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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/6/2007 1:26:15 PM | You're great at this! I didn't think mine was all that bad, but now im curious...
When you get a chance, I could use the feedback:)
Thanks so much!
Kristel | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/6/2007 2:22:31 PM | This is for Destangral:
Title:
".......Direct And To The Point....... " - It's a statement about you, so this is ok with me. Not sure what the '...' are for though. I really hope this profile isn't going to suffer from dot-dot-dot-itus.
Pictures:
I don't think it's your job title that is scaring the women away, I think it's your pictures. It almost looks like you intentionally posed yourself to be as frightening and unappealing as possible. And by unappealing, I am of course referring to your shirtless picture. Women hate that. Trust me. You need all new pictures, where you look somewhere between neutral and happy, none of this "I'm mad and you love it" style pictures, that rarely works and I wouldn't rely on it as bait.
Purpose:
"For Talk/Email" - Remember this means you NEVER intend to meet anyone in any capacity, ever. I would consider changing this.
About me:
"I Have Blue Eyes,Dark Hair And Rough Yet Hansom Looks With A Large Strong Build ." - 2 problems here. One, you are describing your appearance with words when you should be doing that with pictures, and two you are being self complimentary and using poor spelling. (Handsome, not hansom)
The format for one line at a time is fine for the point you are trying to make, but Why Is Each First Letter Of Every Word Capitalized Like It Was The Title Of A Movie? It looks weird.
"My Interests Include " - the reason why there is an interests section (which you left blank) is so that other people can search a specific interest to find profiles. The more chances you are to be found, the better for you. I would delete this section and rewrite it to fit the interests section.
"No I'm Not Mean,But I Look The Part Don't I?" - This is not good. Women like tough guys, not mean guys. Don't emphasize this aspect of your appearance.
"I Like To Relax With Friends And Drink A Beer On Friday Nights Or Stay Home On Mondays And Hold A Good Conversation With Some One Interesting." - This is cliche and consequently meaningless.
"I Like To Learn New Skills(Repair,First Aid,Language Etc.)" - This is a good idea, go into more detail.
First date:
"Steak Dinner And Red Wine,Ice Cream And A County Fair,Maybee A Honky Tonk And A Slow Dance.Cold Beer And Hot Wings........" - This paints a clear image of what you like to do, and therefore this is a good. Again, remove all the extra capital letters and delete the '...' at the end. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/6/2007 2:31:14 PM | This is for *Missing*:
Title:
":):)" - This should be a short statement about you.
Pictures:
First face picture is fine, the other two are unclear and difficult to see, and we have no full body pictures. I would recommend removing the last 2, and replacing them with another clear face picture, and one full body picture.
Interests:
Why is this blank? This feature is used to help others with similar interests find you. Fill it out! I would go for a minimum of 8, and an ideal amount of 12-15. And no boring ones like 'friends' and 'fun' and 'music' and 'movies'. Make them specific and unique, 2-3 words each.
About Me:
You currently have 5 paragraphs. You should have 2, no more than 3. If it visually looks too long it's probably going to get either skipped or skimmed.
"I was born in B.C. but I was raised in Calgary, and I am looking for someone who can support himself, is mature, who loves to have a good time, who LOVES hockey (you don't have to but I do hehe) and who isn't afraid to say how he feels, and enjoys going outside." - This is all one sentence and is about a lot of different things. Break this up a bit. This Additionally, don't put this one first. Move it to the end.
"I don't have time for tv, only life, my son and the right man." - This sounds very harsh as it's written and would put someone like me off in an instant. Rewrite it.
"If you can't get off the couch, then stay there with someone else, although I do like cuddling up to a good movie once in a while." - More negativity and disqualifying statements, followed by a contradiction and a cliche! Not good!
"I never used to be very active but now I am and I love every minute of it and would like someone to share that with. I love horses and my parents have 5 of them so I get to see horses quite a bit." - What is "active"? Clarify this.
"I'm not looking for someone to jump into things too fast, I would like to take things slow." - Rewrite this so it's not another disqualifying statement.
"I want to be able to develope something with someone." - Empty. Rewrite it.
"I enjoy playing pool, golf, bowling, swimming, skating, skiing, i love going to the zoo, there is never a dull moment in my life. " - move the majority of this to your 'interests' section.
"If there is anything that you would like to know feel free to send me a msg, I promise I don't bite hehehe. Good Luck Fishing." - People here already know what to do. Delete this.
"I do like a drink once and again, but I don't drink often and I don't do drugs and I am not looking for someone who does...even "once in a while" so if you are a drug user or do drugs "once in a while" please look beyond this profile. Thank You." - Change your mail settings to 'must not do drugs' and delete this.
First date:
"It's hard to say what the first date would consist of, depends on the 2 people. But I would like somewhere where there is a nice environment (not mcdonalds or the bar) and just enjoy eachother and get to know eachothers interests and personality......" - This will put somebody to sleep. Rewrite it to something interesting, unique, or at the very least, specific, or leave it blank.
Overall:
While this may or may not be true, this profiles makes you seem over opinionated, overbearing, and rude. I would consider revising the entire 'voice' of this profile if that is not you. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/6/2007 2:38:52 PM | This is for VivaLaPinto:
First, thanks for the compliments! I'm glad you could understand where I was coming from with that line. Here is your review:
Title:
"all that and a bag o' potatoes!" - This is kind of funny, I'll give it my 'ok', just remember to capitalize the 'A' in 'all'.
Pictures:
You had more than 5 pictures and I still have no idea what you look like. Honestly your going to need a number of new ones. First, delete the ones that have more than one person in it, move the modified/shopped pictures to the end, and give us some clear face pictures and full body pictures with no picture modification.
Interests:
Good start -Add about 3 more.
About me:
This section is way too long. Probably twice as long as it needs to be. Trust me, you're going to get skim/skipped a lot with this.
"I am...pretty frickin awesome? I'm nineteen, and studying theatre right now, acting, specifically." - Is this a brag? I don't know. Anyway don't repeat your age, we already have that in the top section.
"I just closed Urinetown the Musical with Bard to Broadway here in town, and let me say it was the most amazing thing you'll ever see. I played Little Becky Two Shoes, and it was such a riot, doing a musical again. Next up is my last mainstage at Malaspina before I graduate, which is an art wank-y tech fest entitled Power, in which I play Cheryl. Performing takes up a lot of my time, but I wouldn't have it any other way. And it's a LOT of fun! Performing is what I love to do most in the world, so the fact that I'm making a living at it puts a smile on my face!" - This is way too specific. Shorten this to one sentence about your interest in acting, etc.
...
This is going to be the same advice for your entire profile. It seems like a lot of rambling about things that nobody is going to understand except for you. Get rid of all the excessive details and keep it tight and concise. Imagine someone has to read the entire thing in under 2 minutes. Possible with your profile? Nope. Result? Skim/skipped.
First date:
And the ramblings keep on coming.. this section needs to be 2 sentences at most.
Overall:
You have a lot of unique ideas and content and it does show, but it's so long that it almost makes my head spin trying to read it. Shorten it and you'll be totally fine in my book. | |
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| Can u give me a review pls?
Posted: 3/6/2007 10:41:14 PM | Looks like I accidentally skipped a few people... sorry about that.
This is for irishman4877:
Title:
"Headlines are for dummies ;)" - I disagree, it's a good opportunity to say something about yourself. Make it a one line, odd fact or statement about you, a quote you like, something.
Pictures:
1 & 2 are fine, but the rest have to go. No other people, no kids, no 'I just got outta jail' pics.
Interests:
Remove "romantic dinners" - lame
The rest are OK, good amount as well
About me:
"Currently, I am finishing my bachelors degree in Computer Science at UCF and looking forward to having a normal work week." - Your first sentence is a statement of insecurity. Remove this.
"I'd like to settle down a little, and find someone to spend some quality time with." - Bad.
"I'm not too interested in meeting the young irresponsible type who's only care in life is what club to go to on Friday night." - This is unneccesary. Focus on saying what you want and not what you don't want.
"Don't get me wrong, because I love to go out and have a good time (see interests above)." ...And now you've contradicted yourself.
"As long as the company is good, I'm pretty much up for doing anything." - Yet another contradiction, and also not true. Are you up for some arson? Bank robbery? Murder?
"Mostly anyone I know will tell you that I'm very easy to get along with and fun to be around. I'm also the type who is always there to be the shoulder to lean/cry on." - Self complimentary, delete it.
"I'm looking for someone who is fun to be around, knows how to have a good time, and at the same time can carry on an intelligent conversation." - Empty + cliche = boring
"I like a lady who knows where her life is going and is taking steps to get there, but at the same time she's got to know how to let loose sometimes and be a little spontaneous with me." - More emptiness, and contradictions.
"If you want to know more then drop me a line" - 'Drop me a line' isn't cool anymore, and this line is totally not necessary. The women already know what to do.
First Date:
This section should be 2 lines at the most. You have 3 paragraphs. See the problem?
Overall:
This was essentially a blank profile. It contains nothing but cliches, empty statements, and self complementation. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/6/2007 10:46:39 PM | This is for aliven28:
Since you didn't ask for a review and only advice, here it is. Know your age. Your profile says you are 28 and your profile is written like a caffeinated teenager.
Don't use internet slang
Don't use internet abbreviations 'u', 'lol', etc
Get rid of the boring interests like "Hanging with the friends and family"
Replace those with interesting and unique ones
My point is, you aren't going to attract any intelligent and witty males with this profile. Unless you are specifically trying to push them away, you need to age up your profile. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/7/2007 4:53:10 AM | | Ok! Thanks for the honest review and kind of in defence there is not many mature guys out here to begin with.I did change some things like the slang and took a couple of other things out.I did leave some of the humour in it as life is too short to be serious all the time and who really read these things if there's a pic up so why we all care what someone else thinks is beyond me.Thank you for ur help opticalnoise!src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_210.gif border=0> | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/7/2007 6:23:36 AM | | Ok... I have asked for a review before. I guess you're too busy. If you happen to find the time, please take a look at my profile. I would greatly appreciate it. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review? Yes I do
Posted: 3/7/2007 1:03:24 PM | This is for ottawacanallady:
Title:
"Looking for that special someone" - Meaningless. Change it to be a unique statement about you.
Pictures:
Delete pictures 2, 3, and 4 and you are ok.
Interests:
Remove "long walks" - cliche
Remove "friends" - boring
Remove "long drives" - boring
Remove "back rubs" - cliche
Seperate "pop and classical" to "pop music", "classical music"
-Then add 5 more
About me:
"Looking for that special someone to make my toes curl, my face light up and my heart skip a beat. Any takers?" - This is not a good way to start. Delete this.
"I have many interests from finance to watching sports (Olypmics, curling through to hockey)to card/board games, reading to painting, comedy clubs to concerts." - Redundant, this is what your interests section is for
"I enjoy trying the restuarants around the Ottawa area, love going for long drives to explore, walking along the canal is fun in almost any weather and of course shopping even when we don't buy anything. " - continued redundancy and spelling errors (Restaurant, not restuarant)
"My friends & family are important to me so hopefully yours will be to you. I have two nephews whom I adore so dads are more than welcome. I'm a big kid at heart so play time is always an option.
I do have a warped sense of humour and don't shock easily so other than horror movies I like just about anything in theatres right now.
Food wise the only thing I don't eat is seafood (allergies are a bummer). Thai & Indian are main faves for me. " - Why is this 3 seperate paragraphs?
"If you like spending time with someone who will give more than they take, someone who likes to give long warm back rubs, spending time with you just because, someone who cleans up nicely but is comfy in jeans as well, someone who likes to give surprises and romance than drop me a line to say hi. " - Self complimentary and unnecessary.
"Take a chance, isn't that what life is all about.
Jennifer" - This is a profile, not an email. Don't sign it.
Overall:
If you took my advice and deleted everything I suggested to here, you would have a mostly blank profile. This profile as it stands is highly repetitive, cliche, sleepy, and devoid of any clear details. This needs a total rewrite. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/7/2007 4:38:08 PM | Alright................. do mine too.......lol
but got to admit mine reads the way it does for a reason and I like it..........lol | |
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Tito_T
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Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 145 | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:48:56 PM | This is for l0vin_life, message 68: (Thanks for the idea Bob!)
"I am in a strong healthy marriage, which is my world." = You don't need a profile review!
Men will always try to score intimate encounters, just block them and move on. Even if your profile was totally blank, or was a rant about how you hate men, the same would still happen.
Good luck. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:56:05 PM | This is for spydermnky, message 87:
Title:
"primate, primarily." - Clever and funny, keep it
Pictures:
Face pictures are clear and easy to see, but your full body/far away pictures are impossible to see anything but a silloutte. Those should be edited or replaced.
Interests:
Clarify "ultimate"
Consider removing "driving like a maniac"
Remove "copulating" - yuck
Clarify "bad brains"
Remove "boobs"
- Most of these seem to be related to food, a lot of them didn't really make sense, like the 'Vitamin S' ones, not sure if that's a joke related to something else or not. I would consider replacing or at least clarifying a lot of those. Otherwise most of these are ok.
About me:
"I've been told that i'm" - Don't start any sentence with this.
"...and will obediently fulfill my new role as reproductive tool." - I'm fairly certain this is a joke but I wouldn't bet that everyone is going to get it/find it funny.
Overall:
This is actually a very unique and interesting profile and you've done a good job making this. I would suggest fixing the capitalization errors (i'm instead of I'm, etc) and removing the sexual humor or at least toning it down. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/7/2007 10:02:44 PM | This is for 2007lady, message 88:
Username: I hope you've found somebody by the time 2008 rolls around...
Title:
"Person who chills and laughs" - While this *is* a statement about you, it's completely meaningless and cliche. Should be rewritten.
Pictures:
Just one, and the colors are very washed out so it's nearly impossible to see. Looks like an old scanned photo. You need some new pictures. 2 face pictures and one full length picture, all with nobody else in the picture.
Interests:
You only listed three. You need to have at least 12-15 unique and interesting ones. No boring ones like 'music', 'fun', 'friends', etc. Must be interesting!
"Just want to chill and laugh." - That was your entire profile. 6 words. What exactly did you expect me to review here? All I can tell you is, please don't use the word 'chill' - stopped being cool in 2003, and only with the under 25 crowd. If you want I'll take another whack at this once you've actually written something.
First date:
"Go to dinner and maybe a movie" - If you don't want to think of something then just leave this section blank. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/7/2007 10:09:51 PM | This is for Ice-Pixie, message 89:
Title:
"So say we all" - Not really sure what you mean here... but as a placeholder I guess it's alright.
Pictures:
Wow. Quite honestly you are a *very* attractive person and these pictures show it. My only regret is that your full body picture isn't very clear, but it'll work.
Interests:
Fantastic! A good sized list of very unique, interesting, and non-cliche interests! This paints a clear picture of your personality outline. Great job!
About me:
"As you may or may not gather from my headline, I'm a big BSG fan." - Actually, I didn't gather that at all! But since you've explained it here it makes more sense.
"I also speak a little Chinese and Japanese." - Zhen de? Hontou ni? Hen hao! Tottemo sugoi desu. Ni shi fei chang cong ming. 
"I'll listen to any music I think sounds good" - Finally! Somebody who knows how to say 'I like all music' and have it be true! You are truly a genius, I see so many people struggle with this.
Overall:
This is easily one of the best profiles I'm come across in a long time and I am absolutely impressed. | |
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| Need a brutally honest profile review?
Posted: 3/7/2007 10:18:53 PM | This is for lacyone, message 92:
Title:
"seeking an amazing friendship" - This is a contradiction, as your profile says you are looking for dating. I know you are trying to say friend in dating, but you should be clear with your intentions. Men can be pretty dumb sometimes.
Pictures:
Change your primary picture to #3, and remove the first 2 as they are very unclear. Take 1 more headshot and 1 more full length shot and make sure it's easy to see. Outside/daylight works well for this.
Interests:
Remove "family"
Clarify "water sports" - Remember this can have a double meaning
-Then add 6 more.
About me:
"He would probably be interested in home renovations,(I love old houses) auctions, (I like antiques) motorcycles," - This is incredibly specific and you are likely to disqualify a lot of great guys. Remove or rewrite it.
"and as attractive to me as I am to him(nice smile)" - This is subjective and doesn't really make sense.
"If any of this sounds interesting...look me up." - Delete this
Overall:
Your profile is way too short. All it is is a wishlist of over specific attributes and interests you are seeking and not a single word about you. The point of a profile is to let men learn about you, not just what you want. Add another 4 sentence paragraph dedicated to describing/talking about yourself. | |
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