| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/28/2007 1:42:31 AM | Blonde Wife: Can we tap the neighbor's maple tree?
Husband: Well, I think we should ask first?
Blonde Wife: No, I mean syruptitiously.
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A blonde puts a book on the librarian's desk, and says, "This book has no story and way too many characters."
The librarian says, "So that's where the phone book went."
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Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/28/2007 11:19:58 PM | A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a
child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little
boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note. "I have kidnapped your child.
I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown
bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7AM." Signed, "The Blonde."
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a
brownbag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside
the bag with the cash was the following note.
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
another." | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/29/2007 3:30:07 AM | Why did the blonde stare intently at the can of orange juice?
Because it said "concentrate". | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/29/2007 11:31:22 PM | | One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Ohio were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/30/2007 10:32:15 AM | Whats black, blue, purple red all over laying in a ditch?
Abrunette for telling a blonde joke:)
sorry could not resist lol | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/30/2007 3:03:47 PM | Ablonde teenage boy is about to have sex for the first time.So thinking of safety, He walks into a pharmacy to purchace some condoms. He nervously approches the man behind the counter. He mumbles to the cashier " I would like to buy some condoms". The man behind the counter tells him that the most popular selling brand is on sale for $4.95. The young man agrees. The the cashier tell him, "ok, that will be $5.27" The boy looks confused and asks "I thought you said they were $4.95", The cashier says, "The $.32 is for the tax.". The boy says...
Oh, so thats how they stay on....
Why are there so many blonde jokes?...Brunettes have nothing better to do on a Fri/Sat night | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/30/2007 8:10:20 PM | A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met St. Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but St. Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" asked St. Peter.
The dumb blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting...What made you say that?" asked St. Peter.
<<<<<<
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<
Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me.... | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/30/2007 8:14:35 PM | A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/31/2007 12:42:39 AM | | My blonde neighbor kept running back and forth to the mailbox all day. I finally asked her why she was doing that. She said, "Oh, it's my stupid computer. It keeps saying, 'You've got mail.'" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/31/2007 12:44:58 AM | How do you know when a blonde has been on the computer?
The keyboard is wet. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/31/2007 7:25:19 PM | An indignant wife bursts into the living room, brandishing a long strand of blonde hair.
"I found this on your collar! Whose is it?", she demands of her husband.
"Yours", he replies. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/31/2007 10:56:21 PM | | LOL Cateye, I thought you could tell a blonde had been using a computer by the whiteout on the monitor screen !! | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/31/2007 11:05:35 PM | The speaker was telling the blonde female audience how dumb blondes were. The audience screamed and cursed him. He chose an audience member and brought her up on stage.
"How much is 300 and 300. 650?"
"Wrong."
"Give her another chance, give her another chance," they yelled.
"How much is 110 and 110?"
"250?"
"Wrong."
"Give her another chance, give her another chance."
=================================================================
A lawyer is seated next to a blonde on an airplane. He figures he'll have some fun, so he suggests they play a game. He'll ask the blonde a question, and if she doesn't know the answer he'll give her $5. Then the blonde will ask him a question, and if he doesn't know the answer then he will give her $500. The lawyer asks the first question: "What is the distance to the moon and back in kilometers?" After thinking about this the blonde says "I dunno. Here is your $5." "Now it is your turn" says the lawyer. "OK," says the blonde, "What goes uphill on four legs and downhill on three legs?" After racking his brains for several minutes the lawyer gives up, "Here's your $500, but would you mind telling me the answer?" " I dunno", says the blonde, "here's your $5."
"How much is 2 and 2?"
"4?"
"Give her another chance, give her another chance," they yelled. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/1/2007 7:35:41 PM | What do you call an upside down blonde???
A brunette with bad breath!!!! ha ha ha | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/1/2007 8:48:21 PM | How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday...
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/1/2007 10:01:39 PM | A blonde is in a car accident and survives, but her car is covered in dents. She visits an auto body shop and asks the man how much it would cost, but finds she cannot afford to fix her car. "I do have a solution for you that you can do yourself."
"Oh yeah," says the blonde, "what's that?"
"You put your mouth over the exhaust pipe and blow really hard. The dents just pop right out."
So the blonde went home and tried this, but it didn't work. She went to her blonde friend and told her about this. She replied, "Well of course THAT won't work, you have to roll up the windows first!" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:55:12 PM | | Theres a blonde and a red head sitting in a sportsbar watching the seven o'clock news. On the news there was a man about to comit suicide by jumping off a tall building. The red head says "I'll bet you twenty bucks that he will jump. "Ok" says the blonde,"I'll bet you twenty bucks he won't jump. Sure enough the man jumps off the building. The blonde takes out a twenty and gives it to the red head but the red head says "I'm sorry I can't take it because I already saw the five o'clock news". The blonde says,"well so did I but I didn't think that he'd jump again." | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/6/2007 12:05:33 AM | | Good ones...They made for a good laugh | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/6/2007 12:43:59 PM | ok ok ok think its time for mine hehehe
Two blondes are in the supermarket carpark. They find they have lost the keys to the mercedes.
One of them is trying to open the door with a coat hanger.
The other says do hurry up blondie its starting to rain and the tops down on the car.
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/8/2007 12:07:06 AM | A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse. | |
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CC2007
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Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 46 | |
| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/8/2007 3:52:37 AM | | On a deserted island there were three women, a blond a brunette and a redhead. They needed to get back to the mainland and the only way was by swimming. The redhead goes first. She makes it a quarter of the way then drowns. The brunnette goes second. She makes it one third of the way then drowns.The blonde comes last. She makes it one half of the way, gets tired and then turns back. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/10/2007 12:01:36 AM | | A young lady was sick and tired of all the blond jokes she was hearing. So she decided to do something about it: she would study one particular subject and became brilliant at it. So she decided to memorize the state capitals. At a****ail party, she overheard another blond joke, and angrily declared that she was so smart that she could name any of the state capitals. Challenging her, a male party-goer said, "OK, how about Mississippi?" With great pride she answered, "M". | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/15/2007 8:53:59 PM | How do you get a one armed blonde out a tree?
Wave to her.
A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: "Do you know where you were going?"
Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving."
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Oh, look at that dead bird."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/18/2007 2:11:10 PM | Here's three of my favourites (you're noting my hair colour, I hope!) (-: Oh - and I saved the best for last!
#1: Blondes by the Number
Two blondes were reading their daily newspapers. One blonde sees a headline that reads: "Brazilian Soldiers Killed in Fierce Battle".
The blonde thinks for a moment and then whispers to her friend,
"Psssst.....how many is a brazilian?"
#2: The Blonde and the Cop
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car. She was pulled over by a woman police officer, who also happened to be a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
The blonde in the car dug through her purse and got progressively more agitated. "What does a drivers' license look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The blonde in the car found a square mirror in her purse, looked in it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde policewoman looked in the mirror and then handed it back to the blonde driver saying, "Oh you can go - I didn't realize you were a cop."
#3: The Blonde and the Bank
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $25.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000 on a $250,000 car?"
The blond looks at him coolly and replies "Where else in New York City can I park my car in a guarded lot for two weeks for only $25.41?"
Personally, I love being blonde. When I say something silly, I just tell people, "I'm a natural blonde, and I prove it every day!" Heck no, it's not Alzheimers setting in early... no way! (-:
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:31:06 PM | Then there was the blonde who drove around the block 57 times.
Her blinker was stuck. | |
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