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Posted: 3/6/2007 8:55:17 PM | Nochrisco,
First of all, you're welcome. Of course the review is yours to do with as you please. You can either take my advice or not. It's of no consequence. I've already given the review.
Again, there is no point in thanking them for getting to that point. Since all it entails is scrolling the page down, just the tiniest of bits. There is nothing to be thanked for.
I will accept your grade and your criticism for there is nothing I can do about it.
-Pink | |
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Posted: 3/6/2007 9:02:09 PM | PAPILLONMOM
Taglines should not be used to describe yourself, unless it's your outlook on life. Your tag line isn't eye catching. If you can't think of something original and eye catching, look to those books you love and give us a quote.
Good pictures, they both clearly show your face and your body type.
On to the body of your profile.
My ideal would be a non-smoking man that has a sense of humor and is down-to-earth, honest and sincere. He should be good conversationalist and outgoing. Must like dogs; I have a 5 pound papillon.
Good. You're telling us what you want. Good.
I am honest to a fault, a one-man woman, with a good sense of humor, who enjoys a good conversation, and is a great listener. As you can see from my pictures I enjoy square dancing, because it is socially interactive, a good form of exercise, and a lot of fun.
This should come before "What you're looking for"... People want to know about you before they find out what you're looking for in a partner. Put this section first.
I am looking for friends first, with a long-term relationship in the future.
Fair enough.
I'd beef up your profile a bit, Why don't you tell us why you love your papillion so much. What got you statrted on square dancing... Tell us more about you as a person. What kind of person you are and how you love to spend your time. This is a good structure to go by...
FIRST PARAGRAPH - A section about YOU. Who you are as a person. What qualities you have that would make a man want to talk to you and meet you over any other gal on this site. This paragraph is where you set yourself apart from the rest of the fish out there.
SECOND PARAGRAPH - This is where you tell us a little bit about your job, interests and how you enjoy spending your time. The more we know about you the more we can relate to. And that's a good thing.
THIRD PARAGRAPH - This is where you tell us what kind of man you're looking for. This is really handy when "we" are browsing through profiles. "We" don't like contacting people when we are not sure whether we will be too tall, too short, too slim, too big, too anything... We want to know that we have a chance. So please, tell us what you're looking for.
And last but not least the FIRST DATE section. This is just as important as your "about me"... It's with this section (first date) and the about me section that we figure out what kind of person you are, and what to expect when out with you. These date ideas tell us whether you're a funny, romantic, sporty...etc... Use it to your advantage.
Good Luck. | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 4:41:41 AM | Hi pinksalmon could you have another look and tell me if iam heading in the right direction, difficult doing photo s in the morning to put on here, but i want to get it right. patricia  | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 6:17:01 AM | Thank you for your advice. I made all of the changes that you suggested except I' still reluctant to post my pics. I have been getting many replies lately. They usually don't mind waiting until I'm comfortable with letting them see what I look like. I always let them know that I would like to chat a little first, just to make me feel more at ease before they see me.
Oh by the way - I hope you didn't mind, I copied and pasted what you said about being old fashion.
Thanks again for the great advice. | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:07:56 AM | MERCURIALSIMIAN -
Your Review.
Ok, your tagline is original, so you're fine there.
Your pictures are ok, I like that we can see your face, but I'd get a better body shot of you. One where we can still make out your face (so we know it's you)... The only picture I'd suggest thinking about taking away, is number 4... Since we can't see your face or your body type, it's a little pointless.
Welcome, welcome!
I'd describe myself as capricious, pragmatic, witty, trusting and loyal, and a little bit naughty. Some may disagree, but you'll only find out by getting to know me! I'm straight talking, enjoy having a laugh but don't 'play games', and like to think I have my ego well and truly in check!
All right, well generally good opening paragraph. Except you play games. Dating is a game and anyone who says it isn't is fooling themself. It's one big giant game. So I'd just snip that bit out.
I'm pretty active, I enjoy keeping fit, cooking - Asian food in particular, I'm no MasterChef but it's edible and sometimes tasty. I'm an outdoor person and love sports, motorsports particularly. I got my competition license at the end of last year, so watch out Fernando Alonso! If you love cars, we'll get on like a house on fire. I love music, everything from The Chemical Brothers to Kelis, Beastie boys, and the Arctic Monkeys. I like going to gigs, festivals and occasionally clubs, but more often go out to lively bars, comedy nights, and shows. I'm lucky enough to have travelled far and wide, but never for any real length of time, because there's no place like home.
I try to get as much out of life as possible, but that doesn't mean you'll never find me with my feet up in front of the TV.
Great. I enjoyed this section. It's wonderfully well written and it made me want to keep reading. I wouldn't suggest changing a thing.
I'm on Plentyoffish in the hope of genuinely meeting someone who likes to take care of herself and her loved ones, is open, active and can laugh at herself, to share good times with.
It's good that you mention what you're looking for, but I'd go into further detail. Are those all the qualities you're looking for? If you do chose to expand on this section, remember to stay away from what you're not looking for. In profiles you want to focus on the positive not the negative.
FIRST DATE
I think it's always best to let the lady decide, but given the choice I'd probably suggest meeting up in London. Go for a drink and perhaps something to eat. If it's during the day then maybe wander round the markets and do a bit of people watching, or if at night move on to somewhere lively for a boogie!
Good suggestion and good luck. | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:17:13 AM | PATRICIA694972,
Your new pictures are much better than your old ones... But do you think you could try craking a smile... I know that 99% of smiling pictures, just don't seem to work, and it's something I have to work on as well. A smiling face is a happy face, the happier someone look the more attractive they are. So show us those pearly whites and crack a grin.
Right now, while you're working on your updated profile, I can't really review it because that's not the final version. I can however give you an easy structure to follow. You can always add your own spice to the mix...
FIRST PARAGRAPH - A section about YOU. Who you are as a person. What qualities you have that would make a man want to talk to you and meet you over any other gal on this site. This paragraph is where you set yourself apart from the rest of the fish out there.
SECOND PARAGRAPH - This is where you tell us a little bit about your job, interests and how you enjoy spending your time. The more we know about you the more we can relate to. And that's a good thing.
THIRD PARAGRAPH - This is where you tell us what kind of man you're looking for. This is really handy when "we" are browsing through profiles. "We" don't like contacting people when we are not sure whether we will be too tall, too short, too slim, too big, too anything... We want to know that we have a chance. So please, tell us what you're looking for.
Good luck Patricia. | |
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Posted: 3/7/2007 9:24:37 AM | STRAWBERRYSC4U - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across as saying that you should post pictures. I was just admitting that it was ok that you didn't have any up, since you were willing to share them in private messages.
If you don't feel comfortable with something, don't do it.
I don't mind that you copied and pasted my little suggestion, it's there for you to use if you chose to.
You're welcome for the review and I wish you luck. | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:35:26 AM | RRAK_58
Tag lines should be eye catching. If you can't think of something on your own use something from you favourite movie/book/poem/song anything. If a someone gets what you're talking about then it's a great conversation starter. In your tag line you should avoid using words like searching/looking/need/want... Also you should try to avoid describing yourself in the tagline, unless you're letting people know about your outlook on life.
Ok, you don't have a picture up. And you don't say that you have one on request. At least have a picture. I understand that people can be uncomfortable posting a picture of themselves on a dating site, but you should at least have one that way people know who they are talking to. For most people you it's "No Pic, No Reply".
Ideally you would have one clearly showing your face in a close up, one clearly showing off your body type, and a few action shots. Whether or not you have these for public viewing is your choice. But you should have them available.
Yout interests should be separated with a comma, and you should strive to have at least 10 interests listed. The more of your interests that are listed the more hits your profile will get when woman does a search. Also the more interests you have the more we know about you, and it's easier to start a conversation. So please add to your interests and remember to separate them with a comma.
You should also avoid using the term "Prefer not to say" anywhere on your profile. If it says that next to "Married/smoker/kids/drink/drugs" We read "YES!"... So if you do smoke then just say you smoke. It's really not the end of the world.
Now on to the main section of your profile.
i'm a down to earth person,very open minded like to try different things in life
beleive in good family values and friends enjoy a night of dancing or a romantic dinner,long walks on the beach and watch the sunset or sunrise. i also enjoy outdoor
activity,taking pictures,camping fishing.
Well the first thing I would suggest is running your profile through a spelling/grammer checking device. Spelling and grammer is very important. You have to make sure all your "I's" are capitolized and so forth.
Ok well there isn't much to comment on here but don't take that as a good sign. Because I can't find anything to say means that if you messaged me I wouldn't be able to find anything to say/ask you about. So I suggest a re-write. Start from scratch... Except it's only pretend scratch, I'm going to give you the recipe.
Here you go.
FIRST PARAGRAPH - A section about YOU. Who you are as a person. What qualities you have that would make a woman want to talk to you and meet you over any other guy on this site. This paragraph is where you set yourself apart from the rest of the fish out there.
SECOND PARAGRAPH - This is where you tell us a little bit about your job, interests and how you enjoy spending your time. The more we know about you the more we can relate to. And that's a good thing.
THIRD PARAGRAPH - This is where you tell us what kind of woman you're looking for. This is really handy when we are browsing through profiles. We don't like contacting men when we are not sure whether we will be too tall, too short, too slim, too big, too anything... We want to know that we have a chance. So please, tell us what you're looking for.
And last but not least the FIRST DATE section. This is just as important as your "about me"... It's with this section (first date) and the about me section that we figure out what kind of person you are, and what to expect when out with you. These date ideas tell us whether you're a funny, romantic, sporty///etc kind of guy. Use it to your advantage.
Good luck and when you're done, bring it back here and we shall see how it works!
-Pink | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 1:04:37 PM | | I understood what you meant. I probably came accross the wrong way in the resply that I sent before. I really appreciate everything you said. When I made the changes, it did look alot better. It's hard to say things about yourself sometimes. So I really appreciate your help. | |
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Posted: 3/7/2007 3:33:50 PM | Thanks PinkSalmon,
That was less painful than I thought. I'll take all your points on board and make some adjustments. Let hope it has the desired effect!
If ever I can return the favour in some way, give me a shout. | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 6:35:38 PM | STRAWBERRYSC4U -
I think one of us just got our wires crossed. That's all.
You're welcome for the porfile review. I enjoy doing them... So anytime.
Hope you had a great night.
MERCURIALSIMIAN - You're welcome for the review, I offered you accepted, I enjoy it, it might help you. Good luck! | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 6:51:42 PM | WILDBILLDJ5 - A review for you.
Ok, So your tagline was enjoyable I wouldn't change a thing about that.
Your pictures are all right, but I'd be nice to see your cbody from head to toe, and you smiling. The people who are smiling always appear more attractive. Also the "A*s family picture" just isn't all that funny... I'd take it out.
Saying "Too many to list" as your only interest isn't very helpful. This is where someone browsing your profile would get an idea of what you enjoyed doing with your time. You should have around 10 interests listed, remember to separate them with comma's. The more of your interests that you have listed the more hits your profile will get when a lady does a search.
Ok, on to your profile.
I am a fun,fun loving guy ....have been a DJ........ been in the bar biz ....enjoy the nightlife but dont make a habit of it .........I have only one addiction .......DR PEPPER.............lol like all kinds of music........roadtrip as often as i can .....usually to a gambling destination !!!!('') HONESTY IS EVERYTHING........... you should be at peace with your past ....fun ...good natured...adventurous....romantic ....affectionate....i will be what i expect from you ............
Ok, it's 3 periods (...) and no more. There are spaces after punctuation and capitolization at the start of every "sentance". You want to make sure you use FULL SENTANCES. Run your profile through a program that checks spelling and grammer, as both of these things are very important.
Ok, I'd scrap your whole profile. And like another review I gave, I suggest you start over, but use this structure...
FIRST PARAGRAPH - A section about YOU. Who you are as a person. What qualities you have that would make a woman want to talk to you and meet you over any other guy on this site. This paragraph is where you set yourself apart from the rest of the fish out there.
SECOND PARAGRAPH - This is where you tell us a little bit about your job, interests and how you enjoy spending your time. The more we know about you the more we can relate to. And that's a good thing.
THIRD PARAGRAPH - This is where you tell us what kind of woman you're looking for. This is really handy when we are browsing through profiles. We don't like contacting men when we are not sure whether we will be too tall, too short, too slim, too big, too anything... We want to know that we have a chance. So please, tell us what you're looking for.
And last but not least the FIRST DATE section. This is just as important as your "about me"... It's with this section (first date) and the about me section that we figure out what kind of person you are, and what to expect when out with you. These date ideas tell us whether you're a funny, romantic, sporty///etc kind of guy. Use it to your advantage.
Good luck and when you're done, bring it back here and we shall see how it works!
-Pink | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 6:54:55 PM | OK, I just want to let you all know that for the next week or so I won't have access to a computer.
I wanted to make sure you knew that I WOULD get around to reviewing your profile, but you might have to wait a couple of days.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Sincerely,
-Pink | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 7:58:57 PM | BUDDY467 - A review of your profile.
Most people don’t put much thought into their tagline and put the first thing that pops into their head. A tagline is the first thing read, much like a headline to an article. If it’s boring or confusing, chances are you won't read it. Avoid using words like looking, searching, wanting, needing, those are all redundant. Also things like Are you the one? "Looking for my last true love", "Will you be mine?" or "Tired of playing games". If you can't think of anything catchy turn to your favourite song/movie/book for inspiration.
Your main picture is pretty good, it gives us an idea of what you look like. But I don't like when people post pictures of their pets. We are not here to date your pet (There is a site for that, it's called date my pet.com). We are here to possibly date YOU. So the only pictures you have up, should be pictures of YOU. Ideally you should have one clearly showing your face in a close up, one clearly showing off your body type and a few action shots (if these happen to include a pet than that's fine, but your pictures should not be of your pet). If you need help with the action shots, you can get a friend or a family member to help you out.
Ok, and now on to the review of your main profile.
Well, first of all parapraphs are a wonderful addition to any profile. They split thoughts/idea up and make the profile easier to read, both for interested parties and for reviews, such as myself. I'd suggest putting a few into practise. Remember to run your profile through a program that checks spelling and grammer, as both are equally important in profiles.
I'm going to split your profile up into sections, it makes it easier to review if we go bit by bit... so here goes.
39 year old man/boy in a mans body.Recently relocated here from Baltimore Md. Father of two grown daughters. I have been divorced for about 10 years,no hang ups.Looking to meet new,adventurous,and interesting special lady to broaden my horizons,and possibly my future.
Don't state things that are already in your profile IE I'm a 39 year old male. That info is already there, so don't repeat it.
I don't like that you called yourself a man/boy. To me that means that I'll have to deal with not only the qualities a mature grown up adult male has, but the qualities of a 6 year old boy as well. This doesn't paint an attractive picture. Instead you could say that you have a young outlook on life.
I'd save the logistics of your divorce for messaging, if someone asks. I assume what you mean by "no hang ups" is that you don't have baggage. Again, not needed. Anyone who talks to you will see that you don't have baggage, so it's not needed to state it right off the bat.
I enjoy building things,and working with my hands.I have been an avid woodworker and carpenter for over twenty years.I am looking for someone to fill the empty void in my life,and treat them like the special person they are.I am a very devoted,honest,and faithful companion.I believe everyone should treat their partner as their equal.I enjoy spending quality time with that special person in my life whether it be on a romantic outing or while sitting at home,snuggled up with a movie or a good book.
Ok, I like how this started out, but then it took a drastic turn for the worse with "I am looking for someone to fill the empty void in my life". I like to believe that we (both men and women) are not here to COMPLETE another person, but rather to COMPLIMENT them. When you say that you're looking for someone to fill the void, it comes off as desperate, clingy and that you'll commit to anything/anyone.
Buddy, you need to make sure that all like thoughts are grouped together in the same paragraph. Otherwise you get a jumpy profile that is difficult to read. If it's difficult to read then the proper amount of interest isn't generated.
I am an avid animal lover so if you don't like animals'I'm not the person for you. I am into outdoor living,I enjoy camping,fishing,hiking,and just about anything outdoors,(except hunting,I do not like killing animals for sport or food).I can adapt to almost any situation or enviorment.I am not a sports fan,so I will not creat a football or baseball widow.
In profiles you have to focus on the positive and STAY AWAY from the negative. Instead of saying "I am an avid animal lover so if you don't like animals'I'm not the person for you" you could say "I'm an avid animal lover and need someone who loves animals as much as I do."... That's focusing on what you want, not what you don't want. Again. FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE.
You say you're into outdoor living, well what is that, why do you love it, what got you started? You don't need to mention that you don't like to hunt, most people will have figured that out when you said you are an avid animal lover. But you say don't like killing animals for food or sport. Are you vegetarian? Do you expect your partner to be?
Again you don't need to tell us that you're not a sports fan, so you can take that out of your profile. We don't assume that all men love to get together on sundays to watch whatever sporting event is taking place. But if you're set on leaving it in, you could say "I'm not much of a sports fan, so it will be difficult to get me exicted about any given game. I'd rather be out doing _________ than inside watching sports".
FIRST DATE
I would prefer to meet for lunch or maybe cofee as this would give us a chance to talk and get to know each other.I prefer to meet initially during the day as this relieves some of the uncomfortable blind/first date animosity.I also enjoy looking at old houses and historical places,so share your favorites with me.If all goes well we can plan our next outing without all the unnecessary tension and nervouseness that comes with just meeting someone new.
I actually enjoyed your first date suggestion. It's casual and laid back. But since you're an animal lover, you could recommend going to the dog park to chat and get to know one another. But I actually enjoyed your suggestion, so you can leave it.
I do however, suggest that you re-write your profile. Use this handy structure so you don't leave anything out.
FIRST PARAGRAPH - A section about YOU. Who you are as a person. What qualities you have that would make a woman want to talk to you and meet you over any other guy on this site. This paragraph is where you set yourself apart from the rest of the fish out there.
SECOND PARAGRAPH - This is where you tell us a little bit about your job, interests and how you enjoy spending your time. The more we know about you the more we can relate to. And that's a good thing.
THIRD PARAGRAPH - This is where you tell us what kind of woman you're looking for. This is really handy when we are browsing through profiles. We don't like contacting men when we are not sure whether we will be too tall, too short, too slim, too big, too anything... We want to know that we have a chance. So please, tell us what you're looking for.
And last but not least the FIRST DATE section. This is just as important as your "about me"... It's with this section (first date) and the about me section that we figure out what kind of person you are, and what to expect when out with you. These date ideas tell us whether you're a funny, romantic, sporty///etc kind of guy. Use it to your advantage.
If you decide to take my advice then bring your profile back when completed, and if you'd like I can give it another review.
Good Luck! | |
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| You want it? I got it... PROFILE REVIEWS!
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:29:59 PM | OK, I just want to let you all know that for the next week or so I won't have access to a computer.
I wanted to make sure you knew that I WOULD get around to reviewing your profile, but you might have to wait a couple of days.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Sincerely,
-Pink | |
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Nissim
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Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 100 | |
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