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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/5/2008 7:56:56 PM | | Two cows in a field. One says "What do think of mad cow disease?" The other replied "Why ask me? I'm a horse". | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:09:52 AM | In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.
The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink,and told him the story of his great ambition. Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, "well, for one thing you're wearing your gun too high, tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That's terrific!" said the cowboy, Got anymore tips for me?"
Yep," said the old man, "cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot a cufflink off the piano player.
"Wow!" said the cowboy, "I'm learnin' somethin' here - got anymore tips?"
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that grease over there? Coat your gun with it."
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"No," said the old timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playin' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your backside and it won't hurt as much" | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:15:28 AM | A very shy man goes into a pub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the pub is now staring at them.
Naturally, the man is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean, £200?" | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:21:04 AM | Two girls wake up the morning after a particularly wild party.
The first one states ''My mouth tastes like the bottom of a bird cage.''
The second one replies ''I am not surprised; you had a****too in there last night.'' | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:26:14 AM | A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice. | |
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| UK Quiz show stuff
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:56:10 AM | QUIZMANIA (ITV)
Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'.
Contestant: Doctor.
Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.
Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . . Doctor.
DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)
Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
Contestant: Cartons?
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.
BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
GWR FM (Bristol)
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)
Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ...?
Caller: Mohicans.
QUIZMANIA
Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'.
Contestant: Grandfather.
Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.
Contestant: Panda.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?
RICHARD AND JUDY
Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.
RICHARD AND JUDY
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er . . .
Leslie: He makes bread . . .
Contestant: Er . . .
Leslie: He makes cakes . . .
Contestant: Kipling Street?
MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND)
Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant: Erm . . .
Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?
SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
Contestant: Six.
Tufnell: Higher!
Contestant: Five.
FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)
Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED
and PIT.
Team: Chedpit.
LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
Contestant: 23.
NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)
Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?
THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'.
Contestant: Ghana.
Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
Contestant: New Zealand.
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific
ROCK FM (PRESTON)
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta.
JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er ... er ... three?
NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
Contestant: Jelly.
RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?
BLIND DATE (ITV)
Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Boy: Charlotte Bronte.
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er ... Mexico?
DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)
Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
Contestant: Enid Blyton
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
Contestant: Basketball.
NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ
Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbour?
DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er . . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?
NATIONAL LOTTERY
Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea:a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.
THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.
LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.
BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1
Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm . . .
Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
Contestant: Shark.
STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus. | |
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| Post a Joke
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:48:09 PM | A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law answered.
' But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained.
'Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in
and saw her lying there so provocatively.
' What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'It needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner!?!?' | |
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| Post a Joke
Posted: 3/8/2008 12:33:29 AM | My dog's a blacksmith.
Every time we open the front door he makes a bolt for it. | |
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| Post a Joke
Posted: 3/8/2008 12:35:14 AM | Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table.
One of them spots a whisk and asks: "What's that?"
The other egg looks puzzled and replies: "Beats me" | |
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| Post a Joke
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:44:05 PM | A man is getting into the shower just as his wife finishes her bath, when the doorbell rings.
The wife wraps herself in a towel and rushes downstairs. She opens the door , its Bob the next door neighbour "I'll give you £500 to drop that towel" he says.
She drops the towel and stands there naked while Bob looks her up and down.
After a few seconds he hands her the £500 and leaves. The woman wraps the towel round herself again and goes back upstairs.
"Who was that ?" asks her husband, "Only Bob from next door" she replies.
"Great", the husband says " did he say anything about the £500 he owes me?" | |
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| He who drinks Australian
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:46:04 AM | A guy and a crocodile walk into a bar and the guy says "I'll have a pint and one of your regulars for the croc."
The barman says "You cant do that!"
So the guy said "If you don't give him a regular then he goes psycho and will trash the bar."
The barman says "Ok! take that old tramp in the corner."
So the croc does and they leave.
Until the next day when they come back and ask for the same again. 1 pint and a regular for the croc. But the barman says "Sorry I have no regulars left! They all went after they heard about what happened the other night."
The guy said "Well you know what will happen now...."
That second a dwarf walked into the pub. The guy says "He'll do! If croc here eats him he won't trash the bar and we'll never come back."
The barman said fair do's.
So the croc ate the dwarf but then trashed the bar as well. The barman said "Why the hell did he do that!?"
And the guy replied "Sorry mate, he's a maniac when he's been on the shorts." | |
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| He who drinks Australian
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:36:36 PM | Did you know that recent studies have shown that Married men live much lunger than single men?But a recent survey has shown that they are also more willing to die!
Prediction.in another decade or so they are going to find that cancer is hereditary in labratory rats. | |
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| Post a Joke
Posted: 3/9/2008 5:41:12 PM | Paddy and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Paddy said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Paddy said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't ! worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'
They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Paddy said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub. | |
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| Post a Joke
Posted: 3/11/2008 2:36:21 AM | A Welshman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several
weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a
vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
Taffy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting
to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep
are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and
instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.
Taffy hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that
artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads
the sheep into his Landrover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with
them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all
still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads
them in the Landrover again. He drives them out to the woods & shags each
sheep twice for good measure brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. One
more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out
to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home,
falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the
sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in
the grass.
"No", she says, "They're all in the Landrover and one of them is beeping the
horn." | |
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| Post a Joke
Posted: 3/11/2008 9:22:02 AM | How To Say I Love You....
English: I Love You
Spanish: Te amo
French: Je T'aime
German: Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese: Ai Shite Imasu
Thai: Phom rak khun
Italian: Ti amo
Chinese: Wo Ai Ni
Ukrainian: Ya tiba lublu
Swedish: Jag Alskar
British Columbia, Alberta, New Brunswick, Parts of Ontario, Saskatchewan, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland, Manitoba, Labrador, Prince Edward Island:
Nice Ass, Get in the Truck!
********
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in a mobile home park. A man walked over and sits down on the opposite end of the bench.
A few minutes go by when the woman gets up the courage to ask, "Are you a stranger here?"
The man says, "I lived here many years ago."
The lady thinks for a moment and says, "So, where were you all those years ago?"
"I was in prison," the man replies.
The lady continues, "Why did they put you in prison?"
The man looks over at her and very quietly says, "I killed my wife."
The lady demurely says, "Oh, so you're single..."
********************
A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Hot Fudge Shoppe', an ice cream parlor, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up on the stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
He replied, "No, arthritis!" | |
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| Post a Joke
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:07:35 AM | An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So, what do you think about that Doc?'
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. 'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.
One day, he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking stick instead of his gun. As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his stick, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that?' asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'
The doctor replied, 'My point exactly.' | |
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| Dear Abby
Posted: 3/13/2008 12:05:40 PM | Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR.
Dear Abby, I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby, I’ve suspected that my husband has been unfaithful and, when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist £50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be mad.
Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do? | |
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| He said, she said
Posted: 3/13/2008 12:13:44 PM | He said… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said…You wear briefs, don’t you?
He said… Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said…Not at all , I would love you no matter who left you the money.
He said… Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said…Well, you have succeeded.
He said… You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She said…No, have you?
He said… Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
She said…Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. | |
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| He said, she said
Posted: 3/13/2008 12:40:50 PM | Little girl finds her dog dead with it's legs in the air
and asks her dad why its like that? Dad says its
died and is like that so jesus can pick it up and
take it to heaven.Next day she says"dad,mum
nearly died today,she was on her back with her
legs in the air shouting oh jesus,i'm coming i'm
coming and if the milkman hadn't been holding her
down we'd have lost her! | |
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| He said, she said
Posted: 3/13/2008 12:42:14 PM | Young Iraqi lad signs pro contract at Liverpool FC,
He scores a hat-trick on his debut and gets
carried off shoulder high.....He rings home all
excited to tell his mum the good news and asks
how the family are?....
"How are we" says his mum
"The house has been bombed,your Dads been
shot,your sisters been raped and i've been mugged
and robbed at gunpoint,.....Why the **** did you
bring us to Liverpool". | |
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| He said, she said
Posted: 3/13/2008 12:43:27 PM | A man on a long haul flight noticed the beautiful
young woman sitting next to him reading a book
titled "Strange but true sexual facts".
"Interesting" he asks
"Yes" she replies,
"For instance,did you know that the American
Red Indian has the longest penis in the world
and a Scotsman has the thickest"!
"Oh i'm sorry" she said "My names Helen
and yours is"?
Tonto McTavish love". | |
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| He said, she said
Posted: 3/14/2008 1:33:45 PM | A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says '****ing hell are you the bird I shagged on me stag do, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my a***?'
'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!' | |
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| Puzzle
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:05:10 PM | A blonde calls her boyfriend and says "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't see how to get started."
Her boyfriend asks "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box then turns to her and says (with a sigh)
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . ... . .
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box." | |
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| Post a Joke
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:37:14 AM | A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '65."
"This is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '65, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?," he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again." | |
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| Post a Joke
Posted: 3/19/2008 8:23:37 AM | A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a body, arms or legs. The son is just a head!?!? But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, & tearfully tells his son he is so proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! Amazingly a body pops out!?!? The bar is dead silent, then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant 'Take another drink!'
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out!?!?.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, 'Take another drink! Take another drink!!' The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out!?!?. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,'He should've quit while he was a head!?!?'. | |
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