| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/9/2007 11:55:59 AM | | Well, judging from the way you've described how you operate - checking around to find out how someone likes you, instead talking to them directly - he's probably the same way, waiting to hear back from his people about how much you like him. Once his people have finished meeting with your people, and then his people have passed that info on to him to submit to a separate test group for additional survey data, he'll then meet with his people in order to set up a time for them to do lunch with your people, so that your people can pass on the info to you. If his people and your people can't do lunch, Plan B is for you to check the classified section of the newspaper every first tuesday of the month, for an ad about a parrot. If the parrot is lost, he's not sure yet if he's interested in you. If the parrot is found, start writing that sexy message on your bum... | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/9/2007 4:41:24 PM |
First of all...with men....you dont drop hints...you could do everything but leave a trail of breadcrumbs to your bed and they dont get it!....lol
^^ FINALLY! A woman who understands! Please, please please write a book about this very subject from a woman's perspective.
Saucy does have the exact reason - us guys don't take hints very well. Why? Our brains are wired differently or our female friends and those who potentially like us interact with us in the exact same way - how are we to know friendship from infatuation? Long looks, flirtations, endearing terms like "hey lover!" or "hey cutie!" have been offered to me by many female friends, new and old, but they aren't meant to lead to romance.
Just tell us - really is as simple as that. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 4:24:43 AM | hehehaha!
Your right everyone is different. When I wrote shyness (low-confidence), I meant with women not in general. I haven't met a single guy yet who's not shy with women. EVER! unless they where a player. Even still the are shy with women! Their minds are just to stuffed with scripts and the character they're playing.
EGO the size of a 747! lol! nice man...very creative!  But no I don't have an ego! I'm confident in myself that's it. I'm not a know it all! I'm just relaying the facts upon observation and discussion.
Women are the same way. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 4:30:03 AM | | I don't think women do come out with it vocally. They'll flirt and converse, but that part is left up to us. I think they should be more open to it. When the guy isn't coming out with it she should. The loss is going to effect her just as much as him. Not just him. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:16:56 AM | | I think all this can be wrapped up quite easily. If you give any non verbal 'hints', body language gestures, inexact statements, or flirt in any way that can be interpreted in two ways, assume that it will be interpreted in the way you don't want it too. Then think again of a way to communicate which can not be misinterpreted. To do anything else invites misunderstanding, and you only have yourself to blame if you act that way and your life doesn't work out the way you want it to. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:48:00 AM | Define "mega hints".
I've received many hints but when I start to follow the trail, it often leads to a dead end.
There was a woman (a total stranger) who asked me if she should get a boob job so when I checked it out, she then brings up the boyfriend. To end the conversation, I just said "it looks fine to me".
Oh well, another day in the life of "Doctor" FM. "I'm not a doctor, but I'll take a look anyway."
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 9:26:54 AM | | You are doing it to the wrong guy. Come do those things for me and I will snatch ya!!! ;) | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 9:49:17 AM | | What "major hints" have you been dropping? I wan't to know. Did you invite him for dinner? Play footsie with him? Hug him a certain way? Just curious. | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 59 | |
| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 9:50:54 AM | First of all...with men....you don't drop hints...you could do everything but leave a trail of breadcrumbs to your bed and they don't get it!....
I thought about this for the longest time trying to figure out why women drop
hints rather than just coming out and saying what they want or feel; my theory: it's
because she wants to see you demonstrate your sensitive side rather than being a
man needing to be led by the nose, it makes her feel more in sync with you.
OP, some guys can pick up the signal, but we don't want to ruin
a friendship by acknowledging these feelings. Just because you
have feelings for the dude doesn't mean he shares them...don't
be dropping too many clues because he probably already knows
and if he were to acknowledge it and not recipricate, the friendship
would be very dead in the water. It's pretty awkward just hanging
out with your "secret lover" and watching what you say because you
don't want to hurt her....that sucks! | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 11:08:14 AM | I too have kinda the same situation. I like this guy (who I work with). I've tried dropping hints, and have even stooped to the low of getting others to see if he likes me. And yes, I know dropping hints are lost on most, if not all men...
But I digress.... My problem is that I'm not too sure on how me feels about me as more than a friend. (The fact that we work together is not an issue 'cause I work very early in the mornings, and we hardly e4ver run into each other at work any more.)
Some times it seems like he could be interested in me that way, and other times it seems like he wants some one else. I've tried looking at it from another point of view, and have even tried reading his body language, but hav'nt really had much luck. I'm thinkin' I might have to just come out and say "I want you", or "I wanna date you". I just want to atleast have an idea if he does in fact find me attractive first before I go ahead and lay it out on the line. 
And suggestions on what i should do/say? | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 11:23:56 AM | Yes, blondie, hints are lost on us guys, but for other reasons than you might think. We've seen smiles aplenty, and looks as well. They more often mean "friend" than "lover material." This most guys learn the hard way, and take it to heart.
Actually, try looking at his actions this way--why are YOU attracted to HIM? Because he's being so "inaccessable" to you. The best "subtle hint" I know of that works on practically any guy is giving him your number and telling him sweetly, "call me." The only other thing I can think of to do is to get him into a conversation, and guage his reactions that way---you know, look him in the eyes, all that. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:37:59 PM | I agree with what the others have said, in that men are thick as woodplanks when it comes to assessing whether a woman is interested by virtue of their subtle signals. A mega hint in your mind may be seen as friendly flirtation to him. He may not even realise at all and just think you are a friendly sort. Maybe he is a wimp and you are too much of a woman for him so he resists your advances. lol. The other possible scenario is that he doesn't fancy you so he ignores your hints on purpose as he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. You say that you've heard he likes you too, so that bit is quite unlikely.
In this situation you have to be the aggressor and risk getting a knock back. Ask him how he feels about coming out for a drink next Saturday etc. If he still doesn't get it, there's no hope and you have had a lucky escape as his I.Q. is low ( joke ) lol | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:49:49 PM |
I just want to atleast have an idea if he does in fact find me attractive first before I go ahead and lay it out on the line.
Welcome to a guy's world of dating. We go through this our whole dating lives.....
Ask him out. See what he says.
And to all those who think that men are stupid or thick, again, read the posts as to why men might not respond to your "hints"..... | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:58:30 PM | | I read a book by Leil Lowndes and she says only 5% of guys can read a woman's body language. I only learned because I was hanging out with my older sister and she kept telling me I was missing all the signals. Why women go with a method that is only 5% effective is beyond me. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 11:13:09 PM | Dude.... I would totally sit on his face.
Not only is it sexy cool... but, it's fun for the whole family.
Plus, I'm 87 percent sure it's environmentally sound.
the giggleparts <-- has face, will travel... | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/10/2007 11:25:55 PM | I've got a subtle hint that always works. It has 100% effectiveness...but you have to have a mischievious face!!! If you don't know how to pull that off it won't work.
If a guy says to you "turned out to be a nice day"
say "it's actually a bit wet"
That's my subtle hint...always works 100% effective...but you have to have the mischievious face!!! | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:21:39 AM | Once upon a time it was expected that a guy take the lead. Those days are gone and women are emancipated... that is a double edged statement and you have to sleep in the bed you make. If you want to talk to the guy, jump his bones or do his taxes step forward and ask! Go easy, be patient and really listen. Once you have broken down the relationship barrier start assessing the more subtle aspects of what is going on.
As a practical matter most women will take offense if someone does something they do not like. This leads to a lot of guys being gun shy. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:41:07 AM | | We get it just fine. We just don't want to get arrested for making a mistake. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/11/2007 9:17:12 AM |
Why do women think that they should only communicate in subtle ways? I think it's because if you flirt non verbally, and it turns out the guy isn't what you expected when you finally talk to him, you can always say it was HIS mistake, and you weren't really interested. Women just don't want to take the responsibility for anything. You just want to blame it all on us. One book says women make the first move 90% of the time, but that move was 'non-verbal'. To me, it's a 'non-move'. Don't have the guts to speak up? Don't expect other people to do your work for you. You're interested, say so.
Amen to that | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:15:03 AM | That's hitting it pretty much on the nail:
It's not that we don't get the hints......it's that most women love to flirt, even w/ guys they would NEVER date.
Many guys have had a refusal from a girl who SEEMED really into us, only to be given the 'I only like you as a friend' line when we ask them out, romantically.
A couple runs thru that ringer...& we need to be VERY sure you are actually willing to date us before sticking our necks on the chopping block again.
Here's a question...How does a guy tell the differrence between 'harmless' flirting & genuine interest?
Furthermore, even those of us who DO pick up on these hints have been growing up with stories of the Liesuresuit Lizard: The guy with the open shirt and hairy chest, gold chain, greasy hair, and greasy attitude who thinks "every chick digs him".
We never want to be that guy, so we err on the side of caution. If you drop hints, don't expect them to be picked up on 100% of the time. If you want a reaction with that success rate, don't drop a hint, make an announcement.
For Blondie:
Another thing to consider with your office guy... He might be picking up on your hints, but might just be scared of HR. As a policy, I stay away from office romance because it can get me fired if it goes wrong. Maybe your guy has the same attitude? | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:20:22 PM | I love your description of Leisuresuit Lizard--I met him a few times!
I think many guys dont' get "any" hints--you have the guy who says hello to you and you say hello back and he thinks because you said hello and did not kick him in the crotch, that means you are hot for him.
Then you have the guy like the OP's guy that you practically fall over and "hint" to but he doesn't get it (Or, if he isn't interested and he DOES get it, he pretends he doesn't get it cause he doesn't want to hurt our feelings)
The only way you will know for sure if you suspect he doesn't get it is to invite him out on a date of some kind. If he accepts, you know he might be interested, if he turns you down (make sure you give him time so he doesn't already have plans for that night) you will know from that if he might be interested, then take your cue from there. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/11/2007 3:39:40 PM | thanx for that passionteman i would but i live in manchester england lol
. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/11/2007 5:48:35 PM |
dropped mega hints
Yeah, right.
You dropped mega hints if you were trying to pick up a woman.
But no, you're trying to pick up a guy.
Here's some advice - if you want to communicate something, don't use your own language, use the language or your audience.
Dropping hints and then blaming the guy is a tactic for wee girls still in high school. Grow up, please. | |
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| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/11/2007 7:09:02 PM | -Op, stop dropping hints! If you want the man take him. Hint Hint! If you want sex, stop hinting about it with him and do it. The same if you want a relationship as well.
Hints suck!
Especialy because they are usually so vague in nature, and allow the person to go either way on a subject. "he/she just doesn't get me" then you get frustrated or consider them a lesser person, when your not making any effort to clarify anything, including how you feel or what you want from them. Its lazy!
Can you really blame anyone, man or woman, for "not getting it" when your not bothering to make yourself clear. Hence, all the little hints, based on your words and their assuptions of what you actually mean.
Effective communication isn't (hint, hint, whisper wisper) when that doesn't work.
In my opinion: His non responsiveness may be a hint, that your approach doesn't work with him at all. He probibly wants something a bit more tangible then a hint or an impression that your interested, either in sex with him or him as a person. So you've got only one choices here, either make the first move or he'll stay clueless. and purpously so.
Here's a hint: Try talking to him, instead of hinting towards him. Especially about how you feel.
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Sirris
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Joined: 7/21/2006
Msg: 75 | |
| why dont men get it?
Posted: 3/11/2007 7:37:54 PM | Why don't men get it? Well, I think a lot of the reasons have been mentioned here, but I'll add my own five cents:
1. Men have tried to pick up on "hints" or "signals" and been shot down. Perhaps that smile you meant as something more didn't get you anywhere because he didn't get anywhere with it when he saw it on someone else. Another girl may have smiled at him, and he thought "maybe she likes me" but when he pursued the girl, she was just being nice to him and nothing more.
2. Most men are oblivious to subtlety. Your arm touch or small double meaning phrases are lost because he just doesn't know he's supposed to pick up on them. Think about it this way: if a man is interested in a woman, and he wants to show her that interest, he asks her out. That's it.
3. He does pick up on it, but is not interested. Happens a lot.
4. As much as we'd all like to just walk up and give our potential love interest a long, passionate kiss, that would get us arrested. We often can't act on our impulses because that would create chaos. Sadly, short of asking a girl out, men don't really know how to drop hints in other ways.
5. Because its humorous, we continually see in the media, jokes and stories the guy who tries to pick up on women who then shut him down with a snappy comeback or slap in the face. No one wants to be that guy, so some of us are so focused on not trying to be the guy that gets rejected, we miss signals from women when they actually are interested.
I speak, of course, in generalizations. There are always exceptions to the rule. | |
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