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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?      Home login  
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 Gracie104
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 26
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears? Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
A lot of men (more so than woman) really love the chase. They will say/do all the right things and show you all kinds of attention. And when you get attached or sleep with them, they're gone in a flash on to the the next chase. One word for them: Therapy.
 disaronno amaretto
Joined: 12/3/2006
Msg: 27
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:45:23 AM
Well, it could be that while he has indeed enjoying your company and was into you that he also was "in to" another "Fishy", maybe a little more so and decided to see where things would go with her without complely blowing you off. Perhaps things didnt go all that well and he decided to pick things up with you again to try and see if it would work out.....either that or maybe he was briefly abducted by aliens???
 **JLOve**
Joined: 12/11/2006
Msg: 28
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:06:24 PM
LMAO....

The best response yet....

WHO CARES...??????......... ...for his actions

MOVE on to the next one...
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:23:56 PM
They only disappear ,and reappear,as many times as you let them.
 peacefulwlife
Joined: 2/15/2007
Msg: 30
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:30:31 PM
B & D...I'd block him..Play his games with someone else, whose time for the bs.
 Barbie2222
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 31
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:47:20 PM
I feel bad saying this but I think u where or whoever was plan b cuz someone else came by that they liked and it didn't work so he came back to u.U here of that all the time on here.I also had this guy who I was going to meet n we where chatting a while n then all of sudden he stopped all contact so i did to.Then a month later almost he start trying to contact me by IM n messages as if he had not stopped talking to me. The way I look at it that if u want to meet someone and see if u like them then u do just that but not 5 different people at the same time and lead people on in case the 1 u picked didn't work.U try with the 1 u like and keep on trying until u know it's not going to work out.If it doen't then your back onto POF no big deal.I'm not into being plan b n if I think that in any way that person would get an earful as then ignored and deleted.If this person was afraid of relationship then he wouldn't have come back n he would have said to u that he was having trouble so u wouldn't have to think this way.In hope that u also forgive him n take things slow.If it was just a booty call then he prob would have called u in a couple of days or it would have been discussed from the begining for that is asked n answered in our profiles so we know who to n not to contact.Well if it's u your talking about just b cautious n straight out ask him do u know what u want?Really investigate if it is someone u r hoping to b with.Follow your gut cuz it's never wrong.Bye 4 now and have a wonderful wkend
 SunnyTexas
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 32
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History
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:07:35 PM
OP, I understand how you’re feeling. I really do, I don’t want to seem insensitive but you’ve got to push the instant replay button for a second. Think about the “connection” and was it EVER real at all?

Did you two have the “exclusive” conversation?
Did you in anyway ASSUME he’d continue contact with you?
Was there anything you read into the scenario, that made you think he cared about you and wouldn’t leave ya hangin’?
Did his actions follow his words?

I tend to not put much basis into a relationship that quickly turns sexual. Expect them to do what men do…cut and run !
When ya think about it, it’s their prerogative just as it ours. So…you’ve been round one with this man, do you want a round two ? There’s nothin’ wrong with it, if ya do. If you can accept the fact, you’re not the only woman in his life, then enjoy it for what it is…not what it isn’t. Seldom can a woman do such, without losin’ a bit of herself round after round. UNLESS he confesses to ya that he IS married, then grab you’re nearest shotgun and show him to the door.

Just like the woman who took in the poor half frozen snake, she nursed it and loved it back to health, instead of being grateful….it gave her a viscous and fatal bite. “You have bitten me but why?” she said. “Shut up silly woman” said the reptile with a grin. “You knew dayum well I WAS A SNAKE before you took me in”.

So fact is, you know what you’re dealin’ with. Act accordingly.
 kraftsingle
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 33
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:16:45 PM
While I've never been guilty of this, I have 'slowed down' relationships because of intense work assignments. I have been very open and communicative about this, yet it normally kills the relationship (especially if it is a hatchling relationship). But a guy who disappears without a solid explanation should not be taken back.
 justplainolme
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 34
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:35:48 PM
I've seen it a million times...LOL...They are afraid they're missing out on something. Can't settle for just one woman or are afraid of commitment....Something has happened in this generation where everything has become so disposable, including the possibility of love or relationship....I've been on and off POF for awhile and each time, learn a new lesson... Don't take it too seriously until you're given a reason to. Read "He's Just Not That Into You" and empower yourself. I think if a man wants to be with you...He'll show it, just like us girls do. Even if they're crazy busy, they'll find a way to let you know they're interested......I think some don't realize how much a little message or a 2 minute phone call or just all the little things matter so much.....My advise.....If you doubt he's interested...He probably isn't. Don't waste your time on him...You deserve better.
 RJB888
Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 35
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:36:57 PM
A "hatchling" relationship? Do you work for the DNR?

Not being mean, but I never heard of it that way. So it must be a cute and fuzzy relationship.
 Poizon Ivy !! xxxx
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 36
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:38:18 PM
Oh good one, i had this many many times with men! and have been a bit thick in the past and let them back into my life !

I had them tell me, ex problems, not ready for anything, etc etc, but also in some cases moved on to the next and then come back when its failed.

I have had to be a bit stronger now, if he walks away then the door gets shut for good.
 BigDog60
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 37
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 5:37:28 PM
C...

Maybe D...

or E.. or a combo of all 3, but All three of these spell inconsiderate looser!

Dump him! Unless you want a booty call
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 38
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History
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/23/2007 5:48:26 PM
I called them contact recyclers and usually don't remember them at first. I have deleted all their contact info and there is no second time for me.
 stargategirl
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 39
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/24/2007 6:50:36 PM
First i must thank you all for being very helpful with this post. You guys are awesome!
Second, i didnt give you the whole scoop because i wanted a more objective opinion.
But here it is-
I went out with him a few times "as a friend first"
He's not married because i was at his apartment twice (trust me he's a bachelor--lol)
He is a parent and is often busy with child and work
Since i am a huge communicator and very patient i did ask him about this behavior in a non-judgmental way.
He explained that he was afraid that we would be moving to quickly beyond the "friends" stage which i originally made clear to him I wanted first. And he felt that by me not being ready for anything more that he would essentially lead me down a path that i wouldnt be prepared to handle currently and thus our friendship would end.
He did drop out of POF after being on the site for about 4 months because he felt the few women he spoke with played too many games.
Sorry but i will not give out his name because I am huge on privacy and don't feel it proper to divulge his identity;)
Finally, I still consider him a friend, therefore, continue to communicate with him despite not having gone out again mostly because we are both busy.
Although find him attractive, I don't believe this is a man I would have a relationship with in the future. So as a friend he shall stay:)
Thanks again guys for your input:)
 jmeatball
Joined: 2/15/2007
Msg: 40
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:16:30 PM
Totally D. And he probly doesnt know what he wants.
 freebird22
Joined: 9/30/2006
Msg: 41
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/25/2007 11:43:44 AM
It depends on what you mean when you ask the question "enjoys himself".............

I like what Sunny wrote. It is so absolutely to the point and true.

I tend to not put much basis into a relationship that quickly turns sexual. Expect them to do what men do…cut and run !
When ya think about it, it’s their prerogative just as it ours. So…you’ve been round one with this man, do you want a round two ? There’s nothin’ wrong with it, if ya do. If you can accept the fact, you’re not the only woman in his life, then enjoy it for what it is…not what it isn’t. Seldom can a woman do such, without losin’ a bit of herself round after round. UNLESS he confesses to ya that he IS married, then grab you’re nearest shotgun and show him to the door.



We women and men (for a matter of fact) should take this to heart......
 Cultured Pearl
Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 42
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/25/2007 12:25:32 PM
I too liked what Sunny Texas wrote... and also Plainlittleoleme (I apologize if name isn't right). Both had spot on good advice for you. I read your second posting, OP, and see that he has been moved to the VGF category (Very Good Friend)...
The feedback here was great though, and perhaps will help a lot of us. I also liked the 'recyclers'. Good name for them. The He's Just Not That Into You really really helps with balancing out what one sees/hears here on POF. A lot of 'instant' and 'more than' with the quick emailing and IMing. And if there is distance, going slow 'as friends first' gets sort of put under the carpet. How many times can you drive an hour or so to meet and just have lunch and shake hands? There is a sense of urgency to move it along. Loosing a bit of oneself when a recycler is taken back is so true. And most (this would be a great topic) of those that do? Well, I wonder what they would do now that they have had the experience. Anyone care to tell?
 clickit13
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 43
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/25/2007 1:00:28 PM
A POF multiple choice test. What do you make of a man that goes out with a woman several times, enjoys himself and expresses this, calls frequently then suddenly stops and won’t talk or return a woman’s calls/emails-*POOF*. A few weeks later decides, without explanation, to start emailing and calling again being friendly, wanting to see her, flirting, etc.?

I wouldn't worry my pretty little head over the "Why's" of his behavior. I mean, are any of those reasons justifiable? Are they acceptable enough for you to give him another chance?

There could be one or two other reasons that you could possibly forgive...it is up to you to decide if the reason for his behavior is legit and if he deserves another chance. But, I would expect an explanation...you stated that he didn't give you one. You have a right to one so you can then make the right decision for YOU.

You do have the ability to say "No" and not let him pop back into your life after he has disappeared, hence, ending it. The hard part is sticking to it, especially if you really liked him. Go with your gut instincts.

Good luck!
 ~Jenni-pooh~
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 44
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/25/2007 1:13:04 PM
I had an experience that spanned over two years - this guy would pop up every now and then and insist we should FINALLY meet and follow through on this connection that always seemed to be there. Well, I'm glad I followed my gut and did a little digging. It turned out he wasn't who he said he was, he had been in trouble with fraud and he was no longer working where he said he was.

There's something completely fishy about a person who isn't consistent and there should be a murky little cesspool for these smelly, tainted fish who seem to think they can pull the wool over other's eyes.

ALWAYS follow your gut and if something doesn't seem right, does it really matter WHY they are the way they are?!? I think not... I'll simply pass and say thanks, but no thanks. I value honesty, stability and openness far too much.
 ripponfalls
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 45
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/25/2007 1:23:43 PM
Hey, I've been there, but it was a woman... You don't suppose it was the same person, do you?

And then she sends you a letter or email and it becomes obvious that she thinks you are someone else, because, like, she is talking about these things that you never did or said and never happened... and then she disappears again when you point out that it wasn't you, and you block her profile because it is obvious that you were being held in reserve just in case the others didn't pan out, and it was just a "rocky stretch" of another relationship she was carrying on in tandem...

Tell you what: The guys here will offer their suggestions if you ladies can justify the reverse. Fair enough?

You are such a load of hypocrits!
 mar814
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 46
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/25/2007 1:44:51 PM
If he apologized for being an insensitive lout then I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he discovered that the grass isn't always greener. If he comes back with a lame excuse it's probably a combination of B, D, and E.
 ligonmaximus
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 47
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History
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/25/2007 1:46:46 PM
The posters who are saying that he had someone else and now he is trying to go back to you because the other ladies fell thru are 100% correct. I can't tell you how many women I have known who have had this exact same thing happen to them. The guy dates them for a few weeks or a month then disappears out of the blue for a few weeks. Some men do this crap on purpose thinking that they increase their mystery therefore increasing the womans attraction level for them. But they didn't realize that two weeks is too long to dope the woman.


Couple of questions for you: Did this man seem like the kinda of man who has no problem getting dates? Meaning is he a natural.........A natural is a man who is naturally great at attracting women. They are men who have been getting laid like rockstars since they were 15 basically. Or is this man like the guy from the 40 year old Virgin movie? Last, or is he some place in between the two extremes?

Let me tell you probably what happened exactly: THe dude more than likely already had other women going at the time he was dating you and still does for that matter. You were and are his number two, three, four, or five backup girl. Guys just don't disappear out of the blue like that for so long unless they other girls they are with didn't work out for them. DON'T answers these guys e-mails, Don't Call him, and Don't answer his phone calls. If you give this kinda of man an opening in the door he will take advantage of it and run with it. When guys are dating they don't just stop dating out of the blue for two weeks......that's bs he HAD to have some other women going. There is no good excuse for this if he had to go on a two week business trip he still could have at the least e-mailed you every few days. Your the backup girl possibly...... Now what you can do is stop trying to figure it out (if you haven't stoped already) cause your playing right into this man's hand.
 freebird22
Joined: 9/30/2006
Msg: 48
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/25/2007 1:49:14 PM
I don't think we are hypocrits ripponfalls. In my post I did state that men should take what Sunny said to heart as well. I have several male friends on here that I have actually met and do things with. Any hoot, I've run into one guy that I spoke with last October and then I changed my pic, he contacted me again, well I brought up some things and reminded him who I was and poof he was gone.... I don't care, there are plenty of other gentlemen out there whom I've been email buddies, text message and have phone conversations with. I've never met a couple of them. When it is time, I will.

Now I've met about 5 guys for a drink. Two of which I still receive phone calls, emails, etc., from. Perhaps I will go out with one of them again. He is a doll! Another, well he text messages me and emails me about what type of panties I'm wearing.... I told him I was too old for that crap.

I dated one guy for about 3 1/2 months. It was lust at first site.... That was my mistake. He used to wine and dine me. Take me to the races, to the park, drive-in movies. We had fun, then all he wanted to do was sit at home and be FWB i guess. Well the last few times he has sent me text messages or emailed me with invites, i have responded with the fact that i have decided "not to settle.... I deserve and want more.... I look thru rose coloured glasses at the world"... I guess women (at least me) do not wish to have a fwb relationship. When he stopped making me laugh, I stopped wanting to be around him. Now every time he contacts me. I send him the same message, in fact I've asked him how long he is willing to be alone. He is almot 56 and in my personal opinion is he is a womanizer. I saw a little heart on his bedroom mirror with initials, when I confronted him, he kept changing the subject.....

You asked for experiences, now I've shared. Anyone else want to step up. I do not even care if he reads this. There are too many nice guys out there. And guess what... Next time I feel the lust taking over, I'm backing off, in fact I had a wonderful date last week-end. We went to Grapevine Lake, he even packed me a picnic lunch. We sat and watched the sail boats. We kissed a little (perhaps more than a little) but.... that was it. Since then we chat on the phone and I hope to get to know him better. There are great guys out there and for the guy who thinks we are hypocrits, well I don't think so. Perhaps we should rephrase our posts to include both sexes. Both men and women are on this site and we all wear or heart on our sleave sometimes. We're getting out for the first time in a long time and still have that brick wall up.....

Be cautious, take your time.......................

Great Fishing to All.

And please Big Fish remove the Christmas people and provide us with cute Easter bunnies and eggs..... that would be nice. Even a Cross!!!!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 49
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/25/2007 1:56:11 PM
Plan A=you.

Plan B=other woman.

He set Plan A aside because, in his idiocy, he thought Plan B was better.

Plan B failed (for whatever reason), so (again, in his idiocy) he goes back to Plan A. He is such an idiot that:

1. He thinks that you are as big an idiot as he is and you never realized he was gone.
2. He thinks that he is so damned desirable that you can do nothing but take him back.

That's my theory.
 ligonmaximus
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 50
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History
What do you make of a man who disappears then reappears?
Posted: 2/25/2007 1:56:14 PM
Ooops Stargate: I did not read what you wrote here, "He explained that he was afraid that we would be moving to quickly beyond the "friends" stage "



BIG TIME RED FLAG here......ANy man who is afraid of going past the friend stage has some past hurts from the past relationships.

Personally, I think your making a big mistake by staying his friend. By him just dropping out of the picture a couple of weeks speaks volumes. Can you really trust someone like that to be your friend??????? IT would be different if the dude didn't just drop out of the picture. Don't let him play on your good heart like that. Also, can you really trust him to be just friends in the future?
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