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Posted: 3/5/2007 5:13:29 PM | I'm sorry, 'Two Flies with one smack!' is the correct... dang, understand my problems in real life.. lol
And if you're going to use it in a marketings campaign, I want royalties!
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kegclk
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Joined: 11/27/2005
Msg: 27 | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 5:26:38 PM | Wow a Gemini and a Pices all at the same time.
Well GEMINI_GUY this one is for you.
All right, well I better start at the top.
I don't like your tagline. It seems arrogant and that's not the right first impression that you want to be giving off. Taglines are supposed to be eye catching. You should avoid words like looking/searching/fishing/need... And go for something that says something about you. If you can't think of something on your own turn to your favourite movie/book/song/poem whatever. If a lady knows what you're talking about then it's a great conversation starter.
Your pictures are... boring. In the one where there are two of you I can't tell which one is you and that's not good. And fraknly the one of just you, I'm afraid does nothing for you. When it comes to pictures what you want is: One CLEARLY showing your face in a close up. One CLEARLY showing off the type of body you have, and then a couple action shots.
Now for the body of your profile.
Somethings about me:
I don't mind a good debate and I am not affraid to admit when I am wrong. I have been to Radio College and have worked in radio. I am a bit of a movie collecter, I have an ever expanding selection and close to 100 DvDs. I also love music of pretty much every type.
All right, you "don't mind a good debate"... If that's the case what are some of the topics you "don't mind" debating about? Politics. Religion. Gay Rights? What turns your debate crank?
I am working on starting my own business.
That is not a thought that stands alone. What kinds of business. Is it what you've always wanted to do? Why did you chose that route, why didn't you just work for someone else (and if you say you're not good with authority, then I suggest you go back to high school).
Fav Colors: Red, Silver, Black (ok, only one is a color the other two are "shades")
Fav Food: Mashed Potatos, Poutine (I should be eating more salad)
Fav Time of the day: I am a night person. Much rather be up all night than be up all day. It is much more relaxing and quiet, I feel like I get more done.
I can kind of cook, if it has instructions I am a great cook.
I don't like the structure of a list in a profile. The way you talk about yourself on your profile shows someone the caliber of messages that they would get from you. I'd try to make this section a little more natural.
I am working with a Hypnotist and I also DJ as well in various places. I was the house DJ at the Diesel until their lease was bought out and they closed. (pix are of some of the staff and me, only recent ones I have, great people.)
Wow a Hypnotist. As a job or for yourself? I think a little more explaination is needed here.
I try to be a thoughtful person, like anyone I am not perfect. I think life should be enjoyed and not just lived. Every new experiance has something to teach me. I try to be fair and I refuse to lie for any reason. Sometimes my honesty gets me into trouble. I am dedicated to those things I value in my life, and I dedicate myself to those people who have a place in my life. I have a lot to give to one special person or to many new good friends. I should not be taken seriously at all times, only during times when it is needed; just like life.
Why does your honesty get you into trouble? Are you blunt? Brutally honest? Why would it get you into trouble?
You say you are dedicated to those thing you value in life. Well what are they?
This sentance " I should not be taken seriously at all times, only during times when it is needed; just like life." Makes no sence. So far you haven't come across as a guy who is particularily "unserious" or goofy. This just comes out of left field and not in a good way.
I have been told I should say what I am looking for. Simply friends, what kind of friend is all dependant on how well we connect and how far we are comfortable taking it.
This sounds like you're looking for friends with benifits. I wouldn't contact you just based on this sentace alone. I'm sure there is a better way you could word this. Also what people mean when they say that you should say what you're looking for. They mean you should say what you're looking for in a person/friend/FWB/whatever.
If you would like my MSN just ask, it's free for anyone to use to message me.
I hate when people tell me to message them. I know to do that if I''m interested. So does every other woman. Please take it out.
Good Luck. | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 5:37:24 PM | KEGCLK! Catch!
Again, please lets talk about the wonders of a paragraph. Dividing your thoughts on your profile in paragraphs not only makes my job easier but it makes it easier to read and understand.
Ok.
You don't have to live forever, you just have to live!
Good opener. Paragraph.
I am someone that cares about others. I love my family and friends, they are the most important part of who I am.
Ok, do you have a big family? If they are the most important part of you, then surely they deserve more than a sentance.
I am shy and quiet at first, with a gruff exterior,But once you get to know me, you'll realize that I am not what I seem.Some actually say i never shut up...
Ok, but what helps to get you to open up to someone. What do you just love to talk about?
I like hanging out at home with a good book or a cool movie or going out to listen to a band.I like the outdoors.Camping and fishing are up there during the summer.
What kind of books do you enjoy reading, what kind of movies do you enjoy watching, what kind of bands do you love listening to, do you prefer larger concerts or the smaller venue?
One of my favourite things to do is cook and i am pretty good at the bbq.
What's your speciality? Why do you love to cook? Where did you learn?
I have direction and know what I want and where I am going. I believe that honesty is the key ingredient in any relationship, whether it is with a friends, family or a partner. I Love Life and all its wonders.
Ok, so where are you going? What do you want out of life?
Let me say this again, a profile is THE way you're selling yourself. The more we know about you the more we can relate to.
Tell us what you're looking for in a woman. The more we know the better for you. Then the only people who will be contacting you are the ones who believe they fit your bill.
You have a good rang of pictures but your first date could use some work.
The first date section tells us what kind of experience to look forward to. So please put some work into it.
Good luck. | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 6:10:40 PM | When you get a chance, please give me some pointers. I don't have a lot in there, but could use your help.
Thanks ahead of time. I've enjoyed the pointers you have given the others.
Gene | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 6:14:03 PM | hi pink salmon, could look at my profile please, someone has looked at it and trashed it, so i just don`t know where to start would appreciate some help,  | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 7:28:52 PM | Hi,
Great job here, in the reviews!
I just made some changes ot my profile, but it's missing something? Can you give it your best shot?
Thanks! | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 7:31:47 PM | HOPE4FOREVER...
Ok, first of all your tag line is common. EVERYONE is looking for a forever kind of love. WE ALL HOPE FOR THAT. Tag lines should be eye catching. If you can't think of something on your own use something from you favourite movie/book/poem/song anything. If a lady gets what you're talking about then it's a great conversation starter. In your tag line you should avoid using words like searching/looking/need/want...
Your pictures are pretty good. You've got that clear body shot that so many people avoid putting up. You've also got the "close up" showing someone your face and the action shots. Your action shots could be closer, some someone could actually see which one was you, but as far as your range of pictures, they are fairly good.
You've got a couple good interests listed, butyou should strive to have around 10 listed. The more actual interests you have listed the more hits your profile will get when a lady does a specific search. Remember to separate interests with a comma.
Ok and now onto the main portion of your profile.
Father of three boys. Looking to find someone who enjoys life and wants to grow old with someone fun. I've been teaching 12 years now and love being in the classroom. Can't have any more children, but would welcome someone's own children. If you're interested in my profile, let me know. If you have any questions, ask. If you're self-centered and selfish, please move on to the next guy. Non-smokers welcome!
You're right, you don't have a lot in there. Obviously you could use help.
There really isn't much to critique in your profile HOPE, but I'll find a way.
It's good to mention that you have kids in your profile, so I'm cool with that. It's good to know what you're getting into when you send that first message.
I'd leave the whole "growing old" section out of your profile, it might scare some women off because it makes it seem like you're looking for a wife right off the bat.
You say you've been teaching for 12 years? What grades? Why do you love being in the classroom? Do kids really say the darndest things?
If we are interested in your profile you will know. Because we know what to do. Message you. Also take out the part about having any questions. Of course we will have questions. Your profile is short and tells us almost nothing about you.
I'd take out the part in your profile where you say "non-smokers welcome" It's redundant since you've made it that smokers can't contact you.
I'd take out the part about being self centered and selfish.... In profiles you have to focus on the POSITIVE. Instead of telling us what you're not looking for, try telling us what you are looking for.
A profile has three key elements to it. And any good/great profile that you read will have those things in it.
*A section describing you. How are you different from every other guy out here, what do you offer that others can't claim? The more we know about you the more we can relate to you.
*A section talking about how you like to spend your time and why you like to spend your time doing those things. Again the more we know about you the better.
*A section talking about what you're looking for in your partner. The more we know about that the better. We don't like wasting our time, and I'm sure you don't like wasting yours.
The first date section is just as important as the main body of your profile. It's in this section that a woman can garner what kind of date she'd go on with you and what to expect.
Good luck! | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 7:50:09 PM | hello how are you doing? anyway i just want someone to review my profile and make suggestions on how to improve it and get more responses
thanks
jonathan | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 7:53:10 PM | PATRICIA694972 This one is for you.
Ok, to start with, taglines should be eye catching. If you can't think of something eye catching on your own, find something by looking for your favourite quote from a book/movie/poem anything. It's a great conversation starter.
All right. All your pictures look like they were taken in the early 90's. Except for number 2. But you can't even see your face clearly in that one.
The ideal profile pictures are... ONE clearly showing your face. ONE clearly showing you HEAD to TOE. And then some action shots. I'd take out the one of the fairy. We are not here to date her. So it's pointless to have her up. Also please take down the picture of your sister. Unless your tag teaming the profile, she's not here to find a date.
Now onto the main section of your profile.
hi i am looking for friends male or female to chat too, and i am also looking for someone to date just male, i have been told i am very attractive, very young outlook on life, dry sense of humour, love to laugh and have fun, feel free to contact me,my interests are, meeting people, reading, films,good food, wine, some sports,theatre, nature, travelling,and much more, i love to be indoors with a nice meal, a good dvd,and few glasses of wine,i don`t like disco`s, and not because im old fashioned, but they just have`nt got any interest to me these days, say no more.oh if you find yourself on my favourite list its because i have something to say to you, or you remind me of someone or something, so if i don`t get back to you, i have forgot why i put you there, lol.ps or i might just like how you look. pps the one with the glasses on is my sister, be honest who`s the best looking lol
Again a lot can be said for paragrapghs. They make my job easier and they make the profile easier to read. I would also run your profile through a spell/grammer checking program. To make sure it's up to par. Remember all I's should be capitol I's. And that periods are a wonderful thing.
Lets do this section by section which is a little difficult as it all appears to be one sentance.
hi i am looking for friends male or female to chat too, and i am also looking for someone to date just male, i have been told i am very attractive, very young outlook on life, dry sense of humour, love to laugh and have fun, feel free to contact me,my interests are, meeting people, reading, films,good food, wine, some sports,theatre, nature, travelling,and much more,
Ok, here's the first thing I would change. You are either looking for talk/e-mail or you're looking for dating. Pick one and only one. If you want to get to know someone through messaging before meeting them, then just say that. But if someone reads that you are looking for "chat" then someone who would want to meet you won't contact you. Simply because they don't want to be relegated to your inbox forever.
You've been told you're attractive? Don't you find yourself to be so? What makes you attractive?
What makes your outlook on life a young one? (This could give off the wrong impression... That you're here for games and nothing serious).
I wouldn't list your interests again in your "about me" section but rather pick one to talk about. Why you love it and so forth.
And take out the "feel free to contact me" that's thrown into the middle there. It's not needed.
i love to be indoors with a nice meal, a good dvd,and few glasses of wine,i don`t like disco`s, and not because im old fashioned, but they just have`nt got any interest to me these days, say no more.
You say you like nice meals. Do you cook or are you better at ordering in food? What constitutes a nice meal? What kind of movies do you like?
oh if you find yourself on my favourite list its because i have something to say to you, or you remind me of someone or something, so if i don`t get back to you, i have forgot why i put you there, lol.ps or i might just like how you look. pps the one with the glasses on is my sister, be honest who`s the best looking lol
People know why people add them to favourites lists. It's because they either a) found us attractive b) found us interesting c) wanted to have sex with us d) all of the above. Take it out.
All right. A profile has three key elements to it. And any good/great profile that you read will have these 3 things in it.
*A section describing you. How are you different from every other girl out here, what do you offer that others can't claim? The more they know about you the more they (men) can relate to you.
*A section talking about how you like to spend your time and why you like to spend your time doing those things. Again the more they know about you the better.
*A section talking about what you're looking for in your partner. The more we know about that the better. Men don't like wasting their time, and I'm sure you don't like wasting yours.
The first date section is just as important as the main body of your profile. It's in this section that a man can garner what kind of date he'd go on with you and what to expect.
Good luck. | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 7:59:48 PM | COMATOSO
Great tagline. Good Pictures. You could do with one showing off your whole body but what you have, is fine. You've got a good set of interests, so nothing to recommend there.
On to the main section of your profile. ( which has paragraphs! THANK YOU!)
Hi, thanks for reading my profile. While I have made a lot of friends here, I am hoping to meet that "special someone". I value my friendships and am loyal in return. I am creative and have a great sense of humor. I love going to the beach, but not always when everyone else is. Weather that is a bit stormy is as welcome as a beautiful day, now and then.
Great opening paragraph. Nothing to say about that one.
I'm a painter, and photographer. My work is mostly documentary, about my perception of sound and light. I've exhibited my work across the country. I write stories, a combination of drama and comedy. I have two adorable kids who live at home, but they spend time with their dad on regular visits or special events.
Again good. telling people what you do, and your living situation. Good, good, good.
I am deaf, and wear hearing aids. Basically, they amplify some sounds, not much more. I have no problems with deafness; there's a lot to be said for getting a good night's sleep! But before you start thinking of the great advantages you could have here, such as sneaking an extra cookie or blurting out your ex's name, you will find that I have a very sharp eye and am an expert lipreader. OK, maybe not in the dark, so you might have that advantage! Whispering sweet nothings to me are really.... nothing. And lest I "talk", or sign in my sleep, you could wake up with a black eye or bruised arms from fending off my "conversations". If you get that far....
Again, enjoyed this section as well...
Update: I just changed my user name to comatoso from writer59.
Over all good profile. I enjoyed it and had nothing to critique! Though you could do with a section detailing what you're looking for in a partner. It's always nice to know ahead of time whether or not you'll fit in that persons life.
Good luck. | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 8:13:00 PM | 23BCGAL your review.
Taglines should be eye catching... Avoid words like prince charming/love/need/looking and so forth. If you can't think of anything on your own, use a quote from your favourite movie/book/song whatever. It's a great conversation starter.
Your pictures are ok, but they are not ideal. You want at least a close up (wish you have) and one that shows off your body type.
Your Interests should be separated with a comma and you should strive to have around 10 listed. The more interests you have the more hits your profile will get when a man does a search.
Now to the main section of your profile.
I am a 24 year old female who is down to earth kind hearted but I love to have fun laugh i am looking for sombody who I can share good times with .Sombody who knows what they want outa life I love the outdoors and camping.drop me a line and say hello.
First of all, we already know your 24 and female before we reach this section. Take it out you're repeating information already stated.
You say you're down to earth, how are you down to earth? How are you kind hearted? What kind of good times are you looking to share? What do you love about camping? What are you looking for out of your partner?
Ok, you need a total re-write. Here is what a profile should have in it.
All right. A profile has three key elements to it. And any good/great profile that you read will have these 3 things in it.
*A section describing you. How are you different from every other girl out here, what do you offer that others can't claim? The more they know about you the more they (men) can relate to you.
*A section talking about how you like to spend your time and why you like to spend your time doing those things. Again the more they know about you the better.
*A section talking about what you're looking for in your partner. The more we know about that the better. Men don't like wasting their time, and I'm sure you don't like wasting yours.
The first date section is just as important as the main body of your profile. It's in this section that a man can garner what kind of date he'd go on with you and what to expect.
Good luck. | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 8:21:03 PM | GABOY8119 Here ya go.
Taglines are supposed to be eye catching. You should avoid words like looking/searching/fishing/need... And go for something that says something about you. If you can't think of something on your own turn to your favourite movie/book/song/poem whatever. If a lady knows what you're talking about then it's a great conversation starter.
Oh what to say about your pictures... Please take down the pictures of your kids. I find it creepy when people have posted pictures of their kids alone. It's ok if it's you and your kids goofing around but if it's just the kids, then something seems off. Please take them down. Oh and I'm not here to date your truck. Pleasue just put up pictures of yourself.
You have an all right amount of interests listed.. Though hanging out haveing fun... it should be Hanging out HAVING fun...
On to your "about me".
hey how's it goin? anyway i am just a country boy,and a single father of 2 wonderful kids that has a good heart and with love to give. i love to spend time and play with my kids and love the outdoors,fishing,camping,nascar, i love to bowl shoot pool,play poker and just looking for someone to spend time with,someone who shares the same interests i do.
Ok, first of all, don't relist ALL of your interests again in your about me section. We already know what they are.
All right, so you're looking for someone to spend time with, and the only requirement is that she shares the same interests as you? Nothing else matters?
I'm going to say it again... A profile has three key elements to it. And any good/great profile that you read will have those things in it.
*A section describing you. How are you different from every other guy out here, what do you offer that others can't claim? The more we know about you the more we can relate to you.
*A section talking about how you like to spend your time and why you like to spend your time doing those things. Again the more we know about you the better.
*A section talking about what you're looking for in your partner. The more we know about that the better. We don't like wasting our time, and I'm sure you don't like wasting yours.
The first date section is just as important as the main body of your profile. It's in this section that a woman can garner what kind of date she'd go on with you and what to expect.
Good luck! | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 8:27:53 PM | without further ado...
And without further ado...
I missed this bit O sarcasm// I am truly impressed
comoso has a ...""You've got a good set of interests"
yup -- sarecasm or memorex?
MUHHAHAHAHAHHAAhahahahahahaha!!
crackin me up.
I adore and worship you O goddess O profile review...
[[{gush} | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 8:35:03 PM | Well at least you caught it eventually Bill, that's what counts.
There was nothing sarcastic about my comment on Comatoso's interests. I normally recommend around 10. She did well.
You're a little nuts aren't you Bill Butler... I just offer a reviewing service. | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 8:41:43 PM | STARRYNIGHTJEN -
Please don't post pictures of your pets. We are not here to date them (hopefully!)... I have issues with that just like I have issues with the pictures of children. If you click with someone, then they will meet your pets/children at some point, and you can always exchange pictures later on, privately. Also your pictures are grainy.. We can't make you out clearly. And that's no good.
What you want, picture wise is, ONE clear close up face shot. ONE clear head to body shot, to show off your body type. Then some action shots. You can have a friend help you out with that.
Good set of interests.
All right. A profile has three key elements to it. And any good/great profile that you read will have these 3 things in it.
*A section describing you. How are you different from every other girl out here, what do you offer that others can't claim? The more they know about you the more they (men) can relate to you.
*A section talking about how you like to spend your time and why you like to spend your time doing those things. Again the more they know about you the better.
*A section talking about what you're looking for in your partner. The more we know about that the better. Men don't like wasting their time, and I'm sure you don't like wasting yours.
The first date section is just as important as the main body of your profile. It's in this section that a man can garner what kind of date he'd go on with you and what to expect.
On to your main section.
I'm a 21 year old grad student living in Thunder Bay. I'm originally from Ottawa. I have a degree in 20th Century European History & Sociology and I am currently taking a certificate program in the public relations field.
We already know you're 21, you're female and the city in which you live. No need to repeat information that's already known.
I enjoy art, classical music, exploring the city, learning new things, and spending time with friends. I'm pretty much a geek, and I'm damn proud to admit it. I am really into science fiction, reading, debating, and learning bits of useless trivia.
What is your favourite style of art? Favourite kind of music?
I'm looking to get to know someone as friends and then possibly more if we click.
That's great, but what would be needed to make that click happen? What are you looking for in a partner. What are you looking for in a friend. There are all important things.
Message me if you would like to know more. Dare ya!
Men are not stupid. They know to message you if they want to know more. Please, just take it out.
Good luck. | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 8:53:01 PM | no. not nuts ...yes...am nuts (figure it out.)
that one wizzed over your head...likly a function of your youth...so re read...and try to read between the lines...if you want me to help you understand better then email me before responding here. | |
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Posted: 3/5/2007 9:07:05 PM | | No BIll, I don't think it whizzed right over her head. But she doesn't have the kind of MIND you have! Sheesh, what's in that cuppa? Wizz?? | |
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