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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 10:59:10 PM | Looks like we have different views on how to get our attention. I like intelligence and that in itself gets my attention, if its portrayed in the initial email....as you can see from the example that I used up there^^. I personally grew up a tomboy, riding motorcycles and playing football with the guys. I have since transformed into a lady and like to be treated as such. I still have the playful nature and competitiveness leftover from my younger days of being a tomboy.
As I am reading the responses, I can see why guys are so confused and probably afraid to contact us. We all like things a little different.....some of us would be insulted to have a door opened for us, while others find it nothing but common courtesy. I guess we all have to come right out and SAY what we want!
Guys, don't be afraid to email more than once....perhaps your email got lost in all the others or as above for whatever reason, it didn't catch my eye the first time. I'm trying real hard to at least respond to all my emails. I once met a guy at the singles dance who introduced himself as a POF member and then proceeded to tell me he emailed me and I never responded (SHAME on me). I went back the next day to my emails and did return, but that was probably just a little too late. I'm still kicking myself for that one! | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 11:28:33 PM | | wow, I had no idea that was in any way implied by suggesting that, and I am a little emabrrased by that, and in no way intended that, that would be entirely not me and in my opinion disrespectful. the thing is that I am a student and when online I am usually working on two or three things, so its easier to instant message someone than to check a website all the time. Now I am really hoping that the ladies who I sent my AIM to dont think that I am some wierdo. I am really new to this and i guess it shows. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 2:33:18 AM | When it comes to meeting anyone I dont judge by how they look,
I look at the heart.In the last few years i've been blessed to have
met awesome members.Ones who love motorcycles and others who
love bowling.Have not met anyone in person.Sending e-mails,
talking on the phone.Next adventure will be meeting.
If anyone sents me an e-mail I will answer.
It means making a new friend.
Welcome to POF Eventually182,it will take time,once you start posting
on here you will have so many women,you wont know what to do with
them. LOL Good luck fishing. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 3:55:36 AM | Guys seem to be too impatient for that anymore.
I don't think it's a question of patience. Guys will do what guys do. Some want nothing more than meaningless exercise with clothes off, and that is ok for some. Other guys are actually seeking a relationship of sorts, whether it be long or short term, friends or lovers, etc.
Personally, I never ignore emails sent to me. For one thing, someone went to the time and trouble to write me one, and it would be rude of me to simply blow it off. And sometimes the best things to happen to you come in the form of a letter. Someone I care a great deal for, introduced herself to me in this manner not too long ago, and I am very thankful she did... plus she reads all my posts, so she knows who she is :)
Yes, you have to sift through quite a few nuggets to find your idea of gold, but it pays off eventually. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 5:05:21 AM | ^^^^^JUSTFORUMSPLEASE^^^^
You are talking about me arn't you???- LOL -
No - I think the best thing was is that you replied back to me -
You took a chance - I think that is what it is all about -
I took a chance writing to you - knowing that you were far away -
and hoping maybe you would see what I see -
And I know that women and men around here do this all the time -
and our outcome is only something that some people could only wish
for on here -
and what is our outcome - who knows - but I met the best man and made the best friend
I could have in this world so some things are truly not done in vain- | |
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PI314
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Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 31 | |
| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:44:34 AM | | After my experience on these sites, I think women choose based on a mans picture anyway. Sending a hi email is just an effort to draw attention to a female is attractive in some way. I think men really have no say in the whole deal until an actual relationship develops. Putting in all the effort to right poetry or prose is excessive based on a profile that is a couple of lines. The effort comes into play when someone wants to get to know you... that is when it matters. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 12:13:21 PM | Well I have emailed people here in a friendly..."I'd like to get to know you" format and not gotten any response at all. I imagine the person(s) looked at my picture and decided not even to bother reading the message.
(shrugs) It takes thick skin I think to send a long initial email, where you really talk about who you are as a person. Where you might delve deeper than you did on your profile in hopes of making some connection, be that a a friend of wherever nature would take the new connection.
I think it might only take a handful of those emails sent out with no response before a healthy person might say to themselves....I might as well just say hello...we can talk if I manage to pass the pic test.... | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 12:48:12 PM | | First I would like to start by saying although these are "dating" sites I never put to much STOCK into it being just that. I have learned through the sites I have been on that in some instances it has nothing to do with dating but quite frankly more with "HOOKING UP". (Not a term I use it's meaningless to me cars get hooked up to tow trucks). It seems to be a forum for (some) of the faint at heart or the weak minded or horny people. Don't sit there shocked people I tell it the way I see it. Sometimes these forums do not acheive what they are set out to do and sometimes they do. I know there are still a few good "MEN" out there. I don't look nor do I really care if anyone emails me back. I am simply here for fun and entertainment purposes only if something comes along great if not so be it. I think a relationship requires the 3 C's..Communication Compromise Compassion. I have yet to meet or talk to anyone on here that was willing to do just that. People today are self absorbed and selfish this is the ÄLL ABOUT ME" era. So good luck to all of you that find love here and to those who don't good luck and honestly if it is meant to be you will know so really stop looking...Hope you all have a nice day.. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 1:57:51 PM |
although these are "dating" sites I never put to much STOCK into it being just that. I have learned through the sites I have been on that in some instances it has nothing to do with dating but quite frankly more with "HOOKING UP".
I am starting to find this, too. A couple of guys that I have "met" on here seem really into talking & meeting at first.. till I tell them that I am not looking to just hook up.
I know there are still a few good "MEN" out there.
Yes, but where are they? I think they are hiding somewhere, lol.
I don't look nor do I really care if anyone emails me back. I am simply here for fun and entertainment purposes only if something comes along great if not so be it.
When I first started on here, I got really bummed if no one emailed me back; now I have become disillusioned...When you receive an email from someone, you should at least right back to say "thanks, but no thanks". Now I am on here just for fun and to talk to different people.
I think a relationship requires the 3 C's..Communication Compromise Compassion. I have yet to meet or talk to anyone on here that was willing to do just that. People today are self absorbed and selfish this is the ÄLL ABOUT ME" era.
You hit the nail on the head. A lot of people these days, both men & women, don't want to take the time to get to know someone and develop a relationship. Everybody seems to want what they want RIGHT NOW!
good luck and honestly if it is meant to be you will know so really stop looking
Exactly... | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 2:31:26 PM |
I have 16 pages of emails (thats 320 messages) on Plenty of Fish in the past month. NONE of them jump out and say "pick me" or even "this is why you should pick me". I am a member on several other singles sites and mostly get the same responses there. f this had been a guy saying that, he would have been blasted for being an arrogant, conceited, selfserving, SOB.
I read both pages thoroughly before responding, and I have to say, there is a LOT of insecurity here. Many people here made very valid points. Now, I understand many women have this serious problem of getting hundreds of emails all the time, but my god, cry me another river. Some women would probably love to be in that situation where she can pick and choose all day long.
I have to ask, why does ANYONE have to make their email stand out above all the rest? The simple fact is, women get emailed far more than guys do. Again, nature of the beast. You are on a dating site. we ALL can browse the profiles, look at pictures, all day long, but if someone takes the time to email you, why in the world does that not say "effort" to you? Ok...lets say some guys mass email a simple "hi" to 50 women. As bad as that sounds, he at least took the time to check out 50 profiles he LIKES, and email them. It's not like he emailed 50 random women (some of which he may like and some he may not, like a crap shoot).
Lets say he just emailed 50 women because they were pretty and didn't read anything in their profiles. Well, he must think you are pretty enough to email you. He could have emailed someone else all together that you think is dog ugly. Again..cry me a river.
Now I know there are hundreds of guys to every woman on "these dating sites" you say you frequent, and there are tons of guys who aren't looking for "Miss Right, they just want "Miss Right Now"... but I mean seriously, of ALL the women I have emailed, talked to, met and all the profiles I have read, there might be one in 1000 that aren't qualifying a guy on his looks at some point (and I am being generous with that ratio, it's probably closer to 1 in 10,000), to this I say...cast the first stone.
I, personally have emailed women that I found very interesting profiles of here on POF. I am not interested in what they look like, so I spend a lot of time reading profiles to find interesting people. (That in itself is a task since there are so many "cookie cutter" profiles that all say the same thing, like "I can't believe I am doing this online thing" or "I like horseback riding and walks on the beach and candlelit dinners" etc blah infinitum.) But when I do send a message to someone, the topic is always the same (and the turth) "I just read your profile", and then I state what I liked in their profile and my interest in getting a chance to have a conversation with them. I quote a few lines from their profile that I liked a lot and I might add a thing or two about me that isn't in my profile. (and there isn't a whole lot of anything in my profile because I am not here trying to "sell" myself). I have seen quite a few "unread/deleteds" in my time here. That's about the most rude thing I know, not to mention they were probably just looking at the pic anyway. That's fine, If you are about looks, I don't want you anyway.
I also am not going to try and come up with some BS one liner that is going to stand out above all the other BS one liners. All that does is show you I can out BS the rest of them. Or is that the kind of guy you want? Top Dog of the BS world?
The guy that wrote in his profile about treating a woman with respect? well, I think the majority of people would already agree with that. In fact I would dare say most people feel that treating EVERYONE with respect is a good thing. So that profile is just overstating the obvious, but if it jumps out at you to have someone verbalize the obvious...that's ok too. But it does bring up a good point. ERA was brought about by a majority vote. This brought change in our society. Some good, some bad. It's a shame that this change meant men giving women less public courtesy and respect (for a hundred bad reasons), but for me I have a personal feeling about a great many things that society itself can't and won't change. I still open doors for women (and men), I stand when a woman comes into a room or approaches, I pull a chair out, and I watch my language among many other courtesies that can be offered to the presence of a woman. However, and here is my challenge (in regaurds to equal rights) What PUBLIC courtesies does a woman show or offer to a man/gentleman out of respect? And I am talking on a wide scale, broad based commonly accepted public courtesy, not one woman's personal "treats" she might offer a guy in return (i.e. a backrub or a nice cooked dinner). Point being, all through history men are showing women public respect and courtesy, and there are no commonly accepted public courtesies that women show men, so to go beyond that, we should ALL be showing EVERYONE respect and courtesy regardless of gender.
So I am sorry if this has been long winded, but it just seems there is a lot of "selling" going on and a lot of "one upness" going on...and a lot of conceit, and "having your cake and eat it too" going on. And a lot of generally accepted bad behavior with respect to returning a message or an email (or lack there of).
I have to side with eventually182 also in the respect that, if you have listed what you are looking for in your profile, and someone reading it feels they fit what you are looking for enough to message you, why WOULDN't you message or email them back?
ok ok, so all the questions are rhetorical, as you may have gathered. The answer to these and all the other questions are...we live in a visually oriented, shallow world of people WITH eyesight. The answer is, no matter HOW much BS and convincing and arguing we may do, it always comes back to looks.
Now if we lived in a world where everyone was blind, or we didnt have eyes....hmmm...how WOULD you define beauty? How would you find a soul mate? how would you find your one true love? I guess we really WOULD have to fall back on the true definition of love and use that one, instead of looks and physical appearances....
Temet Nosce
Oh, and this statement "Where are all the good guys at?" is THE most Presumptuous and pompous (self-important) thing a woman can say, because there are "PLENTY" of good guys out here. The fact you have been unable to identify them for who they are on the inside and wasted your time dealing with the "hotties" or searching for unimportant things in a relationship is not the "good guys" fault.
And maybe you could look at it yet another way, There might be a reason why the "good guys" aren't interested in finding "YOU". I'm sorry to sound harsh, but harsh reality is ....well....harsh.
(disclaimer: the term "you" is not aimed at anyone specific. It's 3rd person, meaning anyone reading this or everyone in general) | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 6:23:12 PM | One of the things that makes our country great is the right to free speech. Everyone has their opinion. I must say that I disagree with Black Knight. I thought that nowiamme posted a good question - a question good enough that it elicited so many responses. We were probably were wondering the same thing - but she had the courage to post the question. Also, she personally wrote me a message about my response, something that not all people would have done.
If this were a MySpace page, I would be more inclined to agree with Black Knight. Let me remind you that Nowiamme wrote that many of those messages were from guys would didn't read her profile in its entirety? You can't fault her for that. Besides, who cares if she has 32, 320, 32,000 messages? It only takes 1 message to make a connection and then the sky is the limit. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 6:38:04 PM | And when that 1 message makes the connection it's all worth it as I know 
Never lose your hope!! This site does work!! Set your goals high.You have the power to do anything.
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:15:17 PM | Well, I'd hate for all the men to think that all the women have hundreds of emails to choose from. Gee, now I REALLY feel bad about not getting any... To coin a phrase, "...and AIN'T I a WOMAN????"
 Relax! I'm OK with not being a "hottie."
Nowiamme is not arrogant or conceited or trying to show off her popularity. C'mon, guys, she's cute and bright and why wouldn't you or I believe she gets lots of responses? She put forth a good-faith question based on her own experience here. (R...., can I borrow a few of your pics? )
On the other hand, even I get the stupid "you're so hot!" "Hi" and stand-alone offer of a phone number once in a while. My opinion is, I've written a terribly long profile here. If you can't put down enough words to let me know that you've actually read what I've written, and are really talking to ME as an individual, well, I can't take your message seriously. I find that the one- or two-word emails are usually coming from men who are way too young for me and must think I'm desperate or pathetic enough to target as a joke or easy dupe. Once I got an email that said, "Wowwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!" That's ALL it said. So I responded with, "???????????????"
We all have different expectations and interpretations of others' motives. All women's responses, just as all women's expectations vary, as do the men's. What're ya gonna do? Just keep fishin' and hopin' I guess, and enjoying the forums in the meantime. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:26:33 PM | ^^^^^ Oh yeah, and most of my initial-contact emails go unanswered, despite the fact that I do indicate my reasons for writing to a particular man, letting him know that I've paid attention to his words. Oh, boo-hoo-hoo  ! Even when I specifically say, 'regardless if you're not interested in me, I always appreciate receiving an acknowledgement that I've written.'
I guess I'll live.  | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:05:43 PM | | Let's face it...the anonyminity of being on the internet, plus that fact that this site is free...is just an open invitation for players and rudeness. It's alot easier to be rude to someone when you don't have to see the hurt look on their face. Thats why some people ignore emails and introductory messages. It's like the driving thing where you flip the bird to the driver that pisses you off. You know that once you're past them, you'll never see them again. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:13:43 PM | to quote irocket....
"Oh, and this statement "Where are all the good guys at?" is THE most Presumptuous and pompous (self-important) thing a woman can say, because there are "PLENTY" of good guys out here. The fact you have been unable to identify them for who they are on the inside and wasted your time dealing with the "hotties" or searching for unimportant things in a relationship is not the "good guys" fault."
I think this hit the nail on the head, I couldnt have said it better myself. thanks for having the ability to say what proabably a lot of us were thinking.
I can completely understand the need for a physical attratcion, but seriously there is something that a picture can't tell you. My pictures are little bad, they were taken at a concert post show, with band members, after a couple beers and three hours of screaming and moshing and sweating. the point being, I want a girl who can see my bad picture and not be concerned too much by it. I can certainly find pictures of myself like my class picture, or in a nice suit but why would I ? it seems like a lie. I am not dressed in a suit on an average day, someday I will be but not yet. I am not airbrushed, nor am I a pretty boy. I am not ugly either, I am average.
I have read about 320 profiles of girls who want down to earth nice guys. where are all the girls who are actually looking for real guys. to be honest I have started dates with great looking girls and left with mediocre at best looking girls just because the inner beauty was not there. Would it make me a horrible person if I wrote " I want an average looking girl who is beautiful to me?" most would take that as an insult, but the average looking girls that I have dated have far surpassed the HOTTIES as far as intellect and almost always warmth.
I know that my profile says "a few extra pounds" too. because that is what I have just a few. I am an ex-football player and I play rugby. I know what shape Im in because its off season. and I think that detracts from my response rate, but I think is is maybe a new topic for a different forum/post because I have noticed a trend with the weight classifications. it seems that girls who are listed as average are the ones who should be listed as "a few extra pounds" and the ones listed as "a few extra punds" have forgotten the meaning of FEW. clinically obese does not equal a few. The reason I bring this all up is that there seems to be a lot of selling and in that comes some sales experience or plainly put dishonesty. I do not bring this up in anyway as an insult to anyone, before anyone berates me about this and brow beats me about it, I could care less about what a person weighs, just that are honest. I am attracted to girls on a surface level just like every guy in the world, but that isn't love, it lust. I wnat a girl who has something when the lust has faded, because it fades and fast. often I read the profile and I can imagine the carfax commercial with the car in a hurricane and insted of "water damage" the advert reads "New Interior!!!"
as a slightly different rant on dishonesty... If I take another girl out who orders a salad and a water I am going to choke myself. This is another way of being dishonest. Rarely do people actually go out to eat a salad and drink a water. off topic but somehow pertinent to me...
If it is a HOT down to earth guy you seek, then just put that in your profile, its not shallow its honest, then the rest of the average guys can save our time for those who appreciate it. I dont mean to be out of hand, but seriously, how many women can say they want an honest guy and then be dishonest about things before the nice guys just get jaded.
*****I am not asking for too much here, and its not just for me or in the interest of men this benefits everyone, how do you expect a site to work for YOU if you aren't honest about what you are looking for? *****
I know this kind of meanders a little but it was all sparked by the same comment. sorry for the long post... I apologize if this comes across too harsh or whatever. I am sure smoebody is going to go off on this post, thats fine too... | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:15:43 PM | | sorry for the double post, in my above rant, i failed to acknowledge that women aren't the only dishonest ones, it was alittle onesided, but I dont read a lot of male profiles or message any guys. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/7/2007 11:32:56 PM | ok here goes: I'm in a diner with a few friends and our waitress smiles at me. (maybe in my mind I'd like to think she smiled at me more than any other customer) So i strike up a short conversation on how I wish it was nice enough to take a midnight ride in a t-shirt,jeans, and some boots. She agrees, I ask her if I may call her sometime and maybe go for that midnight ride, she gives me her phone number, and i call. HMMMMM aren't I a total stranger? but if she feels comfy enough and I seem like a nice guy and not some crazy hopeless stalker type person who will come back and visit her ten times before asking her out, then why would she not give me her number? well then tell me why is the internet any different??? I will tell you why, there are hardly any emotions in text. period. thats just the way i see it some of you may agree some may not.
how do you get to know a person REALLY without hearing their love for life, or the zest and passion in the voice for anything if you cant HEAR them and i really mean hear them. not just with your ears,but with your mind and heart. so i say take a chance call that person you only live once say hello or whatever conversation starter you are confident at and go from there friendliness and open minds make meeting and talking a much better time of communicating. Have a good night/day, Shane
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/8/2007 5:31:57 AM | PERSONAL AFFAIRS -
You are a funny man!!!! LOL!!!
BIKER 113 - AMEN TO THAT -
A picture is just that - a picture - but
to step beyond that picture - there are
some really awesome people out there and
if given the chance - they really shine-
ARSTY - I am one of those finger flippers!!!LOL!!
Someone said here its a place for a hookup - oh yes it is - I actually changed my whole profile after being here for about a month - I got so overwhelmed and so scared - I figured I was doomed anyway to meet someone this way - so I changed and just have made some great friends here and talk to them and on the forums- I figure whatever happens is going to happen - I put no real stock in meeting a man here that is everything but a picture - but I got lucky - I dont know - I think I like my crap shoot theory -
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/8/2007 5:35:08 AM | Black Knight:
All NowIamme wanted was feedback on the difference between men
and their e-mails.I dont think its arrogant.
She did received alot of good answers,thats all that matters.
Its not silly at all.
Pat | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/8/2007 6:24:59 AM | Silly? Silly would be me in a ballerina outfit doing Swan Lake while my kids watched and laughed.....
Asking questions to learn stuff you don't know.....never silly. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/8/2007 9:17:10 AM | | Could it be that men send out emails to see how many responses they get, THEN read the profiles thoroughly? I am an older woman and, in my experience, find that most men are looking for "barbie dolls". If you aren't built like/look like Jessica Simpson, you're out. Are there any men that want a relationship based on inner beauty and personality? Most women are sincere in their attemp to find that "special" someone. Is it possible that men just don't know how to react to an independent, secure woman? I've only been a member of POF for a short time and already tired of the "head games." | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/8/2007 9:37:06 AM | RUthe1-
In all fairness, there's a lot of women on here that are not sincerely looking for a relationship. There are plenty of shallow "Barbie Doll" types that just go through guys like water. BUT- generally speaking, Women tend to emotionally commit earlier on than men, so we feel hurt more easily and tend to express it. Men have been taught to hide their feelings and don't show it like women do. A lot of men (not all) can emotionally detach themselves and move on more easliy. This is just an overview, and not a written in stone, proven theory. | |
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