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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 2/28/2007 10:26:24 PM | This is for debbi0614:
Title:
"I'm good, even when I'm bad - I'm good!" - This sounds like a brag, and doesn't really say much. I would change this.
Pictures:
Only face pictures. We need to have at least one honest and fair full body picture so that potential men will know what you actually look like. I would remove your last 2 pictures as well.
Interests:
Remove "family"
Remove "grandkids"
Specify "movies"
Specify "music"
About me:
"I am a jeans and t-shirt gal, low maintenance. I also enjoy dressing up if the occassion arises." - The way you phrase this makes it seem contradictory. I would revise it, and correct the spelling on "occasion".
"I am versatile - I can be comfortable in a room full of strangers, at home with a few friends or by myself." - Rephrase this so it isn't a self compliment.
"I listen to most kinds of music from country to rock to classical." - This isn't true. Don't say 'most kinds', list us your 3 most favorite genres and leave it at that.
"I work out 4-5 times a week; Tae Bo, Tai Chi and weights." - I feel like you are saying this because you are insecure.
"I would like to meet a man who would be my best friend, someone to grow old with." - While I can't comment specifically on your age group, I'm not sure if this is a good thing to say right away, in regards to the growing old comment.
"A man that can let his hair down and act silly if the mood strikes." - What if the man has no hair? I realize this is just an expression but what if a handsome bald man reads this, what is he going to think?
"Life is too short to be serious all the time. A man with a good sense of humor. - These two sentences don't flow together at all. Delete the second one.
Overall:
Not much to change here, just clean up some of the sentences and add a few more picture and adjust your interests and you should be OK. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 2/28/2007 11:46:08 PM |
"Had a few issues, as you can tell by my rant above... " - This translates into woman-speak as "I have severe emotional problems and I want to take them out on everybody. Also I have tons of emotional baggage about bad dating experiences and I love to talk about it." BAD!
that's EXACTLY what that means! LMAO!!
I lvoe your reviews, would you be kind enough to do one for me? :) thanks a heap! | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/1/2007 12:59:20 PM | This is for angelcanada:
Title:
"Not that kind of Angel" - Seems like you are trying to make a joke but I don't get it.
Pictures:
A little unclear, but there is enough variety and combination to make it work.
Interests:
3 is not enough, not even close. Add at least 7 more unique, interesting, and specific interests.
About me:
"I've got a great sense of humour and can take it just as well as I can dish it out." - Rephrase this so it's not self complimentary.
"I love acting and just recently played a major role on stage in a British comedy. Having been trained in dramatic film, it was great to broaden my horizons!" - This seems really out place. It's almost as if you have only done one acting role in your life and you are still insecure about it so you want to push it up front... just the impression I get with this phrasing.
"I don't drink a lot myself, but enjoy a couple of drinks now and then." - To most people "a couple of drinks" = a lot. Rephrase this.
"I enjoy sitting down to a good meal - duh, who doesn't?" - You've just explained to yourself why this doesn't need to be said.
"I find that having a good philosophical discussion is a great way to learn about others, but of course, small talk can be fun too!" - Why do you keep saying something specific just to recant and contradict it a moment later?
"so although separated 15 months now, I can't file for my divorce until I have lived in the province for a full year." - Your profile already says your status is seperated, no need to repeat it. Again, it denotes insecurity.
"so kids are definitely in my past" - more insecurity. Seems like you are afraid of something.
"I'd enjoy meeting someone who likes to get together and have a good time, but has his own interests and independence, and allows me the same." - The 'allows me the same' comment translates to "my ex husband was totally controlling. Welcome to baggage town, population - you and me!"
Overall:
My biggest complaint here is the formatting. You've spread all the wording out so far as it make it look like it's a lot longer than it really is. Shorten it so it is two paragraphs, and none of this one sentence by itself stuff. Clean up some of the wording and add some more interests as well. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/1/2007 2:00:20 PM | This is for chrisali:
To answer your question, you are getting a lot of responses because you are a woman. There are a lot of unscrupulous men who will respond to any and ever female in their area as they have a "Go to bat a hundred times and hit once, that's a good day" philosophy. You just need to learn to ignore the responses that are clearly not specifically for you. Now, on to your profile:
Title:
"Looking for a genuine guy" - Um... as opposed to what? This should be a comment about yourself and not what you are seeking.
" Profession
ACCOUNT MANAGER" - why is this in all caps?
Pictures:
Just one face picture. Not enough! Add one more face picture, and one full body/upper torso+face picture. No cleavage, no kids, no friends, no family, just you.
Interests:
Remove "keep fit"
- Add at least 8 more interests, 3 is nowhere near enough. Make sure they are unique, interesting, and specific.
About me:
"Im a single lady,tall,blonde and slim seeking genuine guy." - I see a lot of problems with this. First, you state you are single - totally unnecessary. Second, you describe yourself in words - this is not cool. An again you talk about "genuine" guy. This word is meaningless.
"Iv a gsoh,very bubbly,outgoing,love to socialise." - Did you have a short seizure there or something? More problems here. Again, you've proven that you have a problem putting spaces after your commas. You need to do that. Second, 'bubbly' is an awful, self-complimentary, and just plain annoying adjective.
"My ideal guy would be tall,slim build,genuine,trustworthy,honest not a player,professional nature(I know alot to ask but there must be someone out there like that lol)" - That's the third time you've said "genuine" now. Still no spaces after your commas (I almost think you are doing this on purpose), and now you are asking for a 'professional nature'? Sounds like a gold digger comment to me.
"Iv four lovely children,I know 4,but there the most important people in my life,Iv 3 teenage boys and a girl,so if you dont like children,dont get in touch lol." - Do you have problems with grammar or is this some kind of new slang that I just don't know about? Either way it's totally inappropriate and it looks dumb. "Iv" needs to be "I've" or "I have". "Iv four lovely children,I know 4" - What is the point of the second 'I know 4' meaning you have more than 4 kids, but you only know of 4 of them? Weird. Then you go on to say "so if you dont like children,dont get in touch lol" - Adding in some disqualifying statements and using 'lol' in a non chat context. This is just awfully. Delete this entire thing!
"So if you've read this far and are not bored yet,then what you waiting for get in touch" - Unnecessary. Delete it.
First Date:
"I'd love to be wined and dined,chinese being my favourite lol" - So you want someone to do something to you? Bad! And another 'lol', what is this, aol instant messenger or a dating profile?
Overall:
I found this profile to be very immature, self absorbed, and quite simply rather obnoxious. This is only going to appeal to very low calibre individuals and I think that would definitely explain the response you are getting. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/1/2007 10:46:27 PM | This is for **Bridget Jones**:
Title:
"Lets go out to play!!" - No complaints here
Pictures:
Face pictures are clear and varied, that's good. My only complaint here is that your full body picture has you sitting down so we can't really see you. I would replace it with one where you are standing up.
" Profession
Day Dream Beleiver " - I would change this to be a real occupation/unemployed. Or at the very least correct the spelling of 'believer'.
Interests:
- These are OK, but add about 3 more.
About Me:
"I'm a simple creature, but not without my complications (after all I am of the fairer sex!) I am passionate, loyal, funny and affectionate... but also sarcastic, indecisive, noisy & a bit of a bimbo sometimes...!
Looking for someone to share a bottle on wine with - and maybe even show my big knickers to!!" - This is your entire about me section. Two sentences. Do you see the problem here? The first sentence is full of cliches and self-complementation, and the second isn't even about you at all, just more empty words and movie tie-ins.
Overall:
This profile is far too incomplete for me to review it more in depth. You should aim to have at least 2 paragraphs, each 4-5 sentences in length. Anything less than that is too short, and anything much more than that is too long. As it stands this tells me absolutely nothing about you. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/1/2007 10:56:19 PM | This is for wickardt72:
Title:
"I Really need a new Photo" - I agree. More on that later.
Pictures:
The first picture is fine, the other two pictures... nope. Here is why. They both contain other people. All of your pictures should be of just you. 2 face pictures, 1 full body picture.
Interests:
Clarify "Spirituality"
Change "listening to music" to "music" then...
Specify "music"
- Need at least 3 more.
About me:
"I am a divorced dad of two lovely girls, who maintains a great relationship with my kid's mom and stepfather." - I'm not sure if this is the best way to phrase this. If you put it so up front, in denotes a sense of insecurity. If you were totally secure about it, you wouldn't need to mention it right away. I would delete this sentence, and move some of the details into the rest of the section.
"I am looking for a lovely lady to laugh, share, and experience this life with." - Nope. This is a total cliche.
"Share some of my interests, but also can expose me to new ones as well." - Cliche + a sentence fragment.
"I would like to find someone who would be wiling to travel and see new and exciting places. I am looking for a best friend, lover, soul mate." - This is all really empty, and the cliches keep on coming. I say it's cliche because I wouldn't be surprised to read this exact wording on at least 1,000 other profiles. This section needs to be specific to you, and shouldn't be so middle of the road common.
"but I still enjoy treating the one I'm with like the queen she is." - Just an opinion here, not sure if any women would like this phrase... can any women reading this verify or otherwise state your opinion on this?
"I enjoy the peacefulness and serenity of nature, so camping is something I enjoy. I also enjoy relaxing at a five star resort (10- 14 days, 7 days is just not long enough. Even more so if you have the right company!)" - This is really bad. It says too things to me.
1. I'm creepy
2. I'm insecure about money, or use money to compensate for other things.
"I have discovered I am quite good in the kitchen. I have prepared romantic meals for two, as well as a full christmas dinner for 16 adults." - This is a brag/self compliment. Rephrase it. Tell us you enjoy cooking, don't brag and say you are so great at it.
First Date:
"Going for coffee, tea or a beverage of choice." - This might as well be blank.
Overall:
This isn't a bad start, but there are far too many cliches and empty words for it to really say anything about you. After reading it I don't feel like I know you any better at all. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/2/2007 4:21:14 AM | | I have changed my profile according to suggestions. Is my new one better. Need further improvement? Pleas provide a critique. (dons fireproof suit) | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/2/2007 5:48:37 PM | This is for missouri-gypsy:
Title:
"Hello out there" - Change this so it says something simple about you
Pictures:
1 face picture, not enough. We need at least 2 face pictures and one full body picture.
Interests:
This section is a total mess. Your interests need to be 3 words or less each, no full sentences. So...:
Remove "The world"
Remove "anything and everything that I see Volunteering"
Remove "and finding new people to talk with on the computer and what I like to call the real world"
Then add at least 5 more interesting and unique interests that are 3 words or less.
About me:
I can already see that this section is way too long and the formatting makes me dizzy just looking at it. I would be surprised if anyone has sat through and read this entire thing. Yikes.
"To start off with talking like this, then email, IM, phone and maybe meeting." - This makes no sense at all.
"At my age I'm not out looking for "Mr. Right", I'm looking for friends." - I don't believe you...
"Would love to find a partner to live out the rest of my life but do not need one." ...because you just contradicted yourself.
"As far as meeting on the computer I may sound like I'm playing games but I'm really just trying to be as safe as possible and still met people and if a man comes come along that understands this than that makes him more interesting because he is willing to give me time and he feels the same way." - And the award for the longest, ranting run on sentence goes to... missouri-gypsy!!
"I can be the most romatic person in the world if I have the same given back to me." - This is both a brag, an exaggeration, and a lie.
"I don't want a one nite stand." - Delete this, your profile already says looking for 'friends'
"I would like to find a best friend, partner, lover to have fun, travel, enjoy the same things but yet still have your own things you love to do and your partner doing what he loves to do." - And here you go contradicting yourself again in the same sentence. Do you want a friend or a lover? Make up your mind and stick to it.
"I love to just take off with no place in mind to really go, camp, but stay in nice places," - Contradiction
"If I could find a man that would give me my freedom (not with someone else) but still wants to have our time." - 'If' needs to be followed by 'then'. This sentence screams out "I have emotional issues because of my last relationship and have fears of control" Yikes.
"Someone to wonder with but likes to sit at home cuddling on the couch watching old movies, gives me my time to volunteer, paint, read while I would do the same for him that would be great." - This is about 5 sentences in one and is totally disjointed and nonsensical.
"In a partner I must have total trust, when he says something it should be the truth and not have to wonder what he is doing when we are not together." - More evidence of emotional baggage.
"He does not have to have alot of money but I don't want to live in a tent, that's for camping only, thank you." - Yet another contradiction.
"When we don't agree on something there should not be any major fights, there are times when you need to agree on not agreeing and let it go." - More emotional baggage.
"If you do or say something that hurts the other without meaning to try and not do it again." - Missouri-gypsy to baggage claim
"To be able to be alone with each other and like it." - Sentence fragment
"I will tell one and all I'm a total Pisces so be warned ahead of time, there are those times people think I'm crazy and they are right but mostely in good ways." - huh?
"I don't think things out, I do." - What?
"I have found out at least with me this works but it can get to the wrong people and at my age I really don't care what they think, I'm me, not going to change and don't want to." - What?
"I have been what everyone things I should be for years and now I'm trying to be me whoever that may be." - I repeat, missouri-gypsy to baggage claim, you have an extra large pick up
"I love to laugh but there are those times I love to cry and sometimes for no good reason." - More contradictions
"So if Mr. Right comes along, please do, but I'm happy in my world right now." - Translation: Leave me alone
"What I'm looking for is someone who would like my world and me liking his, and us making our own world together." - I thought you said you were looking for friends.
First date:
"....he must be the first to call back." - HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! Good luck!!!!
Overall:
This is one of the most disjointed, nonsensical, and flat out nuts profile I have seen in long long time. It's full of contradictions, exaggerations, and just plain written insanity. Fix what I cited here and then try me again. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/2/2007 7:24:15 PM | Glad to see you guys are liking my reviews!
This one is for tn_angel34:
Title:
"A GOOD WOMAN!" - Nope. Doesn't really say anything. And don't use all caps, it makes it look like you are yelling.
Pictures:
Good enough variation, reasonably clear. Not sure what the 4th one is for, but not a big deal.
Interests:
Remove "my children and grandchildren"
Specify "movies"
Specify "music"
Seperate "swimming camping"
-Add 4 more.
About me:
"I am a 39 year old single mom." - Redundant, remove it.
"I am witty, intelligent, and like to laugh and yes, I am a bit silly at times lol." - Self complimentary, rewrite it.
"I am not into one night stands." - Cliche and unnecessary.
"If you are just looking for someone for an intimate encounter or just to have a good time, then pass me by." - Delete.
"don't need anyone still attached, physically or emotionally. Sure we have all loved, but, don't wanna live in the shadow of your ex or have to deal with her more than if you have children together." - This is really negative, rewrite or delete it.
"I am definately not interested in someone who drinks a lot(more than 1 or 2 daily) Been there done that!" - Ranting about exes is bad.
"Not looking for someone to support me financially." - Don't need it
"wanna know more? send me a message." - Don't need this, delete it. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/2/2007 9:29:14 PM | Thank you
I will try and be a little more personal and less cliche. Can you give me a better idea for a first date?
Wickardt72 | |
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jaz64
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Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 95 | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/3/2007 6:25:11 AM | Yes please! I'm not having the best of luck as of late. My roomie is useless in this respect, he just shrugs and says "It's fine."
I appreciate the assistance and advice in advance.
~Rhia | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/3/2007 2:20:44 PM | Thanks opticalnoise. Took some of your suggestions and have reworked a few things. Profile reviews are a funny thing...much of what you did not like, others really liked...I suppose it is all in the eyes of the beholder.
Working on the full length shots...my daughter has taken all the face shots and she is getting tired of taking pics of me! | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/3/2007 8:11:09 PM | | OpticalNoise- I read quite a few of your profile reviews-they seem very constructive and helpful. I would appreciate feedback on my profile. | |
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