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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/23/2007 8:49:36 PM |
Have EVERY ONE OF YOU WOMEN lost your minds? Are you even vaguely familiar with the concept of HUMOR?????
I don't find the suggestion of neglecting my children, or my own personal safety, humorous. But then, I'm a rape statistic, and probably biased.
Forgive me. Go ahead, laugh it up. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/23/2007 9:32:18 PM | Jeez,what is wrong with these people...what happened to the old fashioned dates that actually want to spend time with you and not your phone?
Generally in the olden days, for those good old fashioned dates, the pair in question already knew each other, each other's friends, and had a good idea about the other's social background before the first date (unlike today.) Safety usually wasn't an issue (unlike today.) People seldom had children out of wedlock, so less potential emergencies (unlike today.) Business hours actually ended at 6:00 pm (unlike today.) Unfortunately we have to take the bad aspects of progress along with the good, and in this day and age, the cellular telephone is very much a part of that.
Live with it, or lump it. My cell is my business number, and I get the majority of my calls in the evenings, or on weekends. As a small contractor for general homeowners, if I do not answer, the next contractor on the list will, and I lose a potential client. Think I'm kidding? I lost a $60 000 contract that I was a shoo-in for by not answering a call while on a date. Sucks a bunch - but that is business. Voice mail simply does not cut it. I learned my lesson. A first meeting with someone I have only spoken to online and on the telephone does not have enough precedence in my life to risk shutting my phone, or ignoring calls. I will ignore text messages, and will likely send any family direct to voice mail, but I will ALWAYS answer client or potential client calls.
Don't like that? Well, I suppose it is good that I am not on the dating scene anyway. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/23/2007 11:25:12 PM |
"my kids have this and this and they might need to get in contact with me"...sorry,not good enough...
You know what? Deal with it. Kids come first ... all the time... period. I'd be more concerned if the parent didnt give their children a chance to get in contact with them. Juggling everything when it comes to kids isnt easy, not only that, but if something happens (sick/hurt) a parent wants to know.
Other calls, no... not cool. But gimme a facking break with the kid bit. Take the pole out of your a$$ and stop thinking that you should come before someones children. | |
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wynd1
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Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 105 | |
| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/23/2007 11:38:34 PM | | iamtheone39 do women really get in cars with men they barely know or have yet to meet to be driven anywhere? Never would I need to find or call anyone for a ride home. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 12:23:50 AM |
iamtheone39 do women really get in cars with men they barely know or have yet to meet to be driven anywhere?
You obviously haven't spent much time here in the forums. It's pretty clear that some woman do, indeed, have men pick them up at their homes, or sleep with them, on the very first date.
However, those women apparently don't give much thought to their safety, or their need for cell phones. They're not the women having arguments over the necessity of modern technology. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:28:00 AM | But then, I'm a rape statistic, and probably biased.
Well, that truly does suck, but I didn't do it.....
And I refuse to pay because you were a victim.
Just a question out fo curiosity, how would your cell phone have prevented the crime being committed against you? Would you have thrown it at him? And how long does the rest of the male population have to pay for one man's violent act?
Nobody would dare minimize what happened to you, but once again, I didn't do it. Please don;t make me pay for someone else's crime.
I hope the poor excuse for a man was arrested and put into prison. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:01:46 AM | Let's see I have mine just for that. In the case there is an emergency regarding my children. I wouldn't answer it otherwise if it wasn't home calling.
Before I carried my cell phone I still called home to check up on things, and the sitter had the number of wherever I was just in case. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:04:01 AM | Some online dating safety tips suggest calling in/checking in at some point during a first meeting. Personally, I think meeting in public, making your own transportation arrangements and letting friends and family know where you're going, etc. is sufficient. But each person has to do what is necessary for his or her own comfort and security.
Eastside Eddie, your question re: cellphones & safety wasn't directed at me, but I had resisted getting a cellphone for years. What changed my mind was when I was followed off a bus by a guy who kept slowing down & speeding up and staring at me. I didn't want him to see where I lived at the time and was getting a bit nervous. I stopped at the pay phone and he continued to slow down, turn backwards and stare at me and stopped at one point, just staring. I was debating what to do as I didn't know if there was anything the NYPD could do in this situation. Fortunately, a few moments after I dialed (just voice mail, hoping it would scare the follower off), another guy wanted to use the phone. I extended the chat for a bit & explained I'd stay a bit because of the following & that I wasn't eavesdropping on his call. Well, the follower must have thought he'd arrived in response to my call because you never saw someone take off so fast. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't had access to a phone. It's quite possible my access to a phone prevented this guy from seeing where I lived and possible future problems with him. The next day, I bought my first cell phone. If I get into another situation like that, I can call 911 or a friend if it's not serious enough for 911.
There was a thread about the incident described below, but I can't seem to find it. It may have been deleted. Many of the people who responded said they use some sort of buddy check in system when they are meeting on a first date. Prolonged chit chat on cell phones during dates is rude, but sometimes people do have legitimate reasons for brief, necessary calls.
The article:
Feb 24, 2007
THE MISSISSAUGA NEWS
Woman raped during Internet date
Louie Rosella
Feb 20, 2007
Police are warning women to be careful when making plans with men they meet on dating websites after a Mississauga woman was raped, beaten and left naked in the back of her car by a man she met over the Internet.
Peel Regional Police have a man in custody in connection with the attack that occurred Saturday morning outside a city centre restaurant.
Police say the 25-year-old woman met a man Friday night at the Rathburn Rd. W. restaurant after having had several online conversations on a dating website.
The two left the restaurant at around 11 p.m. and, police said, while they were in her car, the man punched her repeatedly in the face and raped her.
It wasn't until 4 a.m., when an apartment security guard noticed her naked and in the back seat, that 9-1-1 was called. The woman was rushed to Trillium Health Centre with swelling, bruising and cuts to her face and neck.
Peel Det. Sgt. Greg Knapton, head of the force's Special Victims Unit, said this isn't the first time in recent months where an Internet date has gone horribly wrong.
"We've had some disturbing trends in recent months concerning complaints of sexual assault that have resulted from Internet acquaintance meetings," he said. "The victims think they know these people well just by conversations on the Internet, but they don't know them well at all. Police still view these people as strangers, and so should women. They need to exercise extreme caution."
Knapton said the victim had met her attacker face-to-face once prior to the weekend. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:19:10 AM |
"I'll put my phone on vibrate and will check it throughout the date, but I don't make it obvious."....I guess if you do it behind your date's back,then it is O.K. Jeez,what is wrong with these people...what happened to the old fashioned dates that actually want to spend time with you and not your phone? I am so glad to have done this thread to find out how shallow women have become. I do really know why so many women are single today and probably WANT to be. Once again,cell phones aren't a necessity on a first time meeting in a PUBLIC place (which is where a first time meeting should occur anyway). The best inputs so far have been to discuss before the date when and why you would need to answer your phone..no if,ands,or buts. If they didn't respect your company and follow those simple and basic rules,then let them find their own ride home(if you drove them there) or use their cell phone to phone a taxi.
Of course, then I suppose I should ignore my phone completely and hope a family member isn't lying in a hospital bed while I'm out and about with someone that I may not even know. Right...  I will always take my cell phone with me. What's the point of having one if you don't take it with you even while you're in public?? I actually do care about my family and my own personal safety, thank you very much. If that's considered shallow, then I'll gladly be safe and "shallow"!:) | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:21:23 AM | That story reported an awful crime, but how would a cell phone have changed it, and is that what we are really talking about?
Given that it is 2007 and everyone on the planet has a cell phone, a criminal is likely going to take the phone away from his victim as the very first step of his crime.
And given the police response times in most larger cities, the guy will have committed his crime and be gone.
Now, they take careful aim at "Internet acquaintance meetings", but does that mean it won't ever happen with a meeting that took place in a bar, at the library, in a church group, at a ballgame.....
And this was someone that she had met in person before. Had there been any indication that the guy was inclined to do something violent like this I assume she would not have met him again, so his sociopath personality is what fooled her. A cell phone would not have mattered there.
The glaring thing about that article for me is "while they were in HER car". Why was he in her car and how did he get there? Was he invited in or force his way in? That's an important detail. If she invited him in, she pretty much deviated from normal safety procedures.
The only good news was that the police have him and hopefullly she presses charges and they prosecute with the stiffest penalty allowed up there in Canada.
And again, because of one loser in wherever in Ontario Missisauga is, the rest of us pay for his crime. And it WAS a crime. It was not the norm. It was an exception.
Does the same paper say how many homes were broken into the same night, how many assaults, muggings and robberies took place that night? Anybody carjacked at gunpoint? No, let's zero in on the one incident of internet date rape so everybody can get hysterical and make the internet out to be an evil place.
If I invited you to my home for dinner, you would be safer here than in your OWN home. Why?
I would have to be some special kind of stupid to do anything inappropriate knowing that you know my name, my phone number, my address, (and if you are smart you wrote down my license plate when you drove in behind me) and probably have a Mapquest map with directions to my house, knowing that with that same information a 911 call will have the police here and me in handcuffs in 2 minutes.
So to all the women who make the battlecry of "public meeting first", how much good did that do for this unfortunate victim? He raped her IN a public place.
A sick fark like that will commit his crime ANYWHERE. Yes, take precautions, but please don't generalize that ALL men are the same. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:21:30 AM | I really think that these incidents are valid for carrying a cell phone,but the topic at hand has gotten waayyyyyyy off track. I never condemned the use of cell phones for your safety reasons..but really,be honest with yourselves,how many times has your cell phones been used for these situations? I am talking about everyday use and abuse of the cell phones during a first time meeting or date.
So funny,I was talking to a friend of mine just today and she said a friend of hers who lived in Houston,Tx. went to meet a guy who lived in Arizona. Well,the guy paid her way and was going to pay her way back and everything to meet her. My friend said she was on her cell the whole time after meeting the guy and the guy ended up walking off and leaving her at a restaurant in Arizona. These are the kinds of incidents that happen everyday and make me want to go "Hmmmmm..." I don't blame the guy one bit and would have done the same thing. Needless to say,she got use her cell all by herself and her friends didn't come right away to pick her up. Oh well.... | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:48:49 AM | I'm certainly not generalizing all men Eastside Eddie. If I thought all men were rapists, stalkers and abusers, I wouldn't date at all. I think only a small percentage are, but I'm not taking chances with my safety when it comes to meeting people who, no matter how long I've e-mailed them or talked on the phone with them, are strangers. The point in posting the story was that it generated a thread (which now appears to have been deleted for some reason otherwise I'd link to it instead of describing it) in which several people said they have phone buddies they check in with during a first or early meeting as a precaution against being victimized. That tip has appeared on online dating safety sites as well. While I'm not blaming the victim as the crime is solely the rapist's responsibility, perhaps he would've thought twice if she had used the buddy check in system, knowing someone would be waiting to hear from her.
Do you have objection to a brief check in by your date during a date? It seems you would given your absolute objection to cell phones. If I'm wrong here, feel free to correct me. And yeah, it stinks that innocent men might be made to feel like criminals by safety precautions, but safety comes first. I've seen this happen on other website forums. Guys who would never think of doing something violent to a woman can't conceive of these type of crimes so the crimes are totally alien to them and they feel women are unfairly blaming all men for the actions of a few. It's not about that. Unfortunately, these crimes aren't as alien as the good guys would like to believe. So women have to look out for our safety first. You lock your front door and car don't you? Does that mean you believe everyone is a thief? Or does it mean your taking reasonable precautions to safeguard yourself and your belongings?
And on a much more minor note, access to a phone kept the guy following me from a bus stop from finding out where I lived and causing who knows what other problems for me. So, yes, access to a cell phone is important to me and I do bring them on dates. I don't use them during dates because I believe that's rude unless there's an urgent reason.
iamtheone, a number of us who have supported cell phones for urgent reasons have also condemned basic chit chat during a date as rude. I even reiterated during my previous post:
Prolonged chit chat on cell phones during dates is rude, but sometimes people do have legitimate reasons for brief, necessary calls.
And the thread got off track because some people were saying people should never bring cell phones on dates. Some of us were responding to that rather absolute statement by pointing out perfectly valid reasons for people bringing phones on dates. I know in the case of the guy following me, access to a phone, prevented a worse problem from happening. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:57:24 AM |
I really think that these incidents are valid for carrying a cell phone,but the topic at hand has gotten waayyyyyyy off track. I never condemned the use of cell phones for your safety reasons
You condemned the use of cell phones in your opening post ...
I think any woman/man that would bring a cell phone into the restaurant with them on a first date is rude,inconsiderate,and is downright out of place in the singles dating world.
... and certainly didn't make any exceptions for safety, children with medical conditions, or any other reason.
Backpeddling?
Or just now getting around to saying that there might indeed be some valid reasons to bring a cell phone that would not automatically make the person rude or inconsiderate? | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 10:15:51 AM | No,I am not backpeddling...I was just responding to the many "hypothetical" situations that women/men have brought up...I still think it is rude and definitely don't believe in a woman/men that needs to bring a cell phone to a 30 min. "first time meeting" to a public place. There is no excuse,really. If a person can't take a moment out of their life to try and meet a potential mate,then maybe that person isn't ready to date yet. Just be honest with yourselves and ask yourselves that question,"Am I ready to share my life with another person yet or do others still have precident over my life" It is O.K. if your answer is "not ready",but don't try and fool yourselves into thinking you are. I put my kids first during the 6 days every other week when I have them and wouldn't try to date someone during that time unless they also have kids. If your babysitter is a problem,then find another one. Jeez ,just quit making excuses why you can't have your OWN time and we all deserve a little bit of that. It is not selfish for wanting to have a life!  | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 12:56:26 PM | | I have had a bad expeince on a date with them going off . A. ) you met the guy . do you really think it fair ? how would you ladies feel . IF a guy was calling his freinds to " check you out " . | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 1:06:43 PM | If someone pulls out a cell phone on a date im on..im outta there.
They irritate the hell out of me...and are for emergencies only as far as im concerned. People are rude and ignorant and disrespectful with those, im tired of it.
People driving with them should be shot. Like the world will end without them. You see pretty girls and handsome guys who are younger..walking around..with them stuck in their ear....GIVE ME A BREAK!
Parents have a hard enough time communicating and spending time with their kids and fitting time in between sports and friends, now they compete with a damn cell phone?
They should be kept for emergencies only. | |
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Mia828
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Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 118 | |
| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 2:48:24 PM | Hmm...I know you think it's rude if the date is going great. However I don't have a problem cell phones. Maybe they are on call with work. Maybe you [or you date] need a life line to get out of a very bad date. I carry my cell phone at all time and keep it on.
However if they are just going to sit at the table and gab away to the person on the other line then just get put and walk out. That would teach them for being rude. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:02:38 PM |
or maybe you need a life line to get out of a very bad date.
That has been mentioned. And doing that is as low rent as it gets.
One reply mentioned that her excuse was that kid had been sick. Well, if you're kid is sick, be a good parent and stay home
Another has been the "on call" excuse. I can only speak for me, but when I am on call I stay home so if I get called I can focus on what I need to do.
Another excuse has been the "emergency". And if it is really an emergency I understand, but short of being able to read minds there is no way to know if it's a lie or not. I would estimate that the "emergency" phone call is a bad date bailout call 99.999999% of the time.
I have a musician friend who got a cell phone call during a gig and obviously did not hear it over the band. His mother had passed away from a heart attack. He said something very astute when we talked about it. The call came at 12:30 am. At the 1am break he called his sister back and said he'd be over after the last set. She got pissed. His reply? "If I come right now would that bring her back to life? I will be there at 2:30. 5 other people rely on me to make their living and they can't play without a drummer."
So while I understand the emergency angle of it, the likelihood of it really being an emergency is SO slight that it's more than likely a girlfriend calling to give you a low rent excuse to leave a date because you don't think the guy is cute.
And THAT is the scenario of this thread. The immature actions of people who want to make an early exit and don't have the guts to be honest and say "I am not comfortable with this and I am going to leave."
Everybody wanted to take this general thread and make it specific to their one situation. As is typical for the forums..... | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:04:06 PM |
Just a question out fo curiosity, how would your cell phone have prevented the crime being committed against you? Would you have thrown it at him?
There was a point at which I could have possibly called someone. But this was mid-80s, so it wasn't an option. However, if it happened today, I wouldn't hesitate.
Nobody would dare minimize what happened to you, but once again, I didn't do it. Please don;t make me pay for someone else's crime.
How can you conceivably stretch my having a phone in my purse to "making you pay for someone else's crime"?? | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:13:24 PM |
How can you conceivably stretch my having a phone in my purse to "making you pay for someone else's crime"??
Because, hypothetically, if I was the guy you were meeting you have stated that you would bring your cell phone because of "safety" reasons. That means you don't trust me going into the date. Because you were raped 20 years ago. By someone else who I hope is still in prison.
You now don't trust men, or I should say that you appear to not trust men by the tenor of your posts, and it is because of what one man did to you, a man other than any of the ones you are dating now.
Now you follow "how"? | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:23:40 PM | One reply mentioned that her excuse was that kid had been sick. Well, if you're kid is sick, be a good parent and stay home
I'd stay home if either of my children were ill before I left.
I'd also answer my cell phone and return home if either of them became ill while I was out. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:35:51 PM |
Because, hypothetically, if I was the guy you were meeting you have stated that you would bring your cell phone because of "safety" reasons.
I've also stated that I have children, for which I would carry my phone. I cover my ass on first and second dates (or until he's no longer a stranger to me), just out of plain common sense.
By someone else who I hope is still in prison.
Sadly, no, he was never punished. But I know he still looks for me, which is a safety concern.
You now don't trust men, or I should say that you appear to not trust men by the tenor of your posts, and it is because of what one man did to you, a man other than any of the ones you are dating now.
Many women don't trust men that they don't know well; it has nothing to do with whether they've been raped, it's just good sense. There's a story above of a woman being followed by a man she didn't know. She had no idea of his intentions, or what sort of person that he was, but it's better to hedge one's bets than take what could be a very bad risk.
I took a risk that turned out very badly. Why would I want to go through that again??
Now you follow "how"?
No, not really. I'm no different in my concerns for my personal safety than millions of other women. And any man that would hold that against us is going to be hard-pressed to find a date. | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:52:56 PM |
You now don't trust men, or I should say that you appear to not trust men by the tenor of your posts, and it is because of what one man did to you, a man other than any of the ones you are dating now.
Eastside Eddie, I wouldn't say that it means Mystlw doesn't trust men. If she didn't trust them, she wouldn't date them. She's just taking sensible & reasonable precautions. Again, I'll bring up the car/door locking analogy. Does your locking your front door and car mean you don't trust anyone? That innocent people passing by your home & car are paying for a crime someone else committed? Or does it mean your taking sensible & reasonable precautions? | |
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| Cell Phones On a Date,Do You Really Need It?
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:14:46 PM | "If she didn't trust them, she wouldn't date them. She's just taking sensible & reasonable precautions."
*If you date a lion or a bear,chances are you are going to get bit* nuff said...   | |
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