| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/17/2007 12:51:04 AM | I commented on how great she looked in her pictures and asked her if she dated black guys!
Please someone enlighten me as to why black men ask women this? It's the only race I've ever seen do this.
I believe that only a guy (or girl) who's been looked straight in the eye and told "I DON'T DATE BLACKS" could understand this. It's not something I, or MOST white people, would even entertain asking. It's about avoiding problems, whether it's a matter of simple preference (you're only turned on by blue-eyed blondes) or racism (you think black/white dating is, ahem, "EWWWWW.")
I don't think the OP is "playing the race card." I think he's a young man feeling his way through the complicated world of dating that MIGHT be a little more complicated by his minority status in what is arguably still a majority-white community (depending on where he lives) and definately a majority-white medium (POF). | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/17/2007 1:08:23 AM | Physical attraction is a huge part of being compatible as a mate.
People of the same race have different physical features.
Races have predominantly different physical features.
It is inevitable that some in any given race won't be attracted to one race or another......call it what you will, but the nature of attraction cannot be changed.
However , it is reprehensible when people are rude when encountering another who they aren't attracted to, or when expressing what race they aren't attracted to. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/17/2007 1:31:13 AM | Bigot \Big"ot\, n. [F. bigot a bigot or hypocrite, a name once
given to the Normans in France. Of unknown origin; possibly
akin to Sp. bigote a whisker; hombre de bigote a man of
spirit and vigor; cf. It. s-bigottire to terrify, to appall.
Wedgwood and others maintain that bigot is from the same
source as Beguine, Beghard.]
1. A hypocrite; esp., a superstitious hypocrite. [Obs.]
2. A person who regards his own faith and views in matters of
religion as unquestionably right, any belief or
opinion opposed to or differing from them as unreasonable
or wicked. In an extended sense,a person who is
intolerant of opinions which conflict with his own, as in
politics or morals; one obstinately and blindly devoted to
his own church, party, belief, or opinion.
AAYUSLASH.....are you a bigot? | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/17/2007 6:57:08 AM | | I dont think thats being racist its just a question of taste I guess although they should have responded differently such as Im not attracted to you sorry something like that maybe | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/17/2007 7:15:33 AM | If the race card was not planning on being used in the case of rejection then he would have merely asked her if she would date him.
Some people find it easier to set up the question so that if they are rejected then the rejection is not personal but race driven. That is racist in it's own light. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/17/2007 8:31:53 AM | Just out of curiosity how old was this girl you asked the question too?
I have no idea if she is a racist or not but to me she sounds very young and immature. Which could have lead to her using the " EEEEWWWWWWWW, No" comment as opposed to a more respectful method of turning the OP down. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 11:53:29 AM | If you are desirous of dating someone, and ask them if they would date a person...ie yourself...as a black man...then you are the one who has introduced race to the equation.
The person has a right to respond as they choose...she didn't abuse you...she just stated her opinion..."ewwww".
She was merely responding to your question...and if that is her response, then that is her response.
IF YOU DON'T WANT THE ANSWER...THEN DON'T ASK THE QUESTION....
yet you sak the question then whine and complain when you get the answer...
spoily boy...
HOW DO YOU TELL IF SOMEONE IS USING THE RACISM ISSUE AS A SYMPATHY TOOL?
that is the real question in this issue.
yeah...i'm not white...and i wouldn't date outside my race either...not because of anything other than my own comfort.
much love
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:37:13 PM | i respond as an eastern european (white to most) mom, whose children are half african american and half peruvian. trust me, the remark was racist. the ewww part, at least. the no could be for any number of reasons, just responding to your question (which also needs some rewording in the future). in addition, the remark reflects someone who is not too bright and insensitive. perhaps ignorant. maybe she didnt' take the time to see your profile and determine you were african american.
i'll tell you what i tell my kids. it works for them. it has worked for me, having been brought up with extensive african american cultural influence and having been "privy" to all the white remarks, thinking a "black" person wasn't around to hear them. also privy to the african american remarks about me, when i was the "only one". for the most part, time heals, if you have the ability to stick with it. it can be painful. but so is the rest of life.
there is prejudice, with "intention" and there is institutionalized racism. that's when the culture is pervasive with "euro" (white) influence and considers that you can become part of it to be a sign of lack of racism. no, that's a lack of personal prejudice. racism is ingrained in all the infrastructure of the society. there is no "clue" as to your culture or cultural heritage.
the difference between being african american and also "black" or shades of brown in color and experiencing racism (versus being "white" and experiencing racism), is that you cannot "pass". so the argument cannot be made that the ethnicity is no different than any other ethnicity. for example, the irish, often had to pass as white. the jews often had to change their names and pass as christians--easier for the german jews to pass than the russian jews. sure, there are some with african american heritage who are white and in the older days they too passed for one hundred percent white. but that is why i say black/brown versus african american.
there are even layers to institutionalized racism, such as having to pass equal opportunity laws, the white person is now rejected for the black person. more anger then brews amongst the whites, who blame the blacks as opposed to the "institionalization of racism" and of course that means the black person doesn't deserve the job or implies s/he wouldn't have gotten it anyways. however, like it or not, if the laws weren't passed the barrier would not have been broken down. over time, it will evolve itself and maybe even heal itself.
i have heard many canadian comments about how UNRACIST they are. a lot from a bunch of white folks living in all white areas who consider themselves liberal but not liberal enough to still be all white areas. the same goes for where we live now in CA--supposedly very liberal, but still clearly "white". it's been an education for my youngest who still lives with me to see what mostly white areas are like and how to handle it. fortunately there is an integrated university in the area and she's pretty comfortable in her multi ethnic/racial skin. that's because we are open and honest on the topic. however, being raised in peru and not with much african american cultural influence, she does not "feel" the institutional aspects of it as much. (by the way, i adopted my kids as teens to explain this). my kids, in reverse, have come home with anti-jewish jokes that are also so ingrained that the intention was missing, but the insititionalized acceptance of the joke was not.
you need to constantly educate people. most of this issue is not the kkk types who you can at least clearly identify nowadays. the hard part is living in "white" america and "white" canada and white wherever and having to deal with the denial. where we lived before about ten percent of the kids were african american and the rest divided pretty equally between asian, european and latino (with range in "color"). the younger children were able to cope much more with the issues, despite the leanings of their parents. because the area was "Mixed" and the neighborhood institutions were mixed and representative.
i myself find it shocking when i see racial and ethnic barriers to "inter" dating. i thought that had expired a long time ago, because of how/where i lived my life. i am so used to it. but apparently the issues thrive and are practiced in most places even if in a more sublte and devious manner and DESPITE the proclaimed liberality of many institutionalized "whites" . however it is slowly but surely getting better. so now you can be black/brown in color and raised with european traditions or like me, "white" and "jewish" in an irish catholic neighborhood, with a mom whose best friend was african american and who took me into the african american culture. thank G-d they also integrated the schools back then or some people would never had had any exposure whatsoever. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 2:13:01 PM | Serenity...I think your post is very insightful and I agree with you in many ways...but for one, of course.
the hard part is living in "white" America and "white" Canada and white wherever and having to deal with the denial.
I'm wondering if what you call denial is possibly a lack of intent on the part of those that you accuse. I know I'm not a racist person, I never treat someone differently based on the color of their skin or any other of a million variables that might make a person judgemental. However, I have been accused of being racist. At a certain point people are going to feel resentful because they are being misinterpreted, this applies to any race. I don't deny that racism exists but I know it isn't in me. That doesn't mean that I don't have a fear of being accused of such atrocities and I'm positive that I'm not the only one.
The "EEww" response is obviously immature but it might have been the same had the question come from a guy who was over weight or what she might view as old. Or it might have very well been racist. The fact remains that the assumption on his part is that it might have been racist, and he was the one asking. Any response that has a negative tone COULD be construed as racist but the OP is the only one who could have gaged her maturity based on her profile. If she was articulate and appeared to be educated, an "eeww" response might be more likely to be one of disgust and be more closely related to racism because she views one race as less "eeww" than another. BUT...if her profile said something along the lines of "I'm 18! I just got fake boobs! I love to get my nails done and hang out at the mall...!" you can probably bet that her reaction would be the same to a guy of the same race who asked the question "Would you date ME?" if he wasn't her cup of tea. In this case ignorance on her part might be enough to prove that she doesn't have the foresight to think of how the OP might have felt about her reaction, or that she is incapable of intending to insult his race.
In either case this woman will hardly ever admit it if she is racist so it isn't like we will ever really know her intention in using "eeww" to answer his question. The OP, however, could decide that even in the face of racism he will not become a victim. Particularly not to someone who might have hurt his pride but most certainly didn't cost him anything. Negative people exist and we all have assumptions made about us that have little to do with who we are. They hurt but they don't define us unless you let them. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 2:54:23 PM | YOU can't always tell if you're being discriminated,because it's often very hidden.It's usually a 'FEELING' you have inside,a GUT FEELING,and your feeling is usually right.Identify it,and do something about it.
When people are rascist against you,they usually won't tell you in your face.Just OBSERVE their behaviour and HOW they act around you,and it's easy to identify. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 3:04:53 PM | | I had some jerk comment on how 80% of the women on PoF are asians looking for white men. Which I think is untrue. I found that comment offensive because I'm asian. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 4:33:43 PM | T-Gro
That is a wonderful question, "how do you tell if you're a victim of racism?"
In some cases you can't especially if you've never been before.
But if you have been you will be conditioned by the way you felt so if it creeps up on you and you are reminded of the reason that you feel that way, then you are.
I read what happened to you T-Gro, nah sweetie that wasn't Racism that was Sizism. Not a word I know, but let's face it brothas you know what's up. She probably had a friend who went out with a black guy and she got a taste of the "Chocolate Factory" and now she is afraid.
But back to the racism, pay attention to your gutt it's never wrong. The feeling in the pitt of your stomach, yeah that's lifes radar looking out for you. Your heart can pick out a bigot faster than your eyes. Just remember that T-Gro
Your girl | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 5:14:30 PM | LOL, Well Dawn1114, let me educate you for a minute.
One, Every caucasian male I've met and chatted with has asked me if I've date "White" men. So first off you started off right by saying "It's not something I" because you can only speak for yourself. My white female friend who I was talking on the phone with as I'm responding to this replied, she's asked that question and so has her sisters. lol
Second, I think asking those questions are fair and not assumptuos.
I mean honestly what questions have you asked a man so that you know where you stand with them.
Come on dawn1114, have you approached a male on here that was younger than you and you felt the need to ask him if he had dated women who were older?
Questions like do you like animals, specifically cats. I noticed your feet resting on one. You see questions like that to give you an insight to help you determine if you will proceed with this individual or discontinue.
So questions about dating one from another race, dating older women, liking cats, or wondering how one feels about a few extra pounds are relevant questions in any situation.
So dawn1114 you've asked similiar questions I'm sure. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 5:50:56 PM |
It started when i messaged a female a couple days ago. I commented on how great she looked in her pictures and asked her if she dated black guys!
her answer was
"ewwwww no"
wtf does that mean?
wow, OP, what a creep.
yes, definitely racist in my view.
not because she doesn't date guys of other races.
because she said "ewww".
disgusting person.
her loss, definitely not yours.
sorry that happened; people are still such raging asses. even in this day and age.  | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 5:54:30 PM |
If the race card was not planning on being used in the case of rejection then he would have merely asked her if she would date him.
Some people find it easier to set up the question so that if they are rejected then the rejection is not personal but race driven. That is racist in it's own light.
no, drg, NO -- nobody was playing a race card. a simple question was asked, "do you date blacks" and the answer given was horrid, insensitive and clearly racist. this is a question which MUST be asked when the two persons involved are of different races. and why it needs to be asked is obvious: because there are many people who only date members of their own race. the question is a given, not the playing of a race card.
what does "ewww" translate into in terms of meanings?
it translates into "how disgusting to date a black person" "how gross" and that is the same thing as despising and looking down on black people.
it is quite clearly racist.
i don't feel that if a person wishes to date only people of their own race they are necessarily racist, but they sure as heck are if they preference statements about being with people of a particular race with "ewww." | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 5:59:15 PM | The racist one In my opinion is the OP for setting up the question so that he can't lose. If she had said yes then he would of had a date. Saying NO gives him a out by being able to call it racism.
Now if he had asked if she would date him and she said no I don't like black men or some derogatory comment then he would have cause to claim racism.
Even more, since he has undoubtedly run across racism before then he already knows exactly what racism is. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 6:08:02 PM | | I dunno, I think I'd like to see the entire convo not just what the OP is telling us happened. how do we not know he didn't say something perverse? We don't. But for some reason i don't think he's telling the whole truth. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 6:14:46 PM | Most of what you said dreadmuse I agree with. But what the hell does, "Maybe she does have racial hangups... but that does not make her racist...." mean. You see you can't have racial hanups and not be a racist, unless you are prejudice and even then that person is still IGNORANT.
But like I told T-Gro it wan't about Racism I'm sure it was all about Sizism...everyone knows brothas are very well established down south. She was probably afraid. lol | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 6:44:12 PM | Do you realize cedar that the reason women and visible minorities including: blacks, natives, handicapped individuals have "receive preferential treatment under this policy to the disclusion of white males"...as you put it, because there was a time in this world where equality didn't have a leg to stand on.
Where women and visible minorities were segregated because of history and what took place.
We or they didn't choose to receive preferential treatment a law had to be passed to make sure we or they did. You remember those laws don't you "Declaration of Independence, Charter of Rights & Freedoms Act, Human Rights Act etc etc.
If those sexiest racist discriminative individuals in history had only listened to those educational and well put together literature there would be know need to receive or provide pererential treatment and Cedar I'm sure your mother, sister, aunts, or female friends would agree.
So instead of telling people to put their head in the sand or remove it. Why don't you use your head(your brain) to it's fullest capacity and read why all of those laws that I've alluded to previously exist.
You're right when you say, "Basic understanding of a subject is helpful when posting on a thread" so when you've read all of those laws and fully understand where they derive from and the individuals who wrote the laws like, Thomas Jefferson who wrote the Declaration of Independence then maybe you will gain complete knowledge and understanding to provide adequate input on the subject.
Until then read a book or place your head in the sand or whatever the hell it is you request of others. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 6:56:35 PM | drg1301 are you saying that because a black person "undoubtedly" has experienced racism that everytime something doesn't go right for us we make a racist claim,(the race card) is that what I'm to understand by your writing or are you saying that because OP has experienced racism... based on the way you word your last statement you are sure of, but that he should be familiar with what racism looks like that maybe he created this question to get a rise out of the readers?
I hate making assumptions which is why drg1301 I gave two situations for you to respond to and elaborate on. | |
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| How do you tell if your a victim of Racism?
Posted: 2/18/2007 7:41:48 PM | God, enough on the "race thing" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Instead of suspecting that you're been a "victim", simply realize that not everbody finds others outside of their race attractive.
Would I date a black woman ? No. Does that mean I dislike them in any way ? No.
It simply means that I do not at all find them attractive. Does this make me a Bigot ? No.
This topic has been done to death - GET OVER IT !
DavidBryan
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