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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/8/2009 12:24:58 PM |
It truly is amazing the thinking process that they have. They also expect to suffer no consequences as a result of their actions ...
Right? I have a theory. It was the first kiss that got me. I felt like I was floating. My threory now is I was actually falling into a bottomless pit and his hot air just made it feel like I was floating.
What is sad is how we became the victims, probably because we really don't like to fight and confront. As one of you said, ...didn't want to fight so went along. And how much our self esteem has suffered because of these idiots. I find myself being defensive and by golly, I am not the one in the wrong! Buck up fellow sufferers of the NPD types! We will prevail! Thank goodness, in my case, everyone in town is watching my back and is more or less immune to his BS. Who knows what would have happened if I had not had the support that I do. I continue my exercises: Stand in front of the mirror and say, "no." "not happenin'" "Nuh unh" "Nope" "in your dreams" | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:18:10 AM | | This morning he deleted his account from POF... I noticed yesterday the man actually had his tractor trailer insurance on MY credit card. I immediately called them to get the charges removed. I contacted his friend last night to call him and tell him this was the end of using my credit card without my permission. THAT made him angry and this morning from his POF profile he wrote that he is glad to be away from me and that he has found someone else ! ( what a surprise as he has been on here since February). Like that was news for me today ? Crazy ! God help whoever it is that is with him now, if anyone. And God bless me as I move on. I am BLESSED today tomorrow and forever. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/17/2009 11:28:36 AM | Watch your back Petite..hes just giving you the appearance hes done messing with your life..further down the road he will re-enter with some new and improved scheme to piss on your life..thats how they are..they are vengeful and the only time they"behave" is when someone "outs" them. You have called him out..he will find a new avenue so be careful.Just like firegurls ex..he spewed venom on her and he will just find another way like he usually does. He uses his girlfriends kids, their friends, their kids..just be careful. He too can't admit hes gone over board and won't take responsibility for what he did to her too. He will just keep pointing out her flaws to cover up his own. Maybe your ex will lay low for a little while but don't assume he won't be back. Zero contact rule as Laurie says...they are left to spew in their own mess without your input. They get bored with it after awhile..and will find the new target. Be well and take care of yourself. Emotional con artist is a good term for these life sucking idiots. Forum..the smoothe operator act is so typical..they do that to keep convincing themselves they are ok. ( how deceptive, Their distorted thinking...they even feed and supply themselves) | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/17/2009 12:25:02 PM |
This morning he deleted his account from POF... I noticed yesterday the man actually had his tractor trailer insurance on MY credit card. I immediately called them to get the charges removed. I contacted his friend last night to call him and tell him this was the end of using my credit card without my permission. THAT made him angry and this morning from his POF profile he wrote that he is glad to be away from me and that he has found someone else ! ( what a surprise as he has been on here since February). Like that was news for me today ? Crazy ! God help whoever it is that is with him now, if anyone. And God bless me as I move on. I am BLESSED today tomorrow and forever.
Petite....If it were me, I would cancel the credit card. ...he should only find out about it, if he tries to use it again.
I went through the "I'll pay you back, if you let me use it" routine.....that doesn't come close to working, and feeds him better than if the card was in his own name...... | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/17/2009 2:12:45 PM | Quazi100 I agree..Petite~I wouldn't have given him the heads up through a friend or otherwise. You need to let him get caught and held accountable from someone else. It only fuels the flame. Zero contact to him or anyone else that connects you...they are clever pacifiers.."I will do this if you do this first". Its not that original and I am amazed how many fall for it but..hindsight is 20/20. Take him off everything and open your OWN accounts he is not connected to. I think alot of family members of these people always think they will change and are reluctant to lower the boom on them out of fear ect ect...at least they feel that way until they find out they are on the pointed end of a stick that was put through their backs and twisted. NO SYMPATHY...ZERO CONTACT...then you will no longer be their emotional prisoner. Go talk to someone professional that could educate you on why you chose this person. Focus on you and heal from the damages he has caused you. It wouldn't hurt to be aware of your surroundings and watch your back. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/17/2009 7:19:02 PM | Well guess who was in the email today? Must have thought I forgot after 3 or 4 months all the harsh words and treatment. Slyingly asking for a dinner date. Dutch of course. Of course I will drive over a hundred miles to be with the great "whatever". JUST TO SEE HIM DRESSED IN SOME KIND OF SUIT, PATTING HIMSELF ON THE BACK FOR WHATEVER PROJECT THAT HE HAS DONE AT WORK, BECAUSE HE DOES NOT HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF THAT. IT WAS ENDLESS CONVERSATION PERTAINING TO THAT .
But another who was banished because of all the inconsistances, sent an email like it had a question. Went through the address book contacting everyone on it so hence he responded under the pretense of ... No junk emails.. Although I had fully explained how this happened, it was like I hadn't said a word. LOL But you are right, if I take him off my address book NO CONTACT it will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! BETTER YET, BLOCK IT ALSO. NOW WHY WOULD BIG HEAD ATTACH PICTURES TO THIS MAIL??? AS IF, I ASKED TO SEE HIM. TOTAL INFACTUATION WITH HIMSELF.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD....HA HA PLEASE!!! I WOULD RATHER EAT MY OWN FECES. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:57:38 PM | | I do agree with the no contact. However, I don't agree with the blocking, for one thing they can change profiles and get around it. But mainly, better to know the enemy and where his mind is. I keep the phone number unblocked, because I don't want to make it a challenge for him. I figure it is a matter of time. Probably in about 3 months he will contact me as if nothing happened. It is his MO. I used to say, it is the world according to J****. Don't confuse him with the facts. Mind you I will not answer his calls and advise ignoring the emails. If they disturb you, don't read them, get a friend to read and just tell you the gist without having to read the poison yourself. I listen to the messages, just so I know what he is saying, thank goodness I am fairly immune to it all now. I found a pair of his shoes the other day and elected to throw them away rather than risk contact. Blocking seems to challenge these people where ignoring them seems to work. After a while they get bored and find someone else they can get a rise out of. Because, after all, attention is what they crave, even negative attention. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/18/2009 6:53:38 PM | | Oh yes, I just got out of one and what a roller coaster ride to nowhere, confusion and I just cannot describe it! Wow, these people need lots of prayers! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:29:59 AM | [do agree with the no contact. However, I don't agree with the blocking]
Thanks Beachdancer, I never thought of it like that, and besides he be to cheap to dial long distance  | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/22/2009 1:13:03 PM | | I have already contacted his insurance company for his tractor trailer and closed all accounts associated with him. As for insight into why I was with him to begin with ? I trusted until I found out. I did however become drawn into his dysfunction and by this time my heart was involved and my biggest mistake was not ending it sooner. I could have spared myself alot of grief and pain. So they say live and learn... it would never happen again. I had actually never met anyone like this before but could smell it at 500 paces now. LOL Anyways life is so much better and I am thankful every single day now that I have moved on as well. I have zero contact with him and he has no way of contacting me. I want nothing to do with him and pray for him as well. He is obviously a very sick individual and bitterness at this point is leaving slowly and being replaced by forgiveness. But I would under no circumstance go back. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/23/2009 8:47:57 AM | Yes they know how to hold a grudge and bitterness is their middle name. Long term counseling helped my friend firelady to figure out what her stuff was about and why she attracted such an emotional vampire and what to do about him. He's gone silent again, just a facade to make him look innocent. He's really tightened the grips on my other friend( his new target) and is now living with her in HER trailor at the trailor park. Either he's a tightwad or wants to assert more control over his new target. I feel sorry for what he has done to his own kids, they are great kids only because firelady pulled them away from the dysfunction. She is a great mom! Everyone knows it! If it wasn't for me going with my gut when I met him, I would have never given her a chance. I am proud to say I think my friend who is dating her ex would like her too. Firelady has overcome so much, if you only knew where she has come from and what she has done with it you would be impressed. He's just mad she survived it and is still standing on her own, much wiser to him I might add. She knows what her ex is doing to his new plaything, and feels sorry for my friend. Remember zero contact.
My "other friend" who is dating firelady's ex husband however is in deep. Her kids are screwed up and don't like him. They act out and its really amazing how his dysfunction sends everyone into a tailspin. Maybe he has her twisted up in his sick game, but her kids see it. My "other girlfriend" really screwed up her marriage and her guilt now keeps her with someone that will eat her alive emotionally. The nasty note she left for firelady really surprised me. Not too long ago she was screwing him in the backseat of a car while he still lived at home with firelady. She was also still married. What a victim he is..he got serviced! Probably told her how bad his life was, but never told her it was his behavior that got him where he is. Alcoholics and Narcissistic PD's are master manipulators. My other friend has pulled away from all of us, sounds like he's doing the same to her that he did to his ex wife. After meeting him and seeing the dynamics of everyone while he is around, my friends life is definitely changed for the worse. Shes blind to him because of his charm, her guilt of her last failed marriage, her kids behave in a bad manor. They really hate him. He just snubs them with a smirk as if to say " what are you going to do about it pal"?
He thinks he's really charming and handsome( yuck) so does she, but she has no idea what she's in for. I liked her ex husband and even he's drained from her italiano antics. Her choices are very poor and driven by lack of self esteem. He feeds off of it for his own gain. I wish my girlfriend would sit down and just talk to Firelady, I know she would stop talking badly about her. He's got her so convinced that his ex wife is evil. I have heard her repeat word for word the same exact phrases he says about his ex wife and their kids.( in front of her kids)! All their kids go to the same school so this continues through her kids to firelady's kids without him having to be present. He has a network that would make NBC spin to get his dirty work done through others. None of them realize they are being used in his sick game. His God Complex kicks in everytime its in question. I think his robe and staff are just a wolf in sheeps clothing. I hope my girlfriend gets her head and heart together, her kids( she has 8) are already screwed up from her divorce, what does she think his dysfunctional damage will do? One of her younger kids is so impressionable without his dad around. Her oldest daughter was knocked up and had the kid. One of her oldest boys just broke off a relationship with his long time girlfriend because he got someone else pregnant. Her other son who is well over an adult age was caught having sex with minors.( he 19-she was 14 at the time)..maybe in her household they are giving these kids the impression this type of behavior is acceptable? I dread to think of what a role model firelady's ex will be to these kids??? Bad behavior is ok if they do it but not alright if anyone else does? She has no room to talk about firelady, she should be putting her focus on her kids and hope he doesn't play divide and conquer with them too like he did to fireladys older kids. I am losing respect for her every time I see them. He's just a deadbeat dad trying to make it acceptable. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:12:42 AM | | Everyone is selfish. People are like animals in many ways. For example, bears. A mother bear thinks about her cubs and takes care of them. A male bear thinks only about his needs. Most men are like male bears. Blame it on NATURE or GOD. I watched a video about elephants. There was a family of female elephants and the young ones. In the family females take care of each other. That should be a woman's nature, but many women are narcissists. Back to the elephants. A big mature male was approaching the group - he wanted sex. He picked a very young female, one year under age. Having seen the huge male she got scared and started running away. He went after her and got her. Many men are like that - they get obsessed with very young girls. Women who expect men to be like them are not wise. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/15/2009 7:57:23 PM | | This disorder is far worse than nature..NPD makes mother nature look like a saint...you clearly aren't seeing what we are talking about. However I do understand most people are conditioned to thinking selfishness in men is normal. This is far from the personality disorder we are referring to. Read more and you will see what we are talking about. I think what you wrote though is what sets up the genders for putting up with this type of behavior and excusing it. Narcissistic personality disorder is an actual dysfunction that can destroy anyone in the life of the NPD. Not to be taken lightly..they are dangerous people..very kniving.. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/19/2009 3:41:33 PM | I lived with one for a year.
This is a long thread and I haven't read overy word of it, but I see that several posters have recited the list of narcissistic traits, which I also read a few years ago in the late Seattle Post-Intelligencer, and it made a big impression on me becasue I realized how many narcissistic people had played big parts in my life. There's a lot more to being a narcissist than just being vain. My heart goes out to the person who said he was raised by one, because that must be truly rough. I had them in my family, but wasn't actually raised by one.
The lack of empathy is probably the worst one because that's what causes the person to have no real motivation for changing. I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist but I think that a milder case has a potential for changing. I think that belief in religion or some higher power or something greater than oneself can help. The trouble with narcissists is they don't really believe that there's a power higher than themselves.
I read a true crime book a few months ago in which the author listed the characteristics of a sociopath and I was struck by the similarities to narcissism--it's as if a sociopath is a narcissist on steroids.
A lot of famous and accomplished people have been narcissists and I notice that they seem to admire and approve of each other from a distance. Up close of course, there would be too much rivalry.
Because of my experiences I would not give a relationship like this a good prognosis and don't think a person could be blamed for seeking divorce. After all, counseling isn't going to have much effect on a narcissist becasue it involves the things they are not about--empathy, admitting when they're wrong, telling the truth, coming to terms with reality, etc. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/19/2009 5:38:04 PM | I think that a milder case has a potential for changing.
There is no changing. There is no therapy - they have been known
to even con professionals.
This is pathology. This cannot be treated with meds or therapy.
It is someone who has been wired in thier brain to stand still as a six
year old.
It is not inherited - it just happens. It is not a chemical imbalance.
it is actually a brain disorder. It actually happens when the brain is
developing.
There is no cure. The best thing is to run as fast as you can or you
can either crack thier mask - so they see they cannot get anymore
attention from you or you dont pay much attention to them - they get bored
and find a new supply.
These types of people will suck everything out of you - use you, the children,
your friends. Spread lies about you and do anything to get back at you when
you catch on.
The only time they will come back to you is because they think they can
get something else out of you- its all about them.
They have no empathy, lie, have a parasitic lifestyle, manipulate,
have a high self attitude, indiscrimate sexual conquest, cheat,
relationship problems includng multiple marriages - just a few things they exhibit.
Some high level narcissist will plow down anyone in thier way to reach
thier highest potential in thier jobs - sometimes without even the most
qualifying job skills - just by thier lying and manipulation of others.
Some low level narcissist will just use you - manipulate you, live off of you,
and when they have sucked the life out of you or you are not giving them
what thier self absorbed self desires they will find a new supply that will.
Make no mistake- they do not love you - they can not feel love. They dont
know how. They dont feel anything- they mirror you and study you on HOW
they should be feeling and acting.
Get away and stay away. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/19/2009 6:36:57 PM |
Make no mistake- they do not love you - they can not feel love. They dont
know how.
I think I have to disagree with this....I'll tell you why.
I have an ex-boyfriend who has a daughter, that he has moulded into a carbon copy of himself.
This daughter fully admits that she lives for her father, and is very frightened of what will happen when he dies........even though she has a child, and a boyfriend of her own.
They all live with Dad.
A psychic once told me that a very close female relative would come between us.
I told him flat out that she is his "wife" and that I was the one he slept with. He didn't argue the point.
I believe that he loves her, because she is him, but in a female body. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/19/2009 6:51:02 PM | A TRUE Narcissist is very scay and sometime dangerous person to be around. Usually there are also other underlying emotional/mental disorders. They are also very good at sucking people in--especially for the sake of a relationship in order to keep the adoration going. It usually isn't until you're in too deep that you realize the problem. Initially it does not show itself as being anything different other than a personality trait. It isn't always as obvious as "saying I great" or things like that and usually if that's all they're doing, they are just stuck on themselves--not really a narcissist. I'm not sure if they an truly love anyone other than themselves.
There are websites you can go to that are devoted to just this topic. There is also a forum--some of the people they are describing I personally don't think are narcissist but some are. THey say Scott Petersen is a narcissist--I don't knoow how anyone would really know unless they were really a part of his life. I am saying they can be dangerous but they aren't always. But it is very difficult and emotionally very painful to be in a relationship with them once the narcissism starts to rear its ugly head.
Do some research on the web and maybe talk to a professional for some advice if this person is still in your life and you suspect him of narcissism. Also, don't beat yourself up for not noticing right away like another poster said. Narcissist are very tricky and as I said, they know how to play you so that you don't know you are being played until it's too late for your heart. Good luck to you and please be careful! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/19/2009 7:02:38 PM | This daughter fully admits that she lives for her father, and is very frightened of what will happen when he dies........even though she has a child, and a boyfriend of her own.
Its called manipulation and mind control. HE has a hold over her.
She is his supply.
believe that he loves her, because she is him, but in a female body
He does not love her - he gets something from her.
They are very conning and manipulative - even with thier own children,
wives and families.
Many women who are married to them have a hard time leaving them -
even when they use the children as bait. Its like they become that persons
addiction because they manipulate you - they adore you in the beginning-
sparking all your oxytocin in your brain. Then they pull the rug out from
under you and if you have ever had an addiction and have tried to break
that addiction - you know exactly what I am saying here- the feelings
after the break are heartwrenching to the person experiencing it. It
is horrible to go though.
It is a form of mind control - they also shatter your self esteem to the point of
thinking YOUR life is nothing without them.
They are very very sick and usually are fueled by a few things going on
as one poster mentioned above - addicted to something be it a sex
addiction, drug or alcohol - sometimes both sometimes all.
Not all narcissist are sociopaths but all sociopaths are narcissists-
Not all Kill - most are low level narcissist/sociopaths and thier
highs are gotten through conning, manipulation, lying, cheating
and living off others (parasitic lifestyle).
I suggest if you really want to know besides having a psychic tell you
something - read up on it.
There are some excellent sites on the web or go to your library. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/19/2009 8:22:41 PM |
He does not love her - he gets something from her.
I believe that he loves her, as Narcissus loved his reflection in the pool.
What the psychic did was validate what I already knew.
She is very definitely his supply....and a good supply she is. The chances of her cutting him off are virtually nil......... | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/22/2009 7:19:01 PM | This site has some good info on the narcissist and narcissitic personality disorder: http://www.npdr.org
Has forums too but not many posters | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/24/2009 12:04:11 AM | | So do you who have dated, gotten involved with or married a narcissist find yourselves a little paranoid when you meet someone with ANY self centered behavior? I recently talked to someone who almost gives me an anxiety attack! I won't be going out with him, for sure. He steps over me in converstion and when I mentioned the death of a very dear friend, he interrupted with a joke. Visions of the last fiasco went through my head. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 9/24/2009 9:01:22 PM | Look it up on google under DSM-IV-TR symptoms of narissism.
It is a serious psychological disorder.
It is not your fault.
or look it up under google scholar or wikipedia.
it is more than just being egotistical!! | |
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