| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/19/2007 11:27:32 AM | Subject: Working girls
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband fooling around with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/19/2007 12:20:19 PM | A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money,
She decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him
Behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde
And then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped
Your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and
Place it under the pecan tree next to the playground.
Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and
Sent him home to show his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and
Surely enough, a paper bag was sitting there. The Blonde
Opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said,
"How could you do this to a fellow blonde?" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/21/2007 7:43:47 AM | A brunette is giving a blonde haired friend a lift in her new car when the brunette ask's the blonde a favour.
The Brunette: I want to test my car to see how fast it goes, can you do me a favour and tell me if you see any police cars so I can slow down.
The Blonde: Okay will do.
Twenty miles down the road the blonde taps the brunette's shoulder.
The Brunette: Is there a police car behind me?
The Blonde: Yes.
The Brunette: Are their lights On?
The Blonde: Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/21/2007 11:19:37 AM | how can u tell when a blonde has used the computer
look for tip ex on the screen | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/21/2007 3:28:22 PM | What does a blonde say after sex ?
Are you guys all on the same team ? | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/21/2007 3:45:07 PM | While in jail Paris Hilton is accidentally put out on a road detail, she stands at the back of the queue all scared. When she gets up to the detail sergeant she is told to take her pick from the shovels left...she stands for a few seconds then runs away crying, the detail sergeant goes after her to find her sitting on a rock.
Detail Sergeant: And just what in the hell do you think your doing, do you think just cause your famous and rich you shouldn't be digging a ditch with the rest of the prisoners...huh?
Paris: No it's not that.
Detail Sergeant: Well what then?
Paris: I took so long getting to the front of the queue that by the time I got there only spades were left so I couldn't take a pick. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/22/2007 12:48:21 PM | A blond truck driver was eatin her meal at a truck stop
when 6 female motorcycle riders burst in.
They stole her food and taunted her,
but she just sat there and took it all meekly.
She paid her bill and left without sayin a word.
One of the bikers swaggered up to the cashier and said,
"She aint much of a fighter is she?"
The cashier glanced out the window and replied,
"Not much of a driver either.
She just backed her 18-wheeler over 6 motorcycles." | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/22/2007 12:50:53 PM | There was a blond truck driver who had to deliver 500
penguins to the state zoo.
As she was driving through the desert, she broke down.
After about 3 hours she waved down a female brunette
trucker and offered her driver $500 to take the penguins
to the state zoo for her.
The next day the blond trucker arrived in town and saw
the brunette trucker crossin the road with 500
penguins walkin in single file line behind her.
She jumped out of her truck and yelled, "WHATS GOIN ON?
I GAVE YOU $500 TO TAKE THESE PENGUINS TO THE ZOO!"
The brunette driver responded,.....
"I did take them to the zoo.
But I had some money left over so now we're goin to
the movies." | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/22/2007 12:53:57 PM | | A blonde and her husband are in bed sleeping late on night. The phone rings..startled, she picks it up listens for a few seconds and says "HOW SHOULD I KNOW..I LIVE IN MISSOURI!!!!) Shaken, the husband asked who it was...she said...I don't know, some dumb broad wanted to know if the coast was clear!!!... | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/22/2007 1:15:30 PM | | A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do youhave a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?''''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.''A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/23/2007 4:31:17 PM | There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke. Three women entered the race: a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After about 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest swimmer.
About 40 minutes later, the redhead came ashore and was declared runner-up.
Nearly 48 hours after that, the blonde staggered out of the water, stumbled to the finishing line and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she gasped, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms." | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/24/2007 8:52:40 AM | | why did the blonde get fired from the M&M's factory?....she threw out all the W'S. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/26/2007 2:26:10 PM | A man and a Blonde women have not long gotten married when one day the women walks in on her man in the bath giving having some "quality" time with himself.
Blonde Woman: Would you like me to give you a hand?
The man just smiles and nods, soon he is so relaxed that he nods off...but when he wakes up he notices there is blood in the water so he shouts his wife.
The Man: What the hell happened?
Blonde Women: It spat at me so I bit the **stard! | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/27/2007 12:51:03 PM | How do you know a blonde has bein using the computer???
Theres tipex on the screen...
Blonde goes to see a doctor and hes tells her she is pregant shes bursts into tears crying IS IT MINE....
A blonde and a brunette jump off a building who lands first???
The brunette...blondie had to stop and ask for directions.. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/27/2007 1:36:34 PM | Three women who know each other are sitting in a cosmetic surgery waiting room when they suddenly start talking.
Women Three: So what are you getting done?
Women One: Well for years I've felt like a bigger pair of boobs so I'm going to get implants done.
Women Two: As you know for years I've not liked my nose, so I felt I would get a nose job.
Women One: What are you getting done?
Women Three: I'm going to get my arsehole bleached.
Women Two: Oh no I wouldn't, I don't think your boyfriend would look good as a blonde. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/27/2007 3:18:06 PM | The Blond was so dumb...
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
...she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
...she thought General Motors was in the army.
...she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...she studied for a blood test.
...she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
...she sold the car for gas money!
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
...when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
...if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
...she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
...she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front." | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 6/27/2007 7:54:44 PM | A blonde was telling a priest a Polish joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "Do you want me to start over and talk slower?"
 | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 7/1/2007 10:06:34 PM | Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
They heard under seventeen weren't admitted!!!!
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 7/1/2007 10:40:12 PM | | How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Well none . They screw in a hottub. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 7/9/2007 9:31:00 PM | How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 7/11/2007 1:55:23 PM | Dandruff
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day.
The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem
but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:16:02 PM | Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:21:56 PM | What did the blonde say when the doctor told her she was pregnant?
Is it mine?
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 7/17/2007 8:30:14 PM | The Blonde Bowling Team
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whopping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white frozen knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin' on up there? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"
One of the blondes from the second team looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 7/18/2007 1:24:33 PM | A blond is tending bar when a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Mullah walk in.... She askes...
"What is this? The start of a cheesy joke? | |
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