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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/4/2009 7:25:19 PM | | I would like to thank Margo and Quadmom very much. I just finished dating someone and I felt like everything was wrong with me. He is on this site and started out the perfect man - until I noticed that he became like a leech and everything I said and did were wrong - and like you had experienced - he went into a rage when you had the nerve to say anything. Met him on this site - he's still on this site - and comes off like a poor caring victim. Let me tell you, after he leeches onto you and realizes he can't get any more from you - he moves on. He had just declared his love and how I was the only person who made it possible for him to handle his job, life, everything and within 2 days of breaking up - he updated his profile on this site and stated that his ex (me) was just an angry person - angry at everything and everyone and he wants to be surrounded by a more positive atmosphere. I have never been described as this and my friends were so happy that he was gone since he didn't want to ever visit any of my friends with me and wanted me around him all of the time. Does any of this sound familiar or am I confusing it with the guy simply being a jerk? | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/4/2009 7:46:34 PM | I get better looking every day. I can't wait till tomorrow.
No, all seriousness aside, contrary to popular opinion I am not perfect.
I have never dated a Narcissist but I have worked with a few. It wasn't easy. In fact, it was a nightmare. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/4/2009 8:29:48 PM | SO many things, Thank God in the past.
He used to:
Get really ugly over something, in a soft, easygoing voice. he'd insult me, accuse me. AND then wait......and when I got upset, my voice showing hurt, and being raised, to ask a question, or speak to him, he'd say: Listen to you, what is WRONG with you, why are you so angry?
I rehearsed all of my conversations before I spoke to him. If I said the wrong thing, I KNEW how it would go. I got so sick and tired of "walking on eggshells", afraid of my own husband, afraid of my PUNISHMENT for having my own ideas, thoughts and feelings.
He would use his own anger, against me. When we had conflict(who doesn't w/one of them?) and I would want to talk, to work things out, he'd go off, say to the garage, or to lift weights. If I would pursue the conversation, by showing up in that space, he'd often slam down whatever was in his and, put on his shoes, and stomp out of the house, saying" see, look, now you make me have to leave the house.) Often, he would sleep in his office, at work, bc he knew it would upset me. Once I reached up to take his headphones off, as he was staristeppign away IGNORING ME......and he glared at me, got 2" from my face, shaking he was so violently angry and said SOFTLY as can be........see, now I can tell the judge that you hit me as well. WTH??? he actaully wrote in his stupid journal, that he kept on the dining room table, for all to see, that I hit him.
He kept a list of MY faults in his wallet. Really Sick.
He was sort of an extreme opposite sort of one. Instead of being jealous and demanding, he could care less. His punishment for me, was removal of all touch and affection. He dare not let his foot touch mine in bed, he would sleep in the spare room, overnight, then days, then longer. He did have a drinking problem, and later I found that he hid his bottle of scotch in there. But he never asked me anything, about my day, nor would he say hi when he got home, or goodbye when he left. He would ignore me, never sit with me, even in front of the children, and then sit and say grace for my cooking, while I meanwhile wanted to puke. The end came in a foreign country and he used my lack of resources, family and friends to his best advantage. He refused to ride in teh car with me, would even ride his bicycle to work 4 miles, in snow to avoid it and we worked 4 bldgs away from one another. He tried to turn my daughters against me, and allowed the oldest to behave rudely and disrespectfully towards me ( we had been united as parents, in years past), but now, he would take their side, often belittling me or my judgement and opinions in front of them. he would say "your mother" this or that.
OK, this was after many years, he sort of "came out". He was not like this for all of the 23 years, or I would have left years prior. It was as if he had been tortured by being with me, for years, and had to punish me, until I left. He would NEVER have left. He wanted me to be the bad guy.
Once he was in full bloom, it'd be.....You make me sick. I can't stand you. I honestly believe it was because I KNEW he was being abusive and called him on it. Often, they accuse YOU of being abusive.
Once he refused to look at me during a serious conversation. He literally turned his back to me and refused to face me. I swear, he would never do that to another human, but me. I think it was one of the most dehumanizing things he even did to me.
I have explained a little of this to my now SO, but really, he will never know the depth of the crap I dealt with. You become numb to emotional pain. They suck the life right out of you, and all the while make you think you are the crazy one. Crazymaking....that is what it is called. HA.
One conversation stands out, in my mind. We were in divorce mode, overseas, it was cold and palpable in our house. I hated it, for my daughters, but I could "kiss up" to him no more. A spade must be called a spade and I called him out. He has a pretty serious drinking problem(denied, and I was told it was MY problem). Whatever or however that is possible, who knows. He was trying to convince me that I was mentally unstable, and needed to see a dr. I was like, oh, really, what sort of a doctor, and well, you would go with me, wouldn't you, bc they'd probably want to talk to you, to hear what you have to say. I said, ok, if you go with me, I will go with you to AA. WOWWWW what a reaction. I was mentally ill, but he had no drinking problem. HAHAHA. Yeah, they have no problems, except YOU. It is ALL YOUR FAULT AND DO NOT EVER FORGET IT>
I forgot it...............hahahahahahahhaha | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/5/2009 6:45:53 AM | Oh my goodness, I was meant to read these posts! Had never heard of this before and I am actually feeling like I need to vomit!
All I can say is thank you Lord for letting me see this and for taking a man out of my life. I cannot believe I was sucked into it myself but now I KNOW it wasn't me it was him. Glad we never got past anything that led to the intimacy, 6 months was enough I can't imagine one more day like some of you endured.
I was so trusting and naive, faithful and loyal and now I see no matter what I did it was never right, never good enough and I have accused him of having no heart and he does not, very cold uncaring and indifferent. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/5/2009 8:53:15 AM | | yep i dated someone who really thought i wanted his ring. He just told me "i know you want to marry me" or "i know you can't do better without me". He thought he was all that. He said he could get anyone i wanted. And i got pregnant by him too. And a month after we broke up he married someone else. But karma is kicking him now as they are getting divorced and im happier than ive ever been! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:44:42 PM | | I have heard everything,,, you make me sick , I dont want to talk to you, I never wanted you to come to Florida ( after asking me to get a LOAN for a place and I did it). He held the title for over a year and never got it titled but made sure he got the receipt for it in HIS name only. I got yelled at for not washing the car and his tennis shoes one weekend. ( this was after I caught him on the website ). What he did was in an attempt to take any pressure off of himself would be to blame or pick a fight with me about something trivial and of no real value as if that were an appropriate excuse to date behind my back. Everyday that I open my eyes I see how truly blessed I am that I had the courage to tell him to leave. He also lied to the women on this dating website too. He had the wrong age., sign and now took his profession off pssssst ladies he is a truck driver !!!! Ive seen him call himself by different names when making dates with women. I am in communication with two ( since we parted ) who admitted he NEVER told them about me and the he only came around them when it was convenient for him . There were calls, texts, pictures, numerous phone numbers and all were on his route. Not to mention hotel rooms, etc, while I deprived myself from getting things , he was out here having a good time looking for his next victim to drain the life out of. Its unbelievable what someone like this can do... then laugh and say you're crazy and a whacko and anything else they can think of. I have to say... there must be a God. And I shall thank him daily for bringing me peace and happiness once again. All I can tell anyone is to run with your life at red flags ... there is no way these people change. They own NOTHING. I have so many good things happening for me now. I am so happy to be looking at my future instead of wondering, worrying and knowing he is lying to me every day. I am posting here so if there is anything I can say to help anyone in the same or similar postion I want to do so. I can say this... TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS AND GET OUT AT THE FIRST SIGN DONT WAIT ! Its not as easy to leave as you think and I can assure you it will never get better. He has told women who contacted me and told me he was hitting on them ( as they didnt know we were a couple and this angered him) that after reviewing her picture he wouldnt see her anyways because she was too fat for him... Meanwhile he has a protruding stomach, and bad feet from athletes foot. But he put her down terribly because she told on him. Ughhh there was no end to his insults and anger and lies. But for me now, I tiptoe around no one. Im living ! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:21:34 PM |
comes off like a poor caring victim.
I believe that my exH is NPD. In the beginning, this was one of the most outstanding things about him. He was a victim all his life of circumstance and unscrupulous people and I bought his sob story hook, line and sinker! Eventually, as things still didn't work out for him, he blamed *me*. NPD's do not take responsibility for their own actions. Their downfall is always the fault of another.
This has become a red flag for me - someone's life is in the sh*t and everybody else is to blame. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:06:11 AM |
I believe that my exH is NPD. In the beginning, this was one of the most outstanding things about him. He was a victim all his life of circumstance and unscrupulous people and I bought his sob story hook, line and sinker! Eventually, as things still didn't work out for him, he blamed *me*. NPD's do not take responsibility for their own actions. Their downfall is always the fault of another.
Similar story here, Lil Brooker.....
Even after nearly eight years of separation, and numerous very bad financial decisions...that, of course he had no choice but to make....but that left him much farther in the hole than he had been....
He now is trying to get me to "help" him choose a new career. No way I'm "helping".......when it doesn't work out (and his attitude ensures that it WON'T) it can be MY fault for picking the wrong career for him......and wasting his time, money, etc....... | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:57:22 AM | My ex NPD didnt keep a list of my faults, that I know of. He did, however, have a "file" on me, in his office. In this file was everything he knew about me. He had copies of letters he sent to me. Yet he didnt keep my letters to him. Weird. What he thought, or felt, was much important that how I thought or felt. He threw away the letters I wrote him, they were too incriminating for him to chance anyone seeing.
He forged my name and got a copy of my credit report. He would go to banks to see how much money I could borrow. He couldnt understand why I would be upset. Since he was thinking about marrying me, he should have to right to my soul. He wanted full control of my finances. He couldnt be with someone who didnt trust him enough to manage their money, and take his financial advice. I made the mistake of asking him to drop off one of my paychecks into the bank for me, since he was going to town anyway. I had put my paycheck in a sealed envelope to be put in the drop box, but he opened it. He was always talking about my money and what he could do with it. How he would make money with it. I guess what opened my eyes was when we were seriously talking about marriage and his financial plan. He wanted to buy a run down house, borrow more money to fix it up. Then borrow up to its appraisal value, and him keep the extra money. He was talking an extra 20-25,000 dollars. I was to pay the mortgage and household bills, and if we were to divorce, he would get half of it. Meanwhile, though, I was to sign a prenup regarding any property or business he had. yet he would have full control of my money. He had the nerve to actually say that to me. He would try to gloss over some things, thinking I wouldnt understand. I wasnt a bookkeeper for 8 years for nothing.
My children, according to him, were spoiled. They could get just as nice clothes at the goodwill, or yardsales. And when they turned 18, they were to be kicked out. He was very jealous of my love for my children. Whether I was buying my son a trumpet for band, when he was 12, NPD thought he should work and pay for it himself, or talking to my 3 year old daughter "Who is your best friend?" "You are mommy, who is your best friend?" And I would answer back, "You are sweetie". He would roll his eyes and say "whoever heard of having a 3 year old for a best friend. He couldnt grasp that love concept, and would tell people my best friend was a 3 year old, as a put down to me.
He always talked to strangers about how stupid I was about some things. Because I didnt agree with him, to borrow $50,000 and invest it. We could, evidently have made all kinds of money, and I was stupid to not do it.
Even when you make up your mind to not have anything to do with them, they still manage to intrude into your life. And blame you for being so insensitive and holding grudges against them. Even after 3 years, and who knows how many women, he still gets messages to me, on way or another. Ultimately, it has been 6 years of fighting to make that man leave me alone. My daughter, who is now 11, told me last night that someone her babysitter knows, was told to give my daughter a message from the NPD. Just a "hello" but enough for me to know he is still out there, waiting, and watching, and talking about me, intruding. They dont give up. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/6/2009 3:23:47 PM | ^^^That is just plain creepy!!!!! I once heard, that hey can often pass test given with a lie detector. BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE THEIR OWN LIES. As in they are convinced thoroughly that whatever they think/say is the truth. No margin for error there. LOL Mine was active military, so it was doubly his way or the highway.
He also blamed me for his actions. I could have been the man who drank at bars, but I didn't. See, you made me so mad, I have to get out of the house. See what you made me do? You push me and it's all your fault.
I heard on a Christian station today, that with children, discipline without relationship causes rebellion. I can attest to that, with both of my sons. They have turned out to be fine young men, but the oldest, who was held the most accountable by the NPD dad........is like him, in some ways. I cannot comfortably broach delicate(about his son, , you know, heart matters, or even some other things, comfortably. It is as if the ex is standing there. He is the one whose arse got whooped the most. No room for opinions, or even just making mistakes. After we split up, the ex sent him this LONG email...About how I was SO difficult to get along with, and wanted all of his time, and how he wished he had not spent that time w me, but w he and his brother, but what could he do? He wanted to make me happy after(insert finger into back of throat here..........gag).It went on, basically ripping my character to shreds, and apologizing for what he did not do. SO much bs. This man NEVER, in 23 years, asked me what I wanted to do on the weekend, or any other time, for that matter. He worked out, did his own thing, ALWAYS. He also told him, that he would listen to me tell him what the did after work , so he HAD to discipline them (yeah, I MADE him beat them) HA. Oh the times I cried, bc he beat their little backsides, and my heart was wrenched for them. Sometimes, he'd go to them and talk, but the discipline was SO harsh and unfitting for the crime, that they never heard him, but grew numb. It is sad, bc to this day, he does not really know any of them, bc they cannot be themselves around him. The boys are both military and he is SO proud they followed in his footsteps. The youngest son said to me once. Mom, I pray that J____ does not look up to dad as a role model. That sucks, you know, as a mother to hear your son say that.
At my youngest son's recent wedding, we were all there, and the older brother was best man. He gave a toast, saying that the one person that he looks up to most in the world, is his younger brother. That when he questions himself, he always asks himself, what would N___ do? I was wondering what the e thought, when he said that? I bet he never noticed. it was a no alcohol reception, but he and his mother had stashed liquor in their rental car. He even reeked at the ceremony.
I hope that my consistency has left a good mark on my children. I feel as if it would have been better, if I had left the ex years before I did. But, I loved him, and believed God could and would reach him. I finally accepted that I did not have to suffer waiting for him to change, or for God to work a miracle in his heart. One heart can only take so much despair. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/6/2009 4:54:39 PM | Just reading a number of these thread replies from women who were involved with narcissists, there seem to be a lot of these blokes who went to church and were apparent leaders in their church communities.
I think the BTK serial killer was one as well, masking his viciousness behind a facade of 'respectabilty'. They like to be in control and control those around them.
I've met numerous people who don't appear to be bullies, but scratch the surface and they are every bit as brutal as the most violent man, they just inflict their brutality via subtle means, and often upon the most vulnerable in the community, women and children.
Having said that, whilst there appear to be a lot of male examples on this thread, there are plenty of women out there who do it too, it's not entirely gender-specific. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/6/2009 6:03:28 PM | I was married to one for nearly 20 years. She was always right, never wrong. Everything, and I mean everything, had to be done her way, including which way I drove home from the mall, how we loaded the dishwasher or packed the car for a trip. She'd usually wind up re-doing what I'd done because everything she did was perfect.
We have kids, so I tried everything I could to make it work. However, she abandoned the marriage two years ago and is off now with wealthy, socialite friends who are much more deserving of her wonderfulness than me...
Good Riddance (I Hope You have the Time of Your Life) ~~ Green Day
http://music.aol.com/song/player/audioplayer.jsp | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:15:36 PM | Sydney its mostly gender specific because of the social mores in the ways men are raised and expected to be. Its enabled more with men. The female version of this is histrionic PD and that too is supported by the expectations of emotionally driven genders. Men can be this too but its mostly females. NPD is mostly in males. The two are often similar in their symptoms..and behaviors. They are more than Bullies, they are sneaky manipulative and brutal when you don't do life their way..and yes subtle is a good word for sneaky and underhanded...but if you were that way to them they would limelight your mistakes...the one I know claims to be a Christian man yet he can behave in a non christian way. He stands behind God while doing all of these things to others. It has been a nightmare for a friend of mine on here. She left here when her ex showed up here and belittled and took his verbal rage out on her here. POF erased it of course, he certainly didn't like being outed. I hope shes doing alright. He's an a$$. He is roping in aother friend of mine now, and shes questioning his behavior finally. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/7/2009 4:23:56 AM | I found a very good book on narcissism that was helpful for me. It was written by a woman who'd been in several relationships with a narcissist. The traits she listed for NPD was eye-opening, and even the minor behaviors described made my jaw drop because they pin-pointed her so accurately.
It's a very helpful book when you're trying to decide if you should leave a relationship, or if you've done the right thing by letting it go. It may be out of print because I just checked Amazon and the prices range from $22 new to $371.00 used! Though most copies were between $35 and $75. The title is below:
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When Your "Perfect Partner" Goes Perfectly Wrong: Loving Or Leaving The Narcissist In Your Life (Paperback)
by Mary Jo Fay (Author) | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:26:59 AM | I know that we're on the internet, and describing a certain symptom can change the "appearance" of the disorder completely.
I am in no way suggesting that your wife is not a narcissist aries4309....but maybe she has a concurrent disorder....OCPD.
I'll let you read it for yourself....
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Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder/OCPD.
What is OCPD and how it relates to OCD.
This is a Personality Disorder.
Although some similarities, even just by name, OCPD is not directly linked to having OCD.
A small number of those suffering from OCD also have the collection of Personality Traits that make up OCPD.
OCPD is characterized by the person being really rigid, inflexible, seeking perfection, a preoccupation with rules, schedules and list and an excessive devotion with work. Although they might actually be successful in their job, they tend to not find pleasure in this.
The symptoms may cause extreme distress and interfere with the person's occupational and social functioning.
The Difference.
Most of this behavior, although found somewhat within OCD too, is not backed up by rituals or obsessions and is rather a personality pattern based upon the above- mentioned characteristics. Those that have both disorders may see a favorable change in their personality once their OCD is successfully treated.
Useful links concerning OCP.:
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.
Symptoms: Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.
Dual Diagnosis and the Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.
"Cluster C: The Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) Essential Feature.: The essential feature of the obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is a preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency. Individuals with OCPD are conscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about morality, ethics, or values. They may force both themselves and others to follow rigid moral principles and very high standards of performance. They are inclined to be severely self-critical. These individuals are deferential to authority and rules. They insist on literal compliance, regardless of circumstances (DSM-IV, 1994, pp. 669-670)."
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.
The RIGHT Stuff. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder: A Defect of Philosophy, not Anxiety by Steven Phillipson, Ph.D. "Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) is a pervasive characterological disturbance involving one's generalized style and beliefs in the way one relates to themselves and the world. Persons with OCPD are typically deeply entrenched in their dysfunctional beliefs and genuinely see their way of functioning as the "correct" way." | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/7/2009 4:06:13 PM | I think the worst part of it all, was rehearsing conversations, in anticipation of his reactions, etc. He also twisted things, always, to make me out to be the one who caused any and all conflicts, issues, etc. Meanwhile, it was him, who subtly, sneakily treated me inhumanely and indifferently, and then when I reacted, he used it against me.
I remember, saying to myself, while hurt and crying.....why is he so MEAN to me?
CRAZYMAKING | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/7/2009 4:49:51 PM | Ahhh Yes... been there done that and even went as far as to have a child with the man. OUCH was it a long lessen in life. Funny how much one person can think the world revolves around them. :o) But go on and Smile........ life is like a box of chocolates.......... and then once you have sampled a bad one, run fast and never try it again. LOL  | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/8/2009 4:52:44 AM | | Thank you for the post Quazi. I probably wrote too much about how she was a perfectionist... This description of OCPD and OCD doesn't really describe her from my point of view, especially the parts about rigid morals and ethics, a need for orderliness, deferential to authority and rules... That was not her... She has her own set of rules and always looks to bypass authority. She's kind of a slob, but nit-picks others if they do something messy, and she had little if any conscience as far as morals and ethics. Three different counselors told me she was a narcissist without prompting. That was what first opened my eyes to NPD... | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:00:44 AM | WHAT a great topic. Yes, I have dated more than one NPD. Married one years ago.
I had only basic knowledge re: personality disorders, however now, I am an educat ed
registered nurse and specialize in mental health nursing. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!
NOW I just regard them as a free show. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:48:49 AM |
Thank you for the post Quazi.
You're welcome, aries4309....
I thought it was worth mentioning, because OCPD is often concurrent with BPD, NPD, etc., and symptoms vary from person to person.
Run into someone like that, and it can actually be painful to watch. Symptoms of BPD, NPD, can contradict OCPD symptoms, causing extreme confusion as to what the person really does think/believe.
It can also account for some contradictions coming from an NPD, BPD, ......believe it or not. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:54:39 AM | | I found out about his recent indiscretions just a few days b4 my 50th birthday. When I confronted him I met with the usual calling of names and blame ( I didnt wash the car that week or do his tennis shoes). He left I believe the day b4 my birthday but send me a card in the mail The front was yellow with a bday cake with many candles on it. Open the card and it reads.... now put your middle finger down and lets have some cake ! So as you can see after the initial anger didnt work , its always been his next move to make light of it and try to joke about it. When that doesnt work, goes back to name calling and blaming me for his behavior, along with the cold shoulder then just for punishment that I didnt accept his lie. It truly is amazing the thinking process that they have. They also expect to suffer no consequences as a result of their actions ... almost like you should be giving them a PRIZE for the behavior, expection no repercussions and most of all, keep it to yourself. Exposing them to others is something that met with very strong reaction, and much increaced ANGER. He lied to his friends, family etc about things. NEVER TELLING THE TRUTH or ACCEPTING RESONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS. And to date, the same MO. Once again, sad. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:08:30 AM | | PS with the above post I forgot to say ....he has now taken off of his profile the fact the he is a truck driver. I guess he thinks since my posts that it will help him lure in his next victim, to tell the truth or evade the very profession that allows him to live this lifestyle and lie to so many people who can't SEE what he does while he is on the road. His friend kind of explained that this is COMMON in the profession. I think that is HOGWASH making so poor an excuse for his lies. But even tho he lied to him too by telling his friend last year he was doing nothing wrong and that I think too much and am suspicious for NO REASON, his friend seems to support that behavior. But the friend did tell me that HE hates computers and sees them as a source of problems. I was also ordered to NOT contact that friend again. That friend himself or his wife NEVER told me to not contact them. EX said I was harrassing them and they would have me arrested if I did so. I only contacted them to come and get his belongings if he wanted them and that I didnt think it was a good idea to see him. I certainly wasnt harrassing them nor would I. I had no further contact after that day. But strangely he did maintain some friends but not close ones, only the ones gullible enough and blind enough to not investigate or find out the real truth, some that find his generosity of use for their own needs. One of his friends called me the day of my birthday to wish me bday thoughts. He also said "keep him in line, but I know thats mission impossible". I didnt say who had called on the phone I simply hung up. He later accused me of talking to someone else and I told him " it was your friend a-----e. To which he had NO REPLY. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:52:15 AM | They will try to avert the conversation if it has to do with something negative about them.
When I confronted my ex about women, he said, "that's not the problem here, we have to get you to quit smoking. That is the problem I want to work on".
One Friday night I was working till 7:30, i tried calling him, and he didnt answer his cell. He ALWAYS has his cell on, through movies, dinner, everything. When I got home, around 8:15, he still was answering, not even at home. Finally around 10:30 he answered. I said, "what have you been doing?" I could hear his voice crack, trying to buy time, till he thought of something. I said, "I want you to tell me who you were with tonight, and where you were. I want to hear it from you." He thought someone told me about him being in a local restaurant with a strange woman. He was with a female "friend", meeting her for the first time. he met her off the internet. He was allowed to have dinner with friends. Yeah, right. So I was the one being ridiculous. He could turn anything, to take the spotlight off him, if it was negative, or put the spotlight on him, if it was positive.
Always lecturing me about something I didnt do the way he wanted. I wouldnt work out with him at the Y. I weigh 122 pounds and am 5'5". I walk constantly in my job. He was 5'8' 205 pounds. (he lied saying he was 5'9"-5'10" weighing 180 pounds. Yet he was perfect. I wouldnt drink smoothies, like he did, yet when he ate out, he piggied out, eating his meals and what was left of mine, all the while complaining cause I didnt order low fat or sugar free food.
If something was out of place, or a dirty dish in the sink, I was ridiculed, yet his own house was filthy, and smelled of mildew, carpets stained and nasty. He griped because I had a cat in the house, yet he had 3 cats and a dirty dog, cat litter overflowing. pet hair all over the place. If I brought that part up while he was ridiculing me, he would say, he was just trying to help me, and I was trying to start an argument with him, putting him down.
He would never apologize for the things he did to me. Even when I was really hurt, he would only say something like, "I'm sorry you took it that way".
When I refused to date him, or talk to him, he would come over and keep at me, till I was too exhausted to argue about it anymore. The harassing would go on for days. He just wanted what was best for me. I guess I had the idea of "better the devil you know than the devil you dont" mentality. But gradually I did get stronger, and more insistent that he stay out of my life.
I could write a book about NPD also, but then it would just show all the crap I was actually willing to put up with. Cause I truly believed initially that he did love me, The man he wanted people to think he was, was awesome. Pleasant, loving, smiling, optimistic, giving. Then he turned into a shallow, self,centered, ego centric, lying, cheating, abusive, con artist he really is. | |
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