| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 3:18:46 PM | Maybe by realizing you also lied to him when he asked if you were listening to the conversation between him and the other guy it could open your eyes to the fact that both of you have lied to each other.Maybe he would wonder what else you may have lied about to him.
Personally, I don't understand why you did not take the oppurtunity to ask why he told him he was 35 and his profile stated he was 26 when he asked you if you were listening.
What was your purpose in lieing to him? The situation could have been kept fairly simple.Instead you chose to compound it. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 3:19:14 PM | I dated a guy who said he was 25, and he was really 35. A lie is a lie and if he lies about his age, he'll lie bout many more things!!!
We only dated a few weeks and I'd get so close to catching him on the age thing. He would tell me he saw Guns N Roses when he was in highschool... I'd say that's not possible, last time GNR was here you were like 10. And he'd ammend it by saying he forgot he was so young, blah blah. He definately seemed older than me, and here he was 7 yrs older pretending to be 3 yrs younger than me!
Long story short his fiancee (YEAH WtF!?) came upon my number and told me he was 35 and busted him in many, many lies.
GOOD LUCK! I'd kiss him goodbye. 9 months is a long time to be dishonest about ones age. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 3:26:36 PM | Ok, i'm sure at least one other person has said this but b/c i am sick, i can't read through all of the postings...
If you are uncomfortable with asking him his age, take a look at his licence, or his id, or his passport. There will be something in his wallet that gives his age. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 3:51:04 PM | I think it's pretty obvious that he's what is known as, an 'artful dodger'. If you have been going out for the better part of a year and all you get is "Why do you want to know?", it's time to get some real answers or get the hell away from him and his BS.
Because that's just weird.
You shouldn't have to go through his stuff just to find out his real age...
I mean... sure, he could be some kind of secret agent, criminal, or government relocated informant..... But, what are the odds of that? | |
|
M2k7
|
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 55 | |
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 3:56:23 PM |
I know he has a daughter and when i asked how she was(because i have a 2 year old i thought well maybe they are close in age)he told me why does it matter. He has been married and divorced. I asked what year he graduated from high school he said he didn't that he dropped out. His parents are still alive. i know that he ia a private person and des not talk alot about himself he always wants to know about me and will never answer a question about himself directly it is always "why do you want to know"
It sounds like he's still married... | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 3:59:58 PM | I belive you need to get out of this relationship NOW!!!!
The more you say about him the more he sounds like an abuser.
Let me say that again an ABUSER......
Abuse usual starts with some type of lies and then moves into control.
If ever time you ask something personal about him he goes into control mode
"Why do you want to know?" He's now trying to control what you think is ok to ask another person. Is it working do you ask him less and less questions? Do you watch what you say about him? We all know thats a yes, becouse you lies about hearing the converstion, did you do that so he would not get "upset". Another one of the abusers tricks, controling your reaction. Are you beging to walk on egg shells around him?
Abusers are realy good with mind games.
ABUSER ABUSER ABUSER get out and get out NOW
Been there don't that, belive me. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 6:04:21 PM | From what I'm reading here you are both lying to each other!! One lie does not cancel out another!! He lied about his age (you think) and you lied about over hearing the conversation about his age... How long are you going to stay in a relationship that seems to be based on lies and deceit? How do you ever trust a man that lies, and makes you feel that you have to lie in return? A lie is a lie is a lie... no matter how big or small, black or white, a lie is a lie! A relationship based on a lie is bound to fail...
Do you push the issue? Yup... confess to your lie and push him till he either snaps or tells you the truth... about every thing...If he cared about you he wouldn't even think of lying at all!! A good partnership is based on trust which in return gains the respect required for a true relationship to begin.
JMO  | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 6:42:19 PM | I would lose respect if I found out someone lied to me. He lied in order to attract younger women. His lie was trivial; but, speaks volumes about his character. I know I personally would not subtract any years from my life just for the purpose of attracting men. I can't say whether he would lie about larger things. But, it does make you wonder.
If you want to talk to him about it go ahead. But, I don't think there is really anything to say. You caught him in a lie and either he will admit to it, deny it or provide you some reasoning or excuses. None of it really matters. I think you can come to your own conclusion based on the information you already have. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:51:54 PM |
A lie is a lie is a lie... no matter how big or small, black or white, a lie is a lie!
How long are you going to stay in a relationship that seems to be based on lies and deceit?
I find it a little funny when people say a lie is a lie is a lie. The truth of the matter is, everyone lies at some point even if it's deemed insignificant. No one is 100% honest no matter what they like to think. If they think they're 100% honest, then they're probably lying to themselves about that. Saying that a lie is a lie is a lie is a load of hooey. That's like saying someone who works on a project and contributes 10% to it should get as much credit as the person who contributed 90%. I don't think condemning the OP is exactly fair.
Just because the occasional lie might be told, doesn't necessarily mean that the entire relationship is based on lies. What matters most when it comes to lying is the intent behind it. If a person was trying to trick their partner into something, if they were sneaking around behind their back with someone else, if they were with someone under false pretenses, etc. then yes, you can say the relationship is based on lies. If she lied about not hearing the conversation, yes it's still a lie, but it doesn't mean that she's as guilty or as wrong as he is (if he's indeed lying about his age to her). This guy lied to someone; either the guy he was talking to or the OP. It's unlikely he lied to the guy but hey, you never know.
Everyone is guilty of lying a bit at some point (I'm referring more to a lesser lie as the OP told) and I think people should remember that they shouldn't cast stones if they live in glass houses. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 8:04:27 PM | | So you're both liars? What's the problem then? You seem good for eachother. | |
|
| |
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 8:24:38 PM | Seems like you've "just met" and in 9 months none of these unusal characteristics came to light?
I would be set back if someone kept asking me "why does it matter"?
It does matter, big-time! Its about knowing, trusting and sharing. Doesn't sound like he's scoring many points in any of these areas.
What have you talked about and done together in 9 months?
You might want to step back and look at this whole thing as if you were a friend advising someone else.
MY best wishes that this works out for you, but I would be having sleepless nights. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 10:42:04 PM | I would ask him. If not i would defantly tease him about his DL pick and some hoe get it and look myself. And if it was a lie i would ask him why he lied. But then thast me.
lol Im kinda diffrent that way. good luck though | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 10:44:38 PM | If its so easy to lie about the small things
How easy is it for him to eventually lie about the big things
This is a trust issue
anyway who lies about their age thats just stoooopid | |
|
chirpz
|
Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 65 | |
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 10:45:14 PM | | This shouldn’t be a tough answer but it is.. After 9 months You have strong feelings for him. U need to decide how will his answer affect u, do u mind he’s older than he said? Do u mind he lied? I’d lay it right out for him ..how old are you? If he’s up front..I’d say ok..ya..u lied..slap him upside his head..and tell him to get over trying to be young that u love him anyways..If he still lies..Id ask him to show u his drivers licence and if it shows to be true..hes older and lied and is continuing to lie..drop him to the curb..what else is he lying about? A lot to think about hun..sorry..its tough. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 11:00:12 PM | | Girl ask him. If he lies about something that Trivial.. He will certainly lie about the bigger issues.. God only knows what else he is hiding.. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/19/2007 11:19:55 PM | In many respects I am with packagedealx3 in my opinion.
To me this seems like a train wreck looking for a place to happen. He's evasive when answering questions, has evaded discussing his child and possibly lied about his age. How is he going to treat your child? It sounds to me like you really know little about him even after nine months.
Also, you didn't appear to have the confidence to say you heard a conversation he had while with you and hence didn't follow up on your own question.
If he is, as another responder suggested potentially abusive you will need a lot more confidence than you demonstrated (in my opinion anyway) to extract yourself safely and quickly.
Thus, I suggest you leave now. To me it doesn't sound worth pursuing but I am only working with the small snippet of information you provided. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/20/2007 2:10:42 AM | I'd say push the issue. You've been dating him for 9 months now...why keep secrets at all? Dig into his wallet and find an ID? If he's lying...ask him why his ID says a different birthdate... I liked ruckus123's response the best "Does he look 26? ask him what kinda soap he uses :)"  | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/20/2007 2:25:45 AM | I've just read the entire thread and the thing I keep coming back to is that you have been with him 9 months and don't seem to know much about him.
What exactly have you all been doing for 9 months??? Don't you talk? Don't you spend time in one another's lives? Surely this must have come up before or you've seen other red flags.
Regardless, you need to come clean and tell him that you are uncomfortable now and want it all out on the table . No questions unanswered - honestly. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/20/2007 12:27:57 PM | carrela: "I find it a little funny when people say a lie is a lie is a lie. The truth of the matter is, everyone lies at some point even if it's deemed insignificant. No one is 100% honest no matter what they like to think. If they think they're 100% honest, then they're probably lying to themselves about that. Saying that a lie is a lie is a lie is a load of hooey. ...."
Once again someone defending lies....why? No matter how you state it...spin the story, etc. a lie is just that A LIE...nothing more, nothing less....when you tell one lie no matter how small and no matter what your alleged "intent" is, it still is a lie...and therefore how can you trust anyone who tells even "little" lies?
"Just because the occasional lie might be told, doesn't necessarily mean that the entire relationship is based on lies."
How does one determine what is the "occasional lie and what isn't a lie...there you go...trust is out the window again.
"What matters most when it comes to lying is the intent behind it."
The intent doesn't matter what matters is the fact that a lie was told. period. and sorry but yes there are people who don't tell lies at all. (I am ready for your attack so go for it.) | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/20/2007 12:35:37 PM | I would have called him on it then and there!! 9 months is a LONG time to be keeping up a lie like that, and hes prob pretty good at keeping other (more bigger lies) a secret from you too! I would be full of doubt wondering what else he could be lying about - marital status, criminal records, employment, etc.
Ultimatley, its up to you whether or not to stay in a relationship with him - and whether or not you would be ok with that big of an age gap (as not all people are). | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/20/2007 1:04:18 PM |
Once again someone defending lies....why? No matter how you state it...spin the story, etc. a lie is just that A LIE...nothing more, nothing less....when you tell one lie no matter how small and no matter what your alleged "intent" is, it still is a lie...and therefore how can you trust anyone who tells even "little" lies?
I'm not defending a lie but it's unrealistic to think that lies are equal. And if anyone was to tell me that they don't lie at all, I will call them a liar to their face.
How does one determine what is the "occasional lie and what isn't a lie...there you go...trust is out the window again.
If a woman is having a horrible day, she looks like hell, she also got a horrible hair cut, feels like hell, her world is almost falling apart, and her boyfriend tells her that she looks good even if he finds that she could use some make up, she's got dark circles under her baggy eyes, her face is red from crying, the cold sore on her lip has taken on a life of its own, that's grounds for trust being thrown out the window? Pfff... That is nuts. If he lied knowing that she normally doesn't look like this and wanted her to feel better, that means he should be burnt at the stake for it? Good god... Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high these days. Half of the divorces because men lied about taking the garbage out when they didn't and women with unrealistic views divorced them. The other half because women lied about changing the lightbulb in the garage, and men with equally unrealistic views divorced them. Gimme a break...
The intent doesn't matter what matters is the fact that a lie was told. period. and sorry but yes there are people who don't tell lies at all. (I am ready for your attack so go for it.)
You don't lie at all? Well I think you're either lying to us about that or you're lying to yourself. Since there's no way of knowing which it truly is, it's a pointless argument. I will say this though, as much as you want to believe your perfect in this area, you're wrong because no one is. You're no exception. Also keep in mind that a person can be deceptive not only by opening his/her mouth but by keeping it shut as well.
Be ready for whatever you want to be ready for. Many people who posted to this thread "attacked" the OP for no good reason. I'm not attacking you. You can believe whatever you want to believe and I'll believe what I want to believe. It just bugs the hell out of me when people like to pretend they're higher and mightier than everyone else when they're just schmucks like the rest. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/20/2007 1:15:46 PM | I never read all the posts,,but maybe he lied about his age to the other guy,,, I just wanted to put a twist on things,,, | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/20/2007 1:21:31 PM |
I never read all the posts,,but maybe he lied to the other guy,,, I just wanted to put a twist on things,,,
Hehehehe I already mentioned that but from what some people tend to think, it's just as bad as lying to her because "a lie is a lie is a lie". If he did lie to the other guy, then I don't see it as a huge deal although some will undoubtedly feel he should be hog-tied and beaten to death for it regardless of what lie he told and to whom. It will be interesting to see how it unfolds. | |
|
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/20/2007 1:27:36 PM | RUN as fast and far away as you can... anyone that is not willing to give you information about themself after dating for a month or 9 is hiding things or just so far into lies that they cant remember them all.
"Why do you want to know" is not a good response from anyone when you are trying to get to know. WOW .... I could never accept that as an answer with someone that I have started dating nor from someone that I had been with for 9 months...I would have never allowed it to get to 9months, hmmm dont even think that it would even make it to a 3rd date..
I understand people are private at times but when you are venturing into a relationship that is NOT the time to be avoiding simple questions.
The age should not be your concern what should be is his ability to avoid your questions. You clearly already know what you need to do since you are writing a post asking for others to comfirm your thoughts about him. You INSTNCT is always right.. IF you are questioning him now on his truths then RUN... DONT WALK! but RUN away from him.
QUESTION I ask:
"WHY AFTER 9 months are you QUESTIONING how he responds to your questions....????????? " why did you not question then from the beginning.???????
C~ | |
|
Home
login 
