| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/9/2007 8:18:48 AM | | For me it was turning all Negitive thoughts into positive and forgiving..along with excepting he doesn't want me anymore and time to move on..and work on the not so good qualitys I held,and this was after 21 yrs of marriage and 2 kids..I directed my anger into helping angry teens overcome thier anger and being there for them..it did me no good to be angry and getting revenge was never an option..It made the transition much easier going from being betrayed and angry...to Happy and content at the fact I was able to give myself and my X the gift of Forgivness. | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/9/2007 8:48:39 AM | Well I did SEVERAL things to make myself feel better.... 
1) Buy him a couple of gift subscriptions to a gay porn magazine and have it mailed to his mother's house & his new girlfriends house for him (note: it's very hard to cancell a GIFT SUBSCRIPTION!)  
2) Post to a blog every stupid thing he ever did and every stupid lie you ever believed (you won't believe how good that makes ya feel) and then make sure all your mutual and not so mutual friends get links....
3) Join www.breakupbattle.com and invite him for a tit-for-tat (mine refused to come to that play ground but least I asked)
4) The next time you have sex..... or what ever.... LOL.... ACCEDENTLY roll over on the phone and ACCEDENTLY have it dial his number and ACCEDENTLY leave a loud voice mail...
5) ACCEDENTLY do # 4 to his best friends - yes plural.... because someone will keep it to let him hear it.....
6) Make sure the next girl knows what he did to you... that tiger never changes his spots.... and make sure she knows she can talk to you about it.....
7) WHETHER IT'S TRUE OR NOT - Make sure he hears through the grapevine that you had someone on the side also but you just liked his car, money or something like that....
8) WHETHER IT'S TRUE OR NOT - Make sure he hears through the grapevine that you had someone on the side also but it was simply because he sucked in bed and you didn't know how to tell him....
Hope these help someone else as much as they did me.... sigh... I hate being lied to and can't stand cheaters....
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/9/2007 8:59:06 AM | Anger is based on fear, and resentment... You probably fear that you were not good enough for even him (you seem to think you were better by what u say).. First off, i think you need to validate your value, and really know inside that you are valuable, not just con yourself into thinking it...
second off, you need to look at him as a falable human, and forgive him for being human.. we all make mistakes, and he's obviously not ready to be true to one woman (or atleast not you)...
forgive him for being imperfect, then work on valuing yourself... Then let the fear of being alone or unworthy go away... It will in time if you spend more time looking at yourself rather than looking at something bad someone did to you.. There are always 2 people in any relationship, so some of the failure is your fault as well.. any therapist will tell you that...
Good luck :-) | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/9/2007 9:19:25 AM | First, be glad that you didn't waste another day with him. Then forgive, not him, but yourself... honest and sincere people expect others are like that... its the price of being healthy around cretins.
If you allow yourself to become jaded and bitter, you will have lost your own true self...
ANd know, those that cheat and play and deceive, are insecure and unhappy -- being them is its own punishment...
Otherwise, there is a star in the sky shining just for you, reach out for him.
Good luck | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/9/2007 9:20:40 AM | I'm a Cheated-On Club Member, too - my ex admitted to me last week that he'd been dating someone else while we were in an "exclusive long-distance relationship". So I don't think it's a coincidence that I came acros this wise and supportive thread.
One of the other posters alluded to it, and I really hate to sound like the "Flavour of the Month", but I read "The Secret" last night and I am trying to focus on finding my soulmate, rather than having the ex suffer from a variety of creative and excruciatingly painful incidents. I am also trying to find the element of positives in this, so here's my list, FWIW:
I now get to find someone who can really be as into me as I am into him, for a true partnership relationship;
I have the joy of discovering that POF not only gets thru my anal-retentive firewall at work but has an MB community so I can play!
I had some fun experiences while we were dating, and this enhanced my life (I half-jokingly told my mom that my eulogy would contain the following line: "Rachel's passport contained many stamps from her travels due to Internet dating".)
I get to demonstrate my resilience and strength, and this will ultimately make me appear a more confident person who will attract The Right Man for Me.
I learned the valuable lesson that relationships, like flower gardens, require constant tending and TLC or they will develop weeds. I will keep this in my consciousness from now on.
I also learned that I deserve better. The Right Man is out there, and we're gonna rock each others' worlds as soon as we meet.
Yup, I'm spin-doctoring this like crazy, but it's better than more crying, right?  | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/9/2007 9:43:34 AM | I went through the same thing over 5 years ago. I was living with a man who I thought loved me. We had been together for 3 years and had our share of problems but I thought we would always stay together. Then one day I came home and found him on the phone with his "new girlfriend." I cannot tell you the shock I felt or the ordeal I went through moving out, while his new relationship was developing. I just packed up and moved out. It took every penny I had to start over again and a few years for the shock to wear off. At the time, all I could think about was revenge but didn't want to go to jail. I tried writing him a few letters, and I did get one feint-hearted apology from him telling me the new girl (who turned out to be a player) is the first girl he ever really loved. Imagine someone you love telling you that!! I felt like a mack truck had run me over, and then just backed up and run me over again. I wrote and wrote. Some letters I sent. Most I did not. But it didn't do any good because he really just did not care at that point. To make matters worse, I saw him a year later on his new motorcycle. While I was in the poorhouse, he was getting richer.
My life has moved on, though occasionally I still think of him with some anger. I just feel it and let it go. I am in a much better place right now. I have loved again, and that love has helped me to move on. It is also helpful for me to realize that there is some kind of divine punishment for people like him. I don't need to be the one to do it--he will get his some time. It is my job to learn the lesson and to avoid this type of selfish man in the future.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But you will get through it....when you can look back and see the signs and know what to avoid next time you are on your way. Best of luck. | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/9/2007 5:50:30 PM | Your problem is that you didn't get to get everything off of your chest. There was no closure for you. However, it has been 4 months, let it go. And no he isn't happy-trust me he isn't happy because there will never be another you.
Take this from a woman who just found out 5 days ago that she was being lied to. He actually had a fiance and they were starting to move in together.
Be thankful that he didn't give you any diseases or leave you with a bunch of kids. The way I see it god took him out of your life in order to make room for a real man to enter your life.
Best of Luck | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:43:06 AM | | I feel the more you think about it, that means you are still allowing him to control your feelings and the situation. If he did it once, it will happen again. I forgave my ex hubby for cheating but also told him under no circumstances that I would allow him back into my life on any level. Funny thing is, his mistress is the one that landed up cheating on him over and over again. Sad thing is, he passed away 4 months after our divorce became final. Everything happens for a reason and I honestly feel being with this person is not what God has planned for you. | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 1:37:17 PM | Nope - I still say and certinly FEEL F*CKING BETTER after a little bit of SWEET REVENGE...
A person that is allowed to always "get away" with something will never learn not to do it... ONLY BY HAVING CONSEQUENCES WILL HE LEARN!!! Just ignoring what he did are condoning his actions and making it all ok... Try a little of your own sweet justice... I bet you it will feel good while you do it!
CONSEQUENCES:
1: a conclusion derived through logic : inference
2: something produced by a cause or necessarily following from a set of conditions
3 a: importance with respect to power to produce an effect b: social importance
4: the appearance of importance; especially : self-importance
CONDONE: to regard or treat (something bad or blameworthy) as acceptable, forgivable, or harmless
If people had to pay for the way they treat other people when they treat them like carap then they would treat people better....  | |
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WilUB
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Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 61 | |
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 5:40:59 PM | I was in a relationship that I thought was forever . He spent the night with an ex. I feel everything everyday. I figured out where he was and stood in her parking lot looking at the building, knowing he was in there with her and I couldn't do a thing about it.
We went away together after it happened, trip of a lifetime, I thought I could survive 1 week with him. I cried almost every day while laying on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. Within a week of coming back he was with her again.
I can't give you advice, but I can tell you that you are not alone, that there many of us out here living everyday with pain that someone we loved inflicted upon us. From what I've figured out time is the only form of medication that will heal this pain.
Also, a friend of mine told me that to forget one get under another. It acutally does help alot. LOL | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 5:54:23 PM | I am a man of 22 years. I have been cheated on and so it's not only men who cheat. I thought what i was getting into was real, but it turned out she was cheating for like a few months or more. I am still so hurt and angry towards her because i genuinely loved her and did not cheat. In fact i had several chances with her "best freind" , and i turned her down cold. I was so stupid in beleiving that this girl was true, i should have went with her freind, as it turns out after i broke up with her, i started dating her freind and we are totally clicking, but things have changed since then, she moved i moved and now i'm sitting here typing my sorrows on a computer. I can't believe it came to this, how the **** am i gonna get over the anger and hostility i have. I am glad she's gone and i can live my life but i can't get rid of this hurt and anger i fell, i don't even know if anyone is gonna read this or not, all i know is that i'm 22 years old and i had no idea what the hell i got into, death to all cheaters!!!!!! Sincerely, MR.Nice Guy (we finish last) | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 6:34:16 PM | | The signs are always there. If you think back you may remember what some of these were. This should help you deal with some of the pain. Nobody's perfect and it's not worth beating yourself up about. After given some time to mourn your loss, it's a good thing to move on with your life. You deserve much more. | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 6:41:02 PM | | anger is a normal emotion,its ok to still be angry,however its how you deal with your anger that matters.... and as for forgivness, god said to forgive, he never said you had to forget... thats how i feel anyways, i may forgive, but im never going to forget. | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 7:32:46 PM | | Another suggestion would be to write a journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings. It helps you sort them out. I know it helped me after my girlfriend broke up with me. | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 8:07:48 PM | SleepyLuvBird,
I totally agree with you. Could not have said it better myself. I recently discovered that my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years not only cheated on had a "secret life" which had had all through his marriage. He had 10 seperate affairs on his wife and told me that he had never once cheated. To make matters worse, he wasn't just a regular cheat, he was inot BDSM. Who know what I was really involved in. I was so angry, confused, sad, shocked....i could go on and on. What made matters worse, not even 3 days after I last saw him he was spotted with a woman that was tall, blond and beautiful. He appeared to be having a great time. Where was I? At home crying over him. The whole thing caused him not one ounce of stress. Sometimes the actual acts of revenge are the only thing that will get through to these narcissistic, sociopathic players. Since I learned of his "secret life" I have told everyone I know and will tell all of our mutal acquaintances. His dirty little "secret" will not be secret if I can help it. He has destroyed the lives of his wife, children, the jury is still out bout mine and he has probably affected so many other women and goodness know how many childrens lives for the sake of his own ego gratification. I thought people like him only lurked on Lifetime TV. But guess what, they are real. He is a user and has no concern for how he affects others. There has to be a day when they pay a price for years of opportunistic, "using" behavior that is destructive to all those around them. I don't buy the old write a letter and son't send it. These SOB's should know what they do to people. If they don't care, so what? Maybe they do or maybe someday they will. At least they know they have an actual enemy out there and not someone that is passive, will roll over and play dead. Sorry....i'm still reeling from my experience. If i were not a more sensible person i would actually bun down his house.....guess i can't do it now that i have it in writing......darn! | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 8:23:04 PM | | Ok...here are 2 more suggestions to help get over someone. Write his name on the bottom of your shoe. This way when you walk, it will be like you are stepping on him. Also, keep a rubberband or something around your wrist. Everytime you think of him, snap it. Before you know it, you won't want to think about him anymore. Oh yeah, if you write in a journal,make sure it's in red (denotes anger) | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 8:54:32 PM | My opinion is that is is easier to feel anger than hurt. And it takes time to get to the point where you are ready to process the hurt. Once you get to the point where you can process the hurt you will no longer be angry, but instead be very sad. Pissed off is a much easier emotion to experience.
You will have to work through these feelings to get to the point of forgiveness.
When we do not forgive another person, it is like drinking poison ourseves and expecting the other person to die. It has no effect upon them and only poisons our own souls.
Encounters with liars and cheaters does make it very difficult to trust, though. I do not really know how to get beyond that second hurdle, yet.
Best of luck to you! | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/11/2007 10:04:46 PM | I forgave the guy alright...
RIGHT AFTER I GOT THAT FIRST GOOD "O" THAT I LEFT ON HIS VOICE MAIL
I even said so on the voice mail...
I said how thankful I was that he was gone and someone else was in that spot hittin' it like he never had.....
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:12:25 PM | you arent angry with him,youre angry with yourself for not noticing what was going on.
you are only human and being trusting isnot(though sometimes it is )a character fault | |
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| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:17:33 PM |
You aren't angry with him -- You're angry with yourself for not noticing what was going on.
I was going to say this exact same thing... I went thru every post and then, there it is the very last one.
I'm sure there were alot of little things you chose to ignore or minimized because you didn't want to give up the "goodies" from having this guy around (whatever they were).
Your anger at yourself may very well be justified, but as long as you learn from this mistake it was not a waste of time... it will make you stronger.
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lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 75 | |
| How do I get over my anger towards a cheater?
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:41:36 PM | Been there, done that, had a fight with a wall once and the wall one (stupid eh). I have a funny feeling he doesn't feel one bit of guilt at all and punching him or damaging his property will only allow him to win and win and win. The reason you still feel this pain and anger is because there was no closure. You said it over and over in your message.
1. I know he was never good enough for me anyways. (translation you rock he sucks)
2. My life has actually been quite excellent since we parted. (translation he doesn't know what he's missing too bad sucker!!!!!!!!)
3. How dare he fail to honour my awesomeness. ( Just love that line!!!!!!!!!).
Stick close to your true close friends and family and vent, and vent until you realize that you are wasting your brain power, time and effort on the loser (believe me you will).
And always the only real person you can rely on is you so don't give up on anything because you said it yourself YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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