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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/25/2007 6:06:22 PM | Hey all, well to tell you the truth I havent been subject to any racism for years till I came on POF, I emailed someone (Name & Shame time) "Unbated Medusa" asking about her preference about "white men only" so it was my own fault there, but me being a curious type got this lovely response, so you consider if this is a racist or not?
Quote her reply:
as much as u ed like to think noooooooooo
your just look like chimps and you are a lower form of life
u fail at everything no matter what chances your given
i ed just sh*tu back and let u starve couse u really have no use to the world
So as for black men failing at everything, she's a barmaid (great career move!) And I am a CAD manager & IT Technician, drive sports cars, where as she probably claims social cheques on the side!
So with an IQ of 134 where is she going?
Shall we throw her a banana for her unfortuneate brood?
Bri xx | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/25/2007 9:06:16 PM | Yeah the girl above, who replied to you Brianwe, is obviously a seriously racist type of person to be saying that kind of stuff. But then, on the other hand, in all honesty a lot of non-black girls just aren't "into" black guys; white girls in particular. I have asked my sisters and their friends about that topic before. They've all said, usually it goes something like this, "well, some mixed guys are hot, but I would never date a black guy". Now on the other hand there are some non-black girls who ARE into black guys big-time, but, I don't know... I mean, I've noticed on other dating sites I've checked out before, ones where you can like pick what race or ethnicity you wish your "matches" to be, a hell of a lot of the white girls seem to put down that they want their matches to only be either "white/caucasian" and / or "hispanic /latino", with some putting "asian" in there as well. But I noticed that not very many said, "any ethnicity", or included "black / African descent" for their potential matches. But I mean that just indicates a preference, like an aesthetic preference. That's not necessarily indicative of racism, or I mean I don't think it is at least.
It's the same with black girls and guys. A lot of black girls and guys don't want to date outside the black race either. This is why you usually (of course definitely not always but usually) see caucasian ppl dating and marrying either other caucasian ppl or latinos / latinas, or asians, but you don't see as much white and black dating and marrying going on. Or at least around here in this 'burb of Chicagoland where I live, I really don't see it hardly at all, I have to say. Once in a great while you'll see a black and white "mixed couple" (as some call it) at a mall or on a date. But the majority of the times when I'm out at night, I don't see very much black and white dating being very prevalent around here. I don't think that necessarily indicates racism though. Just personal preference. No? I mean, if you're not "attracted to" a certain type of person or a certain "look" .... that just is what it is. That's just nature.
Also, bear in mind, some ppl have , as difficult as this is to say, it's still true, some ppl have family considerations to deal with. There's ... I don' t want to say "many", but , unfortunately I would say there's probably enough .... white families , even latino and asian families too, who would or will frown upon, to say the least, their daughter (or son) dating (much less marrying and having kids with) someone who is black. That's the hard fact of the matter. Now that's behind closed doors usually of course, and it would be denied more than likely face-to-face, but, it's the fact of it. And some non-black guys and girls, even if they themselves are really attracted to members of the opposite sex who are black, aren't willing to put up with the potential familial discord it may well cause in some cases (as I said, "behind closed doors" ). | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:02:27 AM | ^^^^^I don't know what sites your visiting....but in my experience, its just the opposite.
The profiles are few and far between that specify they will only date a specific race. As to your sister and her friends....they are now officially the minority. Maybe its geographical. But I see more interracial couples walking around here in central IL. than I've ever seen in my life.
My bf and I barely even get a look these days. And I've rarely had a man on a dating site reject me over color. In fact, its happened one time..and I remember it because it was the ONLY time. At that point, I responded that I was sorry for whatever experience lead him to his preconceptions and wished him luck. I wasn't too put off by it because only AFTER I'd messaged him did I realize he had a umm..physical deal breaker that had I known about it, I wouldn't have messaged him anyway.
I think your experience Notherfish is not a true representation of U.S. culture at this point. Myself, my friends and family as well as my co-workers paint a different picture than the one you describe. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:40:27 AM | So the question is:
How can it not be a little racist, or even a little stereotypical, to assume that ALL the people of one race wont meet a certain "look requirement"? Admittedly, I will never have blonde hair and blue eyes, and I also dont want to date anyone who is so overly concerned with every little aspect of physical appearance that she forgets to look at what's inside. At the same time though, I think there needs to be something of a balance, and on these sites, I see none.
Take this little gem for instance. I just found it while surfing through the ads of local females in my area (on THIS SITE):
"I'm not here to date ugly, old, bald, black, or fat men. If you fit this description i don't wanna be ur friend either."
So if I am to understand her correctly, I should be able to change my appearance as I would change a beer belly? Being black is now just like being bald or ugly? I love the attempt at slipping "black" in there like people wouldn't notice. I dare someone to tell me this girl isn't harboring some racism in her.
Whether people see it or not, racism is evident - everyday. So the only suggestion I can offer is this:
If you are attracted to blonde hair and blue eyes, say it. If you like more fair or darker skin, say it. Because if you generalize and say "no black guys," or "white guys only!", then you're asking to be called racist, whether you are or not. Additionally, you're also catering to and believing in racist stereotypes, that "all white guys are [this]" or that "all black guys are [that]" - and that's not right either. So mean what you say, and say what you mean - no matter your race. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/26/2007 12:59:16 PM | You should not have emailed her with "do you date black guys"....You shouldn't use race in a question. Email her, tell her whatever you like, and when she looks at your profile she will decide if she wants to reply or not.  | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/26/2007 7:07:49 PM | Hey Jasmina81, I quized her preference and that was her reply.
So expressing a preference is one thing I can accept, agree with and understand, we all do it. But to class blackmen as "chimps" and to want to shoot them, then to say she'd prefer to watch them starve as we have no place on the planet.
You must admit, this is a little varied from a preference, its pure hatred!
But when you consider this character with the profile "unbated medusa" is just a barmaid, who unfortuneatley has been allowed in the UK from some Eastern country, and once again been allowed to breed its brood, it highlights our easy going approach to letting anything over our borders, (if you check my profile, I am a 100% native of the UK born and bred).
In perspective I do think she must really be looked on as the real lower species, as the rest of the world intergrates, and merges, blurring the lines of race and coulture, then gladly I can see this sub-standard waste of DNA being eased out of the gene-pool in a very short space of time.
Funny, most kids have baby grows, cots and mobiles. Where as this sub-species racist deserves a white hood, a goats trough and silver tipped wooden stakes for its inbred off spring!
But in the UK we are multi-coultural society and tolerent of races, beliefs and religions, so when we do come across biggots of this magnitude it can be quickly routed out & dispensed of!
Did you notice the world outcry at Shilpa Shetty in the Big Brother televised here, this sort of written slur and behaviour can really find you in prison here in the UK! | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/26/2007 7:58:24 PM |
The profiles are few and far between that specify they will only date a specific race. As to your sister and her friends....they are now officially the minority. Maybe its geographical. But I see more interracial couples walking around here in central IL. than I've ever seen in my life.
Yeah, maybe it's geographical. Or maybe it's cultural, or how/where ppl were raised or whatever. What kind of "crowd" they hung around with, what friends did (and didn't do) , etc. I don't see anyone, not one black/white couple, in our neighborhood or amongst my friends or family. I don't have any friends who have ever dated a black person. I would date black girls, personally, if I met one I was suddenly really attracted to and fell for or something (usually, in all honesty, I don't, I haven't ever really looked at black girls "sexually", let's say, I don't know how to explain that right), but I'd certainly be in the minority around here. And yes I'd have to take some flak for it from some ppl I know. But, I mean, if it was true love, so be it. That's their problem. But I'm telling you in this part of the suburban Chicagoland area, I'm out all the time either with business lunches during days, not to mention for fun at night and what not, & seeing black/white couples is not all that common around this area and its immediate environs. Must be bigger in central IL right now. Oh well... no big deal either way. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/26/2007 8:24:42 PM | I wouldn't know it if it slapped me in the face. I grew up in a multi racial neighborhood. Everyone was either a honky, wap, spook, nip, chink, spick, big deal. We were all friends (and in many cases, after 40 years still are). While we don't use race specific names anymore, we still use ass hole, c*cksucker, cheap baztard, and countless other terms of endearment.
For example:
"Flip those burgers mother fvcker. You're burning them."
"Quit cryin' b!tch. (touches him with the hot spatula.)"
Unless the wives and GFs are there. In which case it's:
"You're burning the burgers buddy"
"You want yours med rare?"
But I've been descriminated for being a male in divorce court. Is that the same? I think so. "Back of the bus, sit there and shut up. We won't believe you anyway." | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/26/2007 9:17:02 PM | NotherFishNtheC ,
I've seen the type of profile you're talking about many of times and they have been a topic of discussion on various racial groups and discussion boards across the internet. Some of what you have seen has geographical factors but I know some BW from Chicago who consider it closed to interracial dating due to a mindset.
I was a paid member of one of the major sites so I saw the type of profiles you are talking about and a few times I was actually contacted by men with those type of profiles. I'd ask them flat out "why contact me when I'm not what race/ethnicity you're looking for?" and many times they felt Black women would not be interested in a White male. Some just decided they could make an exception where I was concerned, oh lucky me! LOL!
There are a few locations in the US considered not IR friendly while some are considered more friendly to a certain IR pairing but not to others.
Is it racism? Who knows because I don't know the person behind the profile to make that kind of a call. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/26/2007 9:28:09 PM | yeah true....... you'd have to know what they're like to make that call. The OP, Brianwe, he clearly encountered someone who had (or has) a major problem w/black people I mean. But yeah like I had said that doesn't indicate that every non-black girl who just isn't "into" black guys is going to be remotely like that girl who went off on Brianwe.
Like I said , too, a lot of girls (younger girls I mean mainly, 20's, even maybe early 30's) , MAY have family considerations to deal with too. It's oftentimes a cultural thing for example. A lot of non-black fathers will say, PARTICULARLY about their daughters (behind closed doors of course) their daughter "can" date anybody BUT a black guy, you know, so ..... what can you do? This is just the way things are. I don't think any of this will change completely (it has already improved somewhat however) in our lifetimes, and especially not the black/ white "issue" , or "divide" or whatever, here in the States. It's just something that's really deeply engrained in America's psyche I guess. Kids here , black or white, can't help but absorb it as they grow up. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/26/2007 11:18:53 PM | If you are implying racism in dating that is a different subject matter than racism and employment, justice, apartment renting, loans, etc...
If a woman or man is not interested in dating someone outside of their faith, national origin, color, etc, that is a personal choice that you need to respect. Same with the height, weight, hair color, profession etc. If someone has an ideal and it isn't you, move on.
I once was followed home by a short,creepy, rude, ugly, man with an open zipper when he had rung my doorbell and asked me out. And he tried to use racism as the reason I wouldn't go out with him. "You won't go out with me 'cause I'm black!" (I swear he said this). I said "no, because your short" (but I could have picked any from the list including creepy and annoying.)
Hope this helps.
By the way, there are people who want the opposite of their own color, nationality (I refuse to date Italians...we might be related) | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/27/2007 12:11:42 AM | victim of racism? well, if you want to play a victim, then so be it....
racism is way overrated in this country. a little bit bias or bad behavior would be screamed as "racism". come on....
every racial group has own culture (if it is not mainstream culture) and some of people just prefer his/her own culture. if he or she happened to be less educated and a bit of lower level than usual, then he or she could be a bit of biased. so what?
just started internet dating thing and still learning. played one site and did search, the result was only 10 asians in the damn 100 mile radius. now that's racism...-:).
life has a lot to live on, my friend. if you stuck with this "racism" and always pay attention to she or he might say about you, your life will be miserable. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/27/2007 12:27:35 AM | okkkk, here a bit getting on my nerve, if she or she doesn't like to date a person based on racial group, is that racism? that is a bit harsh if not nasty, at least!
that person should make an appointment with psychologist!!! | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/27/2007 5:38:13 AM | NotherFish- you clearly cannot say its "cultural". Not unless you have a different definition of culture than Daniel Webster.
By the same token that "alot of Non-black fathers will say (behind close doors) "You can date any one BUT a black man..." or your words to that effect....are you allowing that ALOT of "non-black" fathers aren't saying that at all, in front of OR behind closed doors? And you're sounding like its only "non-black" families that have issues with their children dating interracially. The connotations THERE are huge and not attractive, so I'll give ya the benefit of the doubt on that one. Clearly it could be just my perception of how you're saying it.
For the record, of my, oh, I dunno.....5 fairly serious relationships with white men, I haven't met a family who took issue with me after meeting me. If they did before and he simply didn't tell me, I couldn't know. But I've been accepted and loved. But these were, ofcourse, thinking people. Not prone to sweeping generalizations obviously. But again, simply my personal experience talking here. I cannot speak for the rest of the country or daters in general. But I do know MANY, many interracial couples.....
The rest of what you said is personal preference and mindset. Period. And as we all keep belaboring...thats an individual's right.
I'm glad I live where I do. In fact, I'm about to call my mama right now and thank her.  | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/27/2007 6:55:12 AM | I'm a white canadian tightass who can't dance. If I see two beautyful women, one white the other black and I hit on the black woman, if that racism? No, but it can trigger it in the white woman!!! Shocked the hell out of me! I know this is rare, especially in my neck of the woods, but shocking just the same.
On that note, I've never been the shy guy type and certainly don't hesitate to strike up a conversation with a white woman. I've been attracted to many black women but have always felt a lot of hesitation thinking "They're only interested in black guys".
Is this right? (Ok. I know. Not EVERY black woman). You know what I mean.
Is there a preference for black guys if you're a black woman? (not a racist thing, just what attracts you) | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/27/2007 7:09:50 AM |
how many times a girl has broken up with me because her family didn't like my skin color, the ratio is staggeringly slanted toward the latter happening far more than any of the former. Wow!!!!!! Just friggin Wow!! This blows me away and have a hard time believing this happens. We're 4 boys and we dated anyone. Race was never an issue at all. Italian, Lebanese, Asian, Black, Malaysian (WOW.. What a babe!).
It's a generational thing with us I guess. My son is dating/living with an Indian girl (what a sweety. Love her and keeps him on the straight and narrow. Just the kind of woman he needs). He's Catholic, she's Hindu. No biggie from either side of the family. Well.. maybe a bit from her mother "Mr. D. Bobby ate the chicken I had in the fridge for supper!! Again!!! Tell him I don't want him here ANYMORE!!" | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:31:25 AM |
NotherFish- you clearly cannot say its "cultural". Not unless you have a different definition of culture than Daniel Webster. By the same token that "alot of Non-black fathers will say (behind close doors) "You can date any one BUT a black man..." or your words to that effect....are you allowing that ALOT of "non-black" fathers aren't saying that at all, in front of OR behind closed doors? And you're sounding like its only "non-black" families that have issues with their children dating interracially. The connotations THERE are huge and not attractive, so I'll give ya the benefit of the doubt on that one. Clearly it could be just my perception of how you're saying it.
I'm sure a lot of black families have issues with their kids dating non-blacks too. Especially black fathers, if they're present that is. Why wouldn't they ? It's obvious they would. If only "behind closed doors". For me, like I said in one of the above posts, I personally have never looked at black girls sexually, as objects of attraction so to speak, for some reason. I'm not sure why. I have seen very few black girls in the real world , and this is just personal opinion, who do it for me as far as feeling really attracted (I say "the real world" to exclude certain black female movie stars -- who are probably half-white anyway -- like Halle Berry , for example) .
I went to a public Chgo high school that was about 75% black, so, I had plenty of opportunity every single day for 4 yrs (4 very hormonal years at that) to notice and feel attracted to any number of black girls, but, I don't know, it just never really took I guess (for me at least). We weren't interested in each other. In high school I saw black girls dating black guys. Period. I don't believe I can recall one black /white couple that I used to see at that school during the years I was there (that of course does not prove that there were not one or two black/white couples in there somewhere, but, I never recall seeing any couples like that in school at all).
If anything, it was a racially "tense" time around here, well, in the country in general (the early 90's) and at my high school it was very ... tense. So maybe a lot of our mutual lack of attraction had to do with the environment we were in. Possibly it's left an imprint on all of us who were in that environment as well, black and white alike. The Rodney King beating had happened, the LA riots, there was this kind of emergence in the late 80's / early 90's of political "black power"-type rap music, some of which was flat-out racist as well (like Public Enema, I mean Enemy, and Ice Cube -- who was I believe one of those Nation of Islam quasi-Muslims at the time). A lot of the black guys and girls were into wearing the "X" hats or shirts, or African garb (spelling Afrika with a k and Amerikkka with a triple k, lol....). You had Spike Lee's sh!tty (in my opinion) but nonetheless popular films ("Do the Right Thing" comes to mind), racially instigating and adding even more fuel to the smoldering pile. Lunch tables were as segregated at that high school as they would have been in the deep South in the early 60's. So, yeah, one did not see much racial harmony going on there, much less black and white couples strolling happily down the hallways together. If anything, it was more like blacks and whites were simply co-existing there, in a constant state of relative unease, mutual distrust, fear, and so on. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/28/2007 4:45:27 AM |
Wow!!!!!! Just friggin Wow!! This blows me away and have a hard time believing this happens. We're 4 boys and we dated anyone. Race was never an issue at all. Italian, Lebanese, Asian, Black, Malaysian (WOW.. What a babe!).
Yup. All through middle and high school, (in South Carolina), girls were giving me the 'you're black, and my parents are bigots' excuse for breaking up with me. To this day, their closed minded-ness still boggles me.
Even as recent as 2 MONTHS ago, a girl I was dating from THIS VERY SITE gave me that excuse. Funny thing is she gave me the excuse BEFORE there was even any conflict with her supposedly-racist parents. She just assumed that her parents hadn't matured any in the last 15 years and broke it off before I got to meet them - and she's 27... I just wrote her back asking if I was in high school again and havent spoken to her since.
People dont see racism when they aren't victims of it, and dont get me wrong - I'm not trying to play one... I just happen to be one sometimes. :) | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:20:37 AM |
People dont see racism when they aren't victims of it, and dont get me wrong - I'm not trying to play one... I just happen to be one sometimes. :) I know this to be true. It's true in other areas as well. Ask any man who's had to deal with custody issues.
Your 27 so I'm guessing your dates are in the 20-30 yr old range. From my experience, women in that age range are still trying to please mom and dad. Sure there are the exceptions, but... you know what I mean.
But i'm sure you're aware that some "mom & dads" would be perfectly fine with it, and the gf or bf might be using that as an excuse because they're not "comfortable" (to put it politely) with it. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:21:28 PM | just b/c someone has racial preference for dating, then she or he is racist?
then you should ask yourself a clear and sober question: am i a person with low self esteem because of the color of my skin?
come on, grow up, dude!!! | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 7/1/2007 6:45:26 AM | So "ipfreak", if someone said they would love to shoot everyone of your RACE and they are like Chimps, and they would glady leave you to starve, then this is just light banter and friends having a generalisation?
You ask a question of someone and you virtually have everything like that thrown at you..... You need to re-read the quoted reply, not look between the lines and re-asess your reply.
I wasnt bleeting about supposed racism, this was just presented to me.
Then again, if its something you never experience from a comfortable caucasion life it means precious little to you really, I usually let things roll off my back as I am that sort of happy go lucky, sort of guy. But on this occasion, the reply was unsettling that this sort of mind-set existed in my own town/city.
But luckily Birmingham UK isnt a large place, its quite multi-cultural and if someone is known to be an out an out racist of this magnitude I could guarentee more white people would take offence here than black or asian. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 347 | |
| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 7/1/2007 7:28:41 AM | I think that if a person has to sit and try to talk themselves into feeling victimized or convince themselves they've been a victim of anything...they, more than likely, aren't.
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 7/1/2007 7:44:08 AM | I don't think is was racism, maybe she just isn't into black guys but she could have
put it a different way. I'm not into black females but I'm not racist, they just
don't do anything for me but it would come down to who they are and not there shell.
If there wasn't any more racism, then you would see AL Sharpton on unemployment.
There is big money to be earned in keeping racism going.
Does anyone really care what Sharpton thinks about a low life like Paris Hilton or
Rosie O' Donuts. 50 years ago, racism was at it's worst but it we just move on and only judge a person
alone and what you see in front of you, we are in the middle of a war and like all wars
losing isn't ever good, the fate of our country is hanging by a thin rope and if we lose
then racism will be the least of the problems that we have to deal with, it will be a " Red Dawn " type thing going on.  | |
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pbmac3
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 349 | |
| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 7/1/2007 3:33:55 PM | Ok, read all 15 pages.....wheh!!
Coupla questions/comments:
1) kinda new to the acronym world of online dating....what is GMAFB?
2) If someone has on their profile that they do not want to date a person of a certain race, are they racist? could be! I'd have to see how they treat and respect these people in society. Dating is a personal preference, in my opinion.
3) Brianwe- I'm pretty sure you said that the person (the bartender) had on her profile that she did not want to date black men. Yet you felt compelled to write her and ask why. In my opinion, she is a racist hag, given her response. Yet what were you expecting her to say? Someone that puts "won't date (insert race/religion/sexual preference here)" probably isn't worth your time.
4) I've seen profiles from women of color that say they will only date black men. I move on to the next profile. I've never once had the thought that the person was a racist.
5) I've seen profiles from white women that say they want a black man. Again, I move on to the next profile. Never once thought the person was racist, just a personal preference.
I've lived in areas and dealt with people that live by the mantra of not dating outside of their race. Does this make them racist? I thought who I got to date was a personal choice! (Halle, if you're reading this......feel free to write!!)
I believe racism is alive and well in this world, unfortunately. And a forum is a great place to discuss the topic. However, the OP asked "how do you tell if you're the victim of racism". In the response given, I would say, no you were not the victim of racism. An example of racism was the response given to Brianwe (which, btw, he went and solicited) | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 7/1/2007 3:45:44 PM | Brianwe:
u need to see psychologist!!!
connecting the dating preference to shooting someone who has different racial background, i think you have problems.
what hell is this " comfortable caucasion life it means precious little to you really" about? really i feel sorry for you. | |
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