Tarika
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Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 26 | |
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:57:34 PM | | I am totally confused....you have been dating a man for nine months and you don't know his age? I find this totally incredible.... | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 27 | |
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 3:19:54 AM | This is great:
Another middle aged net player trying to relive his youth.
LOL So at 26 or 35 that's middle aged? He'll live to 52 or 70? Thought our life expectancy was increasing in modern times?!? Very funny!!
So OP the fact he apparently lied to you and has been evasive about things that shouldn't be top secret he is certainly someone you might want to re-examine and re-consider. I'm not one to suggest you immediately kick him to the curb but behavior like this isn't good for the long term prospects with him. We have no way of knowing what's really in someones mind when we discover things like this but it has to be troubling for you---it's not a good discovery at this point in your relationship with him.
I would bring this up with him as soon as you can do so without being very angry or hurt by it all. I do hope it all works out for your benefit. | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 28 | |
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 5:52:21 AM |
When it happened i was unsure of what to think or say.
YES, this is a common occurrance.
This 35 year old man 'getting his jollies' off on dating 'children'. I do not mean to disrespect you, however, this is how he THINKS. You are young and have very few experiences, so he KNOWS he can get away with more than dealing with a woman in his age group.
YOU KNOW he has lied. Here is my suggestion: Drop him. Become unavailable and busy. This man will either start stalking you, or whining, or just disappear.
Just hope he disappears, looking for other Fish to Fry !
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 6:14:33 AM | are the people suggesting she let it go for real?
lie is a lie is a lie , and lying about ones age (to me anyway) is both silly and a major thing to lie about !
ask him about it , who knows what else he's lying about.
*he* may not consider lying about something like age a big deal but maybe *you* do! | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:09:27 AM | | It really doesn't sound like much of a relationship. Nine months and you've never seen any ID with his birthdate? Ask to see his driver' licence. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:29:21 AM | I can understand shaving a year or two off your age, but come on ... over 10 years? Wait til you find out about the wife and 3 kids he's also lying about..... | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:32:52 AM | | ask his birthdate and tell him you want to do his astrological natal chart. If the numbers don't add up, call him on it right then and there. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:34:09 AM | | Chantael, if you ask me as a guy I think what he did was very bad. It is very serious to say you are 26 when you are 35. I am 34, and I look 26, and I don't go around saying that. I may not say everything about myself right away, but I don't hide things. He seemed to not have been forward enough with you. I wouldn't trust a woman who lied to me about her age, and you seemed to have mentioned things where you had questions. I wonder what else is in his background. He needs to come clean. Anyone who is telling you to simply let it go is letting you run the risk of some possible big surprises later. I think relationships are based on honour, respect, trust, and love. The ingredients are not there. You seem like a very nice woman. Many men in your area who are honest would love to take you out rather than have you with him. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 8:35:53 AM | Chanteal...I would just point blank ask him. If you find out otherwise then you will have to decide whether or not his age is a deal breaker.
My take on it is, If he lies about something so small one could only imagine what he would do with important pieces of information.
Remember when you are dating, this is supposed to be them at their best. I would hate to see him at his worst!
Trust is not built on lies. | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 35 | |
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 8:39:20 AM | You live in the States, I thought you guys can find out all sorts of
things plugging names into your home computer. You can find
his income, criminal history, marriage history....EVERYTHING.
Start there if you're too afraid of him to ask.
Remember, if he's your boyfriend, he's suppose to be your BEST FRIEND and
open and honest with you. That very important foundation seems to
be absent between the two of you.
How can you fear your boyfriend and yet call him that?? | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 8:51:45 AM | | why don't you just ask him? why should you be left wondering... if you're not satisfied with the response... move on to the next xx | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:02:51 AM | When someone asks questions of another
they usually are trying to get to know them better
when this is done earlier on.
His asking what does it matter is a RED FLAG I see waving in the wind.
I would feel if a guy is defensive when asked something about himself
instead of flattered, he MAY be trying to hide something.
If you feel uneasy on this now think of what he may make you feel
uneasy about later on. A closed book can become a limited relationship.
Also, what kind of parent says what does it matter when someone asks
how their kid is doing? IF he acts uncaring or defensive on his daughter,
have to wonder if he is saying what does it matter IF he is asked how
things are going with the two of you by anyone he knows? OUCH. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:03:10 AM | | let it go and on his 36th birthday put happy 36th birthday in it. and then ask the following day what else he has lied to you about. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:07:16 AM | | since when is being honest with each other pushing an issue!!! I simple dont get it! | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:23:12 AM | OP, I once was with a man who had lied in his profile and said he was 10 years younger than what he actually was. He asked, "Would you have agreed to meet me if I had told you my real age?" No I wouldn't have since I found out he was actually 25 years older than me. That lie ended up being only the tip of the iceberg. It ended up that he lied about a whole bunch of other things too. I had another guy lie about his age just so I'd meet him and guess what happened there.
I noticed your profile says you're 22 (I checked that right away). This guy may have figured you would have found that him being 35 was too old. I look at it as a form of trickery and if he's going to do something like that, who knows what else he'll do.
As for the privacy issue, if you've known him for 9 months and he's being overly private, he's most likely hiding something. I think you deserve some answers but after you get them, you probably should cut your losses. Stay friends if you want (if you're capable of that, if not then sever all contact) but break things off with him and start looking for someone else. If getting answers is like pulling teeth, then just walk away, think the worse, and move on. That's what I would do but then again I'm not you and I have no feelings for the guy however I've been in that situation before. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:41:53 AM | Canteal I would push and push the issue until I got the truth out of him. A lie is a lie no matter what. It would lead me to wonder what else he's been lying about. How long does he plan to drag this lie out for? My b/f is a very private person as well but towards me he has never ever questioned me on why I want to know things about him. This is a relationship two people are supposed to be building on! It's only natural to ask questions. How else are you supposed to get to know about eachother's likes and dislikes, childhood experiences, moral beliefs, future goals etc. etc.? In my opinion OP I don't think you two are on the same page when it comes to the future of your relationship. I say cut your losses and throw your rod back into the pond!  | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 10:08:20 AM | Why are you so accepting of the situation?...Are you afraid of the truth? Why did you lie right back to him when you were asked if you were listening? You have been with this guy for 9 months. I am assuming it is exclusive...(having been discussed and agreed upon by both)..a lie is a lie no matter how small...the lies just get bigger and bigger over time. Had it just been the age thing we could say it was vanity but his evasiveness makes one wonder why he is being evasive...what else has/is he lied(ing) about. Why haven't you met the child, his friends or his family yet. Have you even been to his home? If you answer is no to any of this....you should ask yourself why not and why haven't you pushed for it.
Don't play games with him...ask him what you want to know. If he can't or won't give you the answers then you need to decide whether you want to continue with a relationship that will never be anything more than lies. It will only hurt you. No relationship is worth compromising yourself for. Good luck. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 10:31:05 AM | | Surely you already know the answer to your question. The guy is lying to you and being evasive. Is that the kind of relationship you want? If he is unwilling to be open and honest with you after 9 months, it is probably time for you to move on. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 10:35:43 AM | Eek! I see a few huge red flags...won't answer personal questions..asks "why do you want to know?", ummm.. because you guys are supposed to be getting to know each other.
Geesh
I think you need to take a long, hard look at this one... | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 10:38:06 AM | | I'd definitely call him on it while wondering what other "little things" he's lied about! | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 11:10:58 AM | Something smells for sure
Question.........Ever been to his house/appt?
The one that gets me is how old his child is. Even if the child is deceased, or is missing, or not allowed to see him, the age would not be off limits.
The is a website that you can "rent'" a personal search engine for 24hrs for like $25
it is very thourough and I used it when my son was missing. See what else he is hiding before you confront him, so he can't trivialize one item. If he has a house with another person it is very possible he is leading a double life.
GOOD LUCK | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 2:24:27 PM | | I have been to his house while his daughter was at her Grandmothers house. It seemes like any other house. I thought in my head that i should confront him about it but i was unsure of how to go about it i have ran this through ny head several times. The thing is he looks to be around 26 an dwhen i overheard what he said i started to look at him differently and i could also see where he could be 35. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 2:37:03 PM |
I have been to his house while his daughter was at her Grandmothers house. It seemes like any other house. I thought in my head that i should confront him about it but i was unsure of how to go about it i have ran this through ny head several times. The thing is he looks to be around 26 an dwhen i overheard what he said i started to look at him differently and i could also see where he could be 35.
Well this is how I'd go about it. Sit down with him, look him straight in the face and say, "I did overhear something you said to *insert name here*. I didn't know how to bring it up but after thinking about I would just like to come right out and ask you this. How old are you?" If he says anything other than 35, ask to see ID. Plain and simple. I'll warn you ahead of time, if he has been lying to you about his age (and whatever else), he may get angry and even try to make you feel guilty for it when he feels like he's been busted. Don't fall for it; if he has lied to you, then HE is the one that should be feeling guilty for lying and screwing up, not you.
Stop trying to guess his age and don't beat around the bush. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 2:40:39 PM | Chanteal,
You are being way too passive about this. If someone you are dating has contradicted themselves like this, then you need to speak up! Ask questions!
Be firm and simply say "How old are you??"
He will naturally question you on why you are asking him that question, and you will simply let him know that you heard him give an age that was different from what he told you.
If you are dating someone for 9 months and they are still being evasive about things, then that tells you alot about the character of this person...
In other words, the man is SHADY....
So be firm and follow through....don't accept some mumbo jumbo he will most likely feed you, and if you get a bad feeling from your confrontation then by all means walk away from this guy. He doesn't sound like someone you would really want to settle down with anyways. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 2:56:09 PM | Sounds to me like he likes you and he thought that he might have been to old to date you, so he lied about it, but the thing that I saw was,
"Maybe small things but nothing that matters why."
If he said flat out "No." then I'd push it,
But since he owned up to it, which most men will not do...I think it shows character.
Ask him flat out, "How old are you really? I just want to get the numbers on the cake right."
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