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| Sex obsession
Posted: 10/6/2009 5:52:34 PM | My N possesses more sex toys, sex-aids and porn movies than most well-stocked sex warehouses
Ahhhh - you have a sexual narc.
Two kinds - somatic and cerebral. All narcs are mysogonist.
Your narc used sex to get his supply. Beleive me, he does not
hold sex at the same level you do - for normal people sex is a
connection to another human being. A sharing. Not for a narc.
Sex to them is just used for supply. You are an object, nothing more.
He or she uses sex to instill your feelings or adoration towards them.
You are basically just masterbation to him. They actually prefer
masterbation.
You become "addicted"-
It plays on the oxytocin in your brain to make the connection to them.
It is a hormone that "bonds" you to them. It is made in your brain.
Its the hook.
This quote may explain it -
"The narcissist is likely to perfect his techniques of courting and regard his sexual exploits as a form of art. He usually exposes this side of him – in great detail – to others, to an audience, expecting to win their approval and admiration. Because the Narcissistic Supply in his case is in the very act of conquest and (what he perceives to be) subordination – the narcissist is forced to hop from one partner to another."
Educate yourself. We will all help you. Just email or ask. I know its like
mind boggling right now - believe me, I know when I found out all this and
put two and two together about my narcs I thought it was ME. I was the
Head case.
Some would think otherwise on these forums but Im not. They are and
so is yours.
I have done extensive research, have met some great people who have
offered me help and have basically saved my life right now. Thats what
we plan to do here with you. | |
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| Sex obsession
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:46:30 PM | AMEN Curly...mine still tells anyone who will listen what a no good such and such I am but I don't really measure myself as to what others think..especially those that don't know me and repeat his word for word abusive verbage.If they stepped back and looked as his behavior even for a minute they would start to see the inconsistencies of his deceptions..They would start to wonder why his kids and others want nothing to do with him...educating myself was my saving grace and it opened up the door for me to meet the love of my life. Being treated well and with respect is a far cry from the mancave I came from with my ex...I am loved ,respected and happy. | |
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| Sex obsession
Posted: 10/9/2009 5:45:28 AM |
Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
There are true narcissist everywhere. Such as the women who think a man has to pay for their time. | |
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| SPAM got me Contact with XN!
Posted: 10/9/2009 12:26:27 PM | Curlygrl:
Im loving your posts because you explain it in laymans terms.
I have a question and an opinion to ask. ... I have been NC with XN for 6 months.
MSN sent spam to all my contacts on my email list which included XN b/f. He immediately sent me a "Hi" from his blackberry (which I ignored). The next morning I received a polite email from him asking if i sent him the email or if it was spam because he was reluctant to open the attachment I sent. He asked how i was and hoped i was well.
I am still under his "spell" and was pretty much shaking when i got the email and wasnt sure what to do. I have since sent him a note on the reply subject line "yes, its spam-delete it".
Since the email from him its opened up all my feelings again. I miss him like crazy (i know others who dont know this disorder will think Im mad). ..but I know that you know where Im coming from here.. We did have wonderful times together. We obvously also had bad times - the use/abuse/rudeness/conrol/manipulation/
cheapness/ distancing/devalueing.
I dont understand why I cant remember the bad times.. I just remember the laughter and the times that he was a great guy.
Question: In your opinion do you think a friendship could exist between us? I dont mean dating I just mean a friendship especially now that I know his disorder and know what to expect, whereas before I did not know or understand the behavior - I do miss his humor and the things we did (places we went etc.,) and the extended family I was close to. I have had to keep away from them while going NC with him. | |
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| How spot-on is this omg
Posted: 10/9/2009 6:47:18 PM | Saw this on another N Victims Support site. It all makes perfct sense now..
The Narcissists Commandments:
You must not disappoint me.
You must not inconvenience me.
You must recognize all of my expectations as reasonable.
You must, at all times, accommodate me.
You must recognize my “special needs” (special as in an important, not disabled, sense); and must always satisfy them.
You must be glad for my good moods, and understand and tolerate my bad, nasty ones.
You must see my anger, rage and contempt as always arising for justifiable reasons.
You must make tireless efforts to placate me when you’ve upset me.
You must appreciate that my comfort supercedes yours and everyone else’s.
You must find what interests me, interesting; and you must convey your interest.
You willingly assume responsibility for my happiness, and blame for my discontent.
You must never oppose or defy me.
You must always know what I want without my having to ask; and you must always communicate what you want without my having to ask.
You must recognize that double-standards are unacceptable, except when they’re mine (in which case they’re not double-standards, just differently applied standards).
You must stop shoving the word “reciprocity” in my face. Reciprocity means that both of us do what I want and need.
You appreciate at all times my importance and significance, or I’ll find someone who will.
You recognize that, even though we’re both “tired” at the end of the day, my fatigue is ten times more valid than yours, and so you cut me ten times more slack than I cut you.
You worry about your accountability to me, and I’ll worry about my accountability to God.
You find that everything I say makes sense (and therefore brooks no opposition).
You appreciate that your value to me is proportionate to how good you make me look, and feel.
You somehow sustain yourself as an alluring sexual object to me, or I license myself to satisfy that demand elsewhere.
You may have noticed that what underlies all of these commandments is an inflated sense of entitlement (the attitude at the heart of narcissism).
-Steve Becker
Ahh Clarity..... | |
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| SPAM got me Contact with XN!
Posted: 10/10/2009 7:57:32 PM |
Question: In your opinion do you think a friendship could exist between us? I dont mean dating I just mean a friendship especially now that I know his disorder and know what to expect, whereas before I did not know or understand the behavior - I do miss his humor and the things we did (places we went etc.,) and the extended family I was close to. I have had to keep away from them while going NC with him.
Im glad I came back here or I would have never seen this. YOU can email
me you know -LOL!!
No - you can never be friends with a narc. YOU are an object to them.
You are not seen as a person. Just an object used for supply.
If you go back to him - you may have the honeymoon phase all over again
where he tells you he loves you - you are the only one who "gets" him, he
wants to marry you, blah blah blah.
Then something will happen. He may meet someone else who may offer better
supply, you may see something occuring again, like the lies and manipulation
and he will abandon you again.
Narcs have sometimes a few going at one time.
Do you really want to go back to that? The good times - they were all staged
to suck you in. To get your love, devotion and affection. Then the devalueing
and the abandonment happens.
They cant love. They just cant. Its pathological. Its in them. No cure.
No help. Forever and ever they are what they are.
If you have some really good coping system - and you Learn to live for
YOU - you may be able to put up with it but really - is this what you want?
I know how powerful it is. I mentioned it before. They play on the oxytocin
in your brain - they say things to you that you long too hear. They promise
things you want so badly and that harmone kicks in.
They are a drug to thier victims. Its like you have been hypnotized.
Actually you have been.
If you would like to go to a place here on the web and talk and read about
women just like you - please email me. | |
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| SPAM got me Contact with XN!
Posted: 10/11/2009 11:28:50 AM |
Question: In your opinion do you think a friendship could exist between us? I dont mean dating I just mean a friendship especially now that I know his disorder and know what to expect, whereas before I did not know or understand the behavior - I do miss his humor and the things we did (places we went etc.,) and the extended family I was close to. I have had to keep away from them while going NC with him.
Forumsgee....
I know that you aren't asking for my opinion, but I'm giving it anyway.
Narcissists don't know how to be friends. He will know that he has you from the first time he hears your voice.
By being "friends" you are giving him a "free pass" to "anything goes". The world is his oyster, and he can "play" with you, or not, as he chooses.
He won't be afraid of you any longer-if he's such a terrible person, why did you come back?
And when it gets out of hand....again....how are you going to feel about YOU?
This is not a scenario....I lived this. | |
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| SPAM got me Contact with XN!
Posted: 10/11/2009 5:58:22 PM | Quazi and Curlygrl...
Thanks for your input I appreciate it...I guess Im just missing the good side of him. As you know they have a Jekylle and Hyde character, I enjoyed the good side very much as he was a lot of fun and we seemed to be soul mates (yes I know a cliche and it wasn't real) but it was real to me. I sometimes just remember the the good in him and I long for that - Im in a funk and cannot seem to get out of that funk.
Other times all I remember is the horrible abusive, using, ugly pig that he was.
I think loneliness makes me weak. I dont seem to move on from this daze im still in. Im sure you know that they have a knack of putting us under a spell - unfortunately Im still in it.
Thanks again for your input, I know that you and others are right. Im strong enough to get through this. | |
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| How spot-on is this omg
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:03:08 PM | Suzette,
spot on indeed
Good read on the commandments of the NPD. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:27:33 PM | | Wow! All men are narccissistic. Whoda thunk?! 40 pages of terror. I see a lifetime special on cable coming out of this. The term is too easy to use as a label when you can't find an applicable one. I've seen it attatched to everything. Just another cop out term the medical profession had to pass out to bundle up a bunch of dilusional sick individuals. A true narccissist wouldn't give anyone the time of day. Don't confuse violent control issues, pride in accomplishment, self reliance, arrogance, selfish vanity, chemical imbalances, past transgressions of abuse, or many other traits, and label them as narccissism. When you do that- the whole world can be labeled so. A "Pot calling the kettle black" if you will. Its like me saying in your actions that you're all narccissistic. This thread is all about you. Or better yet- "This is the most narccissistic thread I've ever read". Advice? Hmmmmmmmm. Everyone has intuition, and judgement, and common sense. I would say be extremely careful in dating. There are some thoroughly dangerous people out there. When I joke about and detail some of my horrific dating experiences on here I get mob action/ devils advocates reminding me that there was no gun to my head and that I'm to blame for dating them because I held the action of "Choice" in the matter. So I will say the same thing back to all of you. You chose the situations. You chose to get out of them. Wise choice. | |
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| How spot-on is this omg
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:46:18 PM |
Thanks again for your input, I know that you and others are right. Im strong enough to get through this.
Yes, you are.
This is gonna sound ridiculous, but try not to be lonely. There are many of us that are going through the same thing (more or less) and we're lonely too.
There are other people feeling the same way.....(sorry everyone) that makes me feel less lonely, and alone.
Reach out to someone who understands....if that helps. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:00:35 PM | | I like adding an extra "C" to narcissist. It makes me feel better about the word I've been accused of being. Yeah, I find it amusing how many have had psychology 101 in college prerequisite. And now practice amatuer psychology. I had biology 101 in college prerequisite, and I'm betting there's quite a few people out there that are glad I'm not practicing amateur gynacology. Ha ha ha! I can insult myself. You can't lose your identity or humility. You can only live and learn. I loved the commandments. They are so scary. Makes me want to go help at the local mission to serve selflessly. Anonymously. Holistically. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:25:05 PM | | Approval seekers. Hell lots of women are approval seekers. How many times does she ask you if what she is wearing is ok, how the meal is, do I look fat? If thats not someone looking for approval and reaffirmation I have no idea what is. Maybe putting labels like NPD is best left alone and possible lack of self confidence explains it better. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:42:33 PM | We are talking about a recognized MEDICAL personality disorder Axis II in the DSM IV manual.
This isn't "approval seeking", "possible lack of self confidence" or "reaffirmation".
It's deeply disturbed individuals who don't have a good chance of recovering. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/11/2009 9:34:03 PM | | Yep. Never asked how my was, never asked about my sexual satisfaction, was a complete moron and siphon off of all human kind. Does that fit the picture? | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/11/2009 11:41:56 PM | | I always feel so violated, when jerks like those, come into this forum and spew their crap. I am just sorry I didnt come on early enough to have the comments deleted. This is a very personal thread, to most of the people commenting. I feel like a demon has come in among us. Trying to negate everything we have gone through. Negative thoughts are not needed or wanted. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:50:33 AM | Best to ignore the (Bad)asswipes that think our comments on a very serious issue is something to belittle.
Some people just have the napolian complex.. you know.. short n ugly-LOL
I THINK THEY ARE ATTENTION SEEKING - Now go bother someone elses thread! | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:08:04 AM | | Sorry if you felt I'm demonizing your thread. Asking for thoughts that are not negative after posting 40 pages of negative thoughts is a stretch. My only point is that its just too easy to throw around and attatch the narcissist label to everything. My ex is narcissistic. My freind is narcissistic. My cat is narcissistic. I'm not slamming the affliction or those affected by it. I've never dated a 100% true by all definitions narcissist. But I've dated a few that were close. And I don't care to again. I'm hoping that everyone that has had experiences gets help and will work their way through to healing. And I hope those afflicted get help and heal. My opinion was just that not everyone can be labeled narcissistic. There are other neuroses and psychoses involved here. Great read. Great thread. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:53:29 AM | We have 48 pages of sharing our experiences. Listening to and supporting the other posters. Your post was demeaning. , and not helpful to anyone.
A lot of women, and guys too, have gotten a lot of good from this post. Venting, closure. Believe it or not some people have dealt with Narcissists. Your belittling our experience isnt needed here. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/12/2009 10:01:29 AM | yes I did. It was fun as long as he was getting what he wanted to make him feel good. So this actually meant that as long as I figured out what appealed to his narcisism, I could also get what I needed to be happy. for example...he was a lot like toad (wind in the willows - actually I did call him toady but not to his face).........and he loved to boast about how clever he was, rich he was, good in bed he was, amazing with women.
So I trained him. If he did something that I wanted him to do again, I told him how clever/rich/amazing with women he was for doing it.
However, I did recognise that nothing he ever did, or would ever do, would be because he cared for me, if you can get your head around this, and accept that his ego can be primed by anyone (meaning that you'll never be anything special to him) then it can work, for a time I guess. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/13/2009 8:56:09 PM | | I was married to one. It took a long to understand that was what he was. Always about him. It finally dawned on me that he was narcisist and the thing about them is they truly are unaware that they are. That is why it is so confusing to a person that is with them. The person swears they are not selfish and they believe it. It is a hard disorder to treat because they are not aware or believe they are. | |
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| SPAM got me Contact with XN!
Posted: 10/13/2009 8:57:27 PM | ForumsGee, now we have addressed this before. I found it helps to sit and remember the bad times. Harbor those memories if you have to, forget the good ones. REMEMBER, it is not HIM you miss, it is the feeling of being loved. DO NOT go back, I am speaking from experience, it will be worse than the first time. I saw the ex last night, I can finally be in the same room with him without the shakes, it has taken six months. Still, I keep a friend with me when I go anywhere he may show up, to save me from myself. I live in a very small community, fortunately, everybody knows how he is and supports me. I will be back to living within two blocks of him next month. I wasted two years (off and on) with this idiot. Now I am ready for a relationship with someone... someone other than him. Any relationship the NPD is impossible. Think about it. Does he have any real freinds? I always wanted it to end well, it ended worse and worse each time. It is the first time in my 53 years that a relationship ended like that. I don't even speak to him, I just treat him as a stranger. He spoke to me last night, but that is because he was trying to impress the musician I was talking to. He doesn't speak well of anyone behind their back. I can just imagine what he says about me. Really, don't let him suck you in. Facebook is my new addiction, lol. Maybe we should get t-shirts that say "no narcissists."
I still laugh at the original poster's original post "...I was just in Hell wondering what the hell was wrong with the boy." She really said it best! | |
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| SPAM got me Contact with XN!
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:33:36 PM | Folks~ Some people have nothing better to do than throw a wrench into someone else's healing..because they need healing themselves..he really has missed the point about the differences between this documented disorder that goes back centuries before the psych 101 was invented. Its best not to speak about things one does not understand and not monopolize a decent conversation with rubbish to add insult to already injured people. NPD is the difference between living through a tsunami and a quiet rain...the quiet rain doesn't cause the same damage...sometimes you lose yourself or your spirit...maybe even your soul to these emotional vampires that suck the life out of you. Its not the same as the conceipted version people threw around years ago..its an very old and actual disorder. Naysayers...haven't a clue what the families of these NPD people have gone through...so take your rubbish to the curb and stay there while I change the locks....
My heart goes out to all who have survived this and those who still struggle with it..it takes a very long time to get through the healing but it CAN happen. Quazi..you forever amaze me with your wisdom...Hugs. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:13:22 PM | A little bit of narcissism from time to time is okay as long as the person is grounded and knows his place at the end of the day.
Clinically diagnosable narcissism, where this trait predominates over any others? No. If you're going into a first date with eyes wide open, you should be able to notice rather obvious hints of this personality. I have and found it so unappealing that a second date was out of the question. | |
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| Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 10/15/2009 7:27:01 PM | | these people drive me nuts. they constantly try to make people around them feel inferior. i have absolutly no patience for that shit. | |
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