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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:43:39 PM |
Hey look VeryGreen the perfect woman who loves to make snide remarks about others. Hey someday I will be just as good as you. And no I am not insulting you
Good God, that's not insulting??? I'd hate to be on the receiving end when you cut loose. Truth is ~ you can complain about women all day, all night, everyday, all year and the reality is still the same: if you are here complaining, you aren't out looking for a woman who will accept you for who you are. We choose our own lives, they aren't handed to us. JMO  | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/28/2007 8:34:42 PM | I'm sad to say it but I mostly agree with the champ! I know he... "sounds defeated" but I think he's OK with where he is and he's just telling it LIKE IT IS. 
Lady: I don't understand why you ask the champ that. Why would anyone with a ounce of morals date someone they weren't attracted to unless they were just using them?
Sd seeker: I'm not a woman but, what part of "Women will hold out for the perfect guy as long as it takes." , correspond with men having lower standards? It's subjective to say that ones standards are higher than another's.
Nobody HAS to settle, it's just the reasonable/longing for companionship among us that do. Who the hell wants to be alone? I certainly don't! If you do then more power to you but, I will always be happier/sleep better knowing I have someone I care about who cares about me as well. It's why we're here...just give it up.   | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/28/2007 10:06:10 PM | Musicpheen - Saying that women will hold out implies that men will not and therefore have lower standards. Nobody HAS to settle and that's why I said it's a matter of weighing the two sides. Are you saying that you would accept someone that was not at all what you wanted just to avoid being alone? That is your choice, of course, but I doubt that's what you meant.
I suppose what you're trying to get at in that last statement is a little thing called compromise. If so, I would agree that it is silly to have such standards as to make a selection impossible! This, of course, brings us back to the original post. Having standards is good, but so is an ounce of realism. Don't expect to get Angelina Jolie if you're not Brad Pitt!
Of course, these standards are not limited to looks alone. There are so many aspects to what makes a great partner. | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 1:49:33 AM | Donald Trump once said that ALL men would date only the young supermodels "if they could get them." This was implying, of course, that HE can, because he's obscenely rich. It must be the bucks that draw the supermodels, because I don't see anything else in Donald Trump that I would desire.
So, OP, if you want the supermodels, I guess that's where you're going wrong. It's not your looks, it's that you're not a multi-billionaire. Men go for looks. Women go for dollar signs. Stereotype, stereotype, stereotype.
As for you men complaining about women in general, and how endlessly cruel we are to you, well, I want to point out that not one of you on this site will even send me a freaking e-mail. I've already got the information on my profile that I'm considering quitting this place, but won't if even one person asks me to stay, and so far that hasn't been done. My profile gets viewed--but 100% ignored. If I quit here, no one will notice, let alone care. And you say WE'RE mean to YOU? How ironic is it that I'm being treated like dirt by men who complain about how vicious women are? | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 2:29:24 AM | | Hey cruztacean please stick around.When things are quiet on the site i come and hang out in the forums.To me, its not just about finding a nice guy, its about making friends as well.I have made some lovely friends and also got to know some lovely guys.They are not all jerks.Hang on in there. | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:20:30 AM | | ^^^(tearyeyed) Thanks, Misty. That did the trick. I will now work on repairing my profile and taking the suggestions that Billbutler made. | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 5:19:13 AM |
Women can and do set their standards higher as they get older, their demands are greater than when they were younger
Where the hell did you get THAT idea, Champ????? | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 6:22:04 AM |
Well I'd rather be alone than date someone I wasn't physically attracted to.
mayhap that the women you contact feel the same way.....
while i don't advocate lowering your standards (i'd never do that either), i do strongly advise you to change your attitude. take a more positive approach and realize that, at the end of the day, a woman with a brain and a pleasant manner will bring you far more happiness than will someone who looks nice until she opens her mouth.
i believe that every woman is beautiful. rarely do i come across a woman i consider homely. now, the mind, spirit and heart present more of a challenge.
you will attract what you put out there. so watch yourself carefully. | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:41:38 AM | Tyger,
We are all tired of stereotypes when they are not in our favour; when they are, that's another story. Anyway, people don't get out of them anyway, no matter what they say (especially on POF, which is a gallery of stereotypes). I have stopped dating altogether because of that.
Why don't you change your looks? (Let your hair grow, use a different pair of eyeglasses, wear more colourful shirts, since you live in warm weather...) It does not cost a lot, and it may work...
Best of all | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 11:23:45 AM | OP, I understand totally where you are coming from. I'm also slender, and wear glasses. not the big burly type. I'm not a "nerd" however I hate sports, I don't workout and I don't like fixing things. No Zain, ummm, comic books, video games... by your interests, I would say geek... 
There is a big difference between seeing someone who is not "perfect" and finding out they do not have to be, because what they are is worth overlooking some things you might have thought you wanted and "settling." Oftentimes when we are in the thick of something, our priorities can change or adjust slightly. Things we once thought important do not seem like such a big deal.
Get used to the idea... No one is perfect, and there is no real tangible ideal. It's just a series of preferences and boundaries.
If you idealize someone, they have no choice but to disappoint you. | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 12:06:29 PM | Hey guys and gals you can think what you want about me but I'm looking for a total package kind of girl. If she is very ditzy acting or can't hold an intelligent conversation then she's not the girl for me. If I'm not attracted to her physically it doesn't feel comfortable. I mean you can meet a beautiful woman and she can be really mean and rude and those aren't beautiful qualities at all!
What's wrong with me wanting to date a beautiful girl too? If Petey Pretty Boy can so can I! I'm trying to be more positive on here but due to the responses I receive on these forums it's not very easy...
Do not judge until you know someone. You like what you want and I like what I like.
As for the person who called me Shallow Hal and mentioned a little typo, why should I have to settle or feel guilty for turning down someone I didn't want to date? You're entitled to your opinion even if it's not enitrely true about me!
I mean I've been single and a virgin 24 years. So who will be the first person to make a remark about that? Carry on... | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 2:23:26 PM | Sd seeker- Yes, we're on the same page man. Thank you. 
i believe that every woman is beautiful. rarely do i come across a woman i consider homely. now, the mind, spirit and heart present more of a challenge.
Someone I know, once said, "There is no such thing as an ugly woman, only lazy."
I think that goes both ways.
Ty-
1. Stop looking and start seeing. You need not care about the pretty boys just focus on yourself.
2. You've received both critical and insightful feedback whether you wanted it or not. To a degree don't take it personally, the majority of us are trying to help you.
3. Stay positive if you want to come out successful, take the initiative and stay on the path of personal growth. I would look into Anthony Robbins the guy is amazing! | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:37:09 PM | OK, first of all, OP, I'm not going to blast you at all for being a virgin. It used to be that virginity wasn't considered a mark of shame but a badge of honor, since waiting for marriage was/is the ideal. Anyone who can still do that in this day and age deserves to be commended, not ridiculed.
My problem with you is not so much that you insist on a physically attractive woman. My issue with you is that, while insisting on a physically attractive woman, you are also condemning the ones who judge you by your looks. You seem to be having trouble grasping the contradiction there. It is OK for *you* to dismiss a woman on the basis of physical attraction, but not for *them* to do the same to you.
I entirely agree, by the way, about the ditzy or rude behavior detracting from beauty. Who wants someone who's pleasant to look at but hell to live with?
And now the reason it's such an issue for me: I mentioned this on another thread, but I think it's relevant here too. I can just see OP behaving this way in this circumstance, and I hope he'll come back on this thread and reassure me he wouldn't. A neighbor tried to fix me up with a blind date. Mind you, I'd never seen this man before in my life. When he arrived, he took one tiny glance at me, laughed, turned to my neighbor and said, "You b****," and left. Didn't even give me a chance. The ultimate example of judging a woman by looks. And every time another man insists that ONLY physically beautiful women are worthy of him... ugh. I see every shade of red imaginable.
OP, the suggestion not to pay attention to what the pretty boys can get, but just concentrate on yourself and what you want, is the soundest advice you're going to receive. It was very well said.
************ADDITION******************
OP, I have now been to your profile and looked at your pictures more closely. Poor vision kept me from seeing the thumbnail versions clearly, and I wanted to see by zooming in closer what all the fuss over looks was about.
And now, I'm even less clear on what all the fuss over looks is about. You say you can't get the pretty girls because you're not a handsome hunk. What's wrong with your looks that you think you're less than a pretty boy? I don't see where the Hottiewoods are any better than you. In my case it's being plus size, but in your case, why would a woman turn you down on the basis of looks? I can think of other reasons to turn you down, like your attitude for example, but looks isn't one of them.
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 4:43:09 PM |
but women make the final decision if they want to talk to you, date you, have sex with you. Men do not make that decision.
So yes women hold all the power.
Ahh, but since it's still apparently against the "rules" for a woman to approach a man,we apparently must stand on line hoping a man will approach??We can't even exercise our supposed "power" if the guys are all cowering against the far wall because they are so afraid of rejection...
HAH! To HELL with that noise!
Sweety, don't tell me a woman has never smiled or winked at you, caught your eye, sent you an email commenting on something you said in your profile??? THAT'S AN "APPROACH"! What, are you waiting for some Boadecia warrior woman to come up, grab you by the ear and say, "Let's go, buster! I want your body!" it don't happen like that( well maybe in some Penthouse "Lies-oops!-I mean LETTERS! to the Editor" column) you have to be alert for those subtle actions.
No a woman might not come walking up out of the blue and flat out ask you for a date, but surely you've had situations where one smiled or winked at you, initiated a pleasant conversation( we quit dropping our handkerchiefs a long time ago LOL)asked you to get something off a high shelf in a store? Now maybe those were not always "approaches" but if you work on fine tuning your "radar", things might get a little easier.
Just my $0.02 worth...
Cindy O | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 4:49:57 PM | ^^It is 2007, women have come a long way in this world, and so why can't they continue along and instead of standing on the sidelines waiting for that hunk to come over to you, why can't women just do the approaching? Seems easier for women to keep traditions in place so it is less of a problem. Thing is too many times women look at the guy, hope he comes to her and he goes and approaches some other woman. Then she gets all down and thinks what a jerk.
Take the bull by the horns ladies. You want the guy, go for him, why play the games. Not all of us men can read signals clearly and many times us men will misread them and think yes she is interested when in fact she was just being friendly.
I don't read signals well because many times I thought she was looking at me, when in fact she was looking at my buddy standing beside me.
I think the best burn was when I approached someone one time who I thought was looking at me, and about a minute into talking to her she asked "Who is your hot friend?" so I introduced her to him and walked away. | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 5:02:10 PM |
Lady: I don't understand why you ask the champ that. Why would anyone with a ounce of morals date someone they weren't attracted to unless they were just using them?
I wasn't trying to imply that he SHOULD...simply pointing out that he does too have power.
Of course I now stand corrected that no woman has EVER, in any way shape or form, expressed an interest in getting to know the Champ. Anyway not so's HE noticed.
I don't think anyone here with a LICK of sense is holding out for the perfect guy/gal. But they are looking for the one that's right for them. If someone of the opposite sex chooses not to chat you up/date you/sleep with you, it IS NOT a condemnation of you or your value as a person.
You guys think that we women have all the power??? How the HELL can we turn a guy down if he doesn't ASK??? sheesh!
Cindy O | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 5:20:55 PM |
Take the bull by the horns ladies. You want the guy, go for him, why play the games
I have done so any number of times...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Or just never catches fire, the attraction fades or maybe runs into a serious issue( like he's married, we have wildly different interests, etc etc)
many times us men will misread them and think yes she is interested when in fact she was just being friendly.
No guts no glory.
I don't read signals well because many times I thought she was looking at me, when in fact she was looking at my buddy standing beside me.
I think the best burn was when I approached someone one time who I thought was looking at me, and about a minute into talking to her she asked "Who is your hot friend?" so I introduced her to him and walked away.
Dude, you need to re think your stratagy, either go out "hunting" or "fishing" alone, or take a really UGLY friend! And you can't use that excuse for the internet...unless you let all your buds chime in and post pictures on YOUR profile!
Champ I mean the things I say to try and help you. It makes me sad to see so many guys that seem to have just sulled up and taken an attitude that women are the axis of evil,if that's the way they feel, why they continue to hang around internet dating sites is beyond me. OK. ladies! DON'T deluge the thread with stories about b*stards who are just here to screw and run, we'll leave their fate to karma. I'm talking about the guys who just seem like they've given up and are just hanging round gathering evidence to build their case for staying single.
Cindy O | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 6:25:29 PM | Don't get me wrong here, I understand what many say and I read not ignore what many say.
Never do I blame women for my misfortunes in dating. What seems to be common is people read it that because one fails it must be the other person's fault. I place full blame on myself for coming up short when getting rejected.
When someone says they pick the wrong women, it is not meant as a bash against women. It is meant that yes, he picks the wrong women to approach. (reminder we cannot chat on here so I am wording this different so it is not chatting).
I am sure many women have seen a guy who thinks he is all that, and he is nothing to look at. And he seems to strike out alot when it comes to women. Why? Because he thinks he can get any woman, when the reality is, you cannot get any woman to like you. It is her decision if she feels impressed or not.
I can say hi to 10 women..now 3 could say hi back, 3 could just smile back, 3 could ignore me, 1 could give me a dirty look. All 10 women I cannot get to like me. I will be judged on how I look. But in the end the women will make the decision to give me the time of day or not. I cannot make them.
When a guy gets rejected alot for different reasons, it does make a guy think somewhat. If he is rejected for the same reason, he can easily "fix" what he was rejected for all the time. But when the reasons are different, it can play on your confidence and due a number on it. Yes it is stupid to let it but it happens to tons.
I am still single for a combination of reasons over the 8 years, by choice some of it, bad choices some of it, taking chances and thinking I had a chance and getting shot down, you name it. Rejection is 99% your own fault and 1% the other person's fault.
If I do not look a certain way for some women, they sure are not going to give me a chance. And with the power being in the women's hands and many knowing iot, it is a case of women using it to their benefit, misusing it or not knowing how to use it.
But ultimately in the end women make the final decision no matter what.
I will never go to bars solo, only on a trip because I do not live there and most times people are all from different places. As we get older it does become harder for some of us to get dates. Not all the avenues are open anymore. Frieds are married and do more couples things, people you work with alot of times are either much younger or married. And like I have experienced, most women as they get older have higher standards and expect more. And sure women will comment and say that is bs..but it is true. | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:33:38 PM | The plain truth is that dating and relationship coaches are still telling us women never to make the first move. We're not even "allowed" to call him until much father into the relationship, and on a site such as this one, we're advised not to send the initial "flirt" or outright e-mail, but to wait for him to contact us.
While women have advanced in their search for equal status, or so claim the experts, the dating world has not caught up. Theory is that the men are programmed to be the hunters, and therefore the pursuers. If she approaches him first, it might be momentarily flattering, but in the end she's not the one he's going to choose. He's going to go for the girl who lets *him* pursue *her.* Or so goes the garbage I read in those "Catch Him and Keep Him" books.
So, gentlemen, if we ladies treat you in a way that confuses you, often it's because we're confused as hell ourselves.
And the endless rejection, or being just plain ignored, is equally frustrating for us. Sometimes I wonder whether a lack of marketing response is the fault of insufficient advertising, or a faulty product..... | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:43:01 PM | a question tyger:
"barbie doll types" -- your description or that of the girls telling you not to go for those types? be honest.
all i'll say to that is i have friends who look like "barbie doll" types who would likely not appreciate being referred to that way--even by a guy that was into them. if that's where your head's at...give it a shake. on the other hand you're 24 so i won't hold it against you in the same way i would if you were 40 and posting this.
bottom line, if you're attracted to a type of woman who fits within the current media projection of what is "beautiful" then you will have to deal with sh*tloads of competition for those girls. you will likely have to compete less for someone who looks like me (lol). and be prepared for the fact that lots of people feel the same way that you do--they want the person they hook up with to fit within a certain idea of beauty/good looks. honestly i think you have it kinda hard because maybe about 5-10% of the population fits within that ideal.
if you're lucky, and you likely will be, cause sd_seeker is right, men do have the upper hand in relationship world, there'll be a beaut gal who'll be totally into you *inside and out* and it'll all work out. i see way more conventionally beautiful gals with less conventional guys than the other way around. if you'd like to take more control of the situation though, start wearing what the "pretty boys" (whoever the hell they are) wear, get contact lenses and invest in a personal trainer so that your slim physique is all muscular. it does work both ways.
having said all that, you're 24--there's no freaking hurry. and if you do want to rid yourself of your virginity--well i'll be honest--women do have the upper hand. | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:54:21 PM |
i see way more conventionally beautiful gals with less conventional guys than the other way around.
Light bulb flashes...do you know, you're right? Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett, for goshsakes. Yes, they're divorced now, but she did marry him. Talk about Beauty and the...well, you know.
(Actually, I'm not going to call Mr. Lovett a "beast." He may look like one, but he really is a true gentleman.) | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 8:17:45 PM | I agree this is a good thing because it creates a balance sometimes. Sometimes when both people are extremely attractive it creates friction because sometimes both become possessive because they are constantly receiving attention from the opposite sex. I have been a witness to this and it can really create a problem. There are exceptions of course.
The whole idea of settling at times needs to be redefined. Yes there must be some kind of attraction between two people but to strictly search for "supermodel" types strictly for both male and females creates an idealistic unattainable image of the other person.
It is far better to be with someone you are comfortable with, share same interests with and support each other's endeavours. In the long run the appearance will just fade and not even noticeable.
Tyger you are still very young and this is where your mind is set now but it will change and accomodate over time. Find your attractive girl but "supermodel" ,No this is not realistic. | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 8:42:46 PM | Champ this is good stuff.^^ It sounds like we're getting to the bottom of something here and I can feel the juices flowing. Once again, I mostly agree with you but would you agree if I said that ultimately it comes down to the one who wants the least has all the power and makes the final decision... man or woman?
We all want happiness, we're happy when we get what we want. If you have something someone wants you feel good right? You have the power and the choice to give or not. When we don't want something anymore we move on. Most folks are as happy as they make up their mind to be. JMO BTW Cindy your a funny lady. ha ha funny that is. | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 9:34:49 PM | | isn't it good when we all start to make some sense out of a topic instead of bashing one another and accusing or labelling one another? | |
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| Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/30/2007 4:59:08 AM | ^^^Yep! Another score for the POF forums. This is the second time in, oh, something like a week, that I have seen people moving closer to the same page in their debating, instead of doing what the psychologists call "polarizing"--digging in your heels and sticking to your own point of view no-matter-what.
Good to see the trend. | |
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