| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/8/2007 5:46:10 AM | I was thinking alot about this last night and this morning. Some of the responders said in a round about way that we should automatically assume the child is lying until it is proven that he/she was in fact telling the truth.
What gets me about this is, we as parents want to teach our children that they can come to us without judgement(unconditionally). That they can feel free to come to us parents and discuss serious issues such as sex when they are old enough. I don't know a single parent who would not want to be involved in their childrens lives and wouldn't want their children to feel like they can come to them and talk about anything and everything. I know I am one of them. If our children come to us with something like this and we turn our backs on them because they may/may not be lying, what sort of message are we sending to them? That we don't believe a word they say, ever, because they're children? I know children are capable of lying, but so are adults, and most if not all attempt it atleast once in their lives. The difference between children and adults lying, is children are generally doing it for attention(meaning they're not getting the attention they need/deserve), adults do it intentionally to either protect themselves, make themselves look better or hurt someone. As adults we know better and know the consequences involved, children don't always understand all the consequences caused by a lie(that comes with maturity).
But to ignore something as serious as this particular issue based on the fact that children do lie, is in my eyes the ultimate neglect and betrayal. We have to teach our children to trust, and it starts with them. We have to trust in our children, because it is us who raised them and made them who and what they are.
With parenting skills like that, it's no wonder children aren't as open and honest as they used to be. I know I wouldn't want to go to anyone who was going to automatically assume I was lying.
For the children who did lie about something this serious, I think they are also being neglected since this is an obvious plea for attention. | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/8/2007 6:56:56 AM | If i were in the exact same situation, I would have done nothing different. Anne may be angry now - but in the end - with any luck she comes to the realization that her life is not very functional given the abusive b/f etc. And maybe she will grow up a bit and accept her responsibility to create her own destiny and that of her children.
CAS and the police have a job to do. That job is to investigate and protect. They can't be everywhere all the time and need the help of civilians to report suspected abuse of any kind.
If I were in Anne's shoes, I would be hurt and angry, but in the end I hope I would be thankful to know there were people out there looking after me and mine.
The integrity of an individual is no stronger than when they lay everything on the line to protect others. OP you should be proud that you took a stand.
Just my Humble opinion | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/8/2007 6:33:39 PM | i think you did the right thing,hopefully this will wake the mother up and she might get her shit straight,otherwise her child may end up ina group home ,but hopefully its foster care.
i work in a group home where most of the girls have been sexually assaulted and it breaks my heart to hear there stories,then I get mad,but thankfully I dont see the people who did this to them or i might get into trouble. | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/9/2007 5:47:08 AM | S_C here:
I think you did the right thing.
And I am appalled that the mother wasn't more interested.
One other thing I want to comment on is why are some parents afraid to teach their children the real names for their private parts?
"cooter" and "firehose" I think were the terms used in the original post.
If the child reached out for help elsewhere - maybe she wasn't taken seriously because of the language used.
My son is going to be 5 and he uses the terms "penis" and "vagina".
And I think that even if someone might assume a child was lying - hearing any 4-year-old say that anyone touched their vagina might make an adult sit up and take notice and get the child some help.
Because those sorts of events at that age can have a life-long effect.
And I can say that because things happened to me when I was that age.
So OP - you did the right thing.
And for anyone who WOULDN'T report something like that...   | |
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Mayor
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 55 | |
| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/9/2007 5:50:57 AM |
One other thing I want to comment on is why are some parents afraid to teach their children the real names for their private parts?
"cooter" and "firehose" I think were the terms used in the original post.
is it fear, or are these names always used to discribe synonyms, beause these are what they are most likely to hear out side the home.
just a thought | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/9/2007 5:53:28 AM | | soulmates - you are so right about the names of their body parts. My foster son called his penis a "bird" when he first came to live with me at 6 years old. And he had no clue that girls don't have penises. Then again, he also thought if he kept poking me in the stomach with his finger that he would make me have a baby. Oh my..... | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:09:32 AM | S_C here again:
Mayor asked:
is it fear, or are these names always used to discribe synonyms, beause these are what they are most likely to hear out side the home.
My point is - I think children should know the real words. I think by neglecting to use proper terms like penis and vagina we are influencing our children to get the idea that their private parts are something to be ashamed of and not to be spoken of.
I didn't know the real words until I was quite a bit older. And I think I should have been taught when I was younger.
Knowledge like that offers a form of protection.
Because my parents never taught me the proper words and they also never talked to me about good touching and bad touching and we weren't to touch or talk about our "bits" and I never told them what was happening to me.
With my son, I taught him the words. I've talked to him about good touching and bad touching.
I've encouraged him to tell me anything.
And I think he's safer because of that. | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/9/2007 9:01:16 AM | Ylam you did the right thing, Don't feel any reget regarding what you did regarding the well being of a child.
Geoff | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/10/2007 9:14:04 PM | | As a father of three children, if my child was saying anything close to what that child was saying, Id want to know why, even if it meant me stepping out of the picture while they found out. I wouldn't be telling other adults who heard it that the child is going through a phase or anything to excuse it as normal. Children at that age don't go through a phase where they have detailed information about sex. | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/11/2007 6:55:54 AM | YLAM
WAY TO GO!!
A lot of people would have walked away as your friend asked and not report, you took her childs interest as front and centre and that's the best thing you could have done and something she should have done, unfortunately she is putting her interests first.
These types of offenders are cowards at heart and perhaps if nothing else comes of this he will slow his actions now that he is being monitored more closely. I know that was not your intention but at least its a start. I work with these types of offenders every day and believe me, they will not stop completely, but because they are so intent on keeping themselves safe, they will not take as many chances at getting caught.
Once again...
WAY TO GO!!!!
Lisa | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/11/2007 8:55:53 AM | I have read most of the posts here and there is a theme that is being missed right from the start. It is a moral and legal obligation to report any abuse or disclosure from a child. The person that is reporting is not responsible for investiagting the allegations, that is CAS's job. As long as you are reporting facts and word for word disclosures, why would you question your actions? I have been in the child care field for over 18 years and I am proud to say I report any disclosure a child has made. I also support any of my staff members to report if they feel uncomfortable with a situation. It is not our responsiblity to prove/questions if the allegations is true or false, we have to protect the child's safety. I have had investiagtions come out false and others that involved removal of the children, which I had to do with the CAS worker. Not something I would ever want to live through again but I always think, it was in the best interest of the children. CAS will not remove a child until there is enough evidence to support the claim in court. I deal with all parents of any report made at my organization and it is tough to reassure them that the report was made to support the safety of their child. I have even had families come back to me when the report came back false and thank us for looking out for their child.
There is a lot of talk about the results on the family but you cannot think of that if you are truly acting in the best interest of the child. | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 3/11/2007 10:46:30 AM | | OK TOUCHY SUBJECT........IM A SINGLE FATHER AND IN MY OPINION CHILDREN COME FIRST ALWAYS......PROTECTION OF A CHILD IS KEY TO SURVIVAL......I DO KNOW THIS IF ANYONE EVER GOES NEAR MY SON...BAD MISTAKE FOR THEM....I WOULD BE PROUD TO GO TO JAIL FOR WHAT I FEAR I WOULD DO TO SAID ABUSSER....BUT GOING TO JAIL FOR MY ACTIONS WOULD CERTAINLY EFFECT MY SON AS WELLL......LIKE I SAID TOUGH SUBJECT...WITH THAT SAID...CALLING CAS IN MY OPINION IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO IF YOU FEAR FOR THE SAFTEY AND WELL BEING OF ANY CHILD | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:43:30 AM | | children should come first..if there are drugs in the house or any form of abuse is suspected you must reoprt in to children's aid. It is the right thing to do. | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 11/14/2007 10:52:27 AM | It is a touching subject. And yes sometimes the child could be lying.
Have I ever had to decide...yes...and yes I called CAS.....Children always will come first. Did I lose a friend that I had know all my life (in each other playpens as babies)..yes I did. Would I do anything different? Not a chance in the word. I know the children are safe....and better off where they are now.
No matter what the children's welfare comes first. | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 11/14/2007 11:30:35 AM | As an ex employee of the Children's Aid Society, you did exactly what you had to do. If it were not for people like you, children would be abused constantly..where there are signs like that, there usually is something going on..children that young do not make up stories...
Sometimes, you lose friends in order to protect children. I had to do the very same thing...report to Child Welfare...on a very close friend of mine..we are no longer friends, but the child was apprehended and is safe now..
Thanks for protecting the child...lovely56lady | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:17:29 PM | ^^^^ I agree 100%
OP, you did the right thing. If for a single second you believe that any child is being harmed, abused or in danger than it is your right to protect them.
There are many people who are against CAS because they've had bad run in's with them or they feel that they are being a 'snitch' if they call CAS on someone. What you must remember is that CAS is here for a reason... to remove and protect any children that are being harmed in any way.
In my line of work... I deal with CAS quite often. It is my job not only as a worker with children but aswell as a human being to keep all children safe.
If for any reason someone believes a child is being harmed than PLEASE report it. These little ones are depending on us adults to make them feel safe and loved. It's up to us to protect them and use our strengths in a way that they can't.
Even if you aren't 100% sure that abuse is going on... it's always better to be safe than sorry. To automatically assume this or other children are lying, you are the one in the wrong. As a poster mentioned above... we want to teach our children that it's ok and safe to come to us when there is something going on they aren't comfortable with or just when they need to talk. If we treat them like the guilty instead of listening to their cries of help... we are just as bad as the abusers themselves. Children put so much trust into adults... don't take that away from them. | |
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| calling childrens welfare
Posted: 11/14/2007 8:28:08 PM | | YLAM yes you did something wrong............first off, you should of shot Craig on sight, ask questions later. All child molesters should be shot on sight, why waste tax money bringing them to court, a 25 cent bullet is cheaper, and its over with before u can say "duck", as for the child she will need help, and it sounds like the mother could use some help also....... | |
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