dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 26 | |
| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 3/5/2007 7:08:13 PM | | I have been doing some more thinking about this. Maybe I should have used a different term to describe the situation instead of mind games. Maybe some of the possible reasons mentioned could be accurate. She was undecided, she liked another man better, she changed her mind for some reason etc. I think some of the other reasons mentioned are unlikely. She was "too nice" to say she was uninterested, I didn't call/email her, she had more important things to worry about etc. I emailed/called her several times so she had plenty of chances to say she wasn't interested. I still think there is a possibility that her not being upfront with people could be a flaw in her personality or character. For the people who wondered I didn't ask her directly, I doubt she would have given me a honest answer if she answered the question at all. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 6/2/2007 2:36:10 PM | Just my own opinion !
Mind Game/s:
An act or series of acts of calculated psychological manipulation, especially in order to confuse or intimidate.
Difficult to say if the lady in question was playing mind games but the word "playing" here is hardly appropriate and could be replaced with "inflicting" because to certain people mind games can be devastating. There is also the question of interpretation, does the victim normally take rejection easily, if not, this could imply that the victim is given to blowing things out of proportion, in matters of the heart emotions run high and it's easy to take things the wrong way.
On the other hand, there are those (men and women) who get a kick out of playing mind games, it gives them a sense of power or control over their unsuspecting victim. Power or control that they find difficult to achieve through normal means. In my experience these people are usually subversive or have some kind of personality disorder.
Mind Games are a form of attack on the person, people have actually been taken to court and successfuly prosecuted for attacks of this nature. If you think you are the victim of someone's mind games it's a good idea to get a trusted friend to look at or listen the conversations or events, you can call on anyone you trust but that person should be totally unbiased and removed from the emotion involved in relationships.
I also think it's a good idea to confront the person you suspect of playing mind games with you, ask direct questions, and ask them to give you a direct answer. Often there are logical reasons that make you suspicious of someone such as a direct question to which an ambiguous answer was given.
Broadly speaking I consider people to be inflicting mind games on someone if they : -
1. Avoid answering valid questions directly
2. Repeated let you down after arranging to chat / text / phone / meet
3. Ignore you frequently without an explanation
4. Persistently comment negatively on your appearance, age, race, beliefs etc,.
5. Persistently make statements that they know will upset your feelings
the above list is definitely not exhaustive
Interestingly, most people who inflict mind games usually tend to deny knowledge that they are doing it and instead will try to convince you that you are unstable, imagining it etc...
I don't know your situation, I only know mine, so I can't really make judgement. What I can say is this, If you think you are the victim of mind games, the simplist way of dealing with it is to learn to play, or inflict, because when you become proficient at it, you take away the power and control of the person who is inflicting it on you. I would only do this in retaliation if I thought someone was trying to hurt or damage me intentionally, and I would do it over a prolonged period of time, say 6 months or even a year. I look at it this way, would you allow someone to keep hitting you with a stick ? .... or would you retaliate ? ...... fight fire with fire but before you do, be absolutely certain that you are first a victim, never initiate mind games.
Or you could just walk away and put it down to experience, that might work for some ! | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 6/2/2007 6:06:12 PM | | For the most part, or at least in my experience, I don't feel like women play mind games on purpose. A lot of guys think that I play mind games but I swear, I don't mean to. I just have trouble being mean to people. I hate rejection on both ends (whether someone is rejecting me or I am rejecting someone else) and I have to admit, conflict makes me nervous. Most of the time when I decide that I don't like the guy or don't think he's someone I really connect with I just quit talking to him because it's easier than actually telling him. I know that's bad but it's unfortunately the way I "get rid" of guys I don't want to associate with anymore. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 29 | |
| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 6/17/2007 7:02:50 PM | | I don't think she was playing mind games ( the OP changed his views on his last post ), but she could have been more upfront with him. He could have moved on quicker. I don't think people should assume that all men can't take a honest rejection because of some bad experiences. Based on personal experiences and stories I have read here, some first dates have gone reasonably well ( hugs and kisses ) and there is no 2nd date. Maybe some people are weird or have unreasonable expectations for a first date. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 6/17/2007 8:02:49 PM | Online dating has made everything so impersonal. Not like you have to move to the other side of the bar, change your phone number, etc. Online dating really is a craps shoot.
I agree, how many times have you said to someone that you were not interested. I know I have. Always cordial but it sucks.
So much easier not to replay or just push delete. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 6/18/2007 9:13:51 AM | I'm not too sure if it is just "some" women. A large majority of women complain about the male species playing mind/head games, when, in my Book, women are just as bad as the men for playing mind games and head games. Secondly, a negative female profile turns me "O-F-F" - off.
Besides that, I came across a female's profile and one of her restricti0ns was no mustaches - really!!! It will be a cold day in ----, before I shave my mustache because of a preferred condition!!! What happened to accepting people for their individuality. This is where racism starts.
Another woman, it was the height difference! I told her height was measured in stature - not inches or cms (your preference)!!!
Other women can't see past their calendars!!! Age is a Number - only. What is inside the person is more important than what year it is!!! Ladies - How many calendars do you have in your homes???
But we are supposed to become instant fathers or mothers. Been there! Done That!
My secret to being a Step-Dad or Step-Mom - be seen and not heard, generally speaking, but I'm no expert in family counselling, so take it from there for yourselves.
Well, I've got that off my chest. What's next??? | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:40:55 AM | I went out with a woman about a month ago. I thought the date went well. She gave me a hug at the end of the night. The next few days we had some email conversations.
If this is all that happened, I do not see where she is playing mind games. She did not really lead you on as far as I can see. She even told you she was not interested.
She would have been playing mind games if she escalated the intensity of the e-mails, wanted more dates, got intimate and then dumped you all of a sudden without a further explanation. I think you were just too eager to have her like you and when she was honest with you, you just did not know how to deal with her. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:48:47 AM | Now, I had some serious mind game played on me a while ago.
This girl I knew started to exchange e-mails with me. The e-mails got progressively more romantic and suggestive. At some point, we were writing to each other "babe" "I love you" and so on.
One day, she called me at my office talking in a very suggestive way. We talked on the phone and it was so intense I could swear she was heavily into me. Please note that during all this, she was dating a guy. Now, one day, out of the blue, she asks me out!. It was nerve -wracking because not only did she start to call me (which I wanted to avoid so I would not make the dreadful mistake of misunderstanding her affection) but now she was asking me out.
I sent her flowers on her birthday, she loved it so much and she told me that I made her feel very special. She expressed interest on a guitar class I was offering. The day she came to class she was dressed so provocatively I was nervously crazy throughout the class. Not to mention that, by this time, I had already told her that I liked her, we had gone out some more, and I had sent her more flowers.
Fearing that I was being too slow, I decided to ask her to be my girl one day. I was going to do this after class. That day she asked me for an extra class to her, her and me alone!. I nearly died of how nervous I was.
The day I decided to tell her my feelings directly, her boyfriend shows up!!!. I thought I was going straight to hell....
Now that is a serious and terrible mind game. Just one date won't cut it my friend. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:54:01 AM | If this is all that happened, I do not see where she is playing mind games. She did not really lead you on as far as I can see. She even told you she was not interested.
She would have been playing mind games if she escalated the intensity of the e-mails, wanted more dates, got intimate and then dumped you all of a sudden without a further explanation. I think you were just too eager to have her like you and when she was honest with you, you just did not know how to deal with her.
She wasn't playing mind games, because she could have been more upfront with him. She could have told him that she was no longer interested the first time he emailed her after the date instead of waiting for a while before stating that she was no longer interested. I don't think that the OP was mad about the rejection, rather the way he was rejected. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:59:07 AM | She could have told him that she was no longer interested the first time he emailed her
E-mail is a very innocent and distant way of communicating. I do not think that she was supposed or obliged to express her "lack of interest" in an e-mail. She did the right thing and told him straight up. Now, she should have told him in person or by phone, not by e-mail.
You do that either by phone or in person so that it has more effect. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/26/2007 9:00:07 AM | Are you repeating what I just said?
No. You didn't mention anything about the woman being more upfront with him. That was my main point.
E-mail is a very innocent and distant way of communicating. I do not think that she was supposed or obliged to express her "lack of interest" in an e-mail. She did the right thing and told him straight up.
Well if I emailed someone after a first date and he was no longer interested in me, I would have no problems with him stating his lack of interest by email. It's better than ignoring the person or not being upfront right away. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/26/2007 9:05:45 AM | I mentioned it in the mail following......
That just shows how little interest she had. Just e-mail and nothing else......
Gotcha averageblonde222 | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/26/2007 9:13:43 AM | That just shows how little interest she had. Just e-mail and nothing else......
It's pretty common for people to express lack of interest by email after 1 or 2 dates. Either that or they ignore you or aren't upfront with you. I don't think that it is necessary to tell the other person face to face that you aren't interested only after 1-2 dates. If I was dating a person for a while, then I think it would be rude to break up by email. In that case, I would tell him face to face. BTW the OP did change mind and stated that it wasn't mind games. Maybe he just used the wrong words to prove his point. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/26/2007 9:19:44 AM | I personally believe that things have to escalate substantially, and involve many many things in order to call it a "mind game" when someone suddenly "flakes" or expresses lack of interest.
But e-mail is not the way. Now, if she had told him really strong and sweet things over e-mail, then that would have had to be followed by some equally strong things that escalated such as a phone call, more dates, kisses and so on.
Sadly, a lot of men have been rejected so much that when they see a little sign of life coming from some girl, their hearts go crazy and they already have a girlfriend (in their mind, of course). Well, it is not that way at all most of the time. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:09:55 AM | This web site is titled "plentyof fish". Which implies a large assortment. Personally I agree with you that few people, and fewer women, today have any manners and are polite enough to give a clear acknowledgement of their intentions. What I don`t understand is why you`d waste your time chasing her butt. you need to develop the same attitude that good salesmen/women have. If you found one that wasn`t buying, you simply stand up, turn 180 degrees and shout out "NEXT". You need to grow up and start being a mature MAN. Quit being like the predator fish that keeps circleing the school looking for the straggler, and then getting miffed when you see one but it gets away.
Only forever have women thought like this. Is there a problem here with your learning curve? Not trying to be ugly, but how many fish are out there that have been taught good manners that you might relate to? "PLENTYOFFISH". | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/29/2007 12:53:22 PM | Livingquestion,
Even if it was not a date, for many men even a simple smile is a "come and get me" type of invitation.
What I am trying to say is that there has to be several things that have to happen for a woman to date a man and take him seriously.
For this guy, nothing happened, yet he is saying that she is playing mind games.
That's what I meant to say. | |
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icartb
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Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 46 | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 47 | |
| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/29/2007 1:09:26 PM | For this guy, nothing happened, yet he is saying that she is playing mind games.
The OP changed his viewpoint and said that it wasn't mind games in a later post. This has already been stated a few times. Like sexybrunette mentioned, maybe he used the wrong terminology to express his viewpoint. End of story. | |
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| Why do some women play mind games?
Posted: 10/29/2007 1:46:32 PM |
Here's why:
dangerous22: I had a really great time, lets do it again.
girl: um, well.. I dunno.. I just don't think you're my type. But thanks for dinner
dangerous22: *punches girl in head*
ROFL ahhhh shit! There goes yet another keyboard. I HAVE to stop drinking coffee when I read this stuff.  | |
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