| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobia!
Posted: 3/25/2007 8:35:12 PM | Marcia,
I would bolt and not look back. Since you really don't know for sure his reasons and 8 months is not long enough to really know him, especially when he's a 2 hour drive from you. Its not like you can both go to dinner or lunch and really get to know him. I know its fun when he's in town and you are there and you focus entirely on each other, but that is not real life stuff too.
The Propinquity effect is what you are missing and better off finding someone else closer.
At 37 years of age, there are far more fish in the sea....set the bait and find a new one.
Doug | |
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| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobia!
Posted: 3/26/2007 6:15:59 PM | | To bolt or not to bolt..tht is the question!! We have talked and he has been attending counselling for 6 weeks. While I have not, nor do I plan on entering back into his life again at this point, I believe the counselling will benefit him. He may not continue or he may , but one thing I am certain is that he needs to do this on his own. The guilt have entered in that I somehow feel like I am bolting just when he is needing me the most!! I will remain out of his life and I hope he continues with same. CP is a very complex phobia . I am staying out of his life and getting on with my own because that is what I believe he needs right now as what I need as well. Any thoughts? | |
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| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobia!
Posted: 3/26/2007 9:13:50 PM | Its always good to have some introspection since all of us have things we could work on and good friends make a difference too.
Since you gave it your best while he maintained this fear of commitment, then I'm happy for you that you are moving in a new direction. Its like the disciples who knocked the dust from off their shoes when they left some towns where they were not accepted, and they didn't want to carry with them even something so small as dust on the feet. So shake off the dust, don't think of him and move on with your life.
Also, at 37 you are so young and there is so much life ahead of you, so find a good one, or two, or three and make the most of this time. | |
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| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobia!
Posted: 3/27/2007 4:39:51 PM | Not all of us are commitment-phobics. I will admit to waiting too long upon occasion, primarily because I don't want to settle. I tend to over-examine, but I'm working on it. Sometimes, you just have to take the plunge.
Besst wishes to you in overcoming your grief. You're not alone :) | |
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| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobic!
Posted: 3/30/2007 10:51:35 PM | | I have been a commitment phobic at times myself, and from that side I can honestly say that I was only a commitment phobic with those that I really didn't want to make a commitment with or to. With someone else it was totally easy and I wanted it. If the person that you are with does not want to commit to you perhaps there is more to it than just a fear of commitment? | |
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| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobic!
Posted: 4/3/2007 5:38:03 PM | | Yes perhaps..or perhaps not. My dude has gone back to counselling, on his own and without me going as well. I have decided not to resort back into his life and he just might get the help he needs and deserves for the next relationship he may have. He has begged me to help him with this but I can't. This is an issue he can face on his own. If i were to go back to dating him again he would eventually stop counselling in all probability. Maybe, just maybe, 6..12 months from now if he is still in counselling we can revisit the possibility of dating again. He has also managed to stay employed for 5 months straight. Some people will probably think I shoud stand by him but Its because I care about him that I choose not to, only because it is the last thing he needs. Thank you for all your input!! | |
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| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobic!
Posted: 9/19/2007 2:34:12 PM | | It's a rough situation. You don't want to break up because you love the person but at the same time you feel as if you are not good enough or not desirable enough for them to really want to be with you. No matter what somebody is going to get hurt and left behind. | |
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| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobia!
Posted: 8/18/2008 6:07:16 PM | Why do u insist on commitment. This guy is afraid of commitment, but if u treat him right, he'll probably stay with you forever.
He wants unconditional love, that is u love him without asking anything back. And that is what real love is... but noone does that nowadays.
Just act like his mother, and love him whatever he does, and he'll always stay with you... Commitment phobics never had that from their mother...
but i know it's hard to do
But he just cant commit. At his age, it's gonna be hard to change a lifelong pattern. So do you want to break his heart (and yours too)... or do you want to give him unconditional love...
Also ask... why do you want to commit?? | |
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| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobia!
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:41:55 PM | please, please, PLEASE............go to the library and get this book........better yet, BUY it for future reference. ( i did!! )
"MEN WHO CAN'T LOVE: How to recognize a commitmentphobic man BEFORE he breaks your Heart.
by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol.
it will help you to understand WHY he does it, and HOW to deal with it..........and WHAT to expect when he comes back. (because the always come back)........and most importantly it will help you to understand it's got NOTHING to do with YOU.
Good Luck! Wolfie  | |
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| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobia!
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:37:49 AM | Who keep resurecting these old threads? the last post on this one was 9/27 until SOMEONE decided to bring it back to life with comments about a topic the OP has long since forgot about!
Ok, so the "who" is really quite obvious... how about "WHY?" do people keep resurecting these old threads? | |
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| Help!!! In love with a commitment phobia!
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:28:11 PM | NOTE to self..........."make sure to check when the thread was created.........before adding my two cents" thanks pete, what would i don with out you.........happy fishing........
Wolfie  | |
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