| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:04:10 PM | Hey, all:
Hey, Annapurna Dana: Without being critical, I would like to gently point out that you are confusing 2 concepts, that of being alone and of being lonely. Being alone is a physical condition of simply not having anyone around, and being lonely is an emotional state.
I live in the country 9 miles outside a town of 4000, I am alone most of the time, but I am seldom, if ever, lonely. I stay busy, with work and play, and I do and stay involved in many things. I keep music, TV, or video playing. Even when I am eating I have a book or magazine open. When I am in public places I make an effort to talk to strangers, just as a matter of practice. When I am with friends or other social settings I enjoy them thoroughly, so that although I miss them at other times, the times together compensate for it.
We have all heard the comment of being alone in a crowd, so it is all relative to our state of mind. We all can work on our emotional health so that whether we are with a herd of people or by ourselves, we don't have to be lonely.
I hope this helps.
David
Messages done with sustainable energy, with Wind and Sun! | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:08:01 PM | I have never used this before,but here goes.I have the same problem. Very lonely.
To old for bars.I have joined a single parents club they keep me very busy with meetings , dances, volleyball, diners,card games etc etc.Much better way to meet single people than computer dating.So try to find a club in your area.
Too bad you live so far away.
forester40 | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:10:09 PM | | Ok you will probably lol at me but here goes nothing. Light a fire turn on a good movie like Sleepless in Seattle and and just dream of it being me. Hoping that one day there will be that SPECIAL MAGIC once again. If not for the dreams not sure if life would be an adventure. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:10:10 PM | | There have been so many great ideas. I am going to try a few of them. I donate blood reguarly. I am usually stuck waiting for about an hour. There are normally a couple of people in line to talk with. (And they give away such sexy t-shirts how can I resist.) | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/21/2007 12:25:37 PM | To old to go to a bar? LOL. The tavern I go to has 20 yr olds to 80 yr olds in it. I have made friends there and my room mate is female and she gos by her self and has made many female friends there. Your never too old to go to a bar. So go and meet people and have one on me,LOL  | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/22/2007 5:53:48 AM | ANNA
Want to meet men? Do things men enjoy. Take up golf, fishing, join a mixed bowling league etc.
I love fishing. I've met many wonderful people while out on a boat. Ask for help rigging bait. Get someone to show you whats wrong with your golf swing. Be passive agressive and flirt when you can.
One gal I dated for almost a year I met at the checkout line at Walmart. I told her she was stunningly attractive and gave her my business card. Food markets are a great place to flirt. Everyone eats. LOL
Sorry if I seem overly agressive but in todays world and with aging becoming a major factor, I dont have time to pass up someone I'm attracted to. With men dieing before women, the "JEAN POOL" becomes smaller as we age. Ya see a man who attracts you.....flirt with him. Ya got nothing to loose right?
Personally, anymore, I love getting the compliments from gals any age and if they are interested in knowing me....it's a turn-on to hear them say it.
Lastly, Churches have merit even if your aren't the religious type. I mean, what you get in a bar is a bar seat and usually not a quality person. Beauty is in the eye of the BEERHOLDER. LOL. BUT, If you want QUALITY, churches are NOT such a bad place to get it.
Joe
>The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible. >~George Burns | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/22/2007 6:36:28 AM |
Want to meet men? Do things men enjoy. Take up golf, fishing, join a mixed bowling league etc.
One gal I dated for almost a year I met at the checkout line at Walmart. I told her she was stunningly attractive and gave her my business card. Food markets are a great place to flirt. Everyone eats. LOL
Sorry if I seem overly agressive but in todays world and with aging becoming a major factor, I dont have time to pass up someone I'm attracted to. With men dieing before women, the "JEAN POOL" becomes smaller as we age. Ya see a man who attracts you.....flirt with him. Ya got nothing to loose right?
Personally, anymore, I love getting the compliments from gals any age and if they are interested in knowing me....it's a turn-on to hear them say it.
Lastly, Churches have merit even if your aren't the religious type. I mean, what you get in a bar is a bar seat and usually not a quality person. Beauty is in the eye of the BEERHOLDER. LOL. BUT, If you want QUALITY, churches are NOT such a bad place to get it.
Why should a woman take up stuff that a man would do IF she is NOT into it? Why do something just to meet a man? It's being phony IMO. Why can't the man go sign up for girly stuff? Let's say a woman does guy stuff that she really doesn't like & meets no guys- it's kind of an empty, disgusted feeling! & if she does meet a guy, if she is not really into the activity, ultimately, they won't have enough in common!
I also do NOT like the theory that the pool of men are shrinking & that us women should be desperate & pursuing...like we are hunting for dinosaurs who are becoming distinct It can be said that the pool of attractive available women is shrinking & that the men should be out looking!
I do like the idea about Walmart, as diverse people shop there to get diverse items & it is a place you'd probably go to anyway.
It's very nice to get compliments, but liking should go both ways. I don't think it is fair for someone to be flattering a person who just merely wants to get praise! It should be mutual, otherwise a gal may as well get a poster of Elvis or Justin Timberlake & hang it on the wall & worship it!
Churches should be a place to meet quality people, but as at least one other poster I've been in contact with knows, many times Church is a place for people to go & try to hide their dysfunction!
Lastly, The OP states she is looking to meet new friends, not out a manhunt! At a certain point in our life, we want to be around people that we enjoy, not just any old member of the opposite sex. I'd take one good & true blue FRIEND over a truckload of shallow hotties anyday Not that one good guy wouldn't melt my heart It's just that there's more to life than finding a person w/ different genetalia than ours Sorry if I sound mean, I just wanted to counterpoint some statements | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/22/2007 7:26:52 AM | | Starting a Singles group is a great idea. I actually did that a few years ago in my city, when the friends I had were not really interested in doing the things I wanted to do. I ended up with over 80 members, all over 45, which is the age I had specified. I began by placing an ad in the local paper. It was very successful, and the club lasted for 5 years, until I discontinued it. I'm sure that in your town, there are more in your age group who would like something like that. Joining a gym or taking exercize classes is a good idea, too. Volunteering, if you have the time, is also another way to go. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/22/2007 8:32:07 AM | Hi Dana, lots of good suggestions here. Also, have you checked out any of the POF events? There's one in Stroudsburg (or is it ville?) this weekend that a few people are going to. I know that's not real close to you, but some of the people going are driving a few hours to get there.
Also, I no longer even think about people's ages as far as meeting people go. My best local friend is 10 years younger and another is 12 (I think) years older. We just have things in common and have the same sort of sense of fun/humor.
I'm an outgoing person and I tried the neighborhood bar thing alone one time....completely turned me off to it. Every man in the bar was watching me. I felt like they were all thinking I was there to pick someone up. I'm sure I could have stuck with it and made it clear that wasn't the case, but I didn't have the fortitude to do that!
I've found that making one friend and then meeting others through them is the best way to go...no matter where you make the friend. Then everyone benefits. Eventually, other people will be meeting people through you as well.
BTW, your pottery is beautiful! I love pottery, and have a good collection of early 1900s Ohio Valley pottery. I wish I had that artistic bone in me so I could make it as well. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/22/2007 3:30:56 PM | Definately get out solo to the places of interest to you. It appears that a lot of us seasoned folks are foregoing traditional "dating" in favor of just hanging out and mixing culturally. Yes, "dates" might come from that, but there are plenty others just like yourself out there. Going solo to the arts houses, coffee shops, blues jams, galleries, etc. is a great way to meet up withough dealing with "expectations" and presumed agendas and role playing.
LOL, I guess to get out of the present slump I'll take my own advice and hit the blues jam tonight!
Good luck. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/22/2007 4:17:28 PM | I'm in a small town also. About the only thing to do here is got to I-Hop or Wal-Mart. I don't drink and can't handle for long, a drunken atmosphere.
I was thinking about that just today.
I like playing card games and am considering putting an ad in the paper to start a card club or a few folks interested in getting together on occaision to play.
Perhaps, figure out what your interests are and post an invite in the paper, Post office, Library, etc. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/22/2007 8:51:58 PM | dear Dana--why NOt try to be a church goes?
you will meet more than just a friend for now and then --to hang out with
you could meet a friend that will always love you and always be there
he already knows you and wants to be a part of your life
all you got to do is go there and meet him
I promise you no more lonely nights and a wonderful life for the rest of your life.
may Gos bless..................your friend thumper518 | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/22/2007 8:52:04 PM | dear Dana--why NOt try to be a church goes?
you will meet more than just a friend for now and then --to hang out with
you could meet a friend that will always love you and always be there
he already knows you and wants to be a part of your life
all you got to do is go there and meet him
I promise you no more lonely nights and a wonderful life for the rest of your life.
may Gos bless..................your friend thumper518 | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:11:48 PM | | napjoe: I guess you really can't help being who you are, but have you ever really tried to write a nice response to a sensible question? Who knows, you might surprise even yourself! | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:22:48 PM | Anna, I recently moved to a small town as well. I've found that the older we get the harder it is to move outside our own comfort zone. Most of the other posts have covered just about all the suggestions I would have made. The first step is always the toughest, which is why I always take a book with me when I go to one of our local coffee shops - it gives me something to do until I realize that there are others who are in the same position.
I live in Texas, and wouldn't go to any of the so-called "friendly neighborhood bars," whether I was by myself or with a female friend. Yoga is a great idea as well, who knows you may learn to relax enough to be able to feel really comfortable going places by yourself.
I do agree that there are some events, like concerts and plays, which I would much prefer to attend with a companion because it's a lot more fun when you have someone to share it with.
Good luck, I'm sure you'll do just fine | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:28:27 PM | Well, I live in an area where I grew up. It is a small town growing with the small town mentality intact. My ex is a guest of the state and some think I should be too. They think they know too much. I do not lie about my weight or anything. In fact I am proud because I lost 96 lbs. I am getting ready to quit this online dating thing. I am in tears as I am writing this. Got hurt real bad by one of the subscribers here (pat61448). I have tried to meet men as you all suggested but it is fruitless. I can't move because I can't afford it. I am beginning to realize that the men here have unrealistic expectations of women in general and especially those over 50. I will be lonely and alone for the rest of my life. Amy | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:36:17 PM | Cynicism. What a great idea? Negative self-talk isn't good for you. The grumpy heart, you know. Cheer up.
Though misery loves company. Who knows? You may find someone yet. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/23/2007 6:16:23 PM | Where do I go when Im lonely? Well I rarely am as I babysit my grandkids so much so I am blessed with that. I also belong to the red hat ladies and its a blast. I also am in a 12 step recovery program and can attend a meeting any day of the week. I have some really good friends there. I have a close family too and we try to get together for dinner at least once a month. Im having the dinner at my place next weekend. We just keep it simple and order in and enjoy each others company. I do have my moments though that I would like to have a man to snuggle up to on a cold night and have a fire on and watch a good movie in my high def 42 inch Tv. Actually speaking of movies have any of you seen the stuff Leonard Decaprio is doing lately. He is an amazing actor. I saw 2 of his movies " Blood Diamond" and " The Departed" Wow wow wow is all I can say. YOu must see them . I hope he picks up an award. Sorry for going off topic.
hugs poodlegirl | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/23/2007 8:16:30 PM | "Ok, heres the question. I have just moved to a small town in PA. I don't know anybody and my house is in a quiet neighborhood. I am having a difficult time figuring out how to go about meeting people my age in the area. There is no singles group nearby, i don't feel comfortable hanging out in a bar by myself and feel to old to do something like that anyway. I am not a church goer. So where do you go to meet people your age?
Dana"
To a proper dance of course! There are usualy people of all age groups at those.
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/23/2007 9:02:32 PM | I have read most of the posts to this thread and I think people are way over simplifying this.
Sure go to events alone. You will find that the other people at these events are with someone or with a group.
Start a singles group? Just communicate? Start conversations with peopel working in shops?
Basically most of what I am reading is about meeting people not making friends. YOu can go to justa bout anyplace and "meet" people. All you have to do is introduce your self and smile. Meeting people does not curb loneliness. Nor does writing in forums or chatting online.
To curb loneliness one needs a bit closer contact. Humans are social animals. We have a genuine need to share lives with other humans. | |
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