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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 11:21:32 AM | I've just read through this thread and I am recognising so many traits of my ex that it's untrue. It's like a lightbulb going on. My Mum and best friend didn't like him, but I kept on loving him. I thought I was going mad. His reality was so different from mine.
This all makes me really scared about dating in the future. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 1:19:24 PM | cjgregory,
I love your term, "passive antagonism"...I believe that's a gender-learned behavior...and I facilitated male groups (court-ordered MI, DV D&A Abuse) where one could instantly see who the real victim was many times. However, when it comes to DV, etc...most men, not all, have the braun...where females usually use thier brains through antagonism. Both genders are using poor coping skills at that point. Then, you're right, the ante gets upped and stuff really hits the fan!
I have had familiar people of the same gender use "passive antagonism" on me and I just have to hang up the phone, walk away, etc. until their (and my) storm passes. Boundaries come in huge here. Choose your battles.
But I have to mention, the "Law" doesn't recognize "passive antagonism...", so that's why men end up in more court-ordered situations (only to find out they have an MI or distorted thinking) than women (generally)...and women go to therapy to figure out what's wrong...even if they are queens of "passive antagonism".
Last words: If men feel as though they are being antagonized to the point where their perceptions are getting distorted...they need to retreat...NOT raise to the bait. They need to get out! Recognize their own signals (when they can't recognize it, that's where the NPD or other Personaliy Disorders come in) Just get away! I can't emphasize that enough!
Males were generally taught to use braun...women were generally taught to use brains...and stats show that when threatened (severely) women fear for their lives...men GENERALLY look at it as another bar-room brawl (with much more charged adrenaline)...You may not agree with me and that's okay...as you know, even when it's "open antagonism" with a guy...YOU have a choice to leave...go cool down..stay with a friend until the distorted thoughts become straightened out.
I was really intrigued with your terms of "open" and "passive antagonism"...unless you are in a kung-fu life/death fight with Lucie Liu (sp?) or an amazon/gang member chick carrying a piece...with her self-defence on....RETREAT! Judges will often say, "Even if she was a drunk, a cracked-up so n' so...you had no business doing what you did" Gavel will go down...usually not in the male's favor. Get away from the antagonist!!! Fast!
We get anatgonized all the time, by credit agancies, neighbors, co-workers, etc...and our thoughts get distorted...but does that give us the right to pull 2 wrongs?
I REALLY enjoy your commentary!
Kate | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 1:54:49 PM | Kate
Absolutely... there are some scary women out there, using the passive/aggressive techniques, emotional blackmail and other mental abuse to push someone's buttons. They are probably just as disordered as the NPD men. But this is for anyone...if someone is upping the ante, and pushing a situation to the point of danger it is ALWAYS best to walk away. Engaging the mentally disordered is like arguing with a 3 year old... the only thing that will happen is you will end up acting like a 3 year old... unfortunately physical harm is much easier to prove and prosecute than emotional or mental harm. Doesn't make either right, or less damaging, it's just the way it is.
Don't allow these people to drag you down to their level.
Peace | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 3:05:00 PM |
To the bone. Zero remorse. At times they can turn on and off the tears to facilitate their aims. Just don't ever mistakenly assume that it is remorse. They only cry or beg or kneel to get the upper hand back.
How true is that!!! I was sucked in by the tears and the kneeling and begging for ages... then I began to recognise the pattern... and in the end it didnt wash anymore, no matter how much I wished it was for real... the subsequent actions reverted and never matched the words or tears of 'remorse'...
Two years of no progress on a DV programme and his facilitator says that there's not much hope of any change... he's doing just enough in class not to get kicked off the course as he was in his first programme (visitation with our child is at stake for him), but his interaction with me is still as abusive as it always was... just a little more subtle, keeping it at the level where its only mildly outside the bounds, just short of the overtly outrageous and in the 'he said, she said' realms mostly, so there's not much the legal system can do about it...
All this to get back/'punish' because I called him on his behaviour and wouldnt accept it...
And the laughable thing is that in all this, despite extensive feedback from the courts and the DV programme facilitators, he's still convinced he's the victim and I'm the abusive b*tch who has set him up so as to deprive him of his son and to bleed him dry! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 3:47:11 PM | This disorder is probably the most baffling one I have ever run across in my life. Depression, Mania, Addictions, OCD, ADD, these are fairly easy to recognize, but narcissism, true narcissism, this is an entirely different animal.
Narcissism is not just selfishness or selfcentered behavior, although these are some characteristics of narcissism.
Narcissism is a strange beast of it's own that uses techniques (that even the narcissist may not even be aware of doing) to feed a void in his or her life, an insatiable need for admiration and the inability to handle any feedback or action that may seem less than total admiration.
It is easy to fall in love with a narcissist because they have developed strategies to always engage an audience in their lives. But the truth is you've only become a member of the audience, albeit a "main fan," but fans have unrealistic over-accepting admiration for their "heros." In the end you can't keep up your end of the "fan bargain" and a narcissist will feel that you have failed in some way and were the wrongdoer in his or her life.
A book entitled "Help, I am Love with a Narcissist" by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol truly opened my eyes to this disorder. I knew something wasn't right and I read every psychological disorder description to try and figure out why he did the things he did. I couldn't find anything that seemed to quite fit until I read this book. But I confess my stumbling block was the part where they tell you how to "help" a narcissist become less this way. They say to forget it, you can't. I didn't want to believe it.
Believe it.
No relationship with a narcissist ends well. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:01:38 PM | Quadmom,
I didn't date one but knew one until just recently! It took me years to finally figure this guy out and the reason for that is they excell at manipulating people and will go to great lengths to keep you isolated from everyone else they are "working". Make no mistake about it these people are charming individuals and they are dangerous. I have a close friend who was married to one and she is fortunate to have escaped with her children and their lives. Those of us that knew about her situation knew she was in great peril. Ignore the comedians that feel the need to joke in this forum. I hope you and your kids are getting the help you need to move on and if I can be a friendly ear for you please go to my profile and send me a message and we can figure out a way to be in touch from there! Best of luck to you! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:10:52 PM | | I am currently separated from one now. AT what point do I accept the fact that he will never ever change. I have been back and forth with him for 7years. He wants to change but I trulydo not know enough about NPD to know if he can. He persistant in keeping me in his life. It is hell for me. I have lost myself in this sickness and I am still trying to crawl out of the hole I have been in for years. It is pure misery and to anyone who has never expereinced somethinglike this, you cannot come close to understanding the toxic hold these people can have on you. It is all about them, every act of kindness is a ahidden act of selfishness, every thougth is calculated, every word is thought out in a way that will benefit them. It's sick! It's painful! It's indescribable unless you have been subjected to this type of person. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 5:06:26 PM | but narcissism, true narcissism, this is an entirely different animal.
It is if you don't break it down to fundamental. So lets say that I am interacting with a woman. I am doing it from this viewpoint because it's what I am use to. It would apply anywhere.
I look at any action and seperate it. Was it designed to be constructive or was it designed to be destructive? It's no more complex than that. It takes practice. All actions are designed to be pro-survival prom the viewpoint of the person being constructive or destructive with their acts.
I keep my anlytical mind in until I have observed one way or another. It takes practice.
The reason you can't help them is because their mental computations are telling them that these are the correct actions that lead to optimum survival. It's optimum reason to them. It's just that the input data is destructive and faulty from the start. It's a mechanism. No drug will fix it. No penalty or punishment will fix it. No brain surgery will fix it. It is a hold over mechanism from the evolutionary design of man. It's stimulous response.
It's at the cellular level. Here is the REAL point. Thier personal and analytical power is so low that they survive in stimulous response. If you drug them or if they turn to alcohol or street drugs they can go terminal. They come up from tooth and nail survival and that puts them directly into anger. We more commonly call it going postal.
A woman will generally not go "postal" but will destroy someone from the inside out. The result is the same.
We all have certain destructive impulses at times but our analytical and personal power give us choices. They have choice as well but it is just easier to be anti-social in a very deceptive and covert manner. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 5:13:43 PM |
He wants to change but I trulydo not know enough about NPD to know if he can.
There is no main stream cure. Be careful what you label him. Psychiatric terms are very loose and quite silly.
Take a look at it. When he is "normal" he admits that he wants to change but he reverts back to stimulous resonse in times of stress.
If you want to be miserable then by all means take on the project. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 5:32:50 PM | samvak.tripod.com
He has an extensive website on narcissism...and I mean extensive, with great links. For anyone who wants to know more about narcissism this is the place to start.
good luck to you all, be careful out there. | |
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Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 686 | |
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/29/2007 5:36:45 PM | I've never dated one, but I have a friend who did and they moved in together. She dumped him and he is still in counselling six months later. People suffering from NPD wrap you up tightly in their web to ensure you feed their narcissism. It's no wonder you're confused.
My friend fell and broke his shoulder and everyone's attention was on him, not on her, so she dumped him.
The man who dated her previous to my friend committed suicide, that's how much she had him tangled in the web, feeling worthless without her. My friend knew her last boyfriend had committed suicide from the get-go and she used that to suck him into the web. Only now, that he is in counselling, have they put two and two together. And she is on to a new man now. Obviously there are degrees of everything, but in this case it was extreme NPD. Makes you wonder should need a license to date! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/30/2007 9:06:47 AM | Here's an article i found a looong time ago when i was first learning about npd...i kept it as a reminder of what i overcame....i hate that this thread is over 25 pages, so many people have been affected by npd and it makes me sad.
To my knowledge, none of the narcissistic individuals I've known personally have had official diagnoses of Narcissistic Personality Disorder; they have not sought help and so haven't been assessed clinically. On the other hand, members of their families have sought help to cope with them -- and I have sought help in understanding every one of them! Thus these pages.
These are field notes -- that is, descriptions and observations to assist in identifying narcissists and also, I hope, to give aid and comfort to others who live and work with narcissists. I'm sorry that I cannot also give hope, but, since a prime characteristic of narcissists is believing that they are always right no matter what, narcissists are extremely resistant to change and, unfortunately, tend to get worse as they get older.
I have also never had to cope with a physically aggressive or sadistic narcissist. The narcissists I've known have pretty much stuck to neglect and verbal and emotional abuse. But lots of people have not been so lucky, and their narcissist parents or partners have been relentlessly interfering and cruel in efforts to reform and re-form their "beloveds," including but not limited to plastic surgery or bleaching and perming little babies' hair to make them more perfectly beautiful blondes.
Nearly everyone has some narcissistic traits. It's possible to be arrogant, selfish, conceited, or out of touch without being a narcissist. The practical test, so far as I know, is that with normal people, no matter how difficult, you can get some improvements, at least temporarily, by saying, essentially, "Please have a heart." This doesn't work with narcissists; in fact, it usually makes things worse. [See discussion of the relationship between normal personality traits and personality disorders.]
It's impossible to overemphasize the importance of narcissists' lack of empathy. It colors everything about them. I have observed very closely some narcissists I've loved, and their inability to pay attention when someone else is talking is so striking that it has often seemed to me that they have neurological problems that affect their cognitive functioning. These are educated people with high IQs, who've had ordinary middle-class backgrounds and schooling, and their thinking is not only illogical but weird: with narcissists, you have to know them pretty well to understand their behavior. For instance, they always fill in their gaps (which make up just about the entirety of their visible life) with bits of behavior, ideas, tastes, opinions, etc., borrowed from someone else whom they regard as an authority. Their authoritative sources, as far as I know, are always people they've actually known, not something from a book, for instance, and narcissists' opinions may actually come from someone you know, too, but who is not to you obviously an authority on the matter at hand, so narcissists can seem totally arbitrary, virtually random in their motivations and reasoning. They are evidently transfixed by a static fantasy image of themselves, like Narcissus gazing at his reflection, and this produces an odd kind of stillness and passivity. Because their inner life is so restricted and essentially dead, it doesn't contain images of how to live a full life -- these things are not important to them, they expect others to look after day-to-day chores, they resent wasting their specialness on common things, they don't put their heart into their work (though they'll tell you how many hours they put into it), they borrow their opinions and preferences and tastes from whomever strikes them as authoritative at the moment.
From my personal experience, and from what I've seen in the clinical literature, narcissists don't talk about their inner life -- memories, dreams, reflections -- much at all. They rarely recount dreams. They seem not to make typical memory associations -- i.e., in the way one thing leads to another, "That reminds me of something that happened when I was...of something I read...of something somebody said...." They don't tell how they learned something about themselves or the world. They don't share their thoughts or feelings or dreams. They don't say, "I have an idea and need some help," or "There's something I've always wanted to do...did you ever want to do that?" They do not discuss how they've overcome difficulties they've encountered or continuing problems that they're trying to solve (beyond trying to get someone else to do what they want). They often say that they don't remember things from the past, such as childhood events, their schooldays or old friends, and it seems to me that they really don't most of the time. Anyhow, for all these reasons, I've tried to refrain from speculating about (i.e., novelizing) what goes on in their heads. Writer John Cheever (who recorded having been diagnosed as a narcissist when he went to marriage counseling at his wife's insistence) describes some of his persistent fantasy images -- and, with Cheever, they're very striking, as you'll know if you've read any of his fiction; his characters and plots tend to be narcissistic (i.e., self-obsessed tunnel vision spiraling into nihilism), but his stories often contain memorably glorious set pieces or tableaux, such as the the hunt for the golden Easter egg in one of the Wapshot novels. Cheever also gives unself-conscious expression to the ways in which his obsessive preoccupation with himself (and his penis -- sort of a magic wand in his mind) obstructed his ability to relate to his wife and children, obstructed even his ability to perceive them: to see what they looked like, to pay attention to what they said and did, though with Cheever everything is also soaked with the sorrows of gin. Alice Adams's novel, Almost Perfect, also gives things from a narcissistic point of view in a way that I found convincing and credible, based on my personal experience of narcissistic individuals. A striking thing about narcissists that you'll notice if you know them for a long time is that their ideas of themselves and the world don't change with experience; the ones I've known have been stalled at a vision that came to them by the age of sixteen.
There are different theories of how narcissists are made. Some psychologists trace NPD to early infantile neglect or abuse, and some blame over-indulgence and indiscriminate praise by parents who don't set limits on what's acceptable from their children. Others say that NPD shows up in adolescence. Some say narcissists tend to peak around middle age and then mellow out. Others say that narcissists stay pretty much the same except they tend to depression as they get older and their grandiose fantasies are not supported, plus they're not as good-looking as they used to be. The narcissists I've known have apparently always been "that way" and they get worse as they get older, with dramatic regression of their personas after the deaths of their parents and other personal authority figures who have previously exerted some control over the narcissists' bad behavior. And, yes, chronic depression gets to be obvious at least by their forties but may have always been present. Depressed narcissists blame the world, of course, and not themselves for their personal disappointments.
Essentially, narcissists are unable or unwilling to trust either the world or other people to meet their needs. Perhaps they were born to parents unable to connect emotionally and, thus, as infants learned not to let another person be essential to them in any way. Perhaps NPD starts later, when intrusive or abusive parents make it dangerous for the child to accept other people's opinions and valuations. Maybe it comes from a childhood environment of being treated like royalty or little gods. Whatever the case, narcissists have made the terrible choice not to love. In their imaginations, they are complete unto themselves, perfect and not in need of anything anyone else can give them. (NB: Narcissists do not count their real lives -- i.e., what they do every day and the people they do it with -- as worth anything.) Their lives are impoverished and sterile; the price they pay for their golden fantasies is high: they'll never share a dream for two.
Now, it is possible to have a relatively smooth relationship with a narcissist, and it's possible to maintain it for a long time. The first requirement for this, though, is distance: this simply cannot be done with a narcissist you live with. Given distance, or only transient and intermittent contact, you can get along with narcissists by treating them as infants: you give them whatever they want or need whenever they ask and do not expect any reciprocation at all, do not expect them to show the slightest interest in you or your life (or even in why you're bothering with them at all), do not expect them to be able to do anything that you need or want, do not expect them to apologize or make amends or show any consideration for your feelings, do not expect them to take ordinary responsibility in any way. But note: they are not infants; infants develop and mature and require this kind of care for only a brief period, after which they are on the road to autonomy and looking after themselves, whereas narcissists never outgrow their demands for dedicated attention to their infantile needs 168 hours a week. Adult narcissists can be as demanding of your time and energy as little babies but without the gratification of their growing or learning anything from what they suck from you. Babies love you back, but adult narcissists are like vampires: they will take all you can give while giving nothing back, then curse you for running dry and discard you as a waste of their precious time.
It is also essential that you keep emotional distance from narcissists. They're pretty good at maintaining a conventional persona in superficial associations with people who mean absolutely nothing to them, and they'll flatter the hell out of you if you have something they can use or if, for some reason, they perceive you as an authority figure. That is, as long as they think you don't count or they're afraid of you, they'll treat you well enough that you may mistake it for love. But, as soon as you try to get close to them, they'll say that you are too demanding -- and, if you ever say "I love you," they'll presume that you belong to them as a possession or an appendage, and treat you very very badly right away. The abrupt change from decent treatment to outright abuse is very shocking and bewildering, and it's so contrary to normal experience that I was plenty old before I realized that it was actually my expression of affection that triggered the narcissists' nasty reactions. Once they know you are emotionally attached to them, they expect to be able to use you like an appliance and shove you around like a piece of furniture. If you object, then they'll say that obviously you don't really love them or else you'd let them do whatever they want with you. If you should be so uppity as to express a mind and heart of your own, then they will cut you off -- just like that, sometimes trashing you and all your friends on the way out the door. The narcissist will treat you just like a broken toy or tool or an unruly body part: "If thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off" [Matt. 18:8]. This means you.
So, yes, it's possible to get along with narcissists, but it's probably not worth bothering with. If family members are narcissists, you have my deep sympathy. If people you work with are narcissists, you will be wise to keep an eye on them, if just for your own protection, because they don't think very well, no matter what their IQs, they feel that the rules (of anything) don't apply to them, and they will always cut corners and cheat wherever they think they can get away with it, not to mention alienating co-workers, clients, and customers by their arrogance, lies, malice, and off-the-wall griping. Narcissists are threatened and enraged by trivial disagreements, mistakes, and misunderstandings, plus they have evil mouths and will say ANYTHING, so if you continue to live or work with narcissists, expect to have to clean up after them, expect to lose friends over them, expect big trouble sooner or later.
If you're reading this because of problems with someone you know now, the chances are excellent that one or both of your parents was a narcissist. Narcissists are so much trouble that only people with special prior training (i.e., who were raised by narcissists) get seriously involved with them. Sometimes narcissists' children become narcissists, too, but this is by no means inevitable, provided stable love was given by someone, such as the non-narcissist parent or grandparents. Beyond that, a happy marriage will heal many old wounds for the narcissist's child. But, even though children of narcissists don't automatically become narcissists themselves and can survive with enough intact psychically to lead happy and productive lives away from their narcissistic parents, because we all love our parents whether they can love us back or not, children of narcissists are kind of bent -- "You can't get blood out of a stone," but children of narcissists keep trying, as if by bonding with new narcissists we could somehow cure our narcissistic parents by finding the key to their heart. Thus, we've been trained to keep loving people who can't love us back, and we will often tolerate or actively work to maintain connections with narcissistic individuals whom others, lacking our special training, find alienating and repellent from first contact, setting ourselves up to be hurt yet again in the same old way. Once narcissists know that you care for them, they'll suck you dry -- demand all your time, be more work than a newborn babe -- and they'll test your love by outrageous demands and power moves. In their world, love is a weakness and saying "I love you" is asking to be hurt, so be careful: they'll hurt you out of a sort of sacred duty. They can't or won't trust, so they will test your total devotion. If you won't submit to their tyranny, then you will be discarded as "no good," "a waste of time," "you don't really love me or you'd do whatever I ask," "I give up on you." (Note: In many instances, narcissists' demands are not only outrageous but also impossible to fulfill even if you want to please them. Plus if you actually want to do what they want you to do, that would be too much like sharing, so they won't want it anymore.)
If you've had a narcissist for a parent, you are probably not afraid of dying and going to hell -- you have lived hell on Earth. Narcissists cannot be satisfied and do a tremendous amount of damage to their children and partners in their relentless demand for a perfect outer appearance to reflect the perfect inner image that obsesses them.
- Kyrie eleison. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/30/2007 10:02:21 AM | Grkgrl17.... OMG. And ALL of you who have posted above. All I can say is, "me too" - the lightbulb went on as I read this and I was so taken by the similarity that I have actually printed out the whole thread.... (MANY MANY PAGES, I might add). This latest post not only made my jaw drop even more, but also made me realize that my MOM is one, too! And that's why I tried so hard to make the relationship with my s/o work....
Quoting:
"but children of narcissists keep trying, as if by bonding with new narcissists we could somehow cure our narcissistic parents by finding the key to their heart. Thus, we've been trained to keep loving people who can't love us back, and we will often tolerate or actively work to maintain connections with narcissistic individuals whom others, lacking our special training, find alienating and repellent from first contact, setting ourselves up to be hurt yet again in the same old way. "
Wow.  So disheartening, too, because my NPD s/o is now "back in my life" to some extent, although living about a mile away, and I can see where the advice to not live with the person would be GOOD advice. So hard to run, run, run when you WANT that person in your life, but now that the lightbulb has gone on, maybe it will be a little easier now. Developing some coping skills would sure be useful. Learning how NOT to want to fix them.... but still being able to have a decent time with them... wondering if that's even possible.... "if the NPD says/does THIS, then you need to say/do THAT". Not a very good way to live, but to make things more manageable now that you 'understand' why it's happening.... is that even POSSIBLE? Can we be strong enough to maintain a relationship with them by developing new habits and ways to react to them? A losing battle? I read a lot of "run, run, run in the other direction" but is that necessary if you can possible cope with it? Stupid question? Glutton for punishment? Sigh.
What a great thread!!! Thanks to you all!! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/30/2007 1:41:23 PM | qrk...do you have a source for the article?? who wrote it, & in what context?
Here's an article i found a looong time ago when i was first learning about npd... Would love to know! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/30/2007 7:27:23 PM | | Narcissistic Personality Disorder --bottom line--they are thrilled--you love them and they love themselves--who wouldn't be happy with two lovers--the one who loved the NPD--says, thank God and Greyhound he is gone! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/30/2007 7:50:10 PM | | there is a great book called "Why is it always about me" or something like that. it was recommended to me a long time ago and it was like suddenly everything was so clear. well worth a read if you are dealing with somebody like that, that and run as far and as fast as you can. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/30/2007 10:42:11 PM | Summer999 may be referring to "Why is it Always About You?: Tha Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" by Sandy Hotchkiss, 2003, Free Press. (Got it ordered.) "Narcissism: Denial of the True Self" by Alexander Lowen is also good.
One of the things I've come to realize & accept in surviving one of these relationships is that the "supplier" even has to supply all the emotional work. And we're left to grieve not only for ourselves but for the isolation & pain of our s/o as well. They accept none of the responsibility ("Hey, that's YOUR problem - this is just the way I am"), do none of the work, so it's left for us to do it all. But the worst part may be never, ever to have our pain acknowledged or, it would seem, even noticed - never to be heard by the one we want most to hear our cries. To the authors of our suffering, we will remain forever invisible.
But love, I think, is giving our heart to someone who can break it, & trusting them not to. Though I'm sorry my heart was broken, I'll never regret for an instant being willing to trust.
This thread has benefited me VASTLY! I thank you all for your candor & your courage. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:30:35 AM | islgurl-the author is on the bottom of the article but i can't remember if it was from a support forum or a website...originally (3 yrs ago) i googled emotional abuse and found a ton of websites including the msn-npd forums. If you want some more info i have a ton so either i can post here or message it to you. Let me know. Oh and Leslie....I'm glad the article was of use for you, and i wanted to share this with you also because it seems you may have been "sucked" back in. You can only decide what to do, but it comes down to choosing and accepting that your reality and your so's reality are not the same...Hugs to you.
Tips on How to Deal with a Narcissistic Personality
Dealing with a narcissist involves s few simple strategies that should be followed consistently to keep the peace. Whether you find the following healthy or not, it is worth reviewing.
* Listen to every word that a narcissist says, agree with everything, and do not think about it afterwards.
* Never disagree with anything that a narcissist says. If you do voice your disapproval or state your disagreement with him, you will only upset or anger him.
* Do not speak of others in a more positive manner than you do of him. He needs to feel important and that he is more important than others. Reinforce this if you can.
* Exercise a great deal of patience in all of your encounters. Go out of your way to be accommodating.
* Be generous in your encounters. You can afford to be forgiving since it will help to maintain peace.
* Do not take anything a narcissist says to heart. Accept that the behavior is typical of that person and it has nothing to do with you.
* Realize that you cannot fix a person who displays narcissistic personality disorder symptoms. You can attempt to change situations to create a smaller impact, but you cannot cure him.
info from samvakin
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:40:24 AM | qrkgrl....I don't believe that the name at bottom of your post is an author? Those words are an old Catholic expression meaning "Lord have mercy on us!" ("Kyrie Eleison")
Was wondering where the article came from for the attack-sceptics on another thread.
And Sam Vakin is an admitted NPD. He speaks from experience..hehheh. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/31/2007 10:01:49 AM | | I have read Sam Vakin he is truly very knowledgable about this desease the woman/men that stay with these people may want to look into "Inverted Narcissist" | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/31/2007 10:19:55 AM | Oh my God a carbon copy of the guy in Clinton Twp, who goes to all the catholic dances and does this to all the women for the past twenty yrs, it gives his a high, so sick glad I got out of that relationship, once he showed his true colors like the others stated in this forum, once you question their lies they want out to find another to fool. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/31/2007 10:33:06 AM | | islgurl- ...i understand what you're saying...i copied and pasted-combined alot of the info i have years ago and unfortunately i had to avoid saving sources that could lead my x to finding me on a support/info website..so i never saved them. Sam V's book's and info were very helpful to me, as well as Patricia Evans books/website. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/31/2007 11:02:24 AM | | Yes Moto..mine still doesn't pay child support..the way he set it up and still spends all of his responsibilities money on himself, while my kids go with holes in their shoes, clothes that don't fit. I go to food banks to supplement the job I have ( I am a firefighter/Medical first responder, working 24/7 paid by every call I go on, which is about 90%) and raising 3 kids is hard to do alone.He goes to restaurants, wines and dines others with himself but not his children. I could care a less what he does with his money his time..however I would like for him to at least meet his childrens basic needs. They deserve alot better than they are getting from him..by the way mason jars??? what a coward..mine pointed a gun at my daughter. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/31/2007 12:24:42 PM | When you meet and he thinks that you are wonderful,.he puts you on a pedestal and promises you the world. So sweet and clever and loving. Then he starts chipping away, telling you how the relationship is going to end and of course how unworthy you are and how you will be punished if you don't behave ( the actual quote was.. you can smack or take a childs toys away when they misbehave, but with ******* I withdraw my love) thus trying to mentally destroy you. Yes ... I married and have now divorced him,heed the warning.. if it sounds to good to be true... it usually is! | |
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