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| Son wants his father, father has no interest in his son
Posted: 12/29/2007 6:23:02 PM | | Please remember that from the child's vantage point, at this age, anything and I mean ANYTHING you say about dad he internalizes as being true about him. "Some dad's just have limitations" is one way to approach this and re-iterate over and over again to the child that it's not his fault. Of course our concerns here also involve protecting the child and when I saw the word 'torture' in your post I had to assume that at least in part, we've pretty worried about this guy having contact with the boy. Apprently a few responding to you may have missed that. Please remain calm and firm with your son and say the same right thing over and over again.....'Gosh honey, I'm sorry about this deal with your Dad and I wish there were something I could do about this but there just isn't." Believe it or not (and this research made me really wince because my circumstances were similar) in the absence of any contact whatsoever, the child can develop some kind of hero mindset about the abandoning parent. It just happens. If there's a history of violence here, however, that simply breaks the deal and we will put the highest priority on your safety and that of your son. Allowing the boy opportunites to vent feelings ("draw me a picture of how you feel") is an excellent option and, of course, I'd advise taking the lil guy to a good child counselor who is educated in play therapy. Parental abandonment is no fun at all but it certainly has produced some real interesting, strong adults. Above all, of course it's ok for the boy to still love Dad even though Dad has limitations. We wouldn't stop loving him if he had Alzheimer's either. | |
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