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 jackie1954
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 26
Are some people meant to be alone?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Good advice, Kathy!!!
 DebiSHB
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 27
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/12/2007 9:04:25 AM
a myrtar maybe, but compassion I do have
Ok I will agree that I do not know you. I have however read plenty of your forum posts and all of them are filled with negativity. Like I said previously your hardships are always just a little bit worse than the one before ya. SO it seems you hit the nail on the head with this one. Martyr = a person who exaggerates their difficulties in order to obtain sympathy or admiration. Life is what YOU make it only you have the power to make it GOOD!

As for whether I lack compassion? My friends know who I am and most would tell you I'm about as compassionate as they come.

Just because people go to events and have rich lives filled with friends doesn't mean they are not capable of understanding loneliness. Loneliness and being alone and friendless do not mean the same thing. Everyone has their own definition of what loneliness means to them.

Now back to the original point of this thread. Do I believe that some people were meant to be alone forever? NO I don't unless being alone is what you have chosen. Every pot does have a lid some of us just have so much junk in our cupboard that it takes longer to find
 Mr Italy
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 28
Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/12/2007 1:50:50 PM

OK, now for the unpopular part......IMO, those who use the phrase "I refuse to settle..." are displaying a mix of arrogance (as to why they are single) and stubborness/laziness (in their refusal to proactvely make positive changes to their life).


Eazk..... you are wrong on this point...... Because it is not arrogance for not settling for 2nd best....... For example myself...... I know exactly what qualities I am looking for in my ONLY LIFETIME wife to be. I will not marry someone who does not meet the qualities that is not arrogance that is knowing what you want and seeking it out.

Mr. I
 jackie1954
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 29
Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/12/2007 1:55:57 PM
I agree with Mr. I.

To "settle" indicates that it isn't someone that you really care about or would really be happy with. If I thought someone was just "settling" for me... I would be insulted!
 mudflap1979
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 30
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/12/2007 3:24:59 PM
I think some of us are better off alone plus there are benifits for being lonely as follows
1) i spend my check alone
2) i drive my vehicules alone
3) noone to answer to
 gpb1953
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 31
Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/12/2007 5:55:13 PM
Do you think that some people are just meant to be alone?

I think that there are times in our life when we are al meant to be alone in order to get to know ourselves better. However, I don't think anyone is simply meant to be alone long term. The way I see it is ... if I believed that, then I'd believe that whether we are alone or with someone is beyond our control ... that's it's predetermined in some cosmic sort of way. And I guess I'm simply not ready to accept that.

Are there more people now who either decide they don't want to be in a relationship or remain alone due to something that is not their decision?

I definitely think there are more people today who make the choice to be alone. Sometimes people have such a difficult time getting over the pain from past relationships that they simply aren't willing to take the risk any more. Others have had so many bad experiences in the past they have convinced themselves that it's simply not going to work for them so they give up. I feel sorry for all of these people because they've all given up.

Finally, if you don't have a lid, will you be satisfied as a lone pot?

YES ... fairly recently I've come to accept that if I don't meet someone special, fall in love & share the rest of my life with them ... I will be okay. That was a big deal for me because I had some serious copendency issues to address after my 30 yr marraige came to an end. But I guess it means I am getting more comfortable with myself and I've come to realize that being alone is much better than being in a troubled relationship.

Gary
 racefan529
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 32
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/12/2007 8:27:48 PM
i'm still trying to understand how being "walked on" would cause one to be negetive. if someone needs something from you and you provide it, how does appreciation or returned compassion have anything to do with you? as long as you've done the right thing, have you lost anything? if the person you have helped doesn't show how greatful they are or even if they screw you while getting what they want, it shows their lack of integrity.
are we meant to be alone? i don't want to think so, however alone and by myself is better than being in a relationship alone. i'm sure we've all been there before, that is truely the worst type of lonliness.
 jackie1954
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 33
Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/12/2007 9:58:25 PM
racefan-- I couldn't agree more!
 CrimsonKimono
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 34
Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/13/2007 4:24:40 AM
During my marriage, I was a single parent. I did everything alone, including raising the children, so I know how frustrating it is to be alone while married to a non-functioning spouse. That kind of aloneness is definitely not supposed to be!

But sometimes people are alone due to circumstances beyond their control. Even having a disease might cause someone to be alone. Was it meant to be or was it a series of bad decisions or other things which brought someone to that end? I think we must seriously consider that we have a lot to contribute in this, maybe more than we could imagine.
 julesbloomers
Joined: 8/20/2005
Msg: 35
Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/13/2007 6:48:58 AM
I think some people have met their destiny and know that is what happened...I do admit I shut myself off for quite some time but was busy raising my children and that was enough for me...now I find myself alone ...and wouldn't redo what I did...but did I miss my chance is a question I find myself realizing more and more...so yes...I do think some folks are going to be alone.
 maelstrom2000
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 36
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/13/2007 10:37:24 AM
Other than sex, I see no purpose in being with someone in a relationship. Seriously I have plenty of platonic friends who fill my friendship needs. They love me and I love them. We are all the best of friends.

If I were to open myself emotionally to someone beyond just friendship, sex would have to be an element. Call me jaded, say that I have baggage, but I just ended a marriage where sex was not considered a celebration of our committment and caring for one another, rather it was merely a "chore." I don't want it to be a chore, I want it to be something shared that is truly special.

So perhaps I am meant to be alone. Ha!
 PerfectlyBroken
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 37
Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/13/2007 8:16:31 PM
Almost ALL of my past relationships have been with men who in the beginning were very nice, but once they thought they "had" me, they became very abusive both emotionally and physically. So for years I was their "doormat". I have since learned that I am better than that and should NEVER be considered as ANYONE's "doormat".
That seems to be the "type" of men I attract. If being alone means never having to be a "doormat" or be with another abusive man. I am willing to live out the rest of my life contently alone.
I am willing to give everyone their chance. I know not every man is like the men in my past.
I may be scared to try again, but I am willing to stick my neck out there.
 DesertFox3
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 38
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/14/2007 7:55:34 PM

Other than sex, I see no purpose in being with someone in a relationship. Seriously I have plenty of platonic friends who fill my friendship needs. They love me and I love them. We are all the best of friends.


If I posted this they would be attacking .......

So for years I was their "doormat".

& you are only 25???

Meeting the 'Bad Boys' I guess.
 maelstrom2000
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 39
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:34:11 PM
desertfox3: who would be attacking? My friends? No...they know how I feel about it. Unknown entities? Why would I care what unknown entities would think?

Anyone and everyone is welcome to be my friend. Anyone who wants to be more than just my friend, well, sex has got to be involved, otherwise let's just be friends. Seems simple enough.
 DesertFox3
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 40
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:49:15 PM
OK you must be from Columbus, but if I made these statements, donutz to $$ the crew would rip on me & call me a sexist pig.....

Sex is meant for others, but not for me... seems simple enough.
 maelstrom2000
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 41
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:43:28 PM
Not from Columbus, just an honest individual. I don't care really if anyone rips on me or not. Its not like I'm FORCING sex upon anyone. If someone approaches me and wants more than a platonic friendship, then by God it should be more than platonic. Otherwise, just approach me for a friendship and that is that. What's wrong with that philosophy?
 mudflap1979
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 42
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/14/2007 11:15:22 PM
Please dont ask my thoughts
 Dreamsalot
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 43
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/15/2007 2:11:38 AM
Awww c'mon Mudflap tell us, ya know you wanna
 mudflap1979
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 44
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:39:17 AM
I got too be nice or i will find myself kicked off the forums again.
 maelstrom2000
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 45
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/15/2007 8:26:57 PM
They can kick you out of the forums for not being nice??? Uh oh...I'm in trouble in another forum I'm in then...ha!
 DebiSHB
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 46
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:10:19 PM
I'm I think YOU are in trouble EVERYWHERE.......... you and that BEE of yours stirring up DRAMA wherever you go!!
 maelstrom2000
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 47
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Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/16/2007 5:46:17 AM
debishb: Guilty as charged!

Seriously though, I enjoy a good debate and can be very tenacious in defending my point of view. Probably yet another reason I'm meant to be alone. Ha!
 countrytat
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 48
Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:38:20 AM
you will have to ignore desertfox.... he is soo negative about EVERYTHING!!!! i agree we were ment to be with someone, i also agree with maelstrom that sex has to be an active part of your relationship, no its not everything, but its an inner connection that i want in my relationship!
 FKA ~dsl4340~
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 49
Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:28:16 AM
Well on this part I have to agree with Mr. I.......

those who use the phrase "I refuse to settle..." are displaying a mix of arrogance (as to why they are single) and stubborness/laziness (in their refusal to proactvely make positive changes to their life).


I one that uses the phrase I'm not settling! If that means I stay single longer that fine! I've been down the marital road twice because I settled.... I want the man that fills all areas so that I am satisfied. So am I arrogant because I won't settle for a man that only partially fills my needs?

Stubborn/lazy......Lazy no...stubborn maybe. But why would you want to settle for someone that isn't all that you want? If you settle aren't you only setting yourself up for the possibility of yet another failed relationship?

I have found I'm not miserable being single..... I have my friends to hang out with....I have the booty call or BOB....I can start and end a relationship when I want deciding if its worth the try or not.....

If you know what you want why shouldn't you hold out for it?
 eazk
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 50
Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:50:53 AM
I know I want to live in home overlooking a body of water that I see the sun set into every night.

I know that I want to drive a Mercedes convertible.

I know that I prefer steak and shrimp over fish and turkey.

I know that I'd like to lose weight and conquer hair loss before dating.

I know that I'd like my g/f to be communicative, intelligent, emotionally intimate, sexy, sensual, tall, funny, cute and live close by.

I know I want my job to be low stress, high pay and very fullfilling.

But I've learned that to want is one thing. And while pursuing what you want you must live in the moment.....and when opportunity permits, find that which is close enough to what you want.....and then work together to make it happen.

Truthfully, the fastest turn-off line a woman can use on me is "I refuse to settle". And that does not mean because I feel she has too much to settle with for me, but it is because I don't think she really knows herself well enough.....she is not 'happy within herself' enough to share that with someone else. If you truly love who you are, the world will know it and you won't have any shortage of people wanting to make it better.

And all too often, those that are first to say "I refuse to settle" require a ton of settling on the other person's part. Wake up and smell the coffee.....all relationships are about settling, about waking up first thing in the morning and thinking about the other person and how you can please each other that day. It's in a million little things, a touch as you walk by, of letting a mis-said word pass by without retaliation, of relizing how much better your life is with this person than without.....and then of letting them know it.
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