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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:25:39 AM |
Failing to see what "compassion" has to do w/ it.
Sarcasm.
Everybody is going to meet somebody who "cheats" or will "cheat" themselves.
What an optimist. (again sarcasm) I would venture to say that there are people in this world, that have never cheated or been cheated on. I'm not saying that its common. But, it does exist. Maybe, something to strive for?
Unless you unemotionally examine why this happened,whether or not you played any role in it and what you can do to find somebody that won't go down this road in the future you going to ensure that it happens again.
Well, lets examine this. There is no fortune teller that can predict with 100% accuracy if someone is a player or a cheat. BUT, a good indication is someones past.
I feel sorry for people that got a fatal disease or are injured or killed by the actions of an unfaithful partner.
Other than that,suck it up...walk it off ...and move on.
Humm. If that was the case every time. Then there would be no need for psychologists or counselors. Last time I checked we were not robots or computers. Everyone has feelings and emotions. Burying them is just as unhealthy. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/29/2007 6:04:55 AM | | Shane 39, I apologize if it appeared as if I was attacking you personally by snipping out part if your response to make my point. I know this thread isn't about you. However, you did say a few things in your new one I'd like to reply to. The first is when you questioned the relevance of the media, advertising, peer pressure, and popular music on cheating. All these things assist in shaping people's impressions of other people. What is really scary is that these things are usually separate from the influence we have on trying to bring our children up right. Kids soak up these negative images like a sponge. What I think is revealing about your response is that you can't see how this or how we behave around our children and in society relates to why people cheat. It's not your fault. I think alot of people here don't see the connection of how their own actions actually contribute to the problem. No, the fact that you treat men differently than women isn't directly responsible for why the guy down the street cheats on his wife, but it is connected universally. Maintaining those old sex roles (it's a woman's job to do certain things and visa-versa) doesn't always a provide a positive image of the opposite sex. (Now, I'm not saying that you do that, but alot of people do.) This influences how we treat each other. If a man thinks that a woman's role in society is less important than his, he's likely to do negative things to her, like cheat. The same with how some people view people who have a lower income than they do. It all comes back to the golden rule, treating others the way we want to be treated. It's really profound just how simple it is. My belief is that men and women are more alike than we know. Until we stop labeling others as better or inferior than ourselves, dogs will continue to feast on other dogs, and behavior like cheating is just a symptom of that. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/29/2007 6:29:04 AM |
Failing to see what "compassion" has to do w/ it.
Sarcasm.
Everybody is going to meet somebody who "cheats" or will "cheat" themselves.
What an optimist. (again sarcasm) I would venture to say that there are people in this world, that have never cheated or been cheated on. I'm not saying that its common. But, it does exist. Maybe, something to strive for?
Unless you unemotionally examine why this happened,whether or not you played any role in it and what you can do to find somebody that won't go down this road in the future you going to ensure that it happens again.
Well, lets examine this. There is no fortune teller that can predict with 100% accuracy if someone is a player or a cheat. BUT, a good indication is someones past.
I feel sorry for people that got a fatal disease or are injured or killed by the actions of an unfaithful partner.
Other than that,suck it up...walk it off ...and move on.
Humm. If that was the case every time. Then there would be no need for psychologists or counselors. Last time I checked we were not robots or computers. Everyone has feelings and emotions. Burying them is just as unhealthy.
Let's see...
You've made so many invalid points it's hard to find a place to start.
I am an optimist...
But everybody is going to be somewhere around cheating..if not an active participant.
Unless,of course,they are celibate.
Then I suppose one hand could be cheating on the other in that case.
'cheating" rarely comes out of the blue.
You know your relationship is in trouble.
If you do nothing..whose fault is it?
You know that your partner can't ALWAYS be busy "at work" or "with family/friends"
If you don't ask questions and investigate the answers....again whose fault?
You date/marry a person that was CHEATING on someone when you MET THEM?
Did you think it wouldn't happen to you?
While there are many variations..it usually boils down to one of the above three.
Somebody cheating in YOUR relationship is YOUR problem (unless you have kids w/ that person)so YOU should deal with it.
Calling the person "evil" is a sign of the immaturity on your part that was likely one the problems w/ your relationship.
I'm sure you had a point,shane39.....you just neglected to put it in your posting. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:14:12 PM |
Let's see...
You've made so many invalid points it's hard to find a place to start.
I am an optimist...
Really? Your an optimist?
If you have found my points "invalid" you failed to address them. It's generally easy, you begin with the first statement.
But everybody is going to be somewhere around cheating..if not an active participant.
Unless,of course,they are celibate.
WHAT?? Everybody is going to be somewhere around cheating?? 
"cheating" rarely comes out of the blue.
You know your relationship is in trouble.
There are people here who's experience would contradict your conclusion. I had no clue that my marriage was in trouble, until my ex-wife told me.
If you do nothing..whose fault is it?
I'd say the cheaters. It isn't cheating if you end a relationship, first. Then begin a new one. It is cheating to begin a new relationship while you are in a exclusive relationship (ie marriage.) But, then again people like safety nets. If things don't work out with the person that they are cheating with, then they could always go back to their "significant" other. I guess it validates the saying, "It is easier to ask for forgiveness then to get permission."
You know that your partner can't ALWAYS be busy "at work" or "with family/friends"
Humm. That depends on their job. There were many times that I would come home late from work. Yes, if my ex-wife would have called to "check" then anyone would have told her, "Ya he's here. He's with a customer he'll be home as soon as he's done." If she would have came to the store, she would have seen me with a customer. I can only account for myself and my actions.
Somebody cheating in YOUR relationship is YOUR problem (unless you have kids w/ that person)so YOU should deal with it.
Regardless if there are children involved or not. Cheating in a relationship is not my problem it is theirs. If there is something "lacking" with-in themselves then it is something that they need to deal with. I found out the hard way. There are some things that can not be filled by someone else. Instead of looking inward for fulfillment. They look outward. For someone else to fill the void that they have within themselves. I know. I tried. You can ignore the signs. Bury your frustration. Demonstrate unconditional love. But, when it is not received in the way it was intended. Then all good deeds are bad. A bouquet of beautiful flowers becomes an ulterior motive. Now do you understand a little better? The woman that I loved. Had a child with, went through so much with. I was always there. There was not a day when I did not tell her, "I love you." I didn't just tell her, I showed her in so many ways. There is so much more. Am I perfect? NO! I am human. But, first and foremost. I'm happy. Happy with myself. I'm happy that I didn't cheat. I had opportunities. I chose to be with my wife and son. We didn't have everything. But, we had alot. Most important, we had each other. I don't look at what other people have, even now. I look at what I'm blessed with. I have a loving son. Loving In-laws and a loving family. I have a roof over my head, warm cloths to wear, food to eat & friends. Do I wish I had someone to share my life with? Yes, of course. But, until that blessing comes my way, I'll make due with what I have.
Calling the person "evil" is a sign of the immaturity on your part that was likely one the problems w/ your relationship.
I'll say this ONE MORE TIME. I NEVER USED THE WORD EVIL!! I did say, untrustworthy, dishonest & without integrity.
The problem that I have is people who do not read the words that I type. People who look for a meaning that is not there. It's like if I tell you, "1+1=2" and I provide you with evidence from different sources to support my answer and you don't believe it then it is not me that has the problem, it is you.
I'm sure you had a point,shane39.....you just neglected to put it in your posting.
Yep, I did have a point, it is there in the post. But, I think I'll choose to agree to disagree with you. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:37:40 PM | ^^^^^
You're posts are dull and self-indulgent...shane39
That's why you get misquoted.
You might want to work on that. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:24:54 PM | I wonder and have always wondered what is in the head of a cheater. I have dated many of times throughout my life and have never once cheated on another woman. of course than you wonder what is the definition of cheating and what standards does each person have? Is cheating talking to another girl on the phone that you might have feelings inside? Could it be looking at other women on the interent or at a club?
Cheaters might not be evil but at the time it happens in someones persons life and they are cheated on they are looked at as the lowest person on earth. I have just been cheated on so I also feel very angry towards cheaters. She sent out nude pictures to other men to feel better about herself.
Maybe not evil but damn close to it.
D | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:37:52 PM | I can say I have never cheated in a relationship, but I have been cheated on. I do not believe many cheaters are truly evil, such as my ex husband, who just wanted out of the relationship and didnt know how to do so in an adult manner.
In most cases, I think promiscuity is a result of either a lack of desire for true intimacy with a particular person, or low self esteem. I have found myself in the past in a strange relationship where he claims to have loved me, but will not "settle down" with me. I have chalked that one up to a good old fashioned "Im not good enough for him"
Best of luck. | |
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java41
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 233 | |
| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:46:42 PM | The lesser of what?
There is no excuse at all for that kind of behaviour as once I thought someone was happy with me then all of a sudden he tells me he's met someone else closer to where he lived. I could never understand why he really wanted to come and visit me when he'd already found someone and it was obvious the last time I saw him as he wanted to know what I'd been doing. What had he been doing. He would talk about women in general and I guess I should have put two and two together, but I didn't until he finally told me. It was good ridance to bad rubbish as he was beginning to be a headache to me anyway as he was more interested in the multitudes and just couldn't stand it because he needed someone to bend over backwards to keep him. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:53:22 PM | | Cheaters are scum- am I bitter no. I just have no respect for cheaters they make a decision to act disrespectful. They lie and are dishonest, since most will never come out and say what they are doing. Why is that, because they know they will get kicked to the curb so fast. I would love to know why they just dont leave the relationship before they decided to wander. That could be the start of another thread the reasons cheaters choose to not come clean on their activities. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:00:50 AM | I have not nor ever will cheat on my significant other.
Evil? That matter on who is speaking. Personally, my husband of 13 years cheated on me and yes, he is pure evil. He was all I ever knew and now I have to start life over again. It was total devastation.
I lost my hopes and dreams, my house (that I worked for), my car, my friends and my future. I had to start from scratch again, as I lost my life. Now, here I am on POF trying to find someone to help me drop my wall around my heart.
It has been almost 2 years, and I am still alone. I have been beating myself up over my failure, I've secluded myself, to find my faults and what I did wrong. Now after all this time of pain and agony, I finally realized that it was not my fault at all. He was just an alcoholic that liked to hang out at bars, rather than come home.
The pain is too much to handle for anyone. I would never do that someone. If I am no longer interested in that person, I will simply set them free. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you think you does, then good luck to you .......what goes around comes around. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:19:12 AM | If I was unhappy in a relationship, I'd end it before getting involved with anyone else. I'm not willing to compromise my integrity or self respect.
I agree whole-heartly with this statement. Furthermore, I'd like to add, to be a "Cheater" is to introduce too much drama into my life and I have enought already. (don't we all?) When you cheat on one partner, then (as far as I'm concerned) you are tell a new partner that you are capable of cheating on them also. Cheaters may not be evil, but they show signs of being very selfish and being unable to fully think out the concequences of their actions.
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:25:01 AM | Okay Everyone, I like to be different, the statement in the blue is the quote and the statement in the white are my own words of "wisdom". I'm fairly new to this site and I just figured out how to (somewhat) use the "quoting" function.
R. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/30/2007 1:38:42 PM | Never cheated. And if someone does cheat, they should be sincere enough to let the other person in their live [sic] know about it. ~ joli2
> I'm thinking that, if they were sincere, they wouldn't cheat in the first place.
> Peter. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:08:41 PM |
Cheaters are scum- am I bitter no. I just have no respect for cheaters they make a decision to act disrespectful. They lie and are dishonest, since most will never come out and say what they are doing. Why is that, because they know they will get kicked to the curb so fast. I would love to know why they just dont leave the relationship before they decided to wander. That could be the start of another thread the reasons cheaters choose to not come clean on their activities.
Sounds bitter to me.
Sure you know what "bitter" means? | |
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naeco
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Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 240 | |
| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:17:14 PM | | As bad as cheating is, cheaters aren't "evil". "Evil" is when the man puts a woman in the hospital by beating her half to death because he didn't like the dinner she cooked. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:31:07 PM | HuggaMonkey on 3/2/2007 5 00 AM
Subject: Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Message: I agree that I don't think they are evil...they just have a weak personality and are selfish..I personally have never ever cheater...nor would I....I have been cheated on and it hurts...why would I wanna do that to someone else?? I never could understnad those 'people' who could sleep with married men or women...with the attitude 'well they are gonna cheat on their spouce so if it's not me it's someone else...so who cares' that to me is worse than the cheater...cuz you know they have a wife and kids...
but that is just my 2 cents! "
I am in complete agreement with HuggaMonkee. Even though this is an old thread- I have been cheated on, and it does hurt. I have no sympathy towards those that cheat-if you are not happy in a relationship- leave. Be a man (or woman)- end one relationship before starting another. It is not fair to those of us that are being cheated on, and its not fair to the children. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:43:01 PM | I have never cheated and I don't think I ever would, however I do have many friends - mostly men but also some women - who are cheating, have cheated or would like to. I actually find this fascinating. They are all nice people, but feel that something is missing in their lives.
I've asked them all - if you're not happy why not leave - move on and allow your spouse to find someone who will make them happy. The women for the most part are the ones who eventually do this.
The men - their excuses are that they don't want to live away from their children, they don't want to lose everything they have built up over the years financially, they like their wives and feel a close friendship for them and couldn't bear to hurt them by breaking up the family, they enjoy being a part of a family unit ... and the bottom line is that unless they get caught and the wife kicks them to the curb (which doesn't usually happen), they will stay in this loveless, passionless marriage and carry on as the wonderful father, husband figure and have their "companion" on the side. They feel that as long as they are providing for their families and are very careful not to humiliate their spouse by getting caught, that they are doing their duty to their families and deserve some happiness. In some cases, I'm sure the wife knows and turns a blind eye since she has her house , nice car, family, financial security and vacations and doesn't want this to change.
I guess the term "have your cake and eat it too" was referring to a cheater. Is it wrong - morally yes and yet, there seems to be a lot of people doing this or wanting to. And I suppose as long as there are women (and men) willing to be the "other" party, then they don't need to change their marital status and they will always be able to "have their cake and eat it too". | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:54:06 PM | | after 18 years of marriage My relationship fell apart after my formal Ex started Cheating , the sad part was that she knew that he was married and had children , she didnt care and neither did he. I forgave him and still he continued.... so we got a divorce and he married her. Now they both cheat on each other, well, that is life! Cheating violates a holy God. Cheating and godliness cannot live in peace. One must give in to the other. The Lord hates cheating, but he delights in honesty. Cheating is cheating no matter how you define it. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:37:52 AM | As bad as cheating is, cheaters aren't "evil". "Evil"
i guess they are good but in my book they are good for nothing cheaters are the scum of the earth and not worth anyones time except the one they cheat with and they dersve each other. If i was to get serious about some one and they cheated I would put the boot to her as i kicked her out the door on the street where she belongs. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:51:37 AM | Evil...no. Weak and scum...yes! I personally do not forgive cheaters, but I know people that do. I call them insecure and afraid of being alone. Once trust is broken you can never regain it. But it's funny here are some stats I found:
22 % of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.
14 % of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives.
Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful.
70 % of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their spouses' extramarital activity
57% of people have used the Internet to flirt.
31% of people have had an online conversation that has led to real-time sex.
53% of all people will have one or more affairs during their lifetime.
But out of all the posts so far only one I found had admitted to cheating. | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/31/2007 8:21:36 AM |
I don't believe all cheaters are evil as I'm sure that a huge percentage of people have cheated on someone at some point. So the more people that cheat, the less "evil" it is? I guess that means morality is a matter of popular vote!  | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/31/2007 8:31:12 AM | This is why I dont like looking at stats, where did you get them from is the other question. Well the thing that happened to me recently had to deal with the younger women are as likely that younger men. She cheated on me and hurt me like hell, so I decided to "hit the road jack" and dont worry I wont come round no more no more!
I just hope whatever the case those that have cheated get the chance to be cheated on, I know that sounds bad but do unto others as those have done to you, or soemthing like that.
D | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/31/2007 8:44:05 AM | Ok,. I got through about 6 pages of this, before some of the blatant self-testimonials began churning the coffee I'm drinking into waves of nausea. Out of the 10 pages here, you can boil all this crap down to about a page of actual, honest answers.
Cheaters aren't necessarily evil... no. They're just human like the rest of us. People behave badly every day. Does cheating ruin relationships? Definately. Once cheated on, if you don't get rid of them, you alway wonder. If your love is strong, you MAY be able to overcome it, but it's always there, and never goes away. The people that say they don't cheat and NEVER will, are usually the ones you'll have to watch.(note, I said "usually" so I'm not calling anyone out.) That's like making the statement "if we don't have trust, what do we have"
MY experience has been, hearing that, you're looking at a manipulator, trying to get around the radar and get a free ride on your trust and emotion, to do whatever they want. Lesson learned there: "You Relate it, don't state it"or "If you're hearing it, you're NOT getting it" Words/type are cheap... how many typed words are in these forums, representing thoughts. ideas, & ideals? How many in this thread alone? You can talk/type anything,.actions, are what make the pulse race, the brow sweat, the butthole pucker.. just My pointless drift on it.. Thank You,.. (bows) | |
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| Cheaters aren't necessarily evil?
Posted: 12/31/2007 8:47:19 AM | Those exact stats came from menstuff, but I looked at a few other and they were all about the same. The only time I was cheated on was by a younger woman. I'm debating with a friend about forgiving a cheater...she believes if the person was drunk, you should forgive them. Pass the bottle!!!!  | |
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