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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:29:45 PM | LOL...don't you love how every problem gets turned back on the OP??
OP: I don't think it sounds at all like you still have a "thing" for your ex, unless that "thing" is a bit of bitterness. Since we don't know what lead to the break up, or the bitterness, I don't think we have the right to judge. Aren't most of these people bitter about thier break ups??
If, as you've said, every rational suggestion you've made to the ex has been shot down by his desire to have the key himself, it does sound suspiciously like he specifically wants a key, not just access to the house when necessary. His refusal to entertain any other idea, and his insistence that this is the ONLY solution, would make me reluctant to give him one as well.
So, again, forget about him for a moment and think only of your son. Is the drive harmful/tiring/distracting to him in any way? Is it really preventing him from keeping his normal schoolwork and sleep schedule? If so, swallow your pride and find a way to work it out for his sake.
If your son is fine, however, no need to cater to your ex's whims. He chose to move, and knew in advance what it would cost him in time and gas, and made that commitment. Now he wants to change the arrangement because he's tired of the drive. He put himself in that position. Don't worry about him, your son is the only one who matters in this decision. Don't let your ex USE your son as an excuse...think about if it is truly beneficial to your son to change the arrangement, and then act accordingly. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/8/2007 12:13:28 AM | boost my ego? hell no! basically, it's just for convenience of the child.
look, here's a simple solution.
hide a key where only he and you know where it is.
he can use it for access and replace it when finished.
that way, he can both get the kid in, and yet not be walking around with your key on his ring, like some playa.
be well,
brave | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/8/2007 4:38:53 PM | Snugglesmacks! You get it! It seems that everyone elses motive out here, is to make me out to be a bad guy. But the OP always gets trashed no matter how innocent the question... A few jerks is to be expected and that's why I am chosing to talk only to mature people out here from now on.
They are reading my profile, trying to couple whats in there to this situation- they are doing and saying everything except for what is revelavent to what I said.
It sounds like you are actually reading what I am saying and not "looking" for things to pick apart... In my opinion, a bitter person is one who looks for the negative in everything; there are a lot of negative people out here calling me bitter. lol
I admitted that he was a good father! what more should I do? screw him and hand over the keys? lol Like you said (snugglesmacks), if he's turned down every other suggestion that I made and demands "specifically the key for himself", that is a clear sign that he doesn't need it!
As far as me being with someone now on a "singles" sight? Create a forum and ask how many people out here have mates; you'll find thousands. In fact, some people actually have pages dedicated to their mates out here.
I come out here specifically for the forums, is that cheating?  | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/8/2007 5:01:15 PM | Listen, he may be your ex but you two are forever connected by the child you jointly brought into this world.
This isn't like college where you like each other and have a key to each others place and when you break up you both lose key priviledges.
Like it or not if you want what's best for your kid? You maintain a trusting, honest relationship even if you're not romantically linked anymore.
If you're trusting him to pick up your child and don't have support or custody issues and everything is amicable and adult a key is not a huge step or an ego boost for a guy.
Listen, if, God forbid, there's an emergency that requires parental decisions your new man and his new woman are not going to be able to do spit. Documents may be needed, things picked up etc and you may not be available.
If you're squabbling over a key when everything else is on the up and up with you two I think you're acting like a bitter brokedn up teenager. Especially if it's in your child's benefit for him to have a key.
Think about this, you trust this man with your offspring and that offspring now knows that you place a greater importance on your privacy and stuff than him/her. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/8/2007 5:01:15 PM | NO KEY FOR THE EX!! U don't want him in there snooping in your business. I've been apart from my wife for 5 years and I still feel a little uncomforable when I'm at her house (was ours) picking up my kids and we have a great relationship.
It would boost his ego, how could it not? | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/8/2007 9:39:33 PM | Exactly scottgordon... thanks for your honesty!
Listen people: yes we are forever bonded by our child. Yes, there will have to be sacrifices made on his behalf; however, I do not owe this man my life and most importantly, the key to the home where he does not live! If that where the case, when would it end? If he need's a kidney, do I give him that to benefit my son as well? There is a point where enough is enough. Like i've said before, I am willing to let him in and to use the keys on the days that he would be picking up my son... that should be enough. I don't owe him even that, let alone the access to my home on a 24 hour basis.
I think that people "overthink" things. I love my son and he is always taken care of and looked out for. His father, I owe nothing...
The child is always used as an excuse for a man or woman to get what he or she wants.
My child would not suffer if his dad did not have my keys on days that he didn't need them... correct me if I'm wrong | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/8/2007 9:45:07 PM | | Giving someone the key is a big statement , don't underestimate the statement one bit . Codependancy is an issue too . Control issues and Big****of the roost kind of stuff .Watch out , but don't become critical , watch the water you tred and you'll be okay . | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/9/2007 2:29:10 PM |
My child would not suffer if his dad did not have my keys on days that he didn't need them...
I fully agree with that!! | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:12:52 PM | | roglol1973, I'm curious as to what "statement" you are refering to. Men and women speak different languages, so that went right over my head...lol | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/9/2007 8:57:39 PM | Sheesh, some people get nasty on here!!!!!!! Almost like there's a personal vested interest or something? People are allowed to ask questions without getting their head bitten off, lol!!
Anyhoo, politicalbeauty, after reading through all the q&a's, the thought struck me that, considering the move changed your "custody arrangements", you may want to revisit that said arrangement with your ex? Perhaps you could adjust your time with your son so that it would require far less travel back and forth. Is it possible to turn some of the days into overnights with Dad and/or vice versa? Just a thought.
Actually, a couple of other thoughts while I'm here, lol!
Not trying to be rude at all, but personally, the less time my children have to sit "in transit" because of their parents failed relationship the better. They're already spending a great deal of their day sitting in a classroom. I'm not saying that to pass judgement on you as I completely respect your wish to not give him a key. I just say this to speak to the fact that it's really not about him, it's about what's best for your son, obviously, your previous arrangement's changed, so now a new one will have to be made.
If he's unwilling to agree to your son maintaining possession of the key, then offer him the option of giving up that visitation time and paying for afterschool care as an alternative?
Just a couple of suggestions, don't know if they'll help, but hopefully!
Cheers, Samantha | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/10/2007 4:18:31 AM | it's been a very long time since i read this thread so dont give me hassel if what i say has already been said.
I noticed Poeticalbeauty that on the 2nd page you basically said that you weren't willing to pick up your son from your ex's place due to your ex moving being the sole problem to all this hassel for yourself and everyone else.
I'm not being rude or anything i promise (not being negitive either). Although your ex caused the problem to begin with.
If you want your ex to become flexible with you then you should become flexible with him too. Even though he wasn't flexible to begin with but if you try to become flexible and he still wont be flexible in return, atleast then you have the added arguement of that atleast your trying to make it all work.
I work shift patterns which give me different days off and i would leave it but the pay is too good to miss. So my ex and I have to be flexible around eachother so it means that even though we might not like speaking to each other too much or going along with eachothers plans, we still do what we can to keep our daughter happy and put her before everything else. Including our bitter arguements & disagreements.
If you both become more flexible with each other and set aside your arguments and plans of who's going to stick their ground. You'll find that life will become just a bit simpler and easier to manage and should lift some of the stress and strain off your sholders.  | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/10/2007 10:31:51 AM | Tatto lurch,
I totally agree with you. However, there comes a time when "being flexible" turns into "being stupid". I am probably the most flexible person I know; yet, there has to be boundaries set. When does it end? Again, if he needs a kidney, should I be flexible enough to give him one because It'll benefit our son? Come on, were talking the keys to "my place" on his key ring. That is waaaaay uncomfortable for me and it's not a flexibility issue at that point, as much as it is violation of what's mine... Has nothing to do with our son.
My flexibility is with me allowing him in my home while I am not there, allowing him to see our son on days the court order didn't give him, allowing him to spend ALL holidays with my son, etc... At some point, It comes down to enough is enough; child or not.
I did not refuse to drive to him for my health. I said I wouldn't drive to get my son because I take the train to work. It would waste "even more" time for me to get off work, go pick up my car, drive to get him, and still have the tasks of getting home and getting ready for the next day awaiting me and my son. That doesn't make much sense... like I said, he moved with FULL KNOWLEDGE of the consequences (as I expressed them to him), so I should have to add 2-3 more hours on to my work day because of that? It becomes far more than just being flexible... I do however, appreciate the respectful way in which you came across. | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 63 | |
| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/10/2007 10:38:11 AM | I suppose your son may one day have a different opinion....being
a male, he's unlikely to appreciate your perspective and as he
grows older he'll probably become more pissed off at YOU than
understanding. Your arguement seems hypocritical.
However, there comes a time when "being flexible" turns into "being stupid".
Exactly...he's got his own life now...he's got a girl that he totally adores and
he's not gonna drop that for what?
I did not refuse to drive to him for my health. I said I wouldn't drive to get my son because I take the train to work. It would waste "even more" time for me to get off work, go pick up my car, drive to get him.
Lazy. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/10/2007 4:31:31 PM | Well to be honest i'm kind of stuck in the same position as youself and your ex.
My ex is the one who split with me and is the one who moved further away and then expects me to be flexible to her needs but sometimes when i want her to be flexible with me, it doesn't happen. Now the only thing that annoys me about her is that she's the one who's caused these "problems" so i expect her to put some effort into my seeing my daughter. All i ask her to do is to drop my daughter off and i will take my daughter back. But she's stubburn to help & tries to do as litle as possible to help most of the time.
So while i'm next to flat broke and in debt to my dad, shes got herself a place where the rent is £750 a month ($1,400 roughly) & is expecting me to put more money into her account along with extra money in my daughters savings account etc. theres no fairness in any of it but i still have to comply in the fear of her turning to me and sayin "you cant see your daughter again". You might not believe it but unfortunately there are some cold hearted women like that in this world so i'm forced to be flexible.
So just a helping hand makes things seem less stressful and just takes some added weight off my sholders | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/10/2007 8:12:53 PM | Tatto lurch, I understand. It seems that the men in the relationship with children always get the short end of the stick. It's sad that your forced to do thing's that are unfair. I would never tell my son's father he couldn't see my son, unless ofcourse I found out that he was abusing him in some way...
e-wok, again you really need to grow up...How do you know that he totally adores his woman? because he lives with her? lol Furthermore, HE is the one trying to get keys to MY home, although I gave him other solutions to get into my home, so it's about more than practicality. Simply put, If I wanted him I would not have BROKEN UP WITH HIM! Period! If he is happy good for him...that's not my issue. You are soo childish it's amazing. It's obvious that your grasping at straws; because I don't wanna add "THREE HOURS" to my work day, i'm lazy? Again, he knew prior to moving, that thing's would be made much more difficult- he still chose too, that's not my problem- you say i'm lazy? I'll be that! It's really hard to respond to a person who "looks" for stuff to pick at. I guess your just doing what your good at...;pissing women off and treating them like crap! aren't you MARRIED on a singles site? didn't you forget your own wife on valentines day? is she still pissed off at you? You were probably too busy out here trying to piss off other women, seems to be your passion- keep up the good work!!!!!!!! | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:33:36 AM | [qoute] He picks up my son from school ...He feels that giving him a key to my place would "make it easier on my son"... my child...I jokingly expressed to him that it would boost his ego if I did give it to him; especially since he is going home to another lady.... and going home to his women [/qoute]
I truly hope that I am picking up on something harmless. My son, my son, my child, another lady, his women.
How about "OUR" son? | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 67 | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 68 | |
| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:48:30 AM | e-wok, again you really need to grow up...How do you know that he totally adores his woman? because he lives with her? lol Furthermore, HE is the one trying to get keys to MY home, although I gave him other solutions to get into my home, so it's about more than practicality. Simply put, If I wanted him I would not have BROKEN UP WITH HIM! Period! If he is happy good for him...that's not my issue. You are soo childish it's amazing. It's obvious that your grasping at straws; because I don't wanna add "THREE HOURS" to my work day, i'm lazy? Again, he knew prior to moving, that thing's would be made much more difficult- he still chose too, that's not my problem- you say i'm lazy? I'll be that! It's really hard to respond to a person who "looks" for stuff to pick at.
See, I knew I was gonna hit a nerve with that "he adores her" quote.... ...that
quote was a set-up for you to react to. Basically confirms my hunch.
The way I read your posts....you are COMPLETELY HYPOCRITICAL. You
attack me for being on a dating site...yet here you are. You attack the father
of your child for having an ego....ummm....that is grasping at straws and further
only somebody with an over-sized EGO could ever dream up that lame conclusion.
It seems, to me, that all the accusations are a mirror of yourself! LOL
You are in essence arguing with YOU. IMO.
Hey, this thread is about trying to get advice that can help you....a counsellor
doesn't want to hear about how nasty so and so is or how horrible your mom
was to you, instead, he wants to figure out what tools you're missing that has
gotten you so dysfunctional.
BTW; My wife reads my posts and all my email....she knows my evil humour
and laughs hysterically about this thread and others. And Valentines day
SUCKS.....but like for your ex, valentines day is everyday for the special
woman in our life.  
So what's your excuse? You said you had a boyfriend....I see no mention
of that on your profile...but wait, I remember, you're the hypocrite. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/11/2007 4:15:30 AM | I believe that the work should be done by the both of you.
If your not willing to give him the key, do half of the driving.
You obviously trust him with your child, why would you not trust him with your house?
Is your house more valuable to you than your child?
If he screwes up, let him pay the consequences... everyone deserves a chance.
Oh... and i by the way would never miss use a key given to me, and i cant say i know anyone that really would. Thats just low.
The 2nd lock idea, is... although not a bad idea, but its really in his face. I wouldn't want "mommy" to do that to me.
But then again, i'd have no problems giving her they key to my place, had i been in your place, and the situation been turned around.
I also dont know your relationship, or how well you get along.
Lemme also add... a little bit of trust and kindness goes a long way, knowing that you have to deal with that man on a regular basis, for the rest of your life. Like it or not... he is the father of your child. Keep things as nice and friendly as possible. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/11/2007 4:31:56 AM | | You didn't mention the age of your son, so I figure he isn't old enough to stay at home alone. I wouldn't want my ex in my house even if I am home, let alone when I'm not. Maybe they should hangout at the local library till you pick your son up. If you trust him to not snoop through your stuff, then make sure your son knows how to get in and let him get in that way. All of my boys know the garage door code and can get in the house alone, but all of mine are old enough to stay home by themselves. | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/11/2007 7:40:06 AM | | No it would not boost my Ego to have a key to my EX's house that I have a child with. If anything it would be one more thing I had to explain to my current girlfriend... | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/11/2007 1:39:52 PM | Yes e-wok. Your trick worked! I sooooooooo felt jealous when you said he adored her! That's the exact reason why I'm rushing to give him the keys to my house, cause I love him sooooo much! you should be a theripist... oh wait, is this another trap? oops! lol HOW OLD ARE YOU? LIKE 5?
why does someone always have to want someone back? I really don't understand how the fact that I briefly mentioned that he lived with his lady, meant that I was still in love with him. I am still trying to figure that out...lol
As far as me making refs like"my child" or "my son", don't people typically do that when the other parent is absent in the conversation? If you and your child were in a supermarket and someone asked you if that were "your child", would you then stop and say: no it's "ours" although the other parent is not involved in the conversation, or in the market for that matter?...lol makes no sense...
I have gotten some great replies out here. I have taken the good and respectful ones to heart, the ignorant ones, I laugh at. I know who and what I am and alway's will... this is good entertainment! | |
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| Guys, would this boost your ego?
Posted: 3/11/2007 2:44:53 PM | Hope4ever mate.
This is gonna sound so very wrong but it's caught my attention a little too much, you've asked three times how old her son is. Now i'm not calling you a pervert or anything but your asking one too many times mate.
hahaha i honestly dont wanna start anything with this comment. Just givin ya a heads up on not to ask too often mate, people in these rooms take things the wrong way like e-wok here and twist it into a seperate preportion | |
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