| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:00:50 PM | Try this.. If you see that person walking towards you, pretend to be talking on the cell phone. Glance up and say "oh hi" but KEEP walking.. If you pretend indifference soon you will feel it..
NO CONTACT for thirty days period.. Have a buddy you can call and vent to, one you can have a pig out night when your feelin blue with.. But above all you need to pick up that phone when you feel like calling him/her and call that breakup buddy instead..
Purge your house of any memories of this person. Pack it up, take it to the dumpster, or to the Salvation Army.. Cry when you feel like it, dance when you don't.. Life is too short to let someone else crap on your parade | |
|
| |
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:25:30 PM | | HEY DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP , I AM DOING THE SAME THING , THOUGH I VENTED , AND I DID GET MAD , THAT ONLY PROLONGS THE PROCESS OF HEALING , THINK ABOUT OTHER THINGS , SET GOALS AND BUSY YOURSELF WITH NEW PROJECTS, THAT WILL I ASSURE YOU HELP EASE THE PAIN | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:26:21 PM | It sounds as though you did not get closure. You said yourself you are better off...etc. Yet the idea of being deceived - though I'm not sure where you feel that comes from. Did he really deceive? Or just change his mind? Either way, you did not have a say in the matter - and that alone can leave you frustrated though you don't realize why.
Something you may want to try is that venting you mentioned: Write him a letter, tell him how you feel - including how you are now better off. Really vent on this...let it all out. Then seal the letter in an envelope and mail it to the North Pole. Or Russia. Anywhere but to him: He doesn't deserve you so don't cause that worm to come back.
Then let yourself heal. Do things you enjoy, with friends, spend time with your pet (get one if you can/don't have one), etc. Realize you are precious and deserve to be happy - despite any negative given by others.
This isn't easy, but you can do it. I believe in you. 
Cheers,
- Phil | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:29:39 PM | | Sounds like you're on the right track. Be proactive.....write your letter.....express your feelings....let it all out.......good luck !!!!! vent....vent ...vent.....but move on......and as much as it hurts......stay positive......there's a light at the end of the tunnel...with positivity...you will never be in the dark. | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:49:00 PM | Hi,
Unfortunately time is the only way to get through this.
Firstly you have to remember that noone is responsible for anyones choices or actions.
Irrespective of how you feel, this person has chosen this path at this stage in their life.
If a person betrays another this is their issue. Whatever you do please do not take this personally because all this person has done is they are making it known to you that they are not ready for the type of relationship you deserve.
Real love is pure and trustworthy and if someone does something to disrespect your feelings in this way it is not love.
So please do not get revenge, do not be angry, do not be upset because only yourself will suffer in the end.
You are obviously a decent person and cliche as it sounds "what is for you will not go by you".
Sometimes a loss in life can also be a personal gain but hindsight can only at times bring this knowledge.
Something better will be waiting for you around the corner, trust me.
Some day you will look back on this and possibly think "thank God I moved on".
Its hard I know but if you have this insight now you will go further in your own path. Be strong and believe that life will bring you the person you so obviously deserve. | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/6/2007 4:34:54 PM |
It's just that I'd like to move on and meet someone else, but I'm not willing to bring these negative feelings with me into the next relationship. I'm too proud to let him know the damage he has wrought - I prefer to let him think I just shrugged him off as a loser and never looked back.
We are most powerful when we are aligned with love and truth. Underneath the pride's mask is a victim who suffers from the "damage he has wrought." A victim doesn't have power because a victim is filled with fear and anger. See what is inside of you now: fear or love. There is a story about two fighting wolves: one wolf is evil, and the other is good, the one who wins is the one we feed. When you start to respond a damage with love and see your ex as a great teacher showing how you love, you will be able to move on to a new relationship without even worrying about those negative feelings. When you fill your heart with love, naturally there will be no room for fear and anger any more. | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/6/2007 5:06:51 PM | Its very hard, unfortunately I understand how hard.
However, I do have a suggestion, I learned this from a very cool friend of mine. Write the persons name on a piece of paper and put it in your shoe so when you walk you are essentially walking on them. Keep doing it until the paper disintegrates.
If you are really mad and no one can see the bottom of your shoes, write on tape with a sharpie and tape it to the bottom of your shoe and then happily drag them through mud, dirt, snows and ice. Its a bit childish but it can make you feel better sometimes.
This also works when you are just mad at someone but can't do anything about it. | |
|
lohki
|
Joined: 7/22/2005
Msg: 34 | |
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:01:12 AM | Unfortunately, there isn't a quick "pill" to swallow the pain and move on.
Love isn't the same as an emotion- you can't just move along.
Love is profound and took time to get you where you were, it will take a while to get off that piercing ending that you are currently feeling.
If you didn't feel the loss you feel now- you would never be able to feel as wonderful as you did then. It certainly wouldn't have meant what it did.
Patience grasshoppa. | |
|
| |
BigB.
|
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 36 | |
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 2:33:06 PM | I absolutely understand! Hell, it happens to me all the time. I am thinking about just tattoing the words "Lie and cheat on me" on my chest.
Stay Angry I say, odds are, it will happen again! | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 2:42:08 PM | | You did not say if you were married or not or how long you were together. Mine was 31 yrs. ago and I still have not forgiven him, we were married for 10 yrs. and had 2 kids. We have seen each other off and on cause of Grands, I know longer hate him but forgive never. | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 3:10:53 PM | | Sorry to hear yet another person going through the same thing...there are so many of us on this site and everywhere. Your problem is that you are human and you are hurting..never put yourself down for that. I am going through the same thing as you...had the cheater of all times in my life....he was smooth, he thinks he is all that...but he isn't really....you will go through a multitude of emotions...anger, an incredible sadness..you will feel a loss for what your life was...for his touch, his words, the comfort zone you had, the everything that your life was with him...it is almost like a death...it has been 8 months for me...and yes things are getting better...in reflection I am almost glad it happened as now I can live the life I truly want and deserve...not one where I was always scared this would happen due to inconsistencies, due to his past history of cheating, his lies, his deceit...I no longer live with the continual stomach ache..the feeling "is he lying" when he would tell me that he had to work late or got caught in traffic, the unexplained phone calls, the unexplained of many things... time will heal all wounds but you have to let it...let yourself be angry...but don't contact him....I know this sounds harsh and unkind but honestly, if he has moved on he really doesn't care that you are hurting so venting to him won't matter and will only make you look like the fool, it will just build his ego, keep a journal (for me this was too painful), talk about him, talk him out of your system..tell your friends how angry you are, cry, get rid of everything he ever gave you....when you think of him...even if it is a good thought push that thought out and replace it with something awful...for me it was "f***ing a**hole...smile... those who know me know that is so out of my character but that is how I felt at the time..I woke up thinking about him, went to sleep thinking about him, woke up in the middle of the night crying and thinking about him, I still say it to myself from time to time when I think about him....get busy, exercise, walk, jog...spend time by yourself, or with friends or family which ever makes YOU feel better..I promise you in time..you will be happy again..you just have to let it happen...keep thinking this time next week, next month, next year..I will be happier...good luck. | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 3:21:38 PM | Do something special for yourself - maybe something you haven't had the time for before now. Or, you could take up writing about how you feel too - I found that once it was down on paper, it was no longer in my head - it helped to get it out of my system.
Good Luck - one other thing - get tested for STDs - grim, yes, necessary though. I did this once I found out my hubby was cheating on me - with anything from anywhere. I wanted to be sure I was going to be around to raise the four children he helped conceive - they have nobody else - it gave me some peace of mind. | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 4:53:36 PM | | just look at it this way hun... its not your job to trust him anymore... know that you wont be the last one he does this to, and he is the fool. Ive had it happen to me, and so have so many.. it wasnt the first and wont be the last. the anger fades, but just remember that not all guys are going to cheat. its the trust thats hard to get back. | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 7:35:23 PM | | Remember the Law of Attraction. Life is a physical manifestation of your thoughts...in other words, what you think is what you will receive. The more angry you are at him, the more anger you will draw into your life. Focus on what you WANT, instead of what you do NOT WANT...you will be amazed how things will shift for you. Good luck! | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 7:59:17 PM | Get over it, let go, and move on!
you stated
I think he's happy right now and that makes me mad! I know he was never good enough for me anyways. Is it just ego? How dare he fail to honour my awesomeness? Am I really just beating myself up for being deceived by him for so long?
Maybe he felt a little underwhelmed himself. Maybe he felt a little deceived too. MAybe he felt too good for you and you just enforced his feelings. I doubt either of you realy wanted to hurt each other, but what goes on outwardly often causes underlying changes.
You will never know his side of what actually led to his decision, but look in the mirror and find what happened with your side. That way it will not happen again. | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:07:52 PM | Just want to share a quick story....today my ex-girlfriend called me although she is married. Not that she is looking to see me but because I used to help support her for over 2 years with finances. I bought a car for her last year in my garage and now she still wants it although she gave it back to me a few months ago when she got married. She was supposed to move here a few months ago from far away but met some other guy in her hometown and fell "madly in love". They were married in about 6 weeks time. SHe has settled her life to receive Social Security disability (although she is not physically disabled...(sleep apnea and fibromyalgia) and her new husband is not making very much $$. Although I felt shattered a few months ago when she told me she got married I now count my blessings for she is unhappy no matter what the scenario is and she settled for far less than what she can be. Truth is I am much more well off financially than her new hubby. Now I am free to move on to another woman who desires a better life and has better self esteem with a healthy outlook. So blessings often come in disguises of hurt and pain of rejection.
PS. The car stays with me...let her new hubby provide for her needs now. | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:21:21 PM | | MYopinion...It sucks I know its been 3 months for me.... I treated him with love,respect,I cared more than hell ever know and he left(he cheated on me) without as much as a backward glance..It was even our 2nd go around...Shame on me ,the second timE!!!Hindsight is always 20/20 I find I write in a note book alot of things people say on these forums that are uplifting to me..I have wanted to call him a zillion times to try to explain what he did to my heart! I dont..... I have that much pride left!alot of good things have been said here...we are going thru the same thing some longer than others..IT IS HIS loss...dont let him rent space in your head ...the more you do ,the busier you become ..will help...and for me its not enother relationship...some people move on right away thats because they cant just BE with themselves no conscience maybe..we want to be loved..we beleive what were told..It is a learning expereince ,but right now you just cant see beyond the pain..Cry,listen to sad songs do whatever you have to ,to get past this jerk hes not worth it..He didnt appreciate a good woman.he probally is incapable of it so the next one will be left just the same as we were..you are a good person hold your head up and realize you did NOTHING wrong we always question ourselves after the crack up beside the head or the rug being pulled out from under us like what the da f... just happened....I wrote a letter but I burned it,it did help whatever it takes.it takes whatever makes you come to terms with it..dont wallow and dont give him the power he simply isnt worth it!!!I hope some of this helps God Bless and you deserve to be happy and in a healthy relationship!!! | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:21:41 PM | | MYopinion...It sucks I know its been 3 months for me.... I treated him with love,respect,I cared more than hell ever know and he left(he cheated on me) without as much as a backward glance..It was even our 2nd go around...Shame on me ,the second timE!!!Hindsight is always 20/20 I find I write in a note book alot of things people say on these forums that are uplifting to me..I have wanted to call him a zillion times to try to explain what he did to my heart! I dont..... I have that much pride left!alot of good things have been said here...we are going thru the same thing some longer than others..IT IS HIS loss...dont let him rent space in your head ...the more you do ,the busier you become ..will help...and for me its not enother relationship...some people move on right away thats because they cant just BE with themselves no conscience maybe..we want to be loved..we beleive what were told..It is a learning expereince ,but right now you just cant see beyond the pain..Cry,listen to sad songs do whatever you have to ,to get past this jerk hes not worth it..He didnt appreciate a good woman.he probally is incapable of it so the next one will be left just the same as we were..you are a good person hold your head up and realize you did NOTHING wrong we always question ourselves after the crack up beside the head or the rug being pulled out from under us like what the da f... just happened....I wrote a letter but I burned it,it did help whatever it takes.it takes whatever makes you come to terms with it..dont wallow and dont give him the power he simply isnt worth it!!!I hope some of this helps God Bless and you deserve to be happy and in a healthy relationship!!! | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:25:55 PM | EZRIDER....good for u!!!! you kept the car did she actually think you were gonna give it to her LOL what a loser...sorry the above got posted twice thought I hit the cancel button first time da!!!!  | |
|
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:46:02 PM | i really resembel this experience..
I just thought I met the love of my life. He said everything that I wanted to hear. Came to my house and was treated like a king. At the same time he spent much of his time on my computer chatting to other women on POF telling them the same things he had said to me. When I asked him why he said it was business.
His user name is Hanko.
I guess I will just move back to being free me.. being an independent free woman that makes all of her decisions on her own ..
Yeah my heart is broken... and I keep kicking myself for being so damn stupid.. not only fo me but my children who also became attached to this person.. makes the pain double.
Why? Why do people do this? | |
|
missee
|
Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 48 | |
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:54:45 PM | Girl,you are so much better than he is and ever will be.I hate to say it,but TIME DOES HEAL ALL WOUNDS.The good news is that this pain you are feeling WILL go away.It may not happen now,but it will happen soon-very soon.From what I read,you're almost there.Why not keep a journal and when your emotions get the best of you,jot your feelings in a notebook or on the computer.Or perhaps talk to a friend or someone you feel comortable with.Many people are in the same boat as you.Find a hobby you enjoy and keep busy.As each day passes,you'll forget all about him.Good luck!!!!!Missee | |
|
| |
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/9/2007 3:01:46 AM | HE IS A LOSER and will cheat on the next person he is with and the next & the next..... The best revenge is you moving on and being happy - **** him - he sucks and he is a venerial disease waiting to happen.
Good luckbbb | |
|
Home
login 
