| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 4/2/2007 11:57:45 AM | I'm the same as Catherine... and learned the hard way on both matters. I'd quit smoking for 3 yrs then hooked up with a smoker... by the end of our year long relationship I was smoking again.
I've quit again (5 yrs!) but won't put myself in that position again.
As for the drinking... seems my whole life I've been with men who are obsessed with booze one way or the other. Either drinkers, or non's who were still consumed with the thought of it. Only one was an AA member though, and what he did was use their teachings to manipulate the people in his life. One example is how he'd do something that demonstrated total lack of respect for me, then when I'd get upset with him he'd say "I can't be responsible for your feelings"  He CAUSED the feelings!! This is one of their teachings... but he twisted it to allow him to never have to take responsibility for his actions!
So... needless to say I'm looking for someone who can take it or leave it and doesn't let their lives be ruled by it. Gotta be someone out there like me!!  | |
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| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 4/17/2007 2:57:53 PM | my advice would be to stay away permanently from DRINKERS
The thing many of you fail to realize is that there's a difference between social drinking and an alcoholic!
You all seem to see things in black & white and life is simply just not so.
There's nothing wrong with going out with one's friends, or one's b/f or g/f to a bar to go shoot some pool, play darts or whatever and have a few drinks.
Some people go bowling and have a few beers/drinks while they're at it etc.
Doesn't really make them a "drinker" per se. (As in an alcoholic I mean)
As a matter of fact it's been medically/scientificly proven that it's actually healthy to consume 1 oz of alcohol a day. (A beer, glass of wine or other alcoholic beverage)
It's been known to help prevent certain types of heart diseases, keep the blood thin, etc.
It's when it becomes a compulsion/obsession that it's truly a problem.
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| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 4/17/2007 8:48:22 PM | Cigarette smokers are best avoided. It's not so much their stink. It's because now that the effects are well understood and widely publicized, it doesn't make sense to take up the smoking habit. And even if you are already hooked, you can get free. It is said that 80% of smokers would like to quit smoking.
So if anybody is still a smoker today, you have to wonder if they have a problem of character and a problem of self-esteem. A person who does not treat himself well is not likely to treat you well. So for your own self-protection you do well to avoid smokers. | |
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| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 4/18/2007 12:50:37 PM | | OP, I'm not clear on what you mean by 'sober'...whether you mean someone who once drank, had problems with it, and can't drink anymore; or whether it means someone who just doesn’t drink because they don't like the taste of it. Since I'm not that clear on your definition of sober, I'll just say that I won't date anyone who has a drinking problem or used to have one - been there, done that, won't do it again. I don't mind if someone doesn't drink because they don't like the taste, as long as they don't care that I do like a glass of wine or a drink occasionally. I also don’t care if someone smokes cigarettes or not, but I won’t date someone who says they don’t date smokers, even though they do contact me. Most of those who say they won’t date smokers, and then do date them anyway, tend to bug the crap out of you about your smoking and I don’t want to put up with that anymore. | |
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| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 5/7/2007 9:01:46 AM | I don't smoke, I quit 10 years ago. Not for health reasons at the time but for financial ones. I have friends who smoke, they don't smoke in my home as I don't allow it. Now 10 years later I have a respiratory problem that was probably caused by smoking way back when. Being around someone who feels the need to light up every 30 minutes or so is not something I can handle. I understand what addiction feels like, I am a nicotine addict in recovery.
I am a social drinker, the idea of dating someone who has to be drunk most of the time is not attractive to me. And considering my idea of fun is not being physically ill, drinking to the point of drunkeness is not something I really want to do. I do keep alcohol in my home, for the occasional guest that would like a****ail. I prefer not to be around people who do drugs or who abuse alcohol. In wine there might be truth, but not necessarily one you want to see. | |
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| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 5/9/2007 3:27:12 AM | First of all, I don't drink. My father was an alchoholic and killed himself drinking. He was a good example to me why I shouldn't.
Iwill date someone that is a light social drinker, but I don't like being around people who are drunk. They are usually obnoxious and tend to dump on you while drunk.
As for smoking cigarettes, I gave them up over 20 years ago. Don't need them anymore. However, cigarettes are not the only thing that people smoke! (no I'm not talking about the funny green stuff in twisted papers)
Do not lump cigar and pipe smokers in with cigarettes. Totally different! They are not normally inhaled and even the tobacco used is totally different!
I occasionally enjoy a good, quality imported cigar. I do not smoke them in the house, I always go outside. They are my way of having a relaxing moment. Yes they may be a small vice, but I've pretty much given up everything else in life that I used to enjoy. I won't give up my occasional cigar.
And if you're so perfect, go ahead and cast the first stone.
The only thing worse that a smoker is a judgemental hypocrite! | |
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doc24
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Joined: 12/25/2004
Msg: 59 | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 60 | |
| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 5/9/2007 6:39:38 AM | I have never smoked anything. But in my younger days-I had two long term relationships (three-years each) with 2 men who smoked regularly.
they were greatttttttttt guys!!! we had wonderful lives together...yes I even lived wtih each of them. They were as considerate as they could be, they never smoked inside our houses or in the cars when I was there. I guess that's a decent compromise.....
however nowadays I don't think I could tolerate it. The smell lingers on everything for ages. Everything reeks of smoke and makes me want to puke. Nope. No more smokers for me.............unless he is OUTTA THIS WORLD FANTASTIC!
Glad I met them when I was younger and a BIT more tolerant!! they were fabulous and it would have been sad for me to "miss out" knowing them because of their gross smoking habit.
I only drink socially, and not very often. I would never date a man who drank often.
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| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 5/9/2007 7:29:06 PM | I smoke. Everyone who doesn't smoke tells me that non-smokers won't date a smoker. But all my exes and all my kissers were non-smokers. One was asthmatic. Also, plenty of women flirt with me who know I smoke and I know they don't and they don't like it.
I drink. Everyone who doesn't drink tells me that non-drinkers won't date a drinker. But all my exes were non-drinkers. Also, plenty of women flirt with me who know I drink and I know they don't and they don't like it.
Need I say more? | |
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Xwing
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Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 63 | |
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PHK
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Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 65 | |
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| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 5/22/2007 7:53:32 PM | I am a non-smoker and I do not drink either. I try to make healthy lifestyle choices ... and hope to find a man that desires some of the same! So I will share my thoughts based soley on my experience and personal preferences.
I have a strong preference to date a non-smoker ... but as a former smoker ... I know that I had to come to the conclusion about not smoking on my own. If I meet someone who smokes ... I am often unattracted for that reason alone! He would probably have to be trying to quit ... have a plan for quitting ... or something similar in order for me to agree to go out with him in the first place.
I make this choice for myself ... for the obvious reasons everyone else has stated and also for reasons of my own that include watching my father (as I write this) get progressively worse from COPD and emphezema after smoking heavily all his life until he got cancer and had a lung removed at 59 yrs old (14 yrs ago now) ... and watching my mother ... burdened with his care as he is now on oxygen full time!
I will at least improve my odds by choosing someone who does not smoke!
As far as the drinking ... I would not rule out someone on the basis of his being a social drinker alone. I will note however that we all have our own interpretation of what constitutes social drinking. It has been my expeirence that all "alcoholics" deny the extent of their drinking and most people don't see several drinks ... several times a week ... as a problem. Most men who drink heavily ... don't think they have a problem either! This is an area of subjectivity! Knowing alcoholism the way I do ... having grown up in an alcoholic home ... and having some personal experience with men who drink and with men who don't drink at all for various reasons ... I would have to say ... if I got to choose ... I would choose someone who has not had a problem with alcohol in the past ... and one who does not feel a need to spend a lot of time in the bars. Social drinking ... once in a while ... wine with a meal or a cocktail before or after a meal ... does not bother me at all.
What I am trying to say is ... as with anyone you choose to date ... both the smoking and the drinking issues will work themselves out as you get to know one another. You will both learn through experiences with one another as you spend time together ... whether the level of honor and respect for each others differences and similarities is enough to make for a healthy relationship! And this is something that goes both ways as you know!
I try not to rule out someone by making a decision about about a potential issue before it ever arrises or before I am ever faced with the possibility ... there are just way too many variables when dealing with people ... each person being different and bringing different strengths and weaknesses ... sometimes ... certain things I can overlook ... other times ... the same things I can't! But I also know that I have definite preferences ... and often these things are the very things I am making my decision for a second or third date on!
~ makin it great ~ | |
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notard
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Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 68 | |
| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:03:28 AM | Because I am bothered by tobacco smoke for the sake of my health as well as my serenity I have avoided being in close proximity to smokers for many years. Since I do not socialize with people who smoke I certainly would not date a smoker. Frankly, even observing a woman smoke is a major turnoff to me.
As for alcohol use, I am a social drinker. I do not care whether or not a woman drinks as long as she does not drink excessively. Most of the women I have dated turned out to be light or social drinkers. A few did not drink at all for various reasons and that was fine, too. Fortunately I am usually not attracted to women who drink too much. Their behavior actually repels rather than attracts me for many reasons. As for sober alcoholic women in Alcoholics Anonymous, God bless them and keep them sober! | |
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| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:25:57 AM | I would never date a smoker. The odour of stale cigarettes always sticks to smokers, and it is repulsive. I don't mind social drinkers, although I don't drink. By social drinker I mean someone who has one or two drinks on occasion, not someone who drinks every day even if it's only two.
I've dated people who drank more, and it can be stressful - e.g. worrying if the person is going to drive while over the limit. Another problem is that people get pretty stupid after a few drinks, and it's no fun being around them if one is sober. The drinkers are having a great time, but the abstainers are just bored. | |
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| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:43:18 AM | Honestly? Can't answer that question, but do have a story for you. I know a lady and her partner that met a few years back. He was a recovered alchoholic and she enjoys her glass of wine. She thought this would never be a good association - BUT - years later they are still together. She is now fighting cancer (no - she never smoked) and he is the rock for her in all this. I think it would depend upon the person you met. For her - he was the ONE! For him - she was the ONE! Neither has looked back and thought of ever being with anyone else.  | |
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| If you are sober/don't smoke have you, will you, do you date those that do drink/smoke?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:10:02 AM | I choose not to drink and not to smoke and I keep an open mind about dating guys that do drink or smoke.
My experience with cigarette smokers is two fold... one I was married to for 12 years, he couldn't have cared less how he smelled, whether he inflicted his cigarette smoking on me (ie, smoked in the same area I was in or not) and generally I found him to be disrespectful in that way. The other was great, he always smoked outside, and always washed up thoroughly before coming to bed, so I didn't have a huge problem with it, because he was cogniscent of how it would affect me, OTHER than the lost time together because, lets face it, it takes at least 10 minutes an hour (depending on the number of cigarettes he smokes) away from whatever he was doing. I found it hard not to judge that as being a huge waste of time.
The latter person I lived with also smoked pot and in my opinion he was in a fog a great deal of the time, lacked motivation and so I would not choose to partner up with a pot smoker again.
As for drinking, well, I have not lived with a drinker since I was in my 30's, it would definately depend on the consumption pattern, which I could only get to know. I did meet one man on here that wrote me a few emails and always during the day they made great sense and I thought I'd even eventually meet him, but the patter of written messages, came clear when he would write in the evening.... it was very obvious he was a drinker and I chose not to go any further with him.
I love a good drunk when they are having fun, I don't mind someone that likes an occasional drink, but daily drinkers, would not be something I'd like to expose myself to on a romantic level. I don't drink because I don't like the effect it has on me, why would I want to partner up with someone that *needs* to drink daily. | |
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