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Posted: 3/9/2007 8:28:22 AM | Ok, this one is a tad long, but trust me, it is sooo worth it! It is frikken hilarious!
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was
our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across
was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The
effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived,
with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....
WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought
it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn
thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the
same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that
burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy,
thinking to myself that it couldn't be a ll that bad
with only two triple-a batteries,... right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking
on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading
the directions and thinking that I really needed to
try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I
must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is
such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this
thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger,
I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top
with my reading glasses perched delicately on the
bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in
another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a t wo-second
burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major
loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground
like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three
seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device
measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in
circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself,
"no possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description,
but I'll do my best.....I'm sitting there alone,
Gracie looking on with her head ****d to one side as
to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a
one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing
couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give
myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER,
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the
side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body
slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over
again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking
wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be
found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the
oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was
standing over me making meowing sounds I had never
heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to
herself, "do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself
with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such
thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is
dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about
on the floor. A three second burst would be
considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so
later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing
at that point), collected my wits (what little I had
left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh
and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt
like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom
lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my
testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for
their safe return.
Still in shock,
Stupid | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/9/2007 9:00:13 AM | >>>Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped
>>>some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them
>>>up, he noticed Bill's wife, Sue, wasn't
>>>wearing any underwear under her dress!
>>>
>>>Shocked by this, John, upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on
>>>the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get
>>>some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything
>>>that you liked under there?
>>>
>>>Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed
>>>he did.
>>>
>>>She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
>>>
>>>After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of
>>>this offer, John confirms that he is interested.
>>>
>>>She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and
>>>John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 PM Friday afternoon.
>>>
>>>When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 PM sharp,
>>>and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500, they went to the bedroom and
>>>closed their transaction as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.
>>>
>>>As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 PM and upon entering the house,
>>>asked his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
>>>
>>>With a lump in her throat Sue answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a
>>>few minutes this afternoon."
>>>
>>>Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did
>>>he give you $500?"
>>>
>>>In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering
>>>her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."
>>>
>>>Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
>>>"Good I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and
>>>borrowed $500 from me.
>>>
>>>He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and
>>>pay me back."
>>>
>>>Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player
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Posted: 3/9/2007 3:18:59 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^ NO kidding! LOL!
Both caught!!!!
A woman is in bed with her lover who happens to be her husband's best
friend.
They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just
laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover
looks at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation ...
She is speaking in a cheery voice "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that
you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds
terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."
She hangs up the telephone, and her lover asks, "Who was that? Oh,
she replies, that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time
he's having with you on his fishing trip."
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Posted: 3/10/2007 6:21:40 AM | Two Newfies are standing at the top of a cliff.
One of them has a couple parrots tied to each arm, the other has several budgies tied to his.
They look at each other. "Ready?". "Ready!"
Then they both jump.
Several days later, in the intensive care ward, one says to the other "You know, John, I don't think I'm too keen on that there budgie-jumping".
The other replies, "I know what you mean. I won't be trying that parrot-sailing again". | |
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Posted: 3/10/2007 6:31:55 AM | A man goes to see his doctor.
"D-d-d-doc", he stammers, "I have this t-t-t-terrible st-st-st-stutter. I c-c-can't t-t-t-take it any m-m-m-m-more" You g-g-g-g-gotta help m-m-m-me"
The doctor replies that there is little chance that he can help because stuttering is usually caused by psychological problems rather than physical, but he'll do what he can.
After an exhaustive examination, the doctor comes with his results.
"Well", says the doctor, "It seems I may be able to help you after all. I've noticed that you have an exceptionally large pen!s. It seems that your genital appendage is so large that it is robbing vital blood away from your speech centers."
The guy nods and stammers through his question regarding what may be done.
The doctor tells him that the penis can be surgically replaced with a smaller organ and this should cure the problem.
The guy says to go for it.
Several months later, the same patient returns to the doctor's office.
"Doc" he says, "First if all, I gotta thank you. I'm so much more comfortable in public. No problem whatsoever with my speech."
The doctor nods his acknowledgement.
"But", the guy continues, "My sex life has gone to hell on a skate. My girlfriend left me, and no one wants to have sex with me any more. You gotta give me back my old penis."
The doctor nods, steeples his fingers together, looks at the guy with a sad expression, and says "S-s-s-s-sorry. Th-th-th-the operation c-c-c-c-cannot b-b-b-be reversed". | |
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Posted: 3/10/2007 7:16:03 AM | | LOL!!! ^^^^ too funny! | |
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Posted: 3/10/2007 6:38:52 PM | There are these animals in a restaurant. The waiter comes over at the end of the night . . .
* The skunk says, "Don't look at me, I haven't got a scent."
* The duck says 'Just put it on my bill."
* The cow says, "You'll have to ask one of the udders."
* The deer says, "I had a buck last week and I'm expecting a little doe soon."
* The giraffe says, "Well, I guess the high balls are on me then."
* The dachshund said, "I've got be to getting a long now."
* The beaver said, "Dam if I'll pay." | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 5:59:56 AM | two babies are in adjacent cribs, when one says to the other "are you a boy or a girl?" the other says "i don't know?"
the first bay says "i'll come and have a look" so the first baby gets out of it's crib and gets into the other crib.
the first baby crawls under the blanke to have a look and appears a few moments later. the bay says "well your a girl and i'm a boy"
the second baby says "how do you know?" well he says "you've got a pink diaper on and i've got a blue one on" | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 6:50:06 AM | Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men often complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge, the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! Wife 1.0 does come with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/12/2007 12:10:46 AM | from the sub-continent
a peasant was busy ploughing his fields on a hot day. Lord Shiva's wife 'P' is pleased by the hard work put in by the fella and insists on Shiva to grant a wish to the man. Shiva is horrified by the thought, but has to budge, not to displease the "real boss".
he appears b4 the farmer and tells him about the plot. the farmer is pissed off on this hermit trying to disturb his routine. upon much thinking he settles for not one but three wishes since he wont have just one.
Wish One: My bull has two big horns (as the ones in the sub-continent), make them one.
Wish 2: Lord Shiva, shove em up ur ass.
Wish 3: restore the horns!!!!!! | |
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Posted: 3/12/2007 7:17:38 PM | I love this joke! I've been telling it for a couple years now!! ! Everybody loves it
Not just for kids!! lol! | |
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Posted: 3/12/2007 7:59:13 PM | Two women were playing golf.
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward
a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the
ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me."
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man
replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still
clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence,
however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened
his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and
artful massage for several long moments and asked,"How does that
feel"?
He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!" | |
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Posted: 3/12/2007 8:12:57 PM | Blonde's year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels...Hellooooo!!!..bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-6 years!"
April - Tried to make kool-aid...wrong instructions...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packages!!!
May - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breaststroke swimming competition...learned later, the other swimmers cheated...they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm...car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capitol of California is "C"...isn't it???
October - Hate M&M's...they are hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 106!!!
December - Couldn't call 911...duh...there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
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Posted: 3/12/2007 8:18:07 PM | LOL Back to the golf course again???
So this Scotsman is out golfing with his wife at their regular course.
On the 3rd hole, he tees off with a wild hook that heads into the bush.
They both go looking for the ball. Finally, the Scotsman hears his wife; "I found it, Dear".
He heads toward her voice, only to find her standing inside a tiny little log cabin, his ball laying on the floor inside.
"Ach, nay" he says, "I'll ne'er be able to play it from where she lies".
His wife replies "Oh, come on. If I hold the door open, and if you slice it just right, you can get back on the fairway from here".
So, she holds the door, and our Scottish friends winds up for the attempt.
But, alas, as luck would have it, the ball caroms off his club, and hits his wife in the temple, killing her instantly.
Five years later, our Scottish friends is playing golf with a pal.
It's his first time back on this course since his wife's death.
On the 3rd hole, he tees off, hooks the ball, and once again ends up in the woods.
As he and his friends search for the ball, once again it is found in that same little log cabin.
The Scotsman begins to weep, falling down on his knees in his grief.
"Come on, now," says his friend, "It's not a great lie, but it's playable. Why, I bet if I hold the door open you could slice it back on to the fairway"
"But ye dinna unnerstand", says the Scot, "Ye dinna know wha' happened last time I played this shot" and continued sobbing.
"Well don't just sit there blubbering like an idiot" replies his friend," Tell me what the hell happened".
The Scot replies "I got a double-bogey". | |
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Posted: 3/12/2007 8:22:35 PM | During a revival meeting:
The charismatic evangelist asked people who had a need to come up on stage. He went to the fist guy and said, "What is your need brother?"
"My hearing," he said.
The evangelist spit on his fingers, put it in the man's ear, invoked the Lord and asked, "How'd your hearing?"
"I don't know. It's not until next Tuesday." | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/12/2007 8:53:42 PM | ''What lays in the grass''....
And goes_____Ding Dong...Ding Dong...Ding Dong...???
^
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A Wounded Avon Lady  | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/13/2007 2:48:52 AM | John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said," Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come." | |
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lohki
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Joined: 7/22/2005
Msg: 68 | |
| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/13/2007 7:03:45 AM | A dirty old biker riding down the dusty trail sees a diner in the middle of nowhere.
He pulls in and sees a giant sign..
CHEESE BURGER $2.50
ICE COLD BEER $1.50
handjob $10.00
so as he walks inside the diner he notices two very attractive girls standing behind the counter. He saunters over to the striking blonde and asks her if she's the one who gives the handjobs. Her eyes light up and straitens her back, smiles and says "why, yes I am." The biker says "Well go wash your Fuking hands, I want the cheese burger".
heh! | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/13/2007 2:45:50 PM | An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband, "I just let out a silent fart - what do you think I should do?"
He replies, " Put a new battery in your hearing aid." | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/13/2007 2:48:35 PM | God Said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
G od explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river."
Adam said, "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"
Adam said, "What's a cave?"
After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as
well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the
hill,
into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now"
And Adam said
*
"What's a headache?" | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/13/2007 2:54:36 PM | A female computer consultant was helping a c0cky bloke set up his work station, and asked for a word he'd like as his password.
To embarrass her he told her to enter PENIS.
Without blinking she entered the password.
Then almost died laughing at the computers response.
PASSWORD REJECTED.
NOT LONG ENOUGH!!!!!
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:01:49 PM | Some One Liners
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his bus."
--Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy
5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry
6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger
7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when her parents took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
10) "I think I know how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida , but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?
What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde
16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain
17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student! At least they can find Afghanistan ."
--A. Whitney Brown
18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry
19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
; --Unknown, presumed deceased
MY FAVOURITE SAYING
20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
-- W. C. Fields
And lastly:
Why in hell should I have to Press 1 for English?!! They're already speaking in English! | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:51:08 PM | A biker went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on Harleys. My momma was pregnant with me when she rode on the back of my Daddy's Harley, then as a little boy I rode on the back with my Daddy until I finally got my own Harley. I've been riding a Harley ever since. So yes, I guess I am a real biker."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, whatever, everything seems to make me think of women." Then she got up and left.
The biker was thinking about what just happened when a man sat down next to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian." | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/13/2007 4:01:57 PM | On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two bikers filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one biker. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
A young boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
He just knew what it was. "Oh my", he shuddered, it's Satan and the Lord dividing the souls at the cemetery. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord himself." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me." And one last "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."
... They say the old man made it back to town a full five minutes ahead of the boy on the bike. | |
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| Post a JOKE
Posted: 3/13/2007 4:10:41 PM | | A cop is staking out the Killarney Hotel for bikers riding drunk. At closing time, he sees a biker stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets on the bike, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and rides off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, "How is this possible?" The guy laughs and says, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." | |
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