|
|
|
|
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:58:09 PM |
Usually narcissists are male, but there have been cases of female narcissist. These people will go to elaborate lengths to maintain their facade. And believe me, I know.
op, and thank your god for that! I did not bother to read the past 30 some pages but
I was only married once and after my d the chicks who were full of them selfs I kept a wide breath from, and yes they had all the attributes in power, money and beauty but with another as a friend and partner,no way Jose! hahaha Love is not the same as ego! You have to be happy first!
imo, there phony-mess was all over and my ego was happy already and did not need the false bs!
To share and to love is more then a trophy wife. Your on the shelf to show your wares but to him or her it's just blowing smoke up your yazoo. sorry and good luck. | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:58:35 PM | I did Quazi... but my story is a long one and I don't feel the need to go into every detail...
He went to jail 5 times, receiving ridiculously short jail sentences... The last time, they transferred him to some distance away from the area my family was in... Knowing that he had to travel quite some distance to ever get back around them and had no money to do so, I felt a lot safer to disappear and that is precisely what I did.
He now has a new "target"... I stay aware of where he is and pray hard that my time in Hell is over... | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:14:28 PM | | Yes,he was diagnosed as one after alot of abuse...needless t say i am not with him anymore...plus, & this gives me the shivers, he is on this site...is very charming... | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:23:22 PM |
I did Quazi... but my story is a long one and I don't feel the need to go into every detail...
He went to jail 5 times, receiving ridiculously short jail sentences... The last time, they transferred him to some distance away from the area my family was in... Knowing that he had to travel quite some distance to ever get back around them and had no money to do so, I felt a lot safer to disappear and that is precisely what I did.
He now has a new "target"... I stay aware of where he is and pray hard that my time in Hell is over...
I'm hoping that my time with the landlord ends soon...I didn't tell you the whole story either..he knows where I am...does stuff to my car.
It's very sad when one has to say..."It's someone else's turn"...... | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:29:13 PM |
It's very sad when one has to say..."It's someone else's turn"......
But.. that isn't what I am saying... My whole point here is that control is an illusion if you become involved with someone who has NPD and particularly if there are strong elements of sociopathology as well (which in most cases there are)...
I feel extremely sorry for his new target and have often wrestled with my conscience about whether or not she should be warned, how to warn her, whether or not she would even listen... And by now, I suspect she already knows... There is just nothing I can do but pray that by some miracle, he won't hurt her... | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:46:20 PM | OP,
I did date this one guy that used to get up in the morning and the first thing he did was look at himself in the mirror. Another gf of mine had dated him too. We used to totally crack up at this guy. He was good looking, but puhleeez. LOL | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/2/2008 6:30:00 AM | | I was in love with one and we lived together for 15 years. besides always primping ina mirror , and telling you what you need to do to be perfect for him he will be a perfectionist as well. He will always find alittle dust you forgot about on the window sill or on the leaves of a plant in the hallway. He will flirt openely with waitresses at a restaurnt no matter how it affects you with no regaurds to your feelings, for his feelings are all that matters. We are still friends and I know his marriage has been hell for both of them I am only thankful I got out along time ago, I like being normal. I feel sorry for both of them. | |
|
| |
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:50:42 AM | As a Family Law Atty and former Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist I can tell you most of us have dated a pathological narcissist. Likely you just dint know it. If you have ever felt as if some one has/had a blind spot when it came to you and your needs or lack empathy for you or blow up when fragmented chances are you have found yourself a narcissist...
ER | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/3/2008 12:06:31 PM | | the true meaning of narcissist is someone who is excessively self-absorbed in themselves and puts themselves first and foremost before anyone else in their lives...they are not capable of a "healthy" relationship because they are that self-centered...basically they are looking at their own reflection in every aspect of their lives without any thought or feelings for anyone around them!! like many words, narcissist derives from the greek language...falling in love with your own reflection!! | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:48:08 AM | Hi,
I read so much about narcissism the last 2 months. So many people have been hurt. I recently went through a series of major failures in my life (and also seeing failures that were already present) and have realised, I am a narcissist. A real bad one. So I'm writing for 2 reasons -
1. I am feelingly terribly remorseful and want to share that. Probably I don't win acceptance back to the human race, but I want to try.
2. I want to explain how my type of person sees the world, why we do such terrible things. So maybe I'm seeking justification but perhaps it's of interest. However, one of the new insights I have is that it's what you DO in life that counts, not what " intentions" are within your own brain...
I'm 36. I have quite a good job and an education, but never took any personal responsibility. In any way. I have pathetically little savings, no property, I alienate my co-workers, and I'm driven to "achieve" some great status, and think that if I can only do that, everything else would be OK - my life would have "meaning". One of the symptoms is I had a "wall of anger" within myself which would "flare up" if I tried to do anything for myself - pay my bills on time, organise my apartment, etc. I didn't know why this was. I also suffered from depression - which I think is obvious, my body was just trying to "shut me down" and stop "me" destroying myself. Unfortunately, when trying to explain this to doctors, the usual response is medecine, which allowed me to continue my actions - just stopping remorse and propping up the denial. In Christian terms, you could say I have been possessed.
Recently I went into severe narcissistic injury and came to the awful self-realisation. Partly it's because (previously having obvious problems which make every sensible woman run a mile) I finally found someone who absolutely jumped on me - trying to make me into some kind of "Ken" boyfriend. She was totally unrealistic about life - wants to find a man that will care for her like a princess, doesn't see why she should have to have a job, but also doesn't want to be a home-maker, just wants to live her earlier life when she was the apple of Daddy's eye. All the red flags went up....then I began to see the same traits in myself.
So how was my personality formed? I can't say if it's nature or nurture, but both of my parents are probably narcissists. My mother is arrogant, rude, judgemental, and said to me even that the reason she had kids, was because you can't rely on friends, and it makes sure you have someone in your life. Get that! Scarily, she has even achieved it with my sister, she turned her into "mini-me", sucking her whole life into a vortex. My father is a guy who likes to be "the little professor" when out socially, and drops comments into the conversation to show how clever he is and elicit a narcisstic response. He is all face, he was respected in his career, and likeable enough in the bar, but he never spent any time with his family. My parents had no shared friends, and our house was just 4 people sitting alone in different rooms. My parents both pushed me like hell academically, and made me feel I was worthless if I didn't achieve. They felt "superior" to people who had emotion, and rationalised it away, "we're not like these emotional, touchy-feely families, that's just how we are".
I struggled through university a total wreck. I couldn't concentrate or focus on anything. When I was in my early 20s, my life was falling apart, I needed help, but there was nobody there. Dope and alcohol featured prominently. Everyone else I knew had a family to fall back on, it made me feel so much rage and anger at how unfair life was. Because I lacked empathy, I couldn't really understand other people, their problems - mine were always worst, and everyone else seemed to live a happy, entitled life! It was really insane, totally backwards. Finally I managed to get myself a good job, and my parents wanted to know me again! But only for my "achievements". I was still the same broken little boy inside. I decided what I needed was "unconditional love" and I found it in the arms of an older woman. I used her, she used me, in an appalling relationship.
Then I ran away to another country, where I could hide my problems behind "being a different nationality". This allowed me to act like a jerk with impunity for a while, living a "surface level" kind of life, while always pushing myself to death at work (the one thing my parents instilled into me). I enjoyed admiration, but never wanted anyone to get too close. I suffered a lack of relationships, and constantly tried to kill the pain, through drinking, smoking, attention-seeking, work obsession, adrenaline-based sports.
People tried to explain that to me, people who cared and saw what I was doing to my life, but I just didn't understand, I had a "block", my brain just "shut down" when faced with objective criticism. I didn't really see others as their own people, equally valid to me, and I spurned so many opportunities of friendship and love. There was always something inside that stopped me. Luckily I have always pushed people away for the most part, so I think that I ended up doing more self-harm than harm to others, but still, yes, I am a malignant narcissist, here is my confession. At the moment I'm too shocked to really help myself much, all I've been able to do is start limiting the damage I'm doing to myself and others, avoiding bad friendships, alcohol, etc. On the plus side, I think depression is gone for good. But the horror of realisation is something else... | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:55:31 AM | | As hurt as I have been from my own NPD ex..I appreciate your openness and honesty. It must feel overwhelming to realize this. I know there are specialists out there that could help you, although there are no medications for this as you know. If you can be objective and honest with a therapist and truly want help you can make your life a better place. Find a therapist that specializes in this arena. If only all Narcissists could delve deep within them and realize what you have. | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:46:03 AM | | Because there are no drugs that are able to help you may want to try living your life through a 12 step program. This program is designed for a healthier lifestyle, not just for people that have addictions, but for anyone. I personally believe we should all live our lives through a 12 step program we all would be nicer and healthier people. | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/21/2008 9:21:42 AM |
I read so much about narcissism the last 2 months. So many people have been hurt. I recently went through a series of major failures in my life (and also seeing failures that were already present) and have realised, I am a narcissist. A real bad one. So I'm writing for 2 reasons -
Congratulations on your recent revelation....burying your head would have been much easier.
I'm not a narcissist, my sister is, and my Dad was....I am borderline.
I have some thoughts and advice, based on my "revelation" of my disorder.
I apologized to the people that I had injured, and took responsibility for my actions.
I changed my behaviour (CBT is a great tool to help with that, and therapy to figure out what is "appropriate" helps immensely....because I REALLY didn't know)
Every disorder has degrees of severity....I took time to figure out where my disorder was actually a strength in my personality, and modified the strength accordingly....there's no need to jettison your whole personality (some think they have to....not good).
Some stuff had to go....distorted thoughts were replaced with healthier ones (CBT works wonders for this)
My therapist helped me with inappropriate behaviours....at times, he told me flat out that if I proceeded with MY plan, there would be consequences later, and helped me develop better plans. Once I got the hang of "appropriate" it became a lot easier, and I would ask him if I was really stuck....at that point, he was offering an opinion.
These are just some ideas that worked for me, and maybe help you find a starting point.
I'm happy to tell you that the horror of my realisation has led me to a much more content, and peaceful life. What has gone before is done....make amends where you can, then move forward.
Best of Luck...
Quazi | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:01:05 AM | I never considered how these men might be as fathers. Wow. That would mess up a child, because it sure messes up the woman who not as impressionable.
I can tell you from experience that it definitely DOES have a huge affect on a child. My b/f's daughter is having all kinds of problems and I have always tried to help but I see now that I can't. I can be there for her, but alot of the reason that she is where she is today is because of her father's narcissistic behavior. Now I have to make sure that my kids are protected from that. It is a hard decision to make but my kids don't deserve to be treated like this and also do NOT need to see their mother being put through it. | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:16:46 AM | I guess I am a glutton for punishment because this is the second time this has happened to me. It really is hard to identify, especially if you were in a long distance relationship.
My ex husband's girlfriend is a really nice lady and I want to talk to her about this so bad because I don't want her to get hurt. I only wish I had listened to his ex wife before me. What should I do? I am scared that if I say anything to her and he finds out about it, he will make my life a living hell because we have a son together. People with NPD are ruthless and they will do whatever it takes to "get back at you" when you wrong them.
I want to leave this alone and not say anything for MY sake, but I hate for this woman to get hurt. It took about 2 years for this behavior to show its ugly head to me. | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/3/2008 9:35:30 AM | I too have been through this total hell and after a year of no contact, there are really only two things I still have difficulty with.
1. I am still questioned as to why I stayed. Whenever I am asked this, I cringe. Obviously unless you have been through this horror it is almost impossible to explain. The pure rapid-fire infliction of physical, emotional, mental, financial and sexual abuse is astounding and my experience (as I'm sure is the case with many others) is so ridiculously bizarre, I don't believe Lifetime Movie Network would produce it.
That said: When asked why I stayed - here is what I say. (This actually helps ME to remember I was not stupid or somehow unconsiously attracting Satan. This answer also relieves me of reliving the terror and trying to convince someone that has also been duped by this catastrophy of a person that I was not the psych-job.)
Question: "So, how could you let someone treat you that way? I would have been gone immediately!! Why didn't you just leave?" (hahahaha)
Answer: "I'm a frog:
If you throw a live frog into a pot of boiling water, it will immediately jump out. The frog KNOWS it's hot and dangerous and easily recognizes the urgency of the situation.
If you put a live frog into a pot of warm, soothing, comfortable water and SLLLLLOOOOWWWLLLY heat the water until it boils - the frog will stay until it is boiled to death. "
That is the only explanation I give now.
2. The other most prominant and lingering issue is the fantasy I still had in my head for SOOO LONG that he was someone I loved. Somehow, it is so difficult to really let the "reality" of these fakes completely sink in. I no longer have the idealized picture in my head. This monstrosity is not "human" and so I no longer view him that way.
This is BY FAR for me the MOST liberating step I have taken to date and it helped me immensely.
I have not shared this with anyone and I'm not sure it will be helpful to anyone but I wish this had happened for me years ago.
Here it is! I was sitting at my desk working and that same fantasy just popped into my head again for the millionth time since waking up in the morning. "I love him, maybe I could have done more, maybe he's changed, maybe he really did love me...blah blah blah blah blah!!!"
I closed my eyes and told myself to STOP. I am not a formally religious person and I do not pray. I am very spriritual though and I did ask with great emotion for the universe or whoever is running this side-show to PLEASE just show me a picture of this person as he TRULY IS. Without my blinders, without my experiences coloring this in any way - good or bad.
The most amazing picture came into my head. I was so startled by what I saw I literally had to run to the ladies room to vomit. Suddenly I saw him as an enormous, grotesque fly. ...as big as a car. (stay with me here I know it's weird)
He was in the driveway of his mommy's house (where he lives) and he was waiting for me. He was slowly kind of bending his knees and then straightening them like some insects do while they are just "standing there." (hard to describe) He had blood running from his mouth and I instinctively knew that he had just devoured his recent victim and she was still recovering in his bed. He was basically letting me know it was MY TURN.
Flies search around in sh!t for their prey, they throw up on it, then feed on it. The feeding frenzy never ends. Incidentally, I do not believe Narcissists have any descerning ability so anyone is prey to them. EVERYONE is prey to them. Nothing more accurately describes him. From a flies standpoint this is totally acceptable. From a human standpoint it is pure evil.
That evil picture is now BURNED into my brain and I cannot think of him any other way.
I hope this reaches someone who needs it. It was a HUGE step in my own healing.
Love to all of you! | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/3/2008 11:54:21 AM | answer is: yes
In addition to an inflated self-image and addiction to fantasy, narcissism is characterized by an unusual coolness and composure, which is shaken only when the narcissistic confidence is threatened, and by the tendency to take others for granted or to exploit them.
Difference between a narcissist or just a plain ole JERK..
There is certainly a fine line between the two although once you have been in a situation/relationship with someone who displays narcissistic behavior YOU KNOW IT...it envelops every part of their being from the moment they awaken to the moment they fall to sleep and probably ....somewhere in the middle.....every aspect of their work, relationships, interactions with others needs to be ..the way they...want it.....it is not about you...never has been....these people are skilled at luring you in but, once you are there....you will find a whole new person at hand....the one thing i will say is they are so wrapped up in this behavior that it becomes extremely difficult for them to mask over time.....eventually it becomes so pronounced to which the reciever has no choice but to notice and take heed......some confuse this type of behavior with someone just being an as*hole, a jerk...if you will..it goes farrrr beyond that....and yes their minds do become adrift...sometimes even forgetting the mischief they've created, stumbling across their own lies and deceit...they are fortunately not as pschologically powerful as they wish....a smart person on the recieving end will discover this and end the relationship.....once i discovered i was in this type of relationship....i turned the psychological game on....and the more subtle the war the more powerful....if even to move something on the dresser two inches to the left....some of you know what i mean...
 | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/4/2008 4:39:16 AM | Thank you, Aqua, for sharing that. It not only helped you but it certainly helped me. The frog explanation is sooooooooo true and explains so well why you stay.
If I wasn't in a relationship with one and trying to get out as fast as I can, I would never have believed that a human being who supposedly loves (but we know they are uncapable of love) me could treat me this way. He never ceases to amaze me by the things he says to me.
This morning I was called a Looney **** and that I was crazy as hell. Anyone that has been through this or are going through it now knows that it only gets worse. I am fortunate that I know what his behavior is now and can deal with it better but you canNOT deal with a narcissist. There is absolutely NO WAY to deal with you unless you lose yourself in the process. I am NOT willing to do that. The only thing that I can see that you can do is to just get away, like a lot of other people said. If you have kids, it is essential that you get them out of this situation before the NPD destroys them. I have seen this happen and it is awful.
I am not crazy btw.........LOL. He would like me to think so but I know I am not..........:) | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:32:55 AM | | A big THANK YOU to the OP, because I just realized that with all the issues I've had in my previous relationship, I actually had the misfortune of dealing with a woman that apparently had NPD. It explains why she would claim to love me but treat me like disposable trash. Perhaps hers was a mild case though. | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:35:20 AM | The last time I posted on this thread, it was still new, and I was still reeling from the aftermath of my relationship with a narcissist. There were those here who said he wasn't a narcissist, because he used to say to me "I love you more than anything in the world, I can't live without you."
This was merely another one of his tricks, to keep me "where I belonged". I know now, and knew at some level then, that he is incapable of loving anyone. The only time he shows any emotion other than anger is when he's drunk, and it's completely transparent.
Next month it will be 2 years since I escaped (only fitting word here). I have yet to be involved with anyone. I no longer trust my judgment when it comes to men, and so shy away whenever one starts getting too close. These days too close is giving me their phone number. *sigh*
My ex has been involved with another girl for a year and a half, definitely proving that he can live without me. While I am very, very happy not to be his target anymore, I do wonder if she is fairing any better. I did attempt to be kind to her in the beginning, but he filled her head with so much bullsh*t that she truly believes I was to blame for everything that went wrong. *shrugs*
Unfortunately, this man (and I use that term very loosely) is the father of my 2 children. To date, he has seen our daughter twice since we left, and hasn't seen his son in about 8 months. He doesn't pay any form of support for the children, and rarely calls to see how they are doing. He hasn't called in...oh, about 3 or 4 months I guess. I asked him to sign over all of his rights to the kids, but he refused. I guess he figures he may need them for something some day...
There's so much more I could say, but why dredge up the crap? I am grateful that I escaped, and if I harbor any regrets the most prominent one is that he is my childrens father. They deserve so much better than that.
Lucid, while I admire what you wrote, I wonder if true narcissists are capable of such insight. It seems to me, and I could be wrong, no doubt, but it seems that narcissists aren't capable of such realizations about themselves. I was under the impression that narcissists lack the depth necessary to not only recognize that they are different, but to then want to change that about themselves. Narcissists tend to think it's everyone else who's flawed, not them..
Good luck to all of you, man or woman, who have the misfortune of being involved with a "true" narcissist. And for those who still are, I wish you godspeed in removing yourself from the relationship. It will not change, the only solution is escape. And yes, I too was the "frog" (awesome analogy), and it took a long time for me to wake up and notice the "boiling" water. I am thankful everyday that I did, but it didn't happen over night.
Good luck to you all, know that you aren't alone.  | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/4/2008 1:15:02 PM | | For me, there could be only one narcissisist in a relationship for it possibly work, so no. Now pass my that mirror and 'don't hate me because I'm beautiful'! lol | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:11:02 PM | | I just surived the same thing and do agree with all that is being said. LUCKY to be out is the truth. Really glad I say this.. I don't feel like i'm crazy or alone.. Thanks | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:58:28 PM | My best friend dated a Narcissist - I had never seen it listed as a "disorder" though - I always knew he was one. Why does everything have to be a disorder? I am not trying to be argumentative but am I the only one who thinks it is ridiculous that every time someone behaves badly some PHD somewhere gives it an assigned disorder name and makes a pill for it? Can't someone just be an A$$hole? Sometimes people choose to behave badly - they ARE selfish & self absorbed. I can't help but feel people are looking to qualify their behavior by naming it as a syndrome so it is no longer their fault or responsibility. (ie: the modern day way of finding someone or something outside of ourselves to blame)
Closest example I can think of that personally effected me is my step-daughter. When she went into Kindergarten the teachers tried to label her as ADD and wanted her on ridalyn. It was pure nonsense. Let's medicate our kids so they are easier to manage! We addressed behavior and set boundaries/guidelines, eliminated processed foods from her diet and TALKED to her about her behavior. Guess what? She formed better habits and improved dramatically. And whenever she spent a vacation week with her mother and ate all kinds of crap food she had behavioral problems for days til her system was rid of all the sugar & chemicals!
Maybe I am all wrong here and I hope I don't offend people who feel they are afflicted with a disorder - I am aware there are many REAL illnesses but I can't believe that every bad behavior requires a label and treatment. Sometimes a jerk is just a jerk. One hopes life would teach them lessons but like in the case of my best friends ex - he always managed to come out smelling like a rose. All I can do it pity him for having to live with himself. | |
|
| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:45:15 PM | salamander000 on 2/19/2007 3 09 PM
Subject: Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Message: Only a narcissist could have dated someone else who declared that THEY were also~~
michelle obama | |
|
|
| Page 35 of 36
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36 |
|
Home
login 
