| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:21:06 PM | | Hmm after reading all of these I can only think that none of you are using the internet to its greatest potential. The web cam/microphone conversations are like a pre date... I'm actually surprized at the number of people who don't have a 10$ mic or a 40$ web cam..Worth every cent!!! And then some.You can ask all the questions you want, get a look at each other's mannerisms, demeanor and reactions to you and your style of communication. You can see poeple much better than in a still photo . You can figure out before the initial "date" or "coffee time" that you're 99% sure that you want to continue or bail out, long before the first meeting. My situation is much different the rest of you I know, but I know that it is the next best thing to being there, plus it's a lot of fun. The web cam "date" was just as nerve racking as a first date but at least you don't have to physically get up and leave ,you can just be "called away" and end it discreetly. As for the pressure ,no pain no gain! Meeting too quickly before most of your major topics are covered is just a chemistry bootie call, the more you know about a person the more apt you are to give them a real chance and not just listen to your loins.lol Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!,Can't judge a book by it's cover. As true as the day they were first said. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:45:43 PM | so, what are you "no pressure" people contemplating, or afraid of, on a date? i mean, if someone asks you, on the first date, to be their date at their sister's wedding, well, i can see the cause for concern. simply say no. but, how often does that happen? can any of you explain this to me??
Well some people seem to put wayyyyy to much into a first meeting/date. They seem to be looking for a spouse and don't have time to waste doing stuff like actually getting to know the other person.
Two of my own first dates with people come to mind. One was where a lady told me she was looking for a husband and if I (or any other guy she dated) did not propose to her in six months he was gone as she did not want to waste time. While I can understand not wanting to waste time with a person that does not commit, this exchange took place before we had even finished our meal.
The other was a lady who kept asking very pointed questions, then asking would I be willing to change this, change that, etc., about my entire lifestyle if we started dating seriously. This is within 30 minutes of meeting her.
I take no pressure dates to mean just hanging out and getting to know one another. If it clicks, then maybe they can pursue something more later and see how things develop. NOT trying to change someone, or making demands upon them before you even know the other person. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/10/2007 7:48:33 PM |
"no pressure" first date. frankly, i'm surprised and confused. what's the deal??? why do people say that? just what kind of "pressured" first dates have they had?
Some people may have experienced uncomfortable dates, no "clicking" from one part and if they've been talking for a while but the chemistry just isnt there when they meet, it can be difficult for one to admit to that. People should just learn to not take things personally, we are all individuals with different likes/dislikes and to move on.
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/11/2007 4:48:49 AM | And to blondblueeyed, I have a sense of humor. I also get tired of women assuming because I'm a man everything I do is about getting laid. Some of us are out here looking for more than that. I can pay for sex. (Not legally, but you know what I mean.) You can pay for someone to pretend they like you, but not to actually like you. The latter is what I want. You can get a woman drunk enough to have sex with you, but that's not exactly an ego booster. (Especially the next morning when she freaks out, calls you a rapist, and kicks you out while sitting there in the bed going "dear God, what was I thinking", so I'd rather keep my record of not experiencing that. 33 years and going.
Bored, I don't assume anything, I know for a fact that 95% of the first dates I have been on in my life from 17 to 46, men have asked for sex on the first date. Usually before even leaving the restaurant, many times before the main course and occasionally before the salad even arrives. The other 5% have been the men I have had a brief or long term relationship with and I am not all that and a bag of chips in the looks department. I can't even imagine the trouble really beautiful women go through. Possibly you fall into the 5%, if you are there is no reason why you should be offended by anything that women "assume" because they aren't talking about you. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/19/2007 7:41:26 AM | | For me, it spells out what I have in mind. Some people go for romance or a romantic setting right off the bat, and that's not my style. I think it is better to meet briefly and see if we want to have an actual date. It is all individual preference. I personally think there is nothing worse than spending a whole evening with someone who I don't click with, or who doesn't click with me. Life is too short. Keep it light, and if there is a connection you can date for real. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/19/2007 10:06:53 AM | | Wow, Dudes ask for sex on the first date?.......man no wonder,its gotta suck to be a woman on a date with a loser......first dates are just to get to know somebody an see if you click or not.......even with the chick asking for sex I wouldnt do it(been there) seems too strange that someone would ask other then wait to see what happens but just meetin?...........wouldnt be a second | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/20/2007 3:04:27 PM |
I personally think there is nothing worse than spending a whole evening with someone who I don't click with, or who doesn't click with me.
my approach is generally to only meet those with whom i've already clicked a bit (well, as much as one can via email or im). it's kind of like pre-screening. don't you folks do the same? at the point where a certain amount of compatibility has been established, you agree to meet, so you can see if the click is there in person. since you are already predisposed in favor of the other person, i still don't get the concern with "no pressure first dates". | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/20/2007 8:00:22 PM | I guess you've been lucky in the dating world. You'd be surprised by the men who expect sex on the first date....their reasoning being they want to see if you'll be sexually combatible with them. Yes it's a lame excuse but these things are out there trolling around and the reason for the quick ending dates that have you looking for the nearest exit. I met one guy that on the first date/meeting, he informed me that he needed a lot of sex so he wouldn't get prostate cancer....if that's the case he can save himself and just jerk off. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/20/2007 8:11:17 PM | | Just no added extra expectations on your part and no pressure to keep in touch if you do not feel any connection. Think this especially applies if not looking for a relationship and the other person is and they decide that you should be with them....pure craziness in total insanity.... Part of this relates to that if things aren't to your liking you are under no obligation to keep in touch without hurting their feelings....there are enough complications in life already without adding pressure to what should be a relaxing outing to just go meet someone. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/20/2007 10:02:35 PM | If someone is truly interested in meeting another from here IRL, it's quite normal to be apprehensive and anxious at the same time. If you'd like to live your life 'on the edge' for the rest of your life, by all means feel free to do a 'full court press' and see where it gets you.
I'm one, who while not stating "no pressure" for a first meet, realizes that if the woman is worth my time and trouble to date, than I'd be a damned fool for pressing her beyond what she's so far had for the courage to meet this still-the-stranger-to-her man.
"No pressure" means please let me know you ...w/o your assuming that you know me well enough to let sex be a part of our equation, even if you both may want to 'go there' upon meeting. It's why the how-many-dates-should-I-wait threads are moot when it comes to merely thinking "Hot, damned, I'm in love w/this creature!" | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/24/2007 8:27:24 PM |
You'd be surprised by the men who expect sex on the first date....
no...i don't think i would. i know they're out there. i've encountered that type...but, they're the ones who don't make it through the pre-screening. so, they never even get close to getting a date.
at the point where a certain amount of compatibility has been established, you agree to meet, so you can see if the click is there in person. since you are already predisposed in favor of the other person, i still don't get the concern with "no pressure first dates".
my point is that a rapport between the two parties has already been established. you know each other well enough through mail and phone to know that you will at least have a good time. so, there shouldn't be any pressure...the date is about getting a whiff of the other's pheromones, and seeing if there's any chemistry. if yes, great. if no, you and your new friend will look at each other with quizzical expressions and say, "it's not happening, here", then go on and have a nice time anyway. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/25/2007 1:51:17 AM | I would want a "no pressure first date" too but I would be more inclined to approach this different from the OP.
I find email, IM and even the telephone to be rather impersonal and as such would prefer to invest that time in meeting someone in person.
Thus, for me a first "date" would really be a first meeting. It would be planned for a short duration and in a public place such that either party could discretely bring it to an end. If at the end of this both parties are still interested another similar but longer meeting would be arranged. Only after this when some rapport has been established and we are comfortable would I begin to think about a real date where we would plan to spend an extended amount of time with each other.
Voila! There's no pressure for the first date! | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/25/2007 10:10:09 AM | Exactly!!! blueyes4me
It is so important to talk and view on a webcam first before meeting. Look at my profile and you will see some examples of some poor dates I have had in the past.
Buy a WEBCAM its worth every penny!!!!
I had my car stolen on one date, *shakes head*
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/25/2007 11:29:53 AM |
Msg: 13 -- they don't want to spend money on a first date if they aren't sure it will lead to sex
I never pressure a date for anything. As a matter of fact, I state in my profile that there will be no sex on the first date. Basically, I just want a dining companion, and during the course of our hopefully casual conversation I will see if there is any potential for a relationship. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/25/2007 11:39:16 AM | Different people have different ideas about dating, and it just makes it
so everyone can maybe relax a little bit. Some men and women think that the first time you meet a person you may want to get physically involved, while other people may not think that at all. It makes it clear that you aren't look for an instant wild attraction, you're just testing the waters to see if you WANT an actual date. That way, you don't have to have hard feelings. You put your best foot forward, as do they, hopefully and see what - if anything - comes of it. I wouldn't over think it - put what you're comfortable with in your profile :) | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/25/2007 1:06:11 PM |
I was brought to a wedding....when i hardly knew him...talk about pressure!!!!!
NOOOOOOO!!!! i think i mentioned in an earlier post that such a date would certainly NOT be "no pressure". on the other hand, if one approached it with a "let's just have fun" attitude, as opposed to being introduced as the guy's fiancee, it could be lots of fun.
I had my car stolen on one date, *shakes head*
offhand, i'd say a rule like "don't lend your car to someone you've known five minutes" would be a good thing.  i note that your 3 examples had one thing in common...you went to their house or they came to yours. maybe it's a bit dependant upon where you live, but i don't think it's wise to have someone to your house or go to theirs on a first meet. (the threads are full of horror stories, e.g.: the guy who went to the girl's house and was tied up by she and her (?) brother...and got robbed, etc, etc.)
There is no sense taking someone you never met to an expensive restaurant and dropping $30+ on her only to get a message next day with some lame "no chemistry" reply. I learned that by experience. If they wont meet you at a coffee place and pay their own way, they are out for a free meal and a golddigger. You are best not wasting time and money like that...
i think we have different deas about what constitutes an expensive restaurant, but i get your point. i believe it's fairly well-accepted in the online dating community that meeting for coffee or a drink is a pretty low-key first meet, so i wouldn't expect anyone to suggest having dinner at some swanky place (but, there are those that have). if i arrived first, i'd get my own drink or coffee...but if you were there first, and didn't offer to get it for me...i'd think you were cheap.
I wouldn't over think it - put what you're comfortable with in your profile :) i did: i'm game for just about anything! i have a pretty high comfort level. willing to meet and do just about anything in public...coffe, drinks, museum, chelsea piers, darts, pinball at nathan's, whatever. i guess that's why i don't understand people's concerns about expressing "no pressure" on their profiles. but, i am getting it, thanks to all the views expressed on the thread. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/25/2007 1:20:54 PM | I think perhaps, its a matter of not feeling trapped into a sitaution that you dont wnat to get more serious than you can handle. I have ben out with guys who will tell me they love me in the middle of our first date and well its a turn off and a little scary. and then of course theres always the situation where the date was requested simply to try to get you in bed, but hey, i think if your not into that it needs to be put on the line. So if you are afraid of timid ad you want everyone to know that this date is jsutthat a chance to get to know each other, then why not add "no pressure first date"to it, its jsut a way of identifying what you wnat and dont want when you eet people.
Caladicy | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 4/25/2007 6:02:05 PM | | I have a legitimate reason for why people would say this. I met a guy who was extremely obsessed with me after one date, and he expected me to immediately take down my profile. That sure did spook me. I told him, even before we met, that it takes me a while to get to know someone and that I don't immediately commit after one date. He was like, "sure I understand." So why was he calling, even after a month, leaving sobbing messages on my phone? Too creepy for me. Yes, a no pressure first date is a must. | |
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