| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/6/2007 6:17:55 PM | | If the shoe was on the other foot and the woman was the angry abusive one.. (even if she is in couseling).. Does the same thing apply? | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/6/2007 6:21:02 PM | | "If the shoe was on the other foot and the woman was the angry abusive one.. (even if she is in couseling).. Does the same thing apply?" Of course it does...just don't try to take this off topic or the thread will be deleted. | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/10/2007 3:42:30 PM | Uh let me see here... Oh right! That sounds to me like a classic case of a woman beater to me. Any guy who calls you names, gets angry for no good reason, and throws things at you is only gonna escalate in his behaviour. You know what's next, is he starts hitting you.
So I would say to you, "good for you that you got out when you did. Don't EVER go back!" | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/10/2007 4:01:19 PM | You are better off without him, his feelings are innate now....
This relationship will be perilous for you and whomever is around at the time of another outburst......at times when someone does ths accusation scenario, they are trying to cover up their own dirt, however making you look like the actual culprit....
Safely move on, while you have your sanity... | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/11/2007 5:06:31 AM | | These kind of men NEVER change, EVER, he is trying to suck you back in by making false promises! And the posters here are right, if he talks you into coming back, it'll be worse next time, he will hurt you badly or kill you. Save yourself and ignore him completely. | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/11/2007 5:56:04 AM | Liz,
Yes there are guys out there who have changed. I'm certainly one of them. I'm a super sweetheart now and I learned new ways to cope, but It took time , not a week. And I did it for me, not so I could call an ex begging to be taken back.
Even knowing this truth, I still suggest you *don't* go back.
-- Mike | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/12/2007 8:34:29 AM | Hey Liz ...
Many of us (men) have had to deal with various issues because of how we were raised ... the environment we were raised in etc. etc. I certainly have had issues and I have sought counseling as it is the manly thing to do. Weak men refuse to do anything to help themselves. Even if he has some pretty tough issues ... he can control his behavior ... PERIOD! The Golden Rule ALWAYS applies! He wouldn't want you exploding like that would he? He sounds emotionally immature to me. Just my two cents.
Russell  | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/12/2007 8:53:05 AM | | My ex did the same thing but he actually did hit me. He went to anger management classes and swore that he changed and begged for another chance, we were married at the time. So I took him back. BIG mistake nothing changed at all he was still controlling and abusive, everything was good for the first month we were back together but after that it was a nightmare. You made him an ex for a reason : ) | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/13/2007 8:46:53 PM | I'm not a guy, but please listen to the wise advice you've been given here. I've been there and no, you should not take him back.
Remember -
We teach people how to treat us by what we allow.
Hang in there, Liz - you deserve so much better than this.
Karen | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/13/2007 10:44:34 PM |
I put up with it until he just flat out called me a whore and threw a glass at the wall and I was so afraid that he'd hit me.
Okay, maybe it's because I'm a guy, but I just don't get this. Why do people let such things get so far before doing anything? One outburst, fine. Deal with the issues, resolve what needs to be resolved, and get everything out on the table. Maybe I'm weird for working that way, but a truly loving relationship ought to have room for such communication, wouldn't you think?
Are there any guys out there who've had anger issues and managed to change their ways?
Yes, I know several. It's a long, hard road, but it's doable.
He's out of my life, but calls and says he realizes he's an ***hole and that he's into therapy and determined to get it together. He wants me to take him back.
As for this, it's up to you if you want the dude back. If it were me, though, it'd take some doing. He burned the bridge, right? He's gotta be the one to rebuild it. | |
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Razael
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Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 113 | |
| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/14/2007 12:56:23 PM | To the OP:
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!!!!!!! Most statistics support the fact that it is almost guaranteed to escalate into full fledged physical assault. He has already given more than enough warning of his true nature. I was raised with a lot of violent physical abuse, and unfortunately have been exposed to a lot of violent men. One of the things boys and men have as a sort of ever present subtext to our social behavior is violence, and sadly this seems to be part of our gender conditioning. I am not saying that there is no chance that he can recover, but that is not something he will do with you. The fact that he has already let himself lose control to an absolutely unacceptable extent is a crystal clear warning. Almost (but not always) all actual physical attacks and violence are preceded by this type of behavior. Speaking from the experience of being beaten by my father, various assaults, and witnessing some truly vicious bar fights/assaults, I can say in every single case the actual attack always followed a 'working up period' on the part of the attacker. If you know what to look for you can almost always spot the warning signs. To get into a technicality of this point he has ALREADY assaulted you. Where I live in Canada verbally threatening some one constitutes an assault, verbal threats followed by and attack constitutes assault and battery (this was from the mouth of Police Officer right after I was jumped). Also he is displaying typical abuser signs. Not wanting you to spend time with your friends is a giant red flag. He clearly has insecurity issues, and the standard Modus Operandi for the classic insecure controlling abuser is to slowly tighten the reigns on you until you are cut off from family and friends ie your outside support, and simultaneously to escalate to brutal emotional and psychological abuse along with actually physically attacking you. At this point he will endlessly promise that he loves you, that he will get help, he's sorry....etc... blah, blah, blah. Mean while the beatings and abuse continue and he will now tell you that you are actually forbidden to leave him. Usually this will be highlighted at this late stage, with actual threats to kill or severely wound you or people close to you (or your children). The fact he threw a glass was consciously or unconsciously meant to represent you. This is also a type of violence. Every time my father beat me or any one in my family it was ALWAYS preceded by yelling and destroying property. He would punch wholes in the wall, kick holes in the door, scream and yell. He to was a very controlling of his entire family, what we did, who we saw etc. My mother had to leave when he was away on a business trip, because it had gotten to the point where he would not physically let her leave, and had threatened to lock her up.
Men like this are seriously fvcked in the head, and violence is absolutely intolerable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are worth so very much more than that. Bottom line he is a fvck up, and over whelming odds are sooner or later he will start to actually hit and beat you. Don't be yet another sad statistic of a battered or ever murdered woman!!!!!!
JUST SAY NO!!!
God bless you. | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 3/14/2007 1:15:01 PM | | He was probably the one cheating. And then saying you were doing it. I would move on and wish him luck. (It will never change ) ! | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/11/2007 7:22:02 PM | Don't waste your time with an angry man. He will blame you for all his anger and after awhile you start to question yourself. It erodes your self esteem. Do not take him back...he won't change but will get worse.
There are lots of nice guys out there...just watch for anger "clues" while your dating and don't settle for less than you deserve.
Good luck | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/11/2007 7:33:23 PM | | Yeah, no matter how much anger management he gets, he will most likely "relapse" and kick your ass. Leave him in the past and find some one that won't wig out and break glasses or dinner plates. | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/11/2007 8:19:09 PM | This:
The first year we were together it was great,
is a contradiction to this:
I put up with it until he just flat out called me a whore and threw a glass at the wall and I was so afraid that he'd hit me.
So I guess he forgot to tell you that he was cheating on you and that he felt bad about it. | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/11/2007 9:17:34 PM | it seems like the ones who most loudly accuse others of cheating are the cheaters themselves. Perhaps he met someone else and wanted to leave you for her, but didn't have it in him to break up with you so he decided to act like a jerk until you broke up with him instead. Then, after you kick him out his other relationship didn't work out so now he wants you back.
actually just ignore that last paragraph since its some crap I made up cuz I'm bored. | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/11/2007 9:22:12 PM |
it seems like the ones who most loudly accuse others of cheating are the cheaters themselves.
Even the first year criminologist knows that. Next time don't doubt your instincts. I did that once and paid dearly. | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/11/2007 10:07:40 PM |
but calls and says he realizes he's an ***hole and that he's into therapy and determined to get it together. ..... That's what they all say. Whether they ACTUALLY under go therapy is another story.
he began to accuse me of cheating on him and he started screaming at me and would be in my face. .....One of the first signs from a cheater, they try to throw the blame your way and accuse YOU, when it's THEM who's done the cheating.
Chances are this guy will never change whilst he's with you. If you take him back, he'll forget all about the therapy, be nice for a short while then revert back to what he has become. | |
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Kazot
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 121 | |
| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/11/2007 11:01:52 PM | Got no good answer other than what others have said.
He may or may not be "better". Why chance it, move on and demand that he moves on. He can prove to the next woman that he doesn't have issues.  | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/11/2007 11:17:59 PM | | He could change, but there are some actions and statements you can't take back. Life isn't full of second chances, and you aren't obligated to give him one. | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/12/2007 3:33:55 AM | | I would not take him back,Iknow of someone who had a situation like this first there was yelling,then throwing things then hitting.You dont hit a women period!Good luck to you. | |
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Algy
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Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 124 | |
| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/12/2007 7:06:15 AM |
Okay, maybe it's because I'm a guy, but I just don't get this. Why do people let such things get so far before doing anything?
Because once is just once and you don’t believe it. The second time you think it’s you and that things will get better if you approach them differently. The third time they tell you it’s all your fault for making them angry, and you believe them. At some point you realize that you love them for who they are and that includes the proud, defiant, temperamental part of them, and although you know they can’t change and the two of you don’t mix, you can’t stand to lose them forever so you hang on blindly. Hoping.
The really hard part to come to grips with is that it doesn’t end with the leaving. Years later you still want them for all their arrogant, edgy b*tchiness. And they keep dumping on you, ‘cause, you know, it was all your fault. You made them that way. | |
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| Anger question for the guys
Posted: 7/17/2007 6:54:33 PM | | Ive known a few guys like that.There wierd.They dont know how to handle anything and always over react to the simplest things.Ditch him. | |
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