| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/7/2007 7:38:52 AM | | I have had two ladies maybe even a third one email me and tell me they had met someone even before i have even met them yet. There was exchange of emails, messaging but not too the point where i was falling for them before I even met them. I liked that they did tell me though im actually friends with one of them now. I think they thought I was too nice online and were getting out more than me at the time so they met someone but thats ok, its part of the online dating experience, learn from it keep giving it your best. | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/7/2007 7:53:47 AM | Yeah..
Someone recently did something like that to me: you think all is great and then, pouf! He disappears, doesn't return phone calls or emails, etc.
Basically, guys like that are just inconsiderate cowards and losers.
Move on and find someone who deserves your attention.
All the best!  | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/7/2007 9:23:29 AM | Could use company...
I so totally agree with what you said..
I do like the last statement the most. .
Comunication is so.. important... | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:19:31 PM | Sure you 'deserve' the phone call... But often you may hear, if you are listening, what isn't 'working' while you're together (if you pay attention). The key here might be simple appreciation.
My experience has been that you may try quietly (in person) to suggest to her/him that they have a habit that drives you nuts - maybe its constantly interrupting your conversation to answer their cell phone or correcting their dog while in your presence or spitting food out while talking and eating.  
The point is you may try to let them know, gently, about a situation that just doesn't make you feel comfortable but they don't 'hear'. I think that its pointless to be critical of them (as in 'change for me') and then highlighting it with a phone call later.
I've been in several of these internet dating situations where I would arrive somewhere after a fair amount of driving/effort, only to discover that I was in no way more special than anyone else who may have stumbled across the street to her house ( I mean, she doesn't have to bake a cake, or hire a band - but for gosh sakes put on some clean clothes or clean up your house). Make him feel that you appreciated his effort to spend time with you.
And if I've made the effort to meet your goal of; 'being friends', an 'LT relationship', or whatever and it doesn't seem to have a future, even then I'm apt to send a note of thanks. But I think that my 'job' as a male, is to make her feel good about herself  without demanding a major course correction on her part  I think that if she wants to know what happened to 'us'  , that she can ask (if she's sincerely interested).
It is never ok to exhibit bad manners or issue damming condemnations! In any case YOU might simply write or call HIM letting a note of appreciation creep into your note and ask him openly and honestly what you might have done differently (if you are sincere about being 'better' next time). And don't be afraid of letting him know that you'd like to move on with your life.  | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:50:46 PM | CURLY, you said...
......"His silence speaks volumes - it speaks loser - these types of
people are spineless freaks who have something to hide..." -
Interesting, I wonder if any those types are reading this!!???
Diva | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 6:57:12 AM | | To be blunt about it he/she should act like an adult. We are in theory all adults on this site and should have the balls to tell someone we don't want to see them again. It is called common courtesy and should apply whether you have gone out on one or two dates to having dated for several months. Just because you meet on the internet does not mean the rules of etiquette are invalid. If you liked someone enough to meet them have the decency to say you don't want to see them again. Men and women are both guilty of this and it is unfortunate that some people have become so shallow and disrespectful of fellow man that a simple phone call or as in the case of the internet an email is to much trouble. Yes sometimes we forget to answer an email from someone the first time, sometimes they are just to creepy to answer but if you have gone to the trouble to meet, have the courtesy to tell them the truth. | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 7:45:22 AM | | If I go out with a person for any length of time, that means I care about them. If they suddenly don't call me, not only am I hurt, but I am left to wonder if they are OK, i.e. nothing bad has happened to them. I think there should always be some type of contact when someone loses interest or meets someone else. It is just cowardly and ill-mannered not to do so. However, I have noted that manners have gone out the window in our society. And it does go both ways, men & women. | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 7:59:31 AM | I have yet to understand what people mean when they talk about deserving such things. It seems to imply an obligation, like saying the person owes you a phone call, or an explanation. I question whether an explanation is ever owed, even if expected and wanted and demanded. Did the person promise one? If not, I don't see how people place others under obligation like that. Deserving can be from worthiness or obligation. In the sense of worthiness, it would be like saying, am I not worthy of a phone call? That is even worse than claiming someone owes you something they never promised.
Isn't the sentiment expressed here actually: Doesn't it suck when you want them to call and they don't?
There is no deserving about it, as far as I can see. | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 8:06:52 AM | | Of course. Maturity and compassion should compel a person to tell their beau that it's over. I prefer to get bad news over the phone so I can be alone to process right away. The "just friends" thing isn't a crock. It 's a less direct way to tell somebody that there's no chemistry. | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:44:07 AM | Hold on there; enough of the poor me, poor me stuff. I had been communicating with a woman exclusively for 5 months, every day - sometimes twice a day through the telephone and email.
We had exchanged pictures ...everything was great.
I travelled to where she lives, got a nice chalet in the mountains etc and she was meeting me there.
What showed up was a woman 4 inches shorter than she had said, a minimum of 100 lbs heavier and the picture wasen't even her. I was out of there within 2 minutes, drove to the airport and left ...never spoke to her again despite her ongoing emails cursing me etc.
My case is probably extreme ...ask yourself this, did you unintentionally or intentionally mislead the guy? | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 11:39:14 AM | Do you DESERVE a phone call? Absolutely. Are you going to GET one? Of course not!
Some men (and women too) always do this--what I call the "coward's way out"--rather than just tell you they're not interested, or (as the case usually is with me) they found someone else they like more and want to drop your a**, rather than just being up front and telling the truth, they either use the "I'm busy/I'm working" excuse, or just stop returning phone calls/e-mails altogether and let you figure it out for yourself. I HATE THAT. It's rude and shows a serious lack of consideration. (And believe me, I'm not one of those girls who calls a guy a billion times a day and wants to be around him 24/7).
From various discussions with male friends, this behavior comes from the following beliefs: They think 1.) we're going to fall apart (because apparently all women are made of glass and are very fragile) ,2.) we're gonna go all stalker on them, (start calling them incessantly, texting, e-mailing asking "what did I do wrong?"), 3.) we're gonna blow up and go psycho on them (call them jerks, cheaters, etc.) or 4.) all of the above.
I know there's a lot of guys out there who have the defense of "girls say they want you to be honest, but when we are, they end up making you out to be an a**hole anyways. So I'd rather avoid the drama and just disappear." But let me tell you something, gentleman....a woman who has confidence and maturity can handle the truth. Yes, she may be disappointed and a little hurt, but I feel it's better to know the deal than not know at all and leave us wondering what happened.
In all of my dating experiences, I've only had ONE guy who told me the truth--we went out for a month (not exclusive, but there was potential) and then I didn't hear from him for a week or two. I called once or twice but didn't want to seem overzealous. When he finally did get in touch, he told me he was trying to work things out with his ex and couldn't hang out with me anymore. Did it hurt? Yes, a little. But I had ten times more respect for him for telling me the truth instead of leaving me hanging like an idiot. I thanked him for his honesty and wished him luck.
It's not that difficult, people! One phone call, one conversation is all it takes! Have some courage and consideration. You might be surprised--she may actually take it better than you expect.
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 12:05:31 PM | Hi all
something similar happened to me recently but only after a short relationship.
Nevertheless it really hurt and made me question myself in many ways.
I echo the feeling that if he can't even be bothered to tell you it's over then he doesn't deserve your time full stop, he's a gutless wonder.
My friends have said to me 'why don't you call him?' The answer to that is that i know all i need to know, i know he's not the man i thought he was and i know the bull he spouts on his profile about knowing how to give emotional without the pain and being sensitive and genuine is all complete lies.
I know enough!
It does hurt and it knocks you back but you can't let it keep you down, they're just not worth it.
Good luck in the future :o) | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:17:51 PM | After a 7 month relationship if you had not already seen lots of signals, an out of the blue "vanishing" seems pretty strange, and just plain rude as others have said. Seems to me that any relationship that long and/or involved deserves some closure.
I think the lesson that many of us take from the "silent rejection" after a date or two is to just drop any expectations we had and move on. Had one of these myself recently, my conclusion after a few unreturned calls/emails was that I was just wasting my time and making myself look like an idiot anyway, so just let it go. If you take it personally, it can stomp all over your optimism...so don't do that.
Big difference from when you were young when you would take at least as long to exit a relationship as you did to get into one... | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:53:49 PM | I just recently went through this for the first time and it really sucked.
I even did the "If you don't want to see me anymore just text me and let me know you're ok" route. Nothing. I called him and no answer...
Once day he was in love with me and the next he was gone. People say there are signs but sometimes there just really aren't. Best we can do is chalk them up to being a coward and move on. I KNOW it was nothing I did. I guess sometimes guys just freak when they find something that they feel they don't deserve =)
Good luck, it gets better! | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 4:45:17 PM | My ex husband, after we split up was dating a friend of mine who had been a former neighbour. They dated for quite some time and he kept saying to me "we're just using each other"... I figured that something was up, because she didn't seem like the type. He announced proudly to the boyfriend I had at the time that they were "using each other". One week he was with the gal he'd been seeing and the next week he was with this other woman whom he had been chasing but found out she was married. I got the real story from the friend one day when she came into where I worked. My ex had been trying to control her, even trying to get her to move in with him... she didn't put up with it. Suddenly he stopped calling her and the next thing she heard he was with this other woman. She never got a phone call or anything... she found out through friends that she had been dumped. People can be a$$es... if you don't get a phone call, then you know they weren't worth fretting over in the first place. That's about all I can say.  | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 6:03:31 PM | HUH Sheridan?? Mislead about height and weight after several dates (in most of the cases mentioned above) and in the case of he op....7 months of dating and he was mislead??? what was he BLIND for the first six month and 29 days (or 30 depending on the month) and then miraculously recieved his sight,.....................PRAISE GOD IT"S A MIRACLE!!!??????
If I read the op correctly as well as these other posters........this wasn't a situation like you just described.......in which case.... I totally agree with your high tailing it and wouldn't have returned her calls either............HOWEVER.........
.............their situation is completely different and after some "booty" (I'm guessing) the men went out for some fresh ________ and were never heard from again!!
If I weren't a nice Christian lady I'd have two words for them.......
...................spineless F**KTARDS!!!
Diva
*edited because I changed my mind*
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/9/2007 7:38:10 PM | Flutterby,
I recently read this article on the internet where the advice was to go ahead and break the "girl rule" and if the guy doesn't call you, call him. Instead of calling though, a safer way to do this that leaves the dignity in tact for both parties is to send an email. This is a direct quote from the article. Use "Multiple Choice" as the subject line.
Please complete the questionnaire by indicating your answer below. Then simply hit the send button. Thank you.
I’ve gone dark because:
a) It’s not you, it’s me.
b) I was waiting for you to call.
c) I’ve been struck by terrible calamity, from which I hope to emerge soon, and will call you eventually.
d) You wouldn’t sign the credit-report authorization.
e) All or none of the above.
Hope you’re well.
You can customize this to suite your particular situation. I like this. It is funny, it is safe, and it may keep the ball rolling. Or, it may not. But what have you got to lose? If you're pretty sure its over anyway, why not take a chance? You took the chance in the first place didn't you? I say that we have to get creative and innovative and not be afraid to ask for what we want. There are no guarantees that this will work, but at least you gave it every effort. And if it doesn't work, there are "Plenty of Fish" out there!
Good luck! | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/10/2007 4:31:43 AM | Sure, in the perfect world, we would all get phone calls......but, this world is far from perfect and...
It's not just men, it's women too....I think its because it's what's easier for them.....I know I have done it before and it wasn't to be mean, it was because I didn''t want to feel uncomfortable and didn't want to hurt someones feeling by saying not interested....
Now the guy after 7 monthhs, sounds like he just got cold feet......not sure on that one | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:07:20 PM | Hang on there Pebbles ...
I was on a date once, really nice time. Dinner, dancing, movie ...out for a few drinks and back to her place for some 'hide and seek'. I was grunting away from behind her when she says; "are you in yet honey"
I got dressed and left ...did not phone her. I would absolutely bet that she would be moaning and venting to her friends that she was used, men are crap, etc. When a guy doesn't call, there's usually a good reason | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/10/2007 1:10:30 PM | I have had it done to me both ways! Most of the time you do not get the real reason why you broke up. And when you do get it, subconsciously, you will try to fix it. Well guess what????
IT STILL DOES NOT WORK!!!!
Sometimes, not calling is easier and better for you, the dumpee. Seriously, are you going to believe somebody that is dumping you?
SIDENOTE!!!! Women PLEASE STOP with what it takes to be a MAN!!! You never read or hear about a man saying "THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A REAL WOMEN!!! If there is a book with arbitrary guidelines to, then please send it to me and I will read it and review it on one of these forums! | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/11/2007 1:39:46 AM | I know how you feel. However, my own husband did it to me last month. We seperated for two weeks. Telling me he loved me and wanted to work it out. Blah, Blah, Blah. In those two weeks he meet someone else. He left the house, In my truck that I am paying for. And never came home. He left me sitting there wondering what was going on. When I called his job. And some friends of his. He turned around and told the police I was harrasing him and following him. Hell, how can you stalk someone that you never knew has even left you. A phone call, or even worse a e-mail. But my husband left 99% of his stuff at the house. When I found him with his girlfriend in my truck. He knew he was caught. I think he was trying to play both ends.
However, hell hath no fury, like a women scorned with a good divorce lawyer!!!!!
Okie girl | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/11/2007 3:37:31 AM | | I say just stop all the harrassment....that would include paying for his truck I suppose. Ebay is a great place to rid yourself of his stuff too.....heh heh | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/11/2007 4:10:19 AM | just gotta say........that name "simmahdahnnah".....has got to be my ALL TIME FAVORITE on here so far..........too DAMN FUNNY!
Diva | |
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| Don't I at least deserve a phone call?
Posted: 4/11/2007 10:15:33 AM | IT SUCKS. I know-it's happened to me 3 times in the last 2 1/2 years. One no-call and two
dumps via e-mail. We women, who are self-critical, ALWAYS think it's something WE'VE done and drive ourselves nuts trying to figure it out. DROP IT AND GET ON WITH LIFE!
They're immature ,emotionally retarded and cowardly. Plus common courtesy and concern for others is pretty much absent in this society. Especially in the dating world. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times--THEIR FREAKIN' LOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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