don't think Christianity is the problem. Hell *I'm* Christian -- I just think some mistakes have been made there regarding sexuality (among other things). No, the problem is far more the ingrained notion that the only way to love with all your heart is to love only one person.
Love's not water pressure; you don't increase it by shutting off the other outlets. I find it pretty much works the other way; the more you love, and the more openly you love, the more you *can* love. | |
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