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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/3/2007 3:28:36 PM | | Narcissist? Gods yes I have dated a couple. Those get old though because of the "I" problems they have "I, I, I, Me, Me, Me, I, I, I, yadda-yadda-yadda!" so now I screen them. I talk to them on the phone first. If it's all about them, bye-bye - move on down the road honey. Don't need ya. Ain't THAT desperate - regardless of how hot you are. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/3/2007 7:39:26 PM |  ONE thing I HAVE noticed in my recent dating...AND heard repeated same stories from friends also now dating...MEN (sorry guys!) talk about themselves...in the first few dates. SWEAR!
I now watch for it...for laffs.
I have had 4 hour phone chats where I ended up knowing their family stories, fav foods, kids, where they grew up, etc. and they never ONCE asked anything about ME. I mean...countless times. Cracks me up.
I gave up even thinking a guy wants to know much about ME at the beginning..hehheh! It's true! Just pay attention. EVERY date I have been on, every phone conversation...I have ended up knowing a LOT about HIM, and the guy barely knows my hometown.
And every woman I have talked to says the same.
BUT..they have NOT been narcissists...not clinical.
Not NPD's. NOT the clinical-types. Believe me..you learn to see the "signs"!
ALL of us are Narcissistic in many ways...esp when we want to impress another.
BUT...NPD is a serious and horrific personality disorder to encounter...and survive if involved with one.
Having a healthy, and little overboard, ego is different. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/5/2007 2:43:47 PM | | I dated one for almost a year & half and I don't think he knew my last name or my kids names. Obviously I didn't take him seriously and thats certainly one of the reasons. And ,of course, I knew his complete background although I'm sure he lied about alot of it. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/5/2007 4:09:11 PM | Many people seem to be under the impression that the definition of a narcissist is someone who doesn't care at all about other people. This not not even remotely the case! In fact, the only thing a narcissist really cares about is what other people think-- about him (or her). They will go to the extreme of becoming a martyr to gain other people's admiration.
Islgurl's post (#719) is a perfect example of a narcissist. I could change the "he"s to "she"s and the "she"s to "me"s and it would be uncannily similar to my own experience with an NPD. Down to withdrawing when children entered the picture, passing blame for problems, even the sudden reversal in concern for the children when circumstances changed.
*** The best tactic I've found yet for uncovering an NPD is to ask them about their old friends, because they go through friends like most people go through clothing- wearing them until they are out of style, worn out, or no longer fit right. If their closest friends are only a few years old or less, if you see a string of old, used-up friendships that turned sour (through no fault of their own of course!) then you have most likely uncovered the trail of a true NPD. *** | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/5/2007 7:04:08 PM | Nice Nexus but you may never know if they have old, used up friends. As in my case, NPD hasn't lived in the same state/country for more than two years. And has no friends locally.
Sure they may say they have lots of old friends, they may say lots of things. But they aren't willing to get you very involved in their life or real past because that intrudes in their need to be alone.
NPD's are all different, the one I knew is 44 years old and is no longer able to keep up the 'normal' persona for very long. Time takes its toll on these folks. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/9/2007 12:05:46 AM | Wow...look at my lil' thread!!! Unbelievable!
I've been a complete ass about keeping up, please forgive me. The quads, and the man (now the "fiance"!!) have been pretty time consuming. But I wanted to post to let y'all know that I've come through for quick reads now and again, and I'm just so pleased that so many people have found comfort, help and information here amongst one and other.
My ex is still out of state (thankfully) and still playing the role of concerned parent via phone calls. But he doesn't darken our doorstep and these days when the false promises start coming, we just shake our heads and laugh after hanging up. We all know the drill, and so does he. Unfortunately, he will never be self aware enough to admit it.
I've got loads of pages to read yet, but know that I'm thinking about so many of you that I got to know a bit here. I'm proud, awed and inspired by the fact that the topic is still going even though its because many of us have shared such negative experiences.
Blessings to each and every one of you. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/9/2007 12:23:20 AM | | to bad he didn't have a twin. he could of dated himself.you should have bought mirrors with slight impefections and put them all over the house.then maybe he would get over it..... | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:42:57 AM | Um......I recently married one and my life has been an absolute hell ever since.
However, I have a solution to his being a self-absorbed jerk.....................................
PARTY AT MY NEW HOME FOR EVERYONE ON POF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, I'm going to refer to it as a support group meeting, (ahem) now that we have that all cleared up, watch my profile and as soon as I have set a date, I will post it there.
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:43:52 AM | Um......I recently married one and my life has been an absolute hell ever since.
However, I have a solution to his being a self-absorbed jerk.....................................
PARTY AT MY NEW HOME FOR EVERYONE ON POF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, I'm going to refer to it as a support group meeting, (ahem) now that we have that all cleared up, watch my profile and as soon as I have set a date, I will post it there.
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repa
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Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 735 | |
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:55:11 PM | | Yes I have, he had a facelift, nosejob and botox done. And i have heard he is thinking of a penis enlargement as well. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:59:01 PM | Hell no, but I married TWO!!! lol....they were so in love with themself, they had no room to love anyone else!!!! Oh well....now I just hide all the mirrors, lol. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:29:23 PM | | Amen Nexus....great insight...about the friends...or lack thereof. I hear ya islegirl....that too is a given. I,I,ME,ME, lol its like a broken record. Did the guy even ask you your name? Sheesh! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU INCLUDING YOU QUADMOM and congrats on your engagement! Great forum! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:50:22 PM | | Do Narcissist admit they are narcisstic? I dated one and fell in love with him, but he had no time for me. He was a musician which unfortunatly many are narcissistic. His music, his instrument, his talent, his audience, his time are all wrapped up in himself and what he did. No time to love someone. Its difficult because a I am attracted to guitar players. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:48:21 PM | Again, i see confusion even in the minds of professionals. If narrcisus were a man then narcissum would be prevelent in this gender I would commonsensely observe. All indications I have are that narrcissus was a woman who fell in love with her own image in the pond she was staring into and eventually drowned. Of course, this is mythology and those who would believe that men have NPD more than women have never studied humanities apparently opting for hard determinism and science. In disregard of common sense and history, I find them lost in the pond of debate. Only looking for answers which would further the feminist cause. I'm definately positive the ladys predominate this disorder...sorry
oh brother oh brother oh brother oh brother oh brother...I about laughed myself silly over this comment!
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islgurl..when I sought out help for dealing with my NPD ex...most so called therapists didn't know what I was talking about or weren't familiar with it much. I couldn't tell you how uneasy I felt! Most were full of their own self importance like the NPD ex so I knew I was in the wrong place. You aren't kidding this brings out the kooks..even the professional kooks. But I think I read somewhere most are NPD's.
However, I did have to dig deeper and I then found the light at the end of the tunnel. I met every kind of therapist that give them a bad name lol. The people I am with now really know how we survived something awful...they understand the difference between an unspeakable abuse, that leaves a mental residue, and one that leaves a visual bruise. Both are bad, but I wish the courts would recognise mental/emotional abuse more. The comment above was spoken by an ego driven, pompous windbag who likes to hear himself pontificate on his own opinions. Yes I too took humanities, science,physics,chemistry, math, medicine, and human behavior. Hmmmmm....If I ever sound like him ,slap me. | |
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sava88
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Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 741 | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:52:01 PM | Gosh quadmom,
Have been reading most of the posts back to you and they are certainly stunning.
Sick to find ourselves stuck and having fallen hard for such, even harder sometimes to break free.
Have some great books to share if anyone is interested in furthering their knowledge on the subject as they have helped me immensely, yet feel still in recovery of sorts.
They are listed (for me as) best first, onward
(some are older and got off ebay/amazon dot com)
as library did not have all titles available or wanted a shelf copy for myself for future reference (ya know - gee like in case I'd happen to forget!)...
1. the emotionally unavailable man by Patti Henry
2. the men we never knew by Daphne Rose Kingma
3. overcoming passive-aggression (how to stop hidden anger)
by Tim Murphy & Loriann Hoff-Oberlin
4. the irritable male syndrome (4 causes depression/aggression) by Jed Diamond
5. I don't want to talk about it by Terrence Real
6. how can I get through to you by Terrence Real
7. alpha male syndrome by Kate Ludeman & Eddie Erlandson
Grant you the first 2 books are the best regarding subject here but the others fall shortly there behind in good information reads as well as they certainly continue on in the spectrum and all inter-relate accordingly.
Seems these guys had indeed a rough childhood perhaps without the bonding we all require at an early age as the main factor with all other negative life factors falling in to place thereafter as building blocks to just who they become as adults and sadly thus. True not necessarily their fault, however...can at least state mine knew and told you in advance - well or in advance eventually anyway - once smitten of course!, then it is your own fault as that is like everyone else has stated as "the norm". Gosh just totally sucks and is so unfair. Hope I can continue with my head above water and eventually get out before I totally drown, that would be of course in my own made sorrows, right?!...ugh
wah is all I can still say for me at this point - still working on..............so.....
best wishes to all out there as we continue to live, love, and learn daily or so it would hope to seem!
NIKA | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:40:36 AM | Hello,,,I was surffing profiles, saw the interest thread "Narcissist", and began reading, and reading. How many comets, and perssonal accounts related to me, and my situation flabbergasted me. They floored me. Took my breath, litteraly began to cry.
WHAT a relief, and sensation I felt knowing it WAS NOT ME imagining that I was losing my mind.
She too had an anger streak. Fisted me in the gut over something I said, and NEVER appologised for it, and made it my fault. Always doing things to attract attention in public. Heavy flirting to the point of embarassment. They would look at me to get my reaction. Later confronting her, she would DENI any wrong doing. It reminded me of a little child with there hand in the cookie jar, and saying "I didn't do that". Then it was cute, but now it is dangerous. Because she is so riskey(sp) she was rapped, sexually assaulted, and of course blammed them, but seeing her in action I have to doubt her words. Five ex husbands now including me, four kids with different fathers all have mental issue's. She keeps trying to mend things with me. Tells me I am the only man that she has truely loved. As with others they will say anything to get what they want. Rid of her before I let her come back. Things were fine for a while, then it all started over again. I loved her, truely, but it's over. Thank GOD. I was nearly out of my mind with my own confidence. I didn't see with my own eyes, I didn't hear with my own ears, I didn't feel with my own heart. I was wrong, wrong, wrong when it came to her, and her life style. She is perfect, in her words, and CANNOT understand why I don't want her. Discribbed in other threads, she is 59, looks 49, pretty, sexy, funny, all the good traits, but all ruined by her narcissistic nature.
I wish you well, and may we both find happieness somewhere.
Rex. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:41:11 AM | Only after 24 long, hard years and 5 brain injuries during that time which heightened the "symptoms" did I discover that I was married to a man with NPD. He was also, after the brain injuries, diagnosed an acute bipolar paranoid schizophrenic with abusive tendencies who is also a pathological liar and a master at identity theft. Truly a combination from h*ll! For the last 4 years he was around, my middle daughter and I were literally prisoners in our own home.
I discovered many years into the marriage that his parents were most likely at fault. His father was a supremely controlling alcoholic and his mother was a submissive flake. His oldest brother had stress-induced asthma by the time he was 2 years old. His baby sister was still being told at the age of 35 (living at home) that she had a curfew and how she would spend her money. Scary!
He simply disappeared in 2006. Haven't seen or talked to him since. I knew when he left that he had a girlfriend much younger than himself. I had quit falling for his baloney years ago. He abandoned me, our 2 remaining daughters, and our grandchildren. I wish him luck with the rest of his life. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:32:16 AM | I WORKED for a lady whom they said was NPD. She was just as you describe and manipulated every little thing. We had meetings and it was just HER talking among 10 of us!! She was an abusive boss and an abusive parent too to her little boy. He was taken to the ER for bumps and bruises and a shoulder that was messed up from her jerking on him and pulling him on the floor through a restaurant on hard floors.
He was only 4 the poor child.
Finally she moved on and WE got rid of her. The poor baby had to live w/her as a mother. Never did hear what happened. Bet he grows up to be a messed up person huh? | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:07:49 PM | I dont care about definitions but yes; I've dated one but I'm not dumb; after the first date I dumped them. No one is that pretty to allow to have the air sucked out of the room.
Both women literally wanted me to check my brain at the door and when someone flat out thinks everything is about them, then I move on.
You say what is wrong with the boy? Typical woman. What was wrong with YOU for being mindless enough to marry him. Women choose bad men then they point the finger at the guy asking why is so bad. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:31:49 PM | A true narcissist is unable to believe that anyone else is real. They view all people (and things for that matter) as props in the movie of their life.
It isn't that they actually care what anyone else thinks of them.
I knew a true narcissist once. He was truly missing the part of the personality that makes people able to understand others.
Someone who really cared about what others think would work really hard to be a success and to be the good things that make them look better in other's opinions. A narcissist doesn't think that way. They just have no ability to have empathy or sympathy with anyone or anything.
The one I knew lost job after job... all the while it was the bosses fault. They should have been glad to have any of his time at all! Everything that was wrong was always caused by someone else. Yet.. they will take advantage of you at every turn..and play on your sympathy any chance they can. They can be very sweet when they are playing you. Very charming while you are on the hook... once landed however.. everything changes fast. Be it a romance, a job, or even a social setting. You are only a prop. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:39:24 PM | I married one - and god it was a fricking nightmare.
To be avoided at all costs - try googling 'Living with a narcissist' Scary!!!!!!! | |
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