| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/3/2007 10:04:54 PM | This is for tnbn75:
Title:
"a brief moment, a big impression" - Not bad, but capitalize the first 'A'.
Pictures:
Not very clear. Mostly they are too dark, I can't really see your face. Take some new pictures where it's easier to see or modify these pictures to be lighter. Also add at least one more.
Interests:
Specify "movies"
Specify "books"
Specify "martial arts" - i.e. which style(s)
- Then add 3 more
About me:
"Hi I'm fun loving and adventurous person." - This seems out of place.
"Athletic, I love to exercise and also love to eat." - This doesn't make any sense.
"I'm a successful and driven person that's still working on the right balance of work and fun." - The fact that you have to say this denotes that you focus too much on work. Whether that's true or not this is what you are saying.
"My hobbies include cooking, martial arts, snowboarding, and reading." - Redundant, see interests.
"I love traveling and experiencing new things." - Be more specific.
"I'm passionate about a lot of things and I love it when other people are as well, even if those passions don't mirror or are opposed to my own." - Again, need at least some specifics.
"Drop me line and tell me a little about yourself." - 'Drop me a line' isn't cool anymore and this sentence is not necessary.
First Date:
"I'm not into long uncomfortable first dates. Let's get together over drinks or a cup of coffee and see if there is a click." - Would rewrite this to not sound so negative, or just leave the section blank. As it stands it's not good at all.
Overall:
This profile isn't that bad, it just needs a lot more specifics. Your reader needs to be able to tell you apart from the others. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/3/2007 10:15:02 PM | This is for BrownEyedGirl: (You just might regret this.. it's gonna be tough.)
First up, get your story straight. Don't say stuff like "and I honestly am just looking for friends (although finding Mr. Right would be nice too.)". Why? You just completely contradicted yourself. Pick what you want and stick to that.
Secondly you stated that you are attracting the kind of guys you don't want. I apologize if this sounds harsh, but have you looked at your pictures? This is what I see: A shirt that says "I love attention" and boobs. You do the math. I don't care if you think it's a joke but to the average moron male, it's not funny, it's an offer.
On to the review
Title:
"Looking for . . . ." - This is essentially blank. Change it to a statement about you.
Pictures:
See above comments, no full body picture, all pictures are also very similar (no variety).
Details:
"I am Seeking a Man For Friends" + "I'm looking for someone that I "click" with, ...physically..." = contradiction
"I work alot and so I'm looking for someone who will be patient with me. I don't have alot of spare time but for the right man, I will give you all the spare time I have." - Translation - "Good luck trying to plan a date with me, you might find 15 minutes sometime in 2009"
"I love movies (but I can't justify paying $16 bucks for 2 hours worth of entertainment and I wouldn't expect you to either, I wait for them to come out on DVD and then I buy them)." - Why the rant? This entire thing is redundant.
"I love Romance novels and maybe that has given me a skewed view of love. I want the butterflies, but I know that that won't last forever but it would be fun always trying to recreate them." - Translation, I have incredibly unrealistic expectations for my relationships.
"I want someone who will go dancing with me (and actually dance), but someone who will understand that you have to be in the right mood and frame of mind for that." - Doesn't make sense/rant/what?
"I love my cat more than anything in the world so you gotta at least tollerate cats cause she's got seniority, if anyone sees the door, it won't be her." - Wow. I'm speechless. This is honestly the creepiest thing I've ever read on a profile. Plus you misspelled 'tolerate'.
"OK TO ALL THOSE WHO ADD TO FAVES AND THEN DON'T CONTACT ME, Please don't. I find it intimidating to surf profiles and see guys who are on over 100 faves lists. It makes me think that they probably have 3 or 4 girls already on the go and that I wouldn't stand a chance. I don't want anyone to have that feeling with me." - Why does this matter so much to you? Who cares? This is just another pointless rant.
"OH and as you can see from some of the Testimonials below, my friends are a little protective, you gotta get past them if you wanna get to me!!" - Yikes. That'll sure keep intelligent and streetwise guys away from you.
Overall:
This is a pretty lousy profile. I've given you enough specifics that if you fixed those it would at least move up to the 'Eh...' status. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/3/2007 10:21:25 PM | This is for tuxedo_jonny:
Title:
"Looking for a burning love!" - This says nothing, change it to be a statement about you, not what you want.
Pictures:
Clear and varied with an upper torso+face picture. Good!
Interests:
Separate "Foods: Asian or European - Ill try just about anything" into "Asian food" "European food"
Specify "Movies"
- Add at least 5 more
About me:
"I'm a nice guy, and maybe a little shy as well." - This isn't something I would suggest advertising.
"I'd like to think that I have my act together." - Denotes insecurity
"I've worked diligently after finishing school, and I have a lot to show for it -- a great job, beautiful home and I just came back from a 6 week vacation to Europe." - Brag brag brag, more insecurity.
"But after crossing certain goals off my list, there's still one thing I need to do. That is, find the person right for me." - Sounds like you are getting desperate to get married fast. Bad.
"The kind of girl I'd like to meet would, hopefully, be someone who also is working towards something in their life." - This is pretty empty. Working towards something could mean scoring her next crack rock.
"I'm not interested in girls who are still in party mode and immature, if that matters." Disqualifying statement, I would remove or rewrite this. Change it to say what you want, not what you don't want.
"So if you'd like, just message me and I'll be sure to reply!" They know what to do, no need to tell them.
First date:
"Something casual, like going for a drink and just talking, getting to know one another." - If you have nothing interesting to say then just leave this blank.
Overall:
This is essentially a blank profile, a framework at best. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/4/2007 5:04:39 PM | For "mr always right":
Why would you feel strange having a guy review you? That's like saying you don't want to wear clothes by Calvin Klein because he is a guy - doesn't make sense. Anyway, on to your review:
Title:
"Well, sometimes anyway!" - No comment
Pictures:
Criminal with a puppy, far away/washed out, pictures of your dog, and 'I just drank a liter of Vodka and woke up in a dumpster.' Try to get some better pictures, these aren't really working.
Interests:
Remove "DIY-proper DIY-get your mind out of the gutter" - Makes no sense
-Add at least 8 more unique and interesting ones, as of now your interest section might as well be blank.
"...but my friends will say I sometimes have my head in the clouds" - Don't use 'but my friends say' or 'people say I am' to describe yourself.
"Oh, I know in some of my pics I have a beard, but it's long gone, didn't like it!" - I'm glad you said that, but you should get more up to date pictures.
"I HATE football, it's the most pointless waste of money and time about!" - This isn't necessary.
"I like rugby," - Then why isn't this in your interests section?
"awell as cosy nights in with a DVD and a bottle of wine." - And what happens when you get a blu-ray player? Change 'DVD' to 'Movie'. And an entire bottle of wine just for yourself? Seems a bit excessive. This needs clarification.
"Anything else you want to know then just ask and i'll get back to you x" - Redundant, remove this
"Lets see... probably out for a meal in a nice wee quiet placey, or a few drinks, dosn't really matter as long as there's plenty of opportunity to get to know each other. Always open to suggestions." - This is pretty boring, I would leave this part blank.
Overall:
Not enough information here, and what's there is too spread out. Go for two concise paragraphs, none of this one line by itself stuff. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/4/2007 5:10:07 PM | This is for billbutler8:
Title:
"kisskisskiss®™" - Creepy
Pictures:
No problems here, decent amount of variety and fairly clear
Interests:
Way too many. You shouldn't have more than 15. Looking at yours is just dizzying. Pick the 15 that are most important and get rid of the rest.
About me:
"Photos summer/fall/winter/spring left to right... kidding I don't do winter pics as I look like crap in the winter time...it is an odd transformation." - Confusing, rewrite or remove.
"email me and I'll send you a winter pic so you can see for yourself. ..."winter pic" is from a carnaval...where??? ...a correct guess wins trip to a Disneyland with yours truly." - Even more confusing and also creepy
"Extra point question... if you can tell me which movie contain the line...:Oh...oh yes right there...oh, yesyesyes ohh baby right there yes--yes--yes---!!!"... some neato scooby doo stickers and my newest latest idea for a 29 cent item to sell to Wal-Mart for 0.49 which will retail for 0.99...no not the idea...the item. Good luck.
GuessToWin© 2007 wb productions, LLC all rights reserved. Auditing: PriceWaterHouseCooper...offer restricted to US, Canada, and Mexico residents only." - What on earth are you trying to do here?
...
I can't even go on anymore. This profile is an absolute mess. It's probably 8 paragraphs longer than it needs to be and it looks like it's full of nothing but BS. Read some of my other profile reviews if you want more information on how to structure it. However it looks like you are hitting your target audience looking at your testimonials, so what do I know? But for the average onlooker I don't think anybody is going to invest the time to read this entire thing and will probably miss all of the important details. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/4/2007 9:05:05 PM |
You just might regret this.. it's gonna be tough
You're right it was tough, but I asked for an honest review and I got it, thank you. I have made some BIG changes.
I got updated photos (granted the shirt isn't much better, but it's classier) I was very selective of the ones of me in the black shirt and picked the 2 best, and I dug up ones from last year that add a little variety and include a full body shot. (I'm working on getting another one, but I'm VERY picky about my photos.)
I totally scrapped what I had and focused on some of my interests (I still included something about my cat, but softened the wording a lot) and touched a little on what I'm looking for. Maybe it's just 'Eh...' now, but I'm hoping more for a thoughtful 'Hmmm...'. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/4/2007 9:25:45 PM | Great stuff Opt, you are doin a great service to these folks. I'm not brave enough yet to have you do mine, I want to look over it real well and make sure I've given it my all first. Thanks for everyone here and a few chuckles as we read.
Kevin | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/4/2007 9:47:13 PM | | ok Id welcome a review of my profile since I havent a clue how to do these things.. I read your threads and you did a good job.. so go ahead... | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/4/2007 11:41:27 PM | This is for comatoso:
I'm 5 days behind now! Sorry for the delay. Anyway here you go:
Title:
"Women Who Behave Rarely Make History" - No real complaints here, just curious why the first letter of each word is capitalized.... hmmm
Pictures:
I have to admit that I'm a bit confused. Your primary picture is a picture of your legs... while I have to admit that this is at least somewhat different from a persons main picture being that of cleavage, etc, it's still just a body part. Why not use a face picture? Otherwise your other pictures are ok, pretty easy to see. The only thing we are missing is a stand-up, full body picture.
Details
"Profession - Foodie" - Does this mean you are a chef/cook? I don't know.
Interests:
While these are primarily very specific (and that's great) there is too many here. You shouldn't have more than 15, and also they shouldn't be more than 3 words each because then they won't get highlighted and aren't searchable. I would say delete the excess ones and keep the 15 that most accurately reflect you.
About me:
"Hi, I'm looking for someone to hang out and have a good time with." - This is a contradiction to searching for 'long term', please clarify this.
"I have a great sense of humor, and am very creative. I also enjoy cooking." - This is pretty empty as it stands and needs more detail to make sense and/or make a clear statement/point.
"Weather that is a bit stormy is as welcome as a beautiful day, now and then." - I like this
"I have 2 beautiful kids, (young) who live at home, but they spend time with their dad on scheduled visits or special events. " - Why is this in a paragraph by itself?
"If you don't have a picture, and email me, I probably won't respond. You've seen me, and it's only fair." - This is unnecessary. Are you really so swamped with messages that this has become a problem?
First date:
"Meeting in a public place, for a light dinner, sounds good." - Why specify a public place? I thought that was implied... This denotes a fear of meeting someone.
Overall:
This is a good profile, I just had nitpicks. And with you being on 105 favorites lists and having 8+ positive testimonials is a good sign that you are doing something right! | |
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RezzeR
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Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 115 | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/5/2007 6:52:24 AM | Opticalnoise:
Thank you for the profile review. It was very helpful and I made the recommended changes. The "interest" section does look more crisp. I will eventually add a full body picture, but I don't have one right now. Great suggestions, and I see all of your reviews are insightful. You have been working hard, and waiting 5 days is fine. Well worth it! | |
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meomy1
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Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 121 | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/6/2007 9:23:19 AM | | Hi opticalnoise - I got a review from someone who disagreed with my personal opinions in another thread. I would not mind to get a brutally honest review, as long as it has some objectivity in it (personal opinions aside). Take your time - I think it's great that people contribute their feedback here, as long as they don't take anything personally or make it about personal attacks. | |
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