| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 4/11/2007 3:48:54 AM | Hi Dana, where you go is~you pull up a comfy chair close to your pc and surf the net. As you are new in the community give it time to figure out what suits your emotional needs. Until then "good vibrations on the old net~waves Tom. | |
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KD2003
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Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 102 | |
| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 4/18/2007 1:00:37 PM | [This fear of going alone thing...is a real paradox. (maybe a catch 22)
[I can't go out alone....but I will never meet anyone until I go out alone]??
this is something we just have to get over! Pure and simple. Get over it. Get outside your safe little 'lonely' box. Stop in at the local pub. Go to that coffee house. Attend that little concert. Go to a movie. Get out to See and Be Seen. I mean, don't put yourself at uneccessary danger, of course... but don't be afraid to get out alone. And when you are out...don't be afraid to send out some 'signals' that you are available. One of the strange and counterproductive behaviors of us humans is to have strong feelings of need while projecting an image and aura of "stay away from me!". Nuts, isn't it?? (I do it too!!!) and I hate it!
And... we shouldn't "expect" everyone else to do all the work. thats another counterproductive behavior we can slip into all to easily. Practive a little boldness yourself. Take that little risk. Introduce yourself. Start the conversation. Send that inviting glance. Let your little look linger longer than .07 seconds!! ha ha!
Where ever we go. We need to remember to...'take ourselves along'...and leave the suits of armor at home. ha. ]
Wow !
I guess we really do get what we need...when we need it. A warm thank you to the person who started this thread , and to all those who shared words of wisdom.
I typically lurk on the boards ... reading and absorbing others comments without taking the time comment. But,Pinebreeze, after reading your contribution I felt like someone gave me a much needed kick in the ass attitude adjustment, tempered with kindness, so a special thank you to you !!
now to find that dang key for this suit of armor.
Warm regards to All
Kat | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:55:43 PM | I appologize if this interupts the subject:
Where hath Tinkerbell gone? Haven't read a post from her in quite a while. She must be a Princess in hiding instead of Training.
Perhaps in love? | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 4/19/2007 6:14:03 PM | How very nice to have my posts missed. Ironically, I posted just yesterday in the single, never married thread voicing an opinion from one of those individuals who has chosen not to marry.
On topic - Where do I go when I'm lonely - hmmmm, I don't often get lonely because I enjoy my own company. I am very fortunate that I can "lose myself" in a book, out in the garden, surfing on sites such as these and a myriad of other activities that keep me out of mischief.
We all have been given different coping skills and I feel very fortunate that I am able to fully utilize those that have been given to me.
Tink | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 4/20/2007 3:55:05 AM | I go out to a music session in a pub nearby and they can be found everyday of the week if you have the information.
I sing and play mandolin---we all meet in a particular pub on a set day of the month and just play and sing together--all very informal and bast of all fun! Folk music mainly!
This week was the third tuesday session---the third wednesday at another pub---tonight is the third Friday at a pub in Wantage---it goes on--so this will be my third night of music this week. It is a small world and we all get to know each other wherever we are--within the locality! Next week I will spread my wings and fly all the way to Slough as there is supposed to be a nice singer songwriter 2 of my muso friends think I will like!
Music is my world and a wonderful friendly one. With festivals all over the country.
I also go and walk around the shops somewhere and enjoy the buzz!
TWEETS XXX | |
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atlast
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 106 | |
| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 4/20/2007 4:12:49 AM | | I don't get lonely because I keep my mind occupied. This doesn't mean that I don't wish for a great love life with a well matched female counterpart, but I just don't dwell on it. It will happen when it is supposed to happen. If you want to be around people it shouldn't be too hard to find arts & crafts fairs, all kinds of festivals, and other gatherings. After a long, cold winter, people will want to flock outside. Find a nice church to attend. Lot's of friendly people there, and they often have social functions. The best thing I have found is to have a hobby you can get excited about. I keep myself content enough to not think about being alone, but I realize soon I should address this problem. I want some company to do a little traveling with. It is more fun when you can share good times. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 5:48:42 AM | OP-It's good to get out.
And I liked the posts regarding keeping one's mind occupied - so following that thread, the combination often works for me. I enjoy several kinds of music / dance - so going out to studio dance lessons (of various levels) is enjoyable, then showing up at social dance venues. Skill (and graciousness) often crosses many social lines. Reading a book, liking a film = finding a discussion, a show or other venue and yes, going myself. I do a lot of the "Bay Area Back Roads" (this is a local focus on what's interesting to see, view, do in one's locale, in my case the Bay Area); I'll read ahead, take the drive, go to the places, smile and enjoy myself and have made some interesting friends. Habitat for Humanity was once a refuge (good sweat, good workout), so if something "pops" on the internet or newspaper and strikes my fancy, I go, I work, I smile... and sure enough, there are interesting people there. Many other casual venues as well. There's an Open-Studio activity coming up, a beach clean-up I go to annually, a friend from the gym will present in his first competition and Fall semester at school. Follow your interests, be open to others'... amazing amount of pleasant people. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 9:55:29 AM | ...There are definite advantges to living in a larger city is that there are a variety of things one can do on their own if they so desire. I am fortunate in that I still have teenagers at home, work full-time and have a pretty good social life. There are few times that I feel lonely...not saying that it doesn't happen....but I also think that I have to look at the frame of mind I'm in when I feel this way...is it because the kids are gone, the weathers grey and cloudy, am I tired? These things come into play for me so its just a matter of riding these feelings out sometimes.
So with that being said I guess its a matter of getting yourself into a different head space, thats where you go.
maeflowers | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:20:54 AM | What works for me is to keep occupied, doing something you find interesting. And no, I'm not talking about watching TV.
If you have a hobby, join others with the same interest.
The best outlet is to volunteer: there are many worthy causes out there that need all the help they can find.
If you like music, seek out the bands and concerts that play the kind you like.
Over the last couple of years, I have really gotten hooked on Irish trad. As a result, I have been able to meet other people who enjoy this music and it has been a very satisfying outlet for me.
Follow your interests; you will meet others with similiar values.
Donnchadh | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:48:49 AM | Lonely? I used to know what that felt like. I am happy that the lonelies are long since gone from my life. If I want company, I can visit a long term friend, or do many things that I enjoy.
I used to dread long lonely weekends. Now what I dread is long weekends aren't long enough to fit in all I want to do. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 12:24:20 PM | Well I'm not over 50 but I rarely am lonely.. My advice..outside..to the woods, on a walk...go give you away..touch the world with the specialness of you...I am sure you have alot to offer.
I like to go to the spa, get a massage, workout a bit..you know refuel..one self..lay by the pool read a book...or day dream...
When I recoup I plan my next adventure and with whom : ) | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 1:15:32 PM | | I am one that can easily feel lonely so I keep busy and place myself in a positive environment. I work a second job, sing karaoke with my girlfriend, knit and crochet, take long walks, etc. And there's always posting on the POF forums (lol) | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 2:16:48 PM | Hi Dana,
I have been on my own for 15 years, and in that time have learned to be my own best friend. It is hard at first to walk into a place where no one knows you , but at those
moments, do a little self talk,"I`m an interesting person and I am here because there
is something here I am interested in." Then throw your shoulders back, an open look to your face, (don`t be afraid to smile) and focus on the entertainment or subject. Posture is super important. And if there is seating, don`t go on the end or back row,Put yourself in the crowd. Remember, I am living my life. Try to dress similar to the rest of the people but with a little added kick- maybe a piece of artsy jewelry that will catch someones eye to ask a question. People love asking about unique clothing etc.
If you stand out a bit, but in a good way, you will be in a conversation before you know it. Then if they question why you are alone, sometimes I say "well , you know how artists are. We can be a bit of a lone wolf." and shrug it off.
Go to cafes alone,sit at the bar with other single people and start a conversation,like
I haven`t been here much, do you eat here often? What on the menu is really good?
Simple stuff like that. This stuff really works. You just have to remember, when you move into a small community, you are a newcomer, and they are watching you and may want to figure you out for a while before they welcome you with open arms. Be patient, nice and eventually they will accept you in. It takes time. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 2:27:52 PM | I head to the dance hall or call friends.....just being out in public shopping cuz you can strike up a conversation about styles, colors etc.
This is not the place for this but is there a place for new comers on Fish in forums? | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 2:33:53 PM | I work in retail sales and what you said really rings true!!! I have met and conversed with many people who often return to the shop just to say Hi! and see how I am doing!!!! Not all retail clerks are that outgoing, but I find you get better sales and more repeat customers if you do chat---and not always about the merchandise!! I also visit a local cafe every morning as there are always people to meet and visit with!! I recently had a lunch date with a new man at this cafe and the girls were all checking him out to see if he was "good enough" for me!! These people are like family to me and are concerned if I don't come in for my morning coffee and chat. You can make some great friends over coffee in a cafe.
You can even learn more about the town you live in. People you chat with can give you recommendations on great restarants to visit--local theater--museums etc. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:19:20 PM | "I have been on my own for 15 years, and in that time have learned to be my own best friend:
Wise, wise words. If you aren't you own best friend, what is stopping you? Baggage. Get rid of it, and move on to the best time of your life.
Lonely?...........I don't be thinking so. That would be boring, and we don't do boring. | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:21:53 PM | What to do (at any age) to prevent and deal with loneliness?
- Develop hobbies - find local clubs - rock hound, bird watchers, debate clubs, the list is endless. Check the local paper under notices - you'll find local clubs meeting even in rural areas.
- Volunteer for charities - even the local volunteer fire dept. - if they don't think you are physically able - then ask to help maintain the equipment or help in fund raising - all VFD's have to raise money.
- Develop a charity - find a local need - recruit others.
- If in a rural town - branch out to an Area - 25-50 miles.
- Check out any opportunities for low pay - very part time work with the Forrest Service - litter control - fire watch, etc.
- Scour the local telephone book yellow pages and google your town and county. Check for locally based - locally oriented websites.
- Brew your own fuel - yes that is what I said. Many local clubs - cooperatives are involved - home brewing and at a cooperative building in making fuels like biodiesel. Get a Volkswagen Jetta TDI and run biodiesel for less than a dollar a gallon at 40 miles to the gallon. The web - Yahoo Groups is filled with self-help groups brewing biofuels.
- Go Solar - partial heating source for your isolated country home. Along with area club members and on-line learn how to heat hot water via a simple cost effective solar panels you can build yourself - all over the net - google - Yahoo Groups. Cut your home energy bills.
I could list about a hundred more...
- Use your imagination...
JoeBob | |
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bayrab
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 118 | |
| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 8:27:32 PM | I talk to my dogs, call a friend, ride a horse. I'm never lonely when I'm on a horse, even if it's just me and the horse. Got my best friend with me.
Yeah, I get lonely sometimes, mostly at night, but it's OK. got my Net friends, and my dogs, a library full of books
and a cold beer or glass of wine and I just dandy! | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/26/2007 8:53:48 PM | | Christ there OP why did ya move to a small town if you can't stay to yourself and be happy. You know that liveing in small towns takes about 25 years before anyone even notices you. LOL I never feel lonly. Bored somtimes. I just go fishing. I don't have contact with anyone for weeks at a time. Sure isn't any skin off my @ss. LOL | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/27/2007 11:14:31 AM | I don't know about others, but when I get feeling lonely I go to my main hobby -- music. I just play some music, and as I get to pick what I play, I can always find something that fits the mood. Alternatively, I come right here to the internet. The contact is a different type, but it is still human contact, which is usually what cures loneliness. I won't say I don't feel lonely once in a while, but with my music and the internet, I seldom stay that way for very long.
cdn guy | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/27/2007 11:59:57 AM | I work Monday-Friday with alot of people, in customer service.
Sometimes there is too many people on a day to day basis.
On the weekends , it is nice to have a little solitude, to get things done
and to spend some time thinking and being alone with a book.
I rarely get lonely, but if I have a couple days , mostly in the colder months,
where I am home alone too much, I come to visit POF, or e-mail a friend.
And most times if I pick up the phone I can find someone to come over
or meet out somewhere.
Raising two children alone, for so many years, I actually enjoy the peacefulness
and quiet of being alone now.
But there are times, still where I find myself , experiencing that empty nest feeling.
ooops, I am not over 50 yet, but it is just around the corner. :-) | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/27/2007 12:42:22 PM | I have established a pleasant routine: I go to a nice gym to work out/I go to one respectable bar/restaurant and have supper or just a glass of wine. I sit at the bar and chat with the friendly staff, cooks and regulars who only pop in after work and are not there to pick anyone up. I never stay late/ I go to a coffee shop where people come and go on a regular basis and bring the newspaper/ I go to the mall and shop at the same stores so the staff knows me/I go to the movies on Sunday afternoon. No lineups, sit anywhere and economical. Wherever I go there is healthy human interaction and best wishes. If you are thoughtful and pleasant others tend to be nice back. People are used to me going it alone. I have my own table and get special treatment where I am a regular. If you are happy with your own company than you'll begin to hear, "Table for one? vs "Just yourself, Dear?" Sure it would be nice to have a companion, but I have so many aqcuaintances that I don't miss that anymore. In fact, I like not having to consult with anyone else. I can treat my self to Sunday Brunch or whatever takes my fancy. (It also helps that I have self knowledge and peace.)
Good luck finding your own pleasant routine! | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/27/2007 12:52:23 PM | Well, usually I just go to bed! Like last weekend! Both days sleeping 24 hours. That's 48 hours of NOT doing laundry. Now I have a pile of laundry that is NEARLY as tall as me! That really sucks cause I'm WAY past my emergency underwear and wearing boat shoes cause they don't need socks!!! 
But I hear that grocery stores are great places to meet women, especially since I'm a pathetic cook (it's all chemistry to me). Also, I hear that a lot of women from where I used to work in Aerospace have started learning to golf. You meet a better class of men when you are on a golf course than just about any other place!
Hope that helps!  | |
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| Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 8/27/2007 8:33:21 PM | well I just turned 56 and don't really have the time to become lonely. I work two jobs and design web pages as well as my own line of miniatures that I am starting to place online to sell. Of all the time I am busy I may have about four to five hours a day to relax if I am lucky. I usually work six days a week and very seldom the seventh except on my miniatures or pages. I make the time to come online and visit the forums. Thats not only here but other sites as well. there has been several good posts on advice on different things to do I wish you luck.
Moundpuppy | |
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