| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 5:16:58 AM | Actually e-wok. If I do have to use quotes, it's for people like you that need's everything to be explained, because of your constant negative assumptions...
for instance: He lived (not in my neiborhood) but much closer too me and my son. Secondly, he lived there for five years, and I had NOT run in to him even once! Furthermore, grow up! what if he did run into me? what's the worst that would happen? we'd walk past each other? ok... your point? And he didn't move to be with her, again, YOU__NEED___TO___READ... i'M DONE WITH YOU.
It's obvious that your looking for conflict and I didn't start this forum to argue. Just asked a simple question that required simple answers; not over analyzations and assumptions.
I really don't need to mention my son because He is ALWAY'S OK! I have him covered at all times and he is a given in this situation. What people fail to realize, this is my home! My personal space. It's easy to say, yeah, just give him the key... if it's not your situation. I'm willing to bet that not to many men would be comfortable with the situation of an ex having a key (child or not), ofcourse out here, you would deny that.
somebody said that it sound's like I a lot of hate towards him yet, trust him with my son? Your point is? I didn't say he was a murderer or a pediphile. Just someone I don't get along with. All I am is a normal person, no one out here can tell me that I have to like someone that I used to love- even with a child. I am human first (as I said before)
As I already stated, for the people who decided to look at this 'for what it is' and didn't try to be a POF Psyc, I will be considering some of your great suggestions! | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 5:34:19 AM | I can understand why he does want to do this mostly cause it makes life easier for the child and also cause your ex does not have to clean up his place...
The only part that may be a little dishonest on his part is maybe his current girl is not that into the child and it makes it easier for him.. if this is not the case then he is actually making his life more difficult for the child.
Cause, well I am dating someone who spends a lot of time with her ex cause of the kids and I could see where the jelousy can come into play! | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 5:35:26 AM | | I am certainly glad that your ex is active in his child’s life. The situation is odd to say the least. I think the simplest solution, would be for your husband, to pick your child up, take him back to his place, and then you pick him up from there. If this is how it is done already, then don't change it. If your ex has to pick him up, take him back to his place, and then take him to your place, that is kind of selfish on your part, as this puts your ex on the road, 3 hours minimum. I am taken it that, neither of you, have family in the area? | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 5:41:13 AM | 69 dude,
WOW! That is a whole different outlook! thanks. Now I can take that into account because obviously, I don't want my son around a jealous woman...lol makes a lot of sense though...
It's not selfish on my part to not pick him up. I didn't decide to move far away, knowing that I had a child that I dealt with on a 'daily basis'. Why should I have to take the long Drive and then have to worry about getting back home, preparing me and my son for the next day, etc... That makes no sense to me. I warned him not to move there because I predicted these problems, so Why should I have to pin 1 1/2 to 2 hours extra on my work day because of it? where is the logic in that? It's one thing to be a good parent, it's another to be a stupid one...
I have already taken the liberty to ask friend's and family members to get him on some days, just so that I didn't have to deal with this situation everyday. Now, I am expected to take the drive out there as well? I should make all these sacrifices and get out of my comfort zone becuase he 'decided' to move further away than nec? I think not! lol | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 5:48:35 AM | | Why not have the key stay with your son? Put it on a neck chain so he won't lose it. That way, dad only gets in once--when he is bringing his son home (BTW I think it is commendable that he is so active in his son's life). | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 6:12:16 AM | Depending on how old your son is...just give your son the key. I remember when I was little, I had one around my neck...yep...I was that dorky kid.
Be happy that the guy is at least wanting to be part his son's life. Sure he's a goof and you don't want to be with him anymore, but the man is willing to at least commute for his son's sake. Some men decide that they have another woman in their life so they just go on about their business.
I'm not sure why you two split, but if the man is striving to be a father, and you know best if that's the case, then let him go through that.
He thought it was funny and told me that having my keys on his ring, and going home to his women wouldn't effect him none, because it's "just an arrengement".
He probably wants it to be true...but won't know until he crosses that bridge.
Should I believe this?
Just remind him that it's his son's opinion that is ultimately at stake and not yours. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 5:54:21 PM | Thank all!
Smith 2267, I have seen your responses out here on these forums and I think that your hilarious!
I tried a lot of thing's, the bottom line? He just wants the key...
I suggested giving it to my so (8yo), he said that he might lose it.
I suggested giving the key to him on the days he needs it; he says I may forget to give it to him then he'll be stranded.
I said get the spair from my mom's hose on the days you need it; he says he doesn't want everybody involved in our "arrangement"...
This is why I asked if it would boost his ego, because the focus seems to be on him just getting my keys on his ring, even if I throw out other solutions... | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 5:59:51 PM | | What the heck is he supposed to do? He picks up your son every other week from school, is this every day, you lost me here? Sounds like you expect him and your son to do a lot of driving here. Please clarify as to whether this is one day every other week or one week on one week off everyday during the week on? How old is your child? What time do you get home from work? And having the key to an ex's place is NOT an ego boost. She is an ex for a reason and I sure as heck wouldn't want to be in her place any longer than neccesary. I'd be worried that she would lose something and try and blame me. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 6:57:21 PM | Crane touched on a really good point here.
I'd be worried that she would lose something and try and blame me.
After all the lies and 'BS' my ex tried during our divorce, I would never accept a key to her place, let alone use said key. I wouldn't even go into her house while she was there! At one point I was watching the kids at her house (much like the situation OP describes) and my attorney about had a coronary when she found out.
Think about it. She calls the cops and says he was in my house, has a key, attacked and assaulted me. Hell, the guy isn't even going to have a chance to look surprised before the cuffs are on and he is in the back of the cop car. (Not that our legal system is biased in any way of course).
I'm starting to think the OP's problem is minor. Get the ex on here to read these posts, he needs to think about protecting himself and that maybe a key isn't such a great idea.
Clone | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 7:31:43 PM | Sorry about your situation clone. Its does not compare even slighty to mine though.
One, we were never married
two, I am not crazy
three, I am not a trouble maker
I wish you all the best though...lol | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 8:54:56 PM | | A solution may be (depending on your neighbourhood) that you leave a spare key out for him (under themat, in the mail box, etc) on the days that he picks up your son. Have him return the key at the end of the day. Now unless he makes a copy of it he won't ever have access to your house except on those days. | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 9:07:35 PM | I'm still kinda confused......after reading your posts and throughly annoying
almost everybody here, how would you possibly have thought he could
have got an ego boost from somebody like yourself? You sound stubborn
as hell and I hate to use the word, but you sound much like a scorned woman.
Ego? 
PS: No, he does not have a thing for you...I still say you're either in love
with him trying to find the faintest signs...EGO!!..Yeah that's a good thing!!
Ummmm.....no ego...all the dude wants is to go home early to his new
upgrade.
But that's just my two cents. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 9:10:25 PM | I looks like a logical request to me.
I doubt if it has squat to do with ego. Just logic - wear and tear on the child.
Is the child old enough to not lose a key? | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 9:14:24 PM | I explained the whole ego thing but I think that people are reading a little too much into it.
My child would not lose the key, the problem? He keeps nagging me to let him have it no matter what other solutions I come up with.
For all the people who suggested that I still have a thing for him, uh no. I have a man in my life that I am very happy with and besides, if that were the case, wouldn't I have just given him the key? I left him and for good reason, and I am still satisfied with that decision and I am fine with the fact that "we" have "both" moved on (the fact that I have to explain that I don't want him, says a lot about the maturity of some people out here; That should be clear by the content of this whole forum). lol
Oh well, at this point the issue is pretty much dead.
Thanks for all your responses. The "MATURE" one's anyway... | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 40 | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 9:55:18 PM | I think the third lock could be a wonderful solution, but only if you can trust your ex in your house, alone. Of course, installing a lock on your bedroom door can help maintain a "restriced" area but why would you want that in your own home? Can you son be trusted to keep the key but only on the days his dad has him?
Also, there are so many things away from your home that your ex could do with your son. After all, isn't the whole point for him to spend time with his son to learn about him, develop a relationship, and help develop skills your son shows interest in? Or heaven forbid, go to the library; they will let you do your homework there.
Face it men, many of you LIKE having a ton of keys on your keyring, especially ones from past relationships. Maybe it is a type of collector's deal for you. I have a very dear friend who has at least two keyrings full of keys (thinkin' at least a hundred) and then wonders why his belts loops break! And won't give any of them up even though he has no clue what many of those keys are for. So, I smile and shake my head. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 10:13:23 PM | | Give him the key, and set some rules and guidelines. If he breaks those rules, change the locks and send him a bill for the cost of changing the locks. This has nothing to do with his ego. All he wants is the best for his son. He sees that his son will be more comfortable at your house. He will be able to get to his homework and be able to spend quality time with his father without having to spend 2 hours driving the kid around. If he does have to drive all the way to his house, the child will most likely be too tired to spend time with his father and be a productive student. Don't look at this if this is a win-lose situation for your ex and you, but look at how this will help your son. Your ex and you have to make sacrifices together for the child's sake. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/6/2007 11:47:13 PM | Poetical beauty,
If you gave your keys to your son ......for access that would benefit your son....I would imagine it would give him a good feeling that he is trusted. Would this boost his ego....yes...if he feels trusted it does make a person feel better...:))
Now, giving out your key to your son....so they both can have access to your house is a privalege for him...and not often granted to many. If you don't trust him.....hey, the basement or garage might be a start.....:))))
If he is trusting seems in this situation an arrangement could be made for access to a certain area of your house......for instance if you had an area of the house with washroom facilities that could be utilized/designated for his visits....that would definitely benefit your son. An area that does not access your private living space....locks/doored.
Think about the driving....and the time saved. Would benefit your son if it was possible -more homework accomplished for sure....:))
In my situation...I live an hour away from the X....I have the privilege of using the whole house.....does it boost my ego....I will say it feels good to have the X with this level of trust.....I help out as much as I can....maintenance, construction, chores....e.tc...
Seems the X and her boyfriend will always be in one's life.....and I feel we are all family in a way.....
If you intend to give a key to your son there has to be rules.......:)) This is a tad off subject...but it will always boil down to -'It is your decision'. Sounds like you are a great Mom....
Enjoyed your post...
Wishing you the very best!!!! (((hugs)))
0:)
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/7/2007 12:28:47 AM | I would be afraid of him snooping through my stuff while I am not around. Checking out your bank statements, fumbling through your lingerie drawers, loosing your birth control pills etc.
I would say no and tell him to try and make other arrangements like taking him to a public library or something to do his homework. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/7/2007 6:51:18 AM | Why are you looking to date men when you've said this?
For all the people who suggested that I still have a thing for him, uh no. I have a man in my life that I am very happy with
If the "key" is such a problem why not let the child stay at his house at night and let him bring the child to school in the morning? It's not like this is a every day occurrence.
I don't think him having the key would boost his ego at all. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:01:22 AM | BK2,
Thanks!
Sparklingone,
I really am not looking to date. I actually made this add years ago. When I come out here, I usually don't bother with my inbox and go STRAIGHT to the forums (because thats basically what I use this site for). I guess that I should change it, as to not give off the wrong impression. Good question though, something I would have asked...
as for going to the library, locking certain doors, setting rules, etc... I am taking note! all good ideas.
Thanks for your respecful thoughts and point of views!  | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:08:08 AM | | Boost his ego? I don't know if you would call it that. I don't think its at all about ego... but why would you give your key to anyone you are broke up with? It will only make things easier on him and thats not your job. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:35:42 PM |
For all the people who suggested that I still have a thing for him, uh no. I have a man in my life that I am very happy with
Yet you are on a singles dating site?
Starting to sound like an attention troll.
Clone | |
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Eyvli
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Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 49 | |
| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:42:33 PM | Why not just give the key to your son?
Honestly, in today's world you should really restrict who has access to your home. Given a key is often interpreted as permission to show up unannounced and without permission not to mention the very real personal and financial risks that it exposes you to.
I don't think that it's an ego boost thing, but I do think that it's a situation in which you should be smart and protect yourself. You don't owe this guy anything other the opportunity to be a father to his son but that doesn't include being part of your domestic life. It's a dangerous opening that allows him to put his foot in the door and be more of a part of your life than you seem to want him to be.
-D. | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 50 | |
| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:13:50 PM | Yet you are on a singles dating site?
I kept this in mind. OP, you even write in your profile that you won't
forgive anybody if you feel you are crossed...forget about the key
thingy and work on the root problem within yourself. The key issue is
very small when we look at the bigger picture. If you resolve your
internal issue then I suspect you'd have no trouble handing the
key to your sons father. It explains why this small thing has blown
up into something so easily resolved by people who have the capacity
to forgive...get past your own needs and think of the people around
you...IE your current BF, son, and your son's father. You don't seem
to mind looking elsewhere for new love and you don't seem to care
for how your current bf would feel. A) Narcissistic or B) Selfish.
It seems only could have dredged up "EGO" in this scenario...see
what I mean? You're digging for some form of compliment or an
ego lift yourself.
Thats the best advice you'll get on this thread. Do some soul searching.
NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL BRUTAL AND HONEST. And I think this isn't
the first time somebody went brutal-honest on you or even accused
you of having an ego or narcissstic traits.
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